Lost The Will To Bake...

Lounge By maryak Updated 18 Jan 2010 , 11:42pm by maryak

maryak Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 9:57pm
post #1 of 21

I have started to feel completely depressed when I even think of having to bake or decorate a cake. From the day I started my hubby was against it for one reason or another and all he would do is complain. Every time I excitedly asked him what he thought of a cake I had just spent days making he would say "What's that supposed to be?" or "It doesn't look professional". I'm just a small home business, doing this part time for fun. I have never claimed to be a professional. I basically broke down one day and told my DD that it was the last cake I was ever going to make. I was in tears and couldn't take it anymore.

I really want to get back into it as it gave me so much joy but I don't know how to get myself out of this rut.

Mary

20 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 10:09pm
post #2 of 21

Don't ask your DH anymore what he thinks of your cakes...if you want suggestions or compliments, ask your cake buddies here icon_biggrin.gif Let your husband eat the cakes, but don't ask what he thinks of them.

He probably doesn't realize that it is a process, and that it takes practice to make cakes that look like the ones on TV, and that you're still learning...although your stuff looks pretty wonderful to me.

I don't worry about my husband being pleased with what I do...he worries a lot about everything. I just do whatever I want and if he likes it, great, and if not, oh well. It sounds mean but if I worried about what he wanted, then the kids would never get to go outdoors, we would never try any new foods, the kids wouldn't own bikes or scooters, and so on. I do listen to his opinions, and then it goes in one ear and out the other icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

JanH Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 10:12pm
post #3 of 21

..moved to Lounge. icon_smile.gif

Just what Texas_Rose said. judge.gifthumbs_up.gif

BecuzImAGurl Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 10:14pm
post #4 of 21

I totally understand you, but my husband is more supportive, he will say things like "are you sure people is going to want to buy it from you" and he does say it looks great though. I hate to say your husband is being so mean!!!

I get discourage alot but I think you have to believe in yourself...hope you feel better!! Dont stop baking!!

TexasSugar Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 10:15pm
post #5 of 21

Sounds like you let your DH's thoughts ruin your enjoyment of cakes. If you really enjoyed it, do as Texas Rose suggests, stop asking his thoughts, especially if all they are is negative. Don't give up cakes just because of him.

DeeDelightful Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 10:17pm
post #6 of 21

I feel empathetic toward you, but you have to have the ability to do what makes you happy. This is deeper than hubby not liking your hobby, but i'm no counselor, so I won't try to counsel. I'm sure, like most wives, you sacrifice to make your family/hubby happy, so you deserve to do something you like without it turning into a burden on you.

I'm sure his opinion matters to you, but don't always look to him for validation. You have to find your own joy and appreciate yourself despite what others think. I think he's jealous. I've got a smart mouth (that my husband hates), but i would say something to this effect:

"This is what i love to do, whether you like it or not. I just asked your opinion, because I value it, but don't worry about that happening again, because you have repeatedly abused that privilege. Now, go find something YOU like to do, and don't worry about critiquing what I like to do!"

MalibuBakinBarbie Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 10:43pm
post #7 of 21

YOUR CAKES ARE BEAUTIFUL, MARYAK!!! thumbs_up.gif

Don't give up on it! Keep going! Would I be correct to say you got into it because you enjoyed it? Everybody's different, so maybe your husband doesn't understand fully how much work you put into something, or that he could be more supportive, positive and encouraging. I know his opinion matters, otherwise I don't think you'd be having this discussion with us.

Anyway, you truly have talent for this, and if you enjoy baking and decorating, then there is no good reason you should stop. The cake world is an exciting place to be ~ Don't let it go! I hope you're feeling better about this soon and get back to baking! thumbs_up.gif

costumeczar Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 10:57pm
post #8 of 21

What is his problem? icon_mad.gif Is he jealous of the time that the cakes take? Is he like this with other things, too? I agree with not asking him what he thinks, ask us! It sounds like he's being a big baby about it for some reason, this is his problem but now he's made it yours. Don't let his bad attitude ruin your enjoyment.

I don't know if you ever saw the movie "Memento," but there was one line that I loved from it. The wife was re-reading a book that she liked, and her husband was criticizing her for reading it so many times. She finally told him to leave her alone about it, and said "I'm not reading it to piss you off, I just enjoy it." In other words, NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, DARLING. Unless he has something constructive to say then he should just be quiet.

Tiffany29 Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 3:23am
post #9 of 21

Keep your chin up! Your cakes are awesome!! icon_smile.gif I'm sorry your DH isn't very supportive. Don't let him discourage you from doing what you love!
I agree with the others, ask your cake friends what we think, not him!
Sometimes DH's just don't get it.

denetteb Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 4:51am
post #10 of 21

I am so sorry you are feeling so terrible. Your work is wonderful! To get you excited again could you think up a cake or cuppies just for yourself (maybe a technique or design you have been wanting to try) or maybe for someone really special (and appreciative) as a surprise? Or maybe one for a cause you really care about? Like a pet themed cake/cupcakes for an animal shelter if you are into that, just as an example? Then bring it to them...just because. They will love it and so will you. Just a thought. Hang in there.

jjkarm Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 5:06am
post #11 of 21

I know it's tough, sometimes I felt like my husband wasn't very supportive either. He grew up eating light, crumbly cakes from a mix. So he hates the taste and texture of my scratch or doctored cakes. He also hates my white chocolate fondant. If we're at an event where my cake is being served... he refuses to eat any of it. It seems like he's almost embarrassed when someone wants to talk to me about a cake. I get all kinds of wonderful compliments about my cakes from customers and other people, so I know they taste good. He's also sometimes critical of my handmade flowers.

I used to ask his opinion, hoping for a compliment or just validation, but I usually came away hurt or disappointed. So I quit asking! I decided I wasn't going to let him decide what I was or wasn't going to do, or if I was good enough. He's no expert so why should I need his approval. Since then I've been much more confident and have really enjoyed cake decorating, it's my creative outlet. icon_biggrin.gif Over time he's even become more supportive and complimentary of my cakes.

Your cakes are wonderful, if you enjoy it then that's all that matters!! Life is tough enough... if cake decorating brings you joy then do it!!! thumbs_up.gif

Mike1394 Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 9:46am
post #12 of 21

Simple tell him to shut up. and he don't get no cake icon_biggrin.gif

Mike

costumeczar Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 1:39pm
post #13 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

Simple tell him to shut up. and he don't get no cake icon_biggrin.gif

Mike




Yeah thumbs_up.gif

Mensch Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 2:49pm
post #14 of 21

It truly boggles my mind that someone's partner is so unsupportive, nay, downright nasty like the OP.

I don't know what to say. I would be really hurt if my DH acted like such an @$$.

mrspriss0912 Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 4:36pm
post #15 of 21

Mary your cakes are great!!!!! icon_biggrin.gif

If your DH is like mine he looks more at the dollar signs than the actual cakes he dosent see the beauty in them nor dose he understand the feeling that comes from making a beautiful cake and seeing the smile on the persons face when they see their cake. You love to make cakes so please do not let him take that away from you!!!! Like the others have said just dont ask him anymore!
What we all do is art and art is supposed to make you and others around you feel better so keep doing what you do you are very talented

LaBellaFlor Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 4:38pm
post #16 of 21

I would be really cursing my DH out if he acted such an a@@! We form the relationships we are in, by excepting the behavior we take. And ask us about your cakes, we'll support you. icon_wink.gif

Deb_ Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 6:37pm
post #17 of 21

I'm sorry that your husband has turned baking into a heartache for you.

It's a sad day when we can't depend on our spouses to support us. A big part of any relationship is sharing our passions with each other.

I can't imagine intentionally hurting my husband's feeling that way. I'm sorry but your husband is being a complete jerk.

I don't think you've lost your will to bake, I think your husband has made you feel so bad about it that you don't want to feel that way again.

I think it's time for a heart to heart conversation with him.

Good luck!

rezzygirl Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 9:16pm
post #18 of 21

I understand how you feel! I too had lost my passion for baking for a while and have now gone back to being a hobbyist. I enjoy it again. There's nothing more discouraging than not having someone to truly share your passion with. It's like running a marathon and you have that "runners high", you cross the finish line and your spouse asks you why are you sweating? icon_confused.gificon_cry.gif . They just don't get it... Maybe one day he can watch you (or help you) do a cake so he can understand what goes into it!

Your cakes are beautiful and I certainly hope you get your mojo back for doing cakes!! And you know you can always depend on your CC family for support and encouragement!!

kakeladi Posted 10 Jan 2010 , 10:10pm
post #19 of 21

I just took a quick peek at your pix and see a HUGE improvement over some you did in '07 icon_smile.gif
It does take the fun out of anything when your love doesn't share your excitement. I agree you should stop asking him for any opinion!

lthiele Posted 11 Jan 2010 , 9:42pm
post #20 of 21

Hey Mary - what did your DD say about giving up? Maybe let her be your opinion giver from now on. As soon as any cake action starts happening in my house, my DD is at the bench "Are you making a cake?" "Is it for a order mummy?" I love seeing their faces when they see the finished product!

My DH standard comment now is "Are you making any money yet?" But that comes from knowing how many hours and sleepless nights I put in when I'm caking! I think when it's a hobby, it can be a very expensive one, especially in Australia! Chin up - I hope your cake mojo comes back!

maryak Posted 18 Jan 2010 , 11:42pm
post #21 of 21

Wow! Thank you all so much for your supportive posts. I've decided to take it slow. I'm still going to bake but will be doing it for fun rather than money to start with.

I just wanted to say thank you again to all the wonderful CC'ers, you've truly made me realise that I can't give up completely on something I love so dearly.

Mary

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