Opinions Needed Please.

Decorating By katies_cakes Updated 7 Mar 2010 , 6:56pm by cathyscakes

katies_cakes Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 9:47am
post #1 of 51

I am making my friends wedding cake for free as she cant afford one. she wants 3 stacked tiers, a seperate fruit cake and cupcakes. not including cupcakes she wanted 90servings. i am really new and have only made my kids cakes. the only pans i had were 7" so i went out and bought new pans for this cake. 6" 8" and 10" rounds. using wiltons chart this gives 98 servings including the seperate 8" fruit cake i have already made. i am a single mum.....

50 replies
katies_cakes Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 9:56am
post #2 of 51

and money is tight so the new pans were a real splurge for me. the thing is now she says she needs 150 servings!!! if i had known i would have bought bigger pans, i cant really afford to but should i buy a 12" pan to make more cake? or should i tell her i cant afford to and as its free she will have to make do? is that awful? if it wasnt for my kindness she would have store bought sheet cakes. i feel a bit messed around. what would everyone do??

noahsmummy Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 10:09am
post #3 of 51

i would say shes taking advantage of you there. just tell her youve already bought the pans, she will have to make do. its sounds like you are already doing a hell of a lot for this friend anyway. im a single mum too, so i know how tight money is. if she gets angyr, explain tha to her, just say you simply cant afford it. if SHE would like to pay for the new pans, or pay to even hire some pans, that might be different...

chezzajd Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 11:01am
post #4 of 51

she is definatly taking advantage of you, i would tell her straight, if she is a good friend she will understand, you are doing her a huge favour as it is, you said yourself that you are doing this favour because she cant afford a wedding cake,
as it is you have saved her a small fortune,
all she sees is free cake,
keep you chin up and stick to your guns,

Jo-melia Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 11:10am
post #5 of 51

I would lay it all out to her honestly, and give her the option of take it as is, or supply the new pans. That way she gets the final say, (after all it is her 'big day') and no one can blame you if there is not enough cake!! hehe

katies_cakes Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 4:15pm
post #6 of 51

Thank you everyone. i was starting to think i was just being cruel by not buying the extra pans. but all the equipment/ingrediants have been a little expensive as im still just starting and dont have much. im so glad other people can see my side of it.

i will talk to her and if she wants a larger cake she will have to buy/hire any extra tins. I hadnt thought about getting them on hire, thats a really good idea thanks noahs mummy!

AngelaM Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 4:22pm
post #7 of 51

If you're making the cake for free, the LEAST she can do is buy you the pan(s).

AngelaM Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 4:22pm
post #8 of 51

Not to mention, she can't afford a wedding cake but she can afford to add another 60 guests to her reception?

tonedna Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 4:35pm
post #9 of 51

She is not being very nice. One thing is not having money for a custom cake, another is not having money for at least the materials that go into it.
I think you need to talk to her. She pays for the materials, ann your work is for free.
You still are giving her hundreds of of dollars in your work as a gift..

If she doent understand this, she aint a friend, and I am no trying to be mean, but maybe she needs to find someone else to do her cake. It aint right..


katies_cakes Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 4:39pm
post #10 of 51
Originally Posted by AngelaM

Not to mention, she can't afford a wedding cake but she can afford to add another 60 guests to her reception?

I know, her mum has hired a big hall for the evening and they are making sandwiches for people. so i suppose the extra guests wont affect her, her mum will just have to make more sandwiches! lol its the first cake i will be making thats not for family and my first tierd one. im really nervous!! will it be ok? icon_eek.gif [/list]

smfert17 Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 4:42pm
post #11 of 51

Ugh! I hate when I offer to make a wedding cake (as their gift!!) for a friend because I know their wedding fund is tight and then all of a sudden they feel like they can ask anything of you. I'm so non confrontational too so I'm like tapedshut.gif! And they think I'm ok with it. I say just tell her you already bought the pans and a lot of guest leave by cake time anyway. There are USUALLY leftovers. And if you are planning to do cakes in the future at least you have the pans now icon_biggrin.gif

katies_cakes Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 5:01pm
post #12 of 51

i didnt mind buying the pans too much even though they were expensive and not in my budget because i knew i would be using them again for other cakes. icon_biggrin.gif But i just cant justify buying more, what if i do buy a 12" and then she says "acctualy the cake now needs to serve 200!" i think she thinks "oh, its only a few eggs and a bit of flour!" but i have also bought cutters and a wilton leveler etc and now need flower nails. i have also made a fondant bride and groom topper and roses by hand. (that took hours!) her wedding is next month, and i need to do a trial cake (as its my first stacked) im running out of time.

i really need to upload some of my photos! lol

cake-angel Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 5:11pm
post #13 of 51

Did you mention you were also making cupcakes? Couldn't the extra servings be made up in cupcakes instead of a larger tiered cake? I do agree though that she could help you out a bit by even buying some of the igredients. Things like butter, icing sugar, shortening and eggs and flavorings etc. can add up really fast.

aundrea Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 5:21pm
post #14 of 51

your friend should purchase the materials needed to make her cake.
and you doing the work would be your gift to her.
believe me if she is getting married and you were not making her cake she would find someplace to have her cake made.
she is taking advantage of you and your friendship.
if you are getting married, you can budget a cake. unless you are getting married by a JP with noone there.
i get really pissed when people take advantage of 'cakers'! i get that now just with birthday parties-thank god not weddings!!
but i have this saying, noone can take advantage of you unless you let them
good luck-sounds like you are in for a wild ride.

katies_cakes Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 5:34pm
post #15 of 51
Originally Posted by cake-angel

Did you mention you were also making cupcakes? Couldn't the extra servings be made up in cupcakes instead of a larger tiered cake? .

Yes, im making matching cupcakes, but she wants those at the pub where she wants everyone to pay for thier own meal (there will only be 50people there) so they wont be at the same venue as the cake. im also a bridesmaid so im worried about having time to deliver/set up at 2 venues!! icon_cry.gif

KHalstead Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 5:36pm
post #16 of 51

I would just add on some "satellite" cakes...........maybe make a few extra 8" rounds that can be displayed with the main cake1

malene541 Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 5:36pm
post #17 of 51

I think you should sit down and write down all the costs.
eggs: $4.00
butter: $6.00
sugar: $10.00
Pans!!!: $??
Then take that to her. When she see's what a simple 90 servings totally costs maybe she will be more understanding and come up with some better ideas. Maybe Great Aunt Gertie could make some fancy cookies??
I also know it's easier said than done, I have a hard time finding my backbone sometimes too so good luck!!

cake-angel Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 5:43pm
post #18 of 51

Oh dear! You need to just draw a line somewhere. I learned that after I was a bridesmaid, cake maker and wedding organizer for my sisters wedding. I got so stressed out the day before the wedding that I had a panic attack (first time in my life and so far the only) feels like you can't breath and your heart races out of control. Not pleasant. You don't want to be stressed like that. So she not only has you making the wedding cake but also cupcakes for another venue. That is a lot to ask of you. I would just tell her straight up. The wedding cake that I can afford to give you is this size. If you want more than here is what I will need in order to make it for you. The way I define a gift is that is is something that I choose to give to the person - they don't get to demand it. So if your gift is a wedding cake that feeds 90. That is what it is. It is fair to ask her to pay for extras.

AngelaM Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 6:49pm
post #19 of 51

Ok I don't want to sound mean or anything, but this is all just completely tacky. Where I come from, if you can't afford a wedding and reception you either have something VERY small for just family or you elope. To ask 150 people to come to your wedding (which includes buying you a gift), and then serve them homemade sandwiches or ask them to pay for their own meal is simply insulting.

LaBellaFlor Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 6:58pm
post #20 of 51

Agree. Tacky, tacky, tacky. And I've heard of some tacky things done to save wedding cost, but that is the tackiest.

malene541 Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 7:06pm
post #21 of 51

I completely agree with AngelaM!!! What happened to the days when people got married because they were in love, end of the story!
I had a "friend" that got married recently and she said she was more excited about the gifts than actually getting married. So sad!

xanikesmom Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 7:24pm
post #22 of 51

I'm not licensed ... just making cakes for friends and family only as a hobby. What I've been doing is if someone requests a cake that I need to buy a new pan for, I have them pay for 1/2 of the cost, plus whatever it costs in igredients to make the cake. They are getting my labor for free - which I feel is a wonderful gift in itself. Your friend should have at least pitched in money for ingredients, i.m.o.

tonedna Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 8:44pm
post #23 of 51

There is always kitchen cakes!
Edna icon_biggrin.gif

katies_cakes Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 9:05pm
post #24 of 51

i agree too! its nothing like my wedding was (or any wedding iv been to) and we were on a VERY tight budget! but the dress, church, photos and cake came first regardless of price. she isnt even having a photographer! it is just an excuse to get drunk. they have been engaged for 7years and only started talking about a wedding and booked a date in feb, the wedding is on april 24th, thats 2months to plan everything!

i already feel stressed, i do want to make the cake but its turning into alot of hassle! she came for a "tasting" at the weekend and i made lemon, chocolate and vanilla cakes (more time and ingrediants free of charge) she stayed for 2mins ate and left, not even sure what flavours do to!? argh!
could i make the 3tier cake for 90 and then make basic vanilla cakes with fondant but no decorations to be put away from the guests just to make up the extra servings and not put them with the main cake?

i really dont know what i would do without everyone here on cc, maybe i would go mad!?

AngelaM Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 9:35pm
post #25 of 51

Maybe she'll set up a table where you can sell the cupcakes to her guests.


PattyT Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 9:51pm
post #26 of 51

Sounds like she added people as soon as she knew it wouldn't cost her anything to do so!!

I wouldn't buy larger pans. I like the others' ideas of either small satellite or kitchen cakes - but the easist is additional cupcakes. Doesn't matter if she is having them at the other place, nothing says you can't do them to match the cake too. They'd probably look nice.

Do what YOU want...since she is NO PAY - she has NO SAY!!

malene541 Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 9:56pm
post #27 of 51

"Do what YOU want...since she is NO PAY - she has NO SAY!!" I love it!!!! That might be my new saying "No Pay, No Say"!!

chrissypie Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 9:59pm
post #28 of 51

Just an FYI, my husband in English, I am American. They do weddings waaaaay different from how American's do it. Just like those of us in New York do weddings waaaay different from the rest of the US. I have been to a few English weddings. What Katie describes is not uncommon. Homemade sandwiches and paying for alcohol are not overly unusual. Just wouldn't want any of our other British CC friends to feel insulted if they read this post and people were calling those who have weddings like that Tacky.

klangl Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 10:04pm
post #29 of 51

Nevertheless, she is your friend and you do want to make her a cake for her wedding, but who's to say that you and the other bridesmaids or guest can't go into this together as a gift for her, see if others are willing to help you buy ingredients and/or pans that way you are not paying for the entire gift all by yourself.

chrissypie Posted 4 Mar 2010 , 10:05pm
post #30 of 51

Meant to add, although, her friend is totally taking advantage of her, and I agree, if you can have 150 people, you can give someone a few bucks towards ingredients. Or find someone in her family who can. But, Katie, you are a great friend!

Quote by @%username% on %date%