Boo! Ex Getting Married

Lounge By CakeForte Updated 16 Feb 2010 , 4:50pm by CakeForte

CakeForte Posted 13 Feb 2010 , 4:43am
post #1 of 15

Just venting/ irritated because I have all of these emotions. I haven't had contact w/ the ex since we split as he was a jerk to me....but I'm still upset.

I mean I'm not going to do anything about's just frustrating because he always said he wasn't ready to get married. To top it off, I never brought it up because I wasn't there myself since we weren't even dating that long.

When I did ask him why he always said that the answer was.."oh well the last girl I dated wanted to get married and have me move to her home country" or something like that. So it's about a year since we were last together and he's getting married?

I really liked him though, but he didn't like me enough to really get a sold relationship going. I know I'll meet someone....but in the meantime....this just sucks. It just feels like he "won" and I'm still picking up my emotional pieces and trying to get over him.

Anyway...I don't have anyone to talk to about as all of my friends thinks I'm completely "over it" which I'm not. I just don't talk about it anymore. I'm at about 80% healed.

Anyway...thanks for reading.

14 replies
tatorchip Posted 13 Feb 2010 , 4:53am
post #2 of 15

go ahead and vent, I will pray for you to have a healed heart soon ((((hugs))))

Texas_Rose Posted 13 Feb 2010 , 4:55am
post #3 of 15

I'm sorry that you're sad about it. It sounds like he's a tool and you're better off not marrying him...if a guy is a jerk when you're dating, he's not going to transform into Prince Charming just because he gets married...they usually get lazier and more stubborn once they're married and figure that you're not going anywhere.

If you run into him, congratulate him on the marriage (and silently congratulate yourself for avoiding marriage to him).

JustToEatCake Posted 13 Feb 2010 , 2:23pm
post #4 of 15

You know a few years ago I was in a similar situation. I was smitten, evidently he wasn't, he got married not too long after he dumped me. But guess what? About a year later who do you think he was trying to contact???? ME. Calling me baby and all kind of crap, oh and did I mention he was still married? We conversered twice and the second time something came up where he said "I TRY to do the right thing" and which it opened the door to "NO, you don't do the right thing. You do the right thing for YOU but you need to consider other people also. You need to consider your WIFE. I am sure she is a good person, at which point he said yes and I said then WTH are you doing trying to talk to ME?". And that was pretty much it and I felt so happy I didn't marry him (I would have in a heartbeat).

Know this, there IS a reason you two aren't together. The right one can't come through the door when the wrong one is still in the house.

Even though we have our issues I have been with a guy for 6 years that is 8 years younger than me (I'm 48 monday), who takes me on fabulous vacations, helps me out financially, is 10x's more handsome, my family loves him, he literally and I mean literally waits on me hand and foot (and I don't expect that but that he does). He's not perfect, even though it sounds like it here, but the good qualities far outweigh the bad ones and I am SOOOOO thankful Mr. Smitten dumped me. You will be too one day, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you!!! Until then vent away.

KKC Posted 13 Feb 2010 , 5:52pm
post #5 of 15
Originally Posted by JustToEatCake

Know this, there IS a reason you two aren't together. The right one can't come through the door when the wrong one is still in the house.

I love that!!! thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif OP I hope you feel better and I hope you get over it completely!

misserica Posted 14 Feb 2010 , 12:33am
post #6 of 15

CakeForte. vent here, I know how you feel. I felt like I could not talk to my girlfriends after I left my ex because I had put on such a brave face. And I second what JustToEatCake said about a new guy coming in before this guy is out. Its ok to be pissed he is getting married, I would be too, but you should feel sorry for the girl he married not jealous of her or angry, be glad you got out when you did, she will have a ton of paperwork to do when her time is up.

LaBellaFlor Posted 14 Feb 2010 , 3:52am
post #7 of 15
Originally Posted by KKC

Originally Posted by JustToEatCake

Know this, there IS a reason you two aren't together. The right one can't come through the door when the wrong one is still in the house.

I love that!!! thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif OP I hope you feel better and I hope you get over it completely!

Ditto, ditto, ditto!!! And so true! thumbs_up.gif

A lot of people force relationships, hence divorce. As once said,"Let no man put asunder, what God has put together...but God doesn't always put everyone together, man does".

tesso Posted 14 Feb 2010 , 4:01am
post #8 of 15

vent away !! if you need cheering up, i suggest you make one of these. icon_twisted.gif ... by cakefairy03. hang in there, mr. right is around the corner.

CakeForte Posted 14 Feb 2010 , 4:55am
post #9 of 15

Thank you so much everyone! Thank goodness open houses and networking events have kept me busy...but I've just been anxious with knots in my stomach all weekend. Out of my friends..I'm the "solid one", that has my stuff that's what they expect, when I have guy probs they don't really know how to react.

This is the same ex that I posted about almost a year ago. Just like Mr. Smitten, he was the on to break up with me..then came back...and I told him I need XYZ before I get back together with him and there was to be absolutely no intimacy until that happens. Well celibacy wasn't an option for him so he went and found someone else on the sly while still trying to "work things out" with me. Of course I knew what was up. If a guy is calling all of the time and seeing you almost every weekend...then it suddenly stops...hmmm I wonder?? I let him go because that wasn't good enough for me and so I went no contact.

Which is haarrrrd, more so now since I'm not as angry anymore about the situation, and I'm starting to remember the person I liked as a friend...but I'm not caving, especially now I know the recent news.

My head knows that I am better off, and I know people don't change unless something significant causes them to want to change.

Another thing is that I thought I would be farther along in my healing...considering how short of a time we dated. Just a couple of weeks ago...before I knew anything, I was bawling. Then there days where it's just peace and I don't think about him or the relationship at all, just my stuff: business, friends, family, networking, trying to work out and eat right, etc etc.
Then it cycles back around and I get angry at myself for wasting time thinking about his sorry self. UUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!

auntmamie Posted 15 Feb 2010 , 3:01am
post #10 of 15

CakeForte - I'm right there with you, knowing how you feel. It hurts because you want to be in the white dress, but just like everyone else said, you will realize soon why you don't want to be with this tool.

I found out today that one exbf is getting married (but is being sent to prison, so no loss), and one is already married (and on disability, and never bothered to get a GED, so no loss there either).

I don't know if you're religous, but if you are, read Jeremiah 29:11, and you will understand why this jerk wasn't the one for you.

Good luck!


CakeForte Posted 15 Feb 2010 , 4:27am
post #11 of 15

Just read it, thank you for that. I've been doing those journaling worksheets....where you write down what you liked, what you didn't, the role you played, the role he played, etc. All of it is to help find the path to the ideal relationship for me.

I mean....logically, in my head...I KNOW without a doubt, why he is not for me, number one being he wouldn't have just let me go so easily... but my heart has yet to catch up. And I'm super sensitive anyway, although I almost never show it.

I just didn't expect to be "here" still trying to put the pieces back together so long afterwards.

Mrs-A Posted 15 Feb 2010 , 4:32am
post #12 of 15

i think most women just dont like to admit failure... why else do we put up in relationships that we know deep down are not the best for ourselves

so even though you dont want him anymore, even though you know he wasnt good for you or the right one it still hurts knowing that he has moved on and is creating a life you hope one day for yourself. i also think there is part of us that thinks "what has she got/done that i couldnt do" because women cant help themselves but to compare as well

i only have the one ex and man, what a loser but it still hurt to know the guy was steaming ahead with his life while i was still trying to reclaim the independant parts of me that i lost during our relationship. i will say hindsight is a beautiful thing. the guy was an unemployed bum when i met him - hes now a divorced unemployed father & still a bum

keep working on yourself and your own happiness - if you are happy you will draw good people to your life to share

goodluck and hugs!

rosiecast Posted 16 Feb 2010 , 2:21am
post #13 of 15

Cakeforte, my heart goes out to you. But I think you're the lucky one. He sounds like a jerk. Big hugs,

auntmamie Posted 16 Feb 2010 , 5:09am
post #14 of 15
Originally Posted by CakeForte

I just didn't expect to be "here" still trying to put the pieces back together so long afterwards.

You're not putting the pieces together so long afterwards. You're using the broken pieces of your old relationship(s) to pave a road for the future. And we all know that doing anything fast is the best way to redo it in the future. So take your time paving that road, make sure it's your road, and that the road is smooth, and that it's going where you want it to go. Don't allow it to have exits in bad areas. Make bridges over the waters. Detours are allowed, as long as they lead back to the road. But don't allow the crappy men in your life to ruin your road - it's where you want it to go.

CakeForte Posted 16 Feb 2010 , 4:50pm
post #15 of 15

You're all exactly right. I guess I was doing the math in my head and started added everything up and realized that there was some overlap in the time line. The new girl probably has no idea...but thank the lord it's not my problem anymore.

I vividly remember the things he did that made me feel like he didn't have the time to be bothered with me...and all of the other 20 things on my list as to why he is Mr. Wrong-What-Was-I-Thinking?

The number one thing though is that looking back, when I met him, I wasn't my "normal" self. I was grieving the death of a close family member and so my judgment was clouded. Everything that I would normally second guess...I just didn't even pay much attention to it when it happened. That dates I had gone on recently....the had similar traits as ex...but this time, I stopped contact after the first or second dates, because my instincts kicked in and I was like "hayell no".

I'm just taking this as another detour with a bad rain's super important for me to build an even stronger foundation so I can be whole when the right guy comes along. I've been doing that, but this was just like another kick when I was down, and trying to get back up.

I know I'm the one that has my stuff together, I just need to get this junk out of my system. I even broke down and told my mom. I hate talking to my mom about I was just crying so hard I had to.

Anyway, thanks so much for helping through the hump! I truly do appreciate it.

Quote by @%username% on %date%