My Sister Is A Mooch!

Lounge By j_arney Updated 9 Jan 2010 , 7:21pm by DefyGravity

j_arney Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 8:17pm
post #1 of 22

So I'm making my sister's wedding cake. Since I'm fairly new to decorating, I agreed to make her a full sample. We got the whole family together, made suggestions, and tried the flavors. A few things needed tweaking, but not much.

So a few weeks ago she asks me to bring a cake to a party with the same flavors as one of her layers. I agree. Now she wants me to bring another cake to another party with the exact flavors of the other layers!

My husband has been out of work since July - something she is well aware of. I tell her that I'll do it, but it's really getting expensive and I can't afford to do any more than this. She just doesn't get it!! You'd think family members would be the most understanding, but apparently not in my family.

I imagine we all have stories like this. Anyone with a horrible sister/mother/brother, etc?

21 replies
LaBellaFlor Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 8:26pm
post #2 of 22

I don't necessarily see her as horrible. You could have easily said no the second and third time. Why you didn't is beyond me seeing as your husband has been out of work since July.

TexasSugar Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 8:26pm
post #3 of 22

Why did you tell her you would do the first or even second cake for the parties?

FlourPots Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 8:32pm
post #4 of 22

You should've simply asked her to pay for the ingredients.

_Jamie_ Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 8:36pm
post #5 of 22

She's not horrible. You failed to lay down ground rules.

Jaimelt76 Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 8:48pm
post #6 of 22

I have family members like that too. I now give them a grocery list and make them go buy everything and bring it to me by a certain day and time. If they don't meet my deadline they get no cake. I have forked out to much money in family cakes and I won't do it anymore.

JanH Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 8:57pm
post #7 of 22

..moving to lounge. icon_smile.gif

Mrs-A Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 9:11pm
post #8 of 22

you need to tell her that its costing you alot of money (she may be clueless to how much a cake costs btw) and she either needs to pay for the ingredients or you need to politely say no

people will only take as long as others are prepared to continue to give - you obviously are creating wonderful cakes but now youre edging into the resentful zone so you need to speak up

goodluck

Deb_ Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 9:18pm
post #9 of 22

People can only take advantage of you IF you allow them to.

You need to "train" your family and friends and do it fast.

Here's what I told mine years ago.

If I OFFER to make a cake for you it's my gift to you and there is no charge. If you ASK me to make a cake for you, you're now my client and you pay what everybody else pays.

People need boundaries and it's up to us to set those boundaries. My family NEVER assumes their cake will be free.....never.

You need to have a talk with your sister and tell her straight out that you simply cannot afford to make her any more free samples of her cake. She needs to pay for the ingredients and your time.

CarolAnn Posted 4 Jan 2010 , 10:41pm
post #10 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by j_arney

Since I'm fairly new to decorating, I agreed to make her a full sample. We got the whole family together, made suggestions, and tried the flavors.

She just doesn't get it!!

You'd think family members would be the most understanding, but apparently not in my family.




She shouldn't have asked you to make her wedding cake if she didn't trust you to be able to do it. Many times (not saying everyone/always) the person asking, family or not, are looking for a free wedding cake. They don't expect you to expect them to pay. Or at least for you to ASK them to pay, big difference. Your mention of getting the whole family involved makes me just cringe. The more people involved the more stressful it'll be.

Of course she doesn't GET IT. You're making her a free wedding cake and providing her with unlimited samples for parties. Why WOULD she get it?? I don't mean to be harsh, but she'll take advantage for as long as you let her. Family members can be the worst for taking this sort of
advantage. My sis offered to make my niece's wedding cake as her gift but then couldn't because of personal conflict, so the niece calls and asks if I can make it. I didn't say "yes, but it'll cost ya" but after a while I wish I had. And quoted her so high she couldn't afford me. It didn't turn into a happy situation for me.

I'd say get yourself out of the free cake thing with your sis now or you could be doing all her special occasion cakes free for years to come. It's no skin off her nose if your hubby isn't employed. Sorry if that's the way it is for you but you have to power to change it. Good luck!

indydebi Posted 5 Jan 2010 , 5:49am
post #11 of 22

Why does your SISTER need a "sample" of your cake? She's never tasted your cakes before? icon_confused.gif Sounds to me she just wants to "play the role" of bride and have the experience of the free samplings that she's heard brides are "posta" have. I have 4 sisters and I'd tell all of them that I'd happily bend over to make it easier for them to take a flying ki$$ at my a$$ if they dared to imply they needed a "sample" of a cake I was going to make for them for free! icon_mad.gif

Offering to make her a free wedding cake does NOT obligate you to make her free cakes for every dang party she wants to throw and/or attend.

Draw the line in the sand and cut her off. Now.

If you plan to take this to a business level, you better start growing that backbone TODAY!

If you need me to come over there and get my mom-finger right in your face, you just say when and I'll be there to help you out! icon_twisted.gif

Texas_Rose Posted 5 Jan 2010 , 5:58am
post #12 of 22

I have a sister like that. The breaking point for me was when she asked for 18 mini cakes and then gave me $3 (for a cake mix and tub of frosting, she said) when she picked them up. I emailed her a list of everything that went into the cakes and how much it all cost

...and I added a second list, totaling the same amount, of all the groceries I hadn't been able to buy because I was buying her ingredients. There were things on the list like "Kids snacks, kids yogurt, tampons, tylenol" and so on.

She gave me the money for the ingredients that day, and ever since, if she asks for a cake, I tell her that I need ingredient money two weeks before she needs cake. It's worked so far. She just needed reminding that unlike her, we've only got one income and four mouths to feed.

indydebi Posted 5 Jan 2010 , 6:02am
post #13 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

..... she asked for 18 mini cakes and then gave me $3 (for a cake mix and tub of frosting, she said) when she picked them up.



icon_surprised.gificon_surprised.gif THere are just no words. None. I am dumbfounded. icon_eek.gif

michellenj Posted 5 Jan 2010 , 3:06pm
post #14 of 22

I think Indy and the others have pretty much covered the cake situation, but I can sympathize with having a sibling take advantage of you. I loaned my younger brother my Honda Accord (it was like 7-8 years old, but still in good shape) and he got a replacement title for the car and sold it.

7yyrt Posted 5 Jan 2010 , 4:45pm
post #15 of 22

Most of us have had to learn to say no, and grow that backbone.
We were raised to be courteous, not make waves, make everyone else happy - choose your metaphor.
In other words, do all the dog work without complaining.
-
We will help you grow that backbone too, if you want us to.
We've had many a person come back and tell us they said NO to a ridiculous request that normally they would have said yes to.
-
If I offer it's my design and free; they ask and it's their design and they pay for it. Before I buy ingredients.

indydebi Posted 5 Jan 2010 , 8:25pm
post #16 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7yyrt

We were raised to be courteous, not make waves, make everyone else happy - choose your metaphor.
In other words, do all the dog work without complaining.




Yep! What I refer to "....as little girls, we're taught to be NICE. And not hurt anyone's FEEEEEEEELINNNNNNNGS."

Then we grow up and wonder why we let everyone run over us.dunce.gif

costumeczar Posted 6 Jan 2010 , 1:37pm
post #17 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by 7yyrt

We were raised to be courteous, not make waves, make everyone else happy - choose your metaphor.
In other words, do all the dog work without complaining.

Yep! What I refer to "....as little girls, we're taught to be NICE. And not hurt anyone's FEEEEEEEELINNNNNNNGS."

Then we grow up and wonder why we let everyone run over us.dunce.gif




I'm so over worrying about whether other people are insulted when I won't let them take advantage of me. Learn this word and a lot of that will go away: "NO"

Never think that you HAVE to do something just because, by virtue of the accident of biology, someone is a member of your family.

LaBellaFlor Posted 6 Jan 2010 , 4:02pm
post #18 of 22

I always say family will use you quicker then a stranger!

CakeMommyTX Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 1:35am
post #19 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellenj

I think Indy and the others have pretty much covered the cake situation, but I can sympathize with having a sibling take advantage of you. I loaned my younger brother my Honda Accord (it was like 7-8 years old, but still in good shape) and he got a replacement title for the car and sold it.




he sold ur car icon_eek.gif
is'nt that theft?
don't you have to sign the title over to him?

cheatize Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 4:59am
post #20 of 22

What I'm wondering is this: she's letting all those people have her wedding cake now, essentially. How is she going to wow them at her reception? With an awesome garter?

If you're thinking "This will be good for me. Some day I will have a business and they will all remember my cake" then consider this: they all would have had it at the reception anyway.

indydebi Posted 7 Jan 2010 , 5:01am
post #21 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheatize

If you're thinking "This will be good for me. Some day I will have a business and they will all remember my cake" then consider this: they all would have had it at the reception anyway.




No ... what they will remember is that you gave FREE cake all the time and that's what they will want from you. icon_wink.gif

DefyGravity Posted 9 Jan 2010 , 7:21pm
post #22 of 22

Is she doing it to be malicious or does she just not know any better? When my oldest was first born, one of my cousins said she would babysit for me for free because she loved me so much and wanted to help me out (I was trying to put myself through school and desperately needed the money) She babysat for me like 3 times and then I started to feel bad she was doing it for free, so I wrote her a check (a pretty generous one too). Later that night I saw she wrote on her blog "I *finally* got paid for babysitting!" and went on about how she was getting taken advantage of and was sick of it.

I'm guessing she forgot we were "friends" on that website and I could read everything.

Naturally, that wasn't my intention at all, I thought I was just taking someone up on their offer. I never told her I read what she wrote, but I never asked her to babysit again either.

If you were unhappy about the situation, you should have told your sister upfront. She might not think there's a problem with what has happened.

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