Kids At Consults !!! Argghhhh....

Business By korkyo Updated 4 Apr 2010 , 4:14pm by -Tubbs

korkyo Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 1:20am
post #1 of 49

I had a bride and groom come in this week for a consult. Older couple, second time around for them both... They had to bring along the 3 year old son. Anyway....

The boy was TOTALLY unrully. He would not sit still for 10 seconds, rude and totally disrespectfull to his parents. I KNOW my jaw was on the ground several times. I tried not to show it but it was just so unbelieveable. They had NO control and he knew it.

I had to take extra time to talk to each of them SEPERATLY because he required every ounce of thier attention. icon_surprised.gif


It was so bad.......if I knew them personally I would have sent Super Nanny after them.

In the end I did get the order. The longer it lasted to more I charged them. icon_lol.gif I think they spent more than planned but it was so difficult to communicate with them they just tried to get it over with.

48 replies
mamawrobin Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 1:28am
post #2 of 49

Was it their son together? If not I wonder how long that marriage will last? icon_lol.gif If they are unable to control him at three years old can you imagine what he's going to be like as a teenager icon_eek.gif .

Mrs-A Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 1:42am
post #3 of 49

i think back to when my sisters 3 boys & brothers 2 were younger and they never had to drag them around to places (meetings, shopping etc) - they always left them with me or a grandparent so they were happy and parents were happy

one of the cpa's in our office brought his evil spawn into our office earlier this year and by day 3 i tell him that it wasnt a childcare and as his wife was a stay at home mum he had to make other arrangements. a week later one of our other staff had to bring her son in for the day (shes a single mum) and she specifically came to me to apologize and assured me it was for just one day. my response to her was "but i LIKE your child". one child is well behaved, polite and a joy to be around, the other child is rude to his mother on the phone (where is he taught that this is OK behaviour i wonder), disruptive and i imagine him sticking pins in little kitties in a few years times.

my husband calls my best friends child the anti-christ. i love my best friend but she has always treated her child as an equal which is kinda hard to take from a person who is now only 11yrs old

costumeczar Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 1:50am
post #4 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs-A


my husband calls my best friends child the anti-christ. i love my best friend but she has always treated her child as an equal which is kinda hard to take from a person who is now only 11yrs old




Oh, that's sooooo going to bite her in the butt when her kid is 16 years old adn is telling her what to do...

indydebi Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 2:00am
post #5 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by costumeczar

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs-A


my husband calls my best friends child the anti-christ. i love my best friend but she has always treated her child as an equal which is kinda hard to take from a person who is now only 11yrs old



Oh, that's sooooo going to bite her in the butt when her kid is 16 years old adn is telling her what to do...


absolutely! Knew a lady who bragged how she "discussed" things with HER FOUR YEAR OLD! icon_eek.gif I said, "You think yo're elevating him to your level, but what you're doing is dropping down to a 4 year old's level. You are the mom. He picks up his toys because YOU SAID TO."

Ther's not enough room on this thread to share the many MANY issues she had with that kid as a tenager ... many of them that required a lawyer.

leah_s Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 2:05am
post #6 of 49

kids. Whatever happened to "they should be seen but not heard"? Gawd, I'm old.

costumeczar Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 2:22am
post #7 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by costumeczar

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs-A


my husband calls my best friends child the anti-christ. i love my best friend but she has always treated her child as an equal which is kinda hard to take from a person who is now only 11yrs old



Oh, that's sooooo going to bite her in the butt when her kid is 16 years old adn is telling her what to do...

absolutely! Knew a lady who bragged how she "discussed" things with HER FOUR YEAR OLD! icon_eek.gif I said, "You think yo're elevating him to your level, but what you're doing is dropping down to a 4 year old's level. You are the mom. He picks up his toys because YOU SAID TO."

Ther's not enough room on this thread to share the many MANY issues she had with that kid as a tenager ... many of them that required a lawyer.




My sister is now reaping the "rewards" of this approach with her 15-yr-old. When her kid was 2 my sister told me that they worked together to decide on punishments and stuff like that. icon_confused.gif Guess who's the one in charge now?

Ruth0209 Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 2:33am
post #8 of 49

Children being brought to places where they don't belong. One of my MAJOR pet peeves. Don't even get me started.

indydebi Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 4:23am
post #9 of 49

I actually had a paragraph in my appointment-confirming-email that read something to the effect of "small children should be left with gramma as a catering facility is not a very entertaining place for a child while parents conduct a business meeting."

tesso Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 4:29am
post #10 of 49

what happened to babysitters????????? I probably would have told them that they needed to come back when they werent so distracted. (aka..leave the brat at home hint ) I hope you charged them a big PITA surcharge !!! icon_lol.gif

korkyo Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 5:23am
post #11 of 49

I had, for a brief moment, thought about asking my teenage daughter to come downstairs to the shop to watch the child for 20 minunits.... Then I thought of how PO'd she'd be with me. icon_surprised.gif

They won't be lasting very long in my book. She diden't treat him with much respect either. I wonder what the heck these people are thinking.

chrissypie Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 5:35am
post #12 of 49

well, I would probably have to bring my unruly 3 year old with me too. I have absolutely no family. I aslo know no one that I would trust to babysit. And yes, my son is energetic and unruly. And yes, he is punished, (my rules, not his), he is told what is right and what is wrong ( he doesn't seem to care) and he is repremanded for his bad behavior ( doesn't seem to deter him one bit). I would hope people would be sympathetic and not judgemental if I HAD to bring him somewhere, as it was probably not by choice, but by neccesity. Try and cut some of these parents some slack. And it may not be that the parents had no control over the child, just that they were hesitant to discipline him in public. I know my son always seems to act worse in places that I am less likely to cause a scene. Like the doctors office!

cake-angel Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 5:41am
post #13 of 49

I have met numerous parents who will not trust anyone with a their child not even their own parents. One lady I know won't go out because she has no family near by and won't trust babysitters or anyone else with her child. She is a nervous wreck everyday when she drops her child off at school worrying that something may happen. I guess I don't understand it or I am way to trusting of people by nature but I love my babysitters.

Jenny0730 Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 11:49am
post #14 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by chrissypie

well, I would probably have to bring my unruly 3 year old with me too. I have absolutely no family. I aslo know no one that I would trust to babysit. And yes, my son is energetic and unruly. And yes, he is punished, (my rules, not his), he is told what is right and what is wrong ( he doesn't seem to care) and he is repremanded for his bad behavior ( doesn't seem to deter him one bit). I would hope people would be sympathetic and not judgemental if I HAD to bring him somewhere, as it was probably not by choice, but by neccesity. Try and cut some of these parents some slack. And it may not be that the parents had no control over the child, just that they were hesitant to discipline him in public. I know my son always seems to act worse in places that I am less likely to cause a scene. Like the doctors office!




3's are the worst. I promise it will get better! icon_wink.gif

I am lucky that I have several people in my life that I can leave my children with and trust that they are in good hands. My sister lives three hours and just doesn't have anyone to leave them with so she has no choice. And some days, kids just have bad days.

chassidyg Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 12:28pm
post #15 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by costumeczar

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs-A


my husband calls my best friends child the anti-christ. i love my best friend but she has always treated her child as an equal which is kinda hard to take from a person who is now only 11yrs old



Oh, that's sooooo going to bite her in the butt when her kid is 16 years old adn is telling her what to do...




My moms divorced, my bros are 12 & 14, And Im living it now, my mom gets so frustrated she doesnt know what to do! It's really her own fault though, her & my 14 yr old bro fight like husband & wife, he has total control on her, and he hates me because I step in & give her little hints that maybe she doesnt want to let him go to a death metal concert & be in a mosh pit with no adult supervision at 14, yeah he's a little pi$$ed at me for that one right now! Im pregnant with my 4th, I have 2 girls & 1 boy, and this one is a girl, my mom told the us tech she was so thankful for another girl, because she cant handle another boy...sad part is, my son is nothing like nor ever will be anything like my brothers. I feel sad for her the day she realizes it.

chassidyg Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 12:35pm
post #16 of 49

[quote="cake-angel"]I have met numerous parents who will not trust anyone with a their child not even their own parents. quote]


My husband and I have not been out in 7 years, our last "date" was in 2003. Ive heard to many horror stories from friends about their babysitters. My girls were in daycare, and it was at the point that I said the ladys name, and my oldest daughter was 4 at the time would become hysterical, she was terrified of this lady. Hubby & I rearranged our schedules so someone was always home with the kids, and then when our 3rd came along, I quit working altogether.

My in-laws are some of the last people I trust to watch my kids also, I had an emergency with my brother, I asked my s-i-l to watch my kids for a couple of hours while I was at the er with my brother (broke his ankle skiing), when I picked them up, my 10 yr old told me all that her aunt did was scream and yell at them. Um, nope.....not anymore. I take my kids with me, or I wait till an adult gets home.

eatdessert1st Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 12:55pm
post #17 of 49

Love this sign! I can identify as I have 3 kids! Kids are kids...they have short attention spans and a lot of energy.
LL

cakemom42 Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 1:22pm
post #18 of 49

I too have a statement in my e-mails/communications that tastings are "For Adults Only"... I do have a teenage daughter but my relationship with her is worth more than a cake order.....

With that said being military we move around & each time it is hard to find someone trustworthy to help when you really need it... Other military wives always are great but I never want to impose... SOooo..
We have in the past (no need any longer since they are the teens now) gone to local Universitys to the job centers.. There we post the position for babysitter/nanny.. We interveiew (& call all references). We pay fairly & hire for a regular schedule... (being flexible to their exam schedules/holidays & to fit our budget.) This has worked very well while my children were babies & on.. It gives the college student a bit of extra cash & a feeling for familiy they might miss....In addition we helped out with any vehical needs they have had while being away from mom & dad (their parents like this!!)....My kids have had long term relationships with each one & the longest we kept the Student was 3 yrs!! (The shortest 2).

tarheelgirl Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 1:27pm
post #19 of 49

I have 2 kids! 7 & 10 and trust me they get bored easily. No way would I take them to a consultation because hey lets face it.. they are kids! A consult is adult stuff and its not the place to take your children. If I met with a couple with a child honestly it would make ME crazy! I seriously would not be able to even focus on what I'm thinking much less conduct a proper business meeting! I also have a confirming email that is sent before a consult that has something to the effect of NO KIDS ALLOWED! icon_biggrin.gif

Ruth0209 Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 3:07pm
post #20 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by cakemom42

...We have in the past (no need any longer since they are the teens now) gone to local Universitys to the job centers.. There we post the position for babysitter/nanny.. We interveiew (& call all references). We pay fairly & hire for a regular schedule... (being flexible to their exam schedules/holidays & to fit our budget.) This has worked very well while my children were babies & on.. It gives the college student a bit of extra cash & a feeling for familiy they might miss....In addition we helped out with any vehical needs they have had while being away from mom & dad (their parents like this!!)....My kids have had long term relationships with each one & the longest we kept the Student was 3 yrs!! (The shortest 2).




This is a great idea, and proves that it CAN be done. I find it very hard to believe the people who claim they can't find a trustworthy sitter anywhere. It takes time and effort to find someone good, but they're out there. I think most just don't want to pay the expense for a sitter, so they're willing to impose on people by bringing their kids with them.

I raised two daughters alone, one with disabiities who was very difficult, and with some work I found reliable people who could take care of them so I didn't have to take them everywhere, so don't tell me it can't be done.

indydebi Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 4:38pm
post #21 of 49

it's kinda sidetracking the topic, but I'd be interested (if they're willing to share ... if not, that's ok) to know why folks feel there is not one single person in the whole wide world who is trustworthy enough to stay with their children? What do you think a sitter is going to do to the child?

Please know .... this is not a judgmental question. I'm seriously curious on what folks may have encountered that makes them say, "That's it .... never again." This seems such an extreme stand to take and I'm just interested in what may have gotten some to this point.

I have seen kids who have never been with a sitter, never spent the night with a friend, never been around anyone but family and the kids are usually overly shy, introverted, undeveloped social skills, doesn't know how to integrate among new people .... these are handicaps they will have to overcome as teens and adults.

As someone studying to be a teacher, this topic is very interesting to me.

Ruth0209 Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 4:49pm
post #22 of 49

Debi, very good question. When my nephew was very small there was not a SINGLE person in all of Burlington, PA who was trustworthy to babysit him so his parents could go see a movie now and then. He was their first, so he only interacted with mom and dad.

When he went to pre-school for a half day twice a week when he was about 4, he bawled his eyes out the whole time and clung to the teacher's leg. He was so stunted in his emotional growth that he didn't even how how to play with the other kids. His parents didn't do him any favors.

Smashme Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 5:31pm
post #23 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

it's kinda sidetracking the topic, but I'd be interested (if they're willing to share ... if not, that's ok) to know why folks feel there is not one single person in the whole wide world who is trustworthy enough to stay with their children? What do you think a sitter is going to do to the child?

Please know .... this is not a judgmental question. I'm seriously curious on what folks may have encountered that makes them say, "That's it .... never again." This seems such an extreme stand to take and I'm just interested in what may have gotten some to this point.

I have seen kids who have never been with a sitter, never spent the night with a friend, never been around anyone but family and the kids are usually overly shy, introverted, undeveloped social skills, doesn't know how to integrate among new people .... these are handicaps they will have to overcome as teens and adults.

As someone studying to be a teacher, this topic is very interesting to me.




well for me personally, it's quiet a few things. i live in a fairly nice neighborhood, and my neighbors husbands are holding there wifes gunpoint...and i don't want my child in that situation.
As people have stated, most parents these days don't disipline there children. So when my kids are hanging out with there's they pick up really bad habbits...not to mention they let there kids run out in front of cars. If they don't care about there kids what makes me think they will care about mine?
If i lived back where i grew up, i have lots of family and friends that i trust. I guess most of it for me is i just haven't found friends here with the same valuess i have icon_sad.gif
just my opinion...hth

costumeczar Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 5:43pm
post #24 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

it's kinda sidetracking the topic, but I'd be interested (if they're willing to share ... if not, that's ok) to know why folks feel there is not one single person in the whole wide world who is trustworthy enough to stay with their children? What do you think a sitter is going to do to the child?

.




Did you see the video of the babysitter/nanny who was beating the 11-month-old? The kid was sittig on the floor adn she'd do things like throw balls at his head, pick him up by an arm and swing him around, throw him into the playpen by one arm, whack him again AFTER she knocked him over, etc. The parents had noticed bruises and things like that, but they thought it was the older brothers being rough with hi,. They thought that the nanny was goofing off, but ever suspected that she was hitting hte baby, so they put up a nannycam. The dad fired her before he saw the whole tape because at the beginning she put him down and sat her butt on the couch to watch tv all day. He said that after he fired her he decided to watch the rest of the tape, and he called the police when he saw what she'd been doing to the baby. I want to say this was in Florida, but I could be wrong. I saw the video on the news just this past week.

I have to say that if I still had little ones, I'd be really reluctant to leave them with anyone other than a family member or a good friend, and I have no family in town, so my options would be limited. Especially after seeing that kind of thing.

KarmaStew Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 5:50pm
post #25 of 49

I don't allow offspring at consultations. I don't allow more than two people at consultations.

Butterpatty Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 6:12pm
post #26 of 49

My mom babysat for many different families over the years (some Mon-Frid and some just for special occasions). She treated those children with love and compassion, but also expected them to "mind their manners", as she called it. Some of those kids got better care with my mom than they did their own parents! Regular meal schedules, regular nap times, outdoor play, imagination play (play doh, dolls, mud pies, etc) and such. I have watched how well behaved those kids were for my mom and then seen them terrorize their parents, who didn't seem to know how to or want to discipline them.

I learned some good lessons by watching her with her own kids and others kids. I could take my son pretty much any where I needed to after he turned 3 and he knew the deal- behave or reap the consequences. icon_biggrin.gif - mostly he chose to behave. He had health issues and the medical staff was always amazed that he would sit quietly on my lap and let them draw blood from his arm, while next chair over an older child was screaming and fighting like crazy.

Spuddysmom Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 6:26pm
post #27 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

it's kinda sidetracking the topic, but I'd be interested (if they're willing to share ... if not, that's ok) to know why folks feel there is not one single person in the whole wide world who is trustworthy enough to stay with their children? What do you think a sitter is going to do to the child?




As a former nanny, one who specialized in dealing with "difficult" children, I understand that a sitter can do a world of hurt. The vast majority of child care providers truly love children, that's why they do that work. We have all seen horrible examples of abuse via "nanny-cams", but more abuse goes on by parents, boyfriends, etc. and of course, with scandals amound Boy Scouts and church officials it is easy to understand the fear some parents feel. That being said, I never had any bad experiences with my own three. There was only one time I was going to leave my DD with a friend with a child the same age, noticed her house was not safe (pesticides on counter, next to hot iron at kid-level), told my friend we'd made some other arrangements and left.
To arrange a sitter: Trust your gut, listen to your kids, ask your friend for referrals and, in our area there are wonderful nanny services who do VERY thorough background checks for their nannies and sitters.

on the original question: if there is an emergency and a child comes along ask the parents to bring along a game-boy type hand held game, more than one child? No, that is torture.

tarheelgirl Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 6:37pm
post #28 of 49

Growing up I was never allowed to spend the night at a friends house other then family. I personally don't trust anyone with my kids! I do have several close friends and family of course they watch my them but other then that they are always with us. My daughter is 7 and she does go across the street for play time and the other child can come to our house. My son just turned 10 and had his 1st sleep over at OUR house! icon_smile.gif I think its something to do with how I was raised. In the times we live in kids are so abused physically, mentally its hard to let go. One reason why I chose to do this career at home so I could always be here in the mornings and after school. I may be overprotective but it only takes ONE time for a child's life to be ruined forever!!

KarmaStew Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 6:40pm
post #29 of 49

Child abuse is not more rampant now than 'before'. People are just so much more aware of the problem.

costumeczar Posted 3 Apr 2010 , 6:45pm
post #30 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by KarmaStew

Child abuse is not more rampant now than 'before'. People are just so much more aware of the problem.




Yeah, if we had had nannycams "back then" I'm sure we'd have seen just as much abuse. People are more willing to talk about it now, too.

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