I Can't Believe My Mil Did That! .... Vent

Lounge By amytracy1981 Updated 31 Dec 2009 , 1:24am by mrspriss0912

amytracy1981 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 4:23pm
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So I made Chrsitmas cupcakes (in my photos) to bring to my mom's on Chritsmas eve and then some more to bring to my SIL's on Christmas. I made individual toppers for each cupcake out of fondant. It took me ALOT of time to do, but it was fun. So anyways I bring the cupcakes to my SIL's yesterday and my mom is there and she asks me if she can have the bears becuase she likes bears and she buys varnish (or whatever) to cover my cake toppers so she can keep them. So I ask everyone if they want the bears because if not my mom would like to have them. So evryone says "that's fine she can have them". So then my MIL out of nowhwere starts ripping them off of the cupcakes along with the little christmas light toppers and gets a bag that the bread rolls had come in and tosses them all in this bag and hands them to my mom! I was so mad! They hadn't been sitting out that long and nobody had even started eating the cupcakes yet. I mean the whole reason I made the toppers is so that everyone could see them and enjoy them! Not to mention that these things break easy and she just threw them in a dirty bag! Ugh!

53 replies
Mensch Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 4:30pm
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Ugh. Human behavior never ceases to amaze me. What is it that prompts folk to act like a-holes?


Your avatar reminds me of when my sister and I were little. We had been playing Indians and drawing war paint on with Magic Marker. Yeah, we went to school with war paint for weeks before it faded.

kathys90 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 4:50pm
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I'm so sorry that happened to you. Maybe she didn't mean to be so "destructive". People who don't decorate cakes have no idea how delicate the creations can be.

amytracy1981 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 5:06pm
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Your avatar reminds me of when my sister and I were little. We had been playing Indians and drawing war paint on with Magic Marker. Yeah, we went to school with war paint for weeks before it faded.





That is my youngest son, he was about a year and a half. My daughter who was about 3 at the time decided to color all over his face and he just let her. At first I was mad but then my son was all smiley and cute so I just had to get the camera and get a picture. icon_lol.gif I got lucky because it was washable marker! icon_biggrin.gif

PJ37 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 5:06pm
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...or how long it takes to make them!

psmith Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 5:07pm
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Oh man! That was so rude! Didn't somebody tell her to stop? That is so disappointing. Your cupcakes are adorable. Do you think MIL was being a little passive/aggressive??

amytracy1981 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 5:09pm
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I'm so sorry that happened to you. Maybe she didn't mean to be so "destructive". People who don't decorate cakes have no idea how delicate the creations can be.




My husband was standing there when she did this and I saw him flinch and then he rolled his eyes. He later said, he couldn't believe she just threw them in a bag like that. Yeah, some non-cake people just don't get it.

Spuddysmom Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 5:12pm
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icon_confused.gif WHo knows why she did that? Holiday stress? Too much eggnog? Jealousy? She might have even thought she was being helpful?? Years ago, I took one of the first "fancy" cakes I made to my folks' place for a huge get-together.. a European Dobostorte (aprox. 12 super thin layers with a really cool, glass-like top surrounded by dreamily piped buttercream) - a thing of beauty!... set it down to help Mom decorate and when I turned around, my mother had already plated it.... no one got to see it. The next party, she did the same thing - even after I asked her not to... In her mind a proper hostess does this to "save time". Lesson learned - from then on I brought desserts after the meal was served and stood by to cut and serve.

03FLSTF Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 5:14pm
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I'm so sorry to hear this happened and can appreciate why you're upset icon_mad.gif

On a side note, those are the cutest darn bears I've ever seen! Hopefully this hasn't ruined bear-making for you ... they'd look adorable with spring flowers on top of a mother's day cake (for your own Mom of course icon_biggrin.gif )

kcw551 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 5:14pm
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I've learned that when people act in such a careless, thoughtless and rude way, that there is always a hidden meaning behind it. Jealous? Angry? Hurt? Revenge? It's hard to know unless they are willing to tell you what has them upset and it may not have been meant to be directed at you personally. That being said, I can imagine how hurt you are by this. The hours of work and the joy of sharing it with others was spoiled in one quick act of unkindness. So sorry that she spoiled it not only for you but for others at the event. But let me add this...the cupcakes were adorable and the bears so charming. You are very talented! icon_smile.gif

amytracy1981 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 5:16pm
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Oh man! That was so rude! Didn't somebody tell her to stop? That is so disappointing. Your cupcakes are adorable. Do you think MIL was being a little passive/aggressive??




No, nobody did. They were in the bag before I new what was happening.
She had also made a cake (not decorated). Maybe I pissed her off by bringing my cupcakes??? Who know's??

amytracy1981 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 5:20pm
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That being said, I can imagine how hurt you are by this. The hours of work and the joy of sharing it with others was spoiled in one quick act of unkindness.




Exactly! I knew guys would understand!

indydebi Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 6:25pm
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Originally Posted by Spuddysmom

icon_confused.gif WHo knows why she did that? Holiday stress? Too much eggnog? Jealousy? She might have even thought she was being helpful??


icon_lol.gif You guys need to put a little debi-isms into your vocabulary. Something subtle like, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY CAKES?" icon_lol.gif

My MIL thinks Cool Whip is SUPPOSE to be in the freezer. At all times. Always. Never thaw it. Just cut a wedge of frozen Cool Whip and put it on the pie. When I yelled at hubby once, early in our marriage, because he threw my Cool Whip in the freezer (and I needed to use it that night), he got this really confused look on his face and said, "But mom ALWAYS put the Cool Whip in the freezer! I thought that's what you were suppose to do with it!" When I explained why he was wrong (again! icon_rolleyes.gif ), he laughed and said "No WONDER! I always wanted to know why our Cool Whip never looked like the Cool Whip on TV!"

Whenever I take any Cool Whip to family gatherings, MIL always offers to put it in the freezer for me. She's just trying to be helpful. And she can't understand when I say, "Heck no! We're eating it tonight, not next week!" icon_lol.gif

I think this is correct:

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I've learned that when people act in such a careless, thoughtless and rude way, that there is always a hidden meaning behind it. Jealous? Angry? Hurt? Revenge?



Because of this:

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She had also made a cake (not decorated). Maybe I pissed her off by bringing my cupcakes???


Ruth0209 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 8:01pm
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Yeah, I'm pretty protective of my cakes. If someone started manhandling them, I'm sure I would've yelled at her by reflex. I think, "What the hell are you doing?!" is a darn good question to ask straight up.

amytracy1981 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 8:23pm
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I think this is correct: Quote:
I've learned that when people act in such a careless, thoughtless and rude way, that there is always a hidden meaning behind it. Jealous? Angry? Hurt? Revenge?

Because of this: Quote:
She had also made a cake (not decorated). Maybe I pissed her off by bringing my cupcakes???



Yeah, probably. But we didn't disscuss what we were bringing and I had no idea she was going to make a cake too. I usaully bring the cakes to our family gatherings. But you know what? At the end of our little Christmas get together no one had eaten her cake and most of my cupcakes were gone. icon_twisted.gif So that made me fell better.

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Yeah, I'm pretty protective of my cakes. If someone started manhandling them, I'm sure I would've yelled at her by reflex. I think, "What the hell are you doing?!" is a darn good question to ask straight up.




Yeah I wish I would have said that. I was thinking that. But I am a pretty shy person, so I just kept my thoughts to myself and then told my hubby all about how I felt as soon as we left. Poor hubby! icon_lol.gif

globalgatherings Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 9:07pm
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Okay, I'm guna stick my neck out here and probably have it sliced off, but here is what I think. I feel the MIL's pain. I mean really, do you always bring such cute gifts to a party and then ask for them back. Had I wanted to keep the bear off of the cupcake I ate, I wouldn't dare now knowing that your mother wanted it. I'd feel too guilty. I can bet you, that's how your MIL felt. Now, I do believe she handled it wrong by ripping all the toppers off, that was a little over the top, but there's obviously a whole lot more going on here than you realize or understand. Your MIL has some issues and it is xmas, give her a break and find out what the real problem is.

Now don't everyone get your panties in a bunch, I'm just looking at it from the other side and op, I loved those cupcakes great job,

indydebi Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 9:16pm
post #17 of 54
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Originally Posted by globalgatherings

Your MIL has some issues and it is xmas, give her a break and find out what the real problem is.



Here's where I have the problem with parent-and-adult-child situations. Here we have a 'parent' (MIL) who acts like a big baby and rips off ALL of the cupcake toppers in what I perceive as a "fine! you want them, you can HAVE them!" gesture and part of the advice is "oh she's your/his mother, it's xmas, give her a break."

*I* say the advice should be, "Oh, MIL, she wants a topper or two to give to her mom, so don't get all bent out of shape. It's xmas, give her a break, and let her have a topper or two."

How come the advice to "sit back and take it" is always directed at the adult-child and the acting-like-an-ass parent is never reprimanded for her inappropriate actions?

globalgatherings, I'm not being argumentative because I did appreciate you looking at it from another perspective, and many times we all forgot to do that as often as we should. But being the offspring of a woman who is famous for her manipulative actions, to the point that only 1 of her 6 children still visit her, I;m just get frustrated at the one-way street the "can't we all get along" advice seems to flow.

amytracy1981 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 9:38pm
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I mean really, do you always bring such cute gifts to a party and then ask for them back.



No, no I don't. I usually let whoever wants them have them, in this case it was my mom. So I didn't take them back this time either. My mom asked me if she could have them and I told her to ask everyone if that was ok. She was too scared to ask so I asked for her. My husband's family is not a shy family (unlike mine) believe me they speak their minds, so if someone wanted one they would have said so. I don't think that is why she did it. And I did give her a break too, I could have yelled at her (I felt like yelling at her) but I didn't say a word.

globalgatherings Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 9:47pm
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I knew my post would shake things up a bit, my hand was trembling right before I hit that SUBMIT button. My feelings also come from being raised by a very manipulative, but loving mother. It wasn't until my father died and she came to live with me for the last 15 years of her life, that I really started to understand why she was the way she was and also realizing that many of her issues stemmed from her mental illness. Once I knew what I was dealing with, forgiveness came so much easier. It wasn't until I got into my 40's that we really started bonding and had some great times together, before that it was emotionally abusive and us kids mostly got the silent treatment. Yea, her other daughters never forgave her either and thus, their loss. I learned so much from her and I still miss her very much today. I just know if you really take the time to get to know somebody and all about their past life experiences it's easier to understand the WHY's. People are so complex, aren't they??

indydebi Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 9:53pm
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global, I sure understand how nervous you may have been to post your experiences. It is a touchy subject and I believe each of us needs to deal with it in the way that only we can decide is right for us. I'm very glad yours turned out well. I actually envy you. I could never imagine my life without my daughters as close as we are and am very thankful that somehow along the way I managed to do some things right that resulted in a great relationship between us. Yes, we ARE a complex animal which is why these discussions can get 'touchy'.

We all learn from each other in many ways and in small ways. I preach about our "George Bailey Moments" in life.....the little things we say and do that influence and help mold another life, and we're not even aware of the impact we make.

I'm sure your story impacted someone in a positive way so we are thankful, hard as it was for you, that you shared your story. thumbs_up.gif

globalgatherings Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 9:56pm
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Op, I know you're not an Indiangiver, that's probably not the politically correct term to use, but you know what I mean. Your post made me think of my mom, she would've felt like your MIL, not sure if she would have ripped your toppers off, although maybe, mom had her crazy times icon_lol.gif

amytracy1981 Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 10:02pm
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I knew my post would shake things up a bit, my hand was trembling right before I hit that SUBMIT button.




I wasn't upset by your post, I just disagree. I just don't see why it would be ok to treat others badly because you are upset. To me that seems like something a child would do. I would hope that by the time you are almost 60 years old you would learn to control your temper a little bit better than that.
I know how it feels to be in a bad mood, I have been in them a few times myself icon_lol.gif But I am not going to find someone else to hurt because I am hurt. To me that's just not ok.

globalgatherings Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 10:05pm
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thanx Indydebi and back at ya thumbs_up.gif and I'm so excited to hear about your new challenges ie: teaching, how great is that. Keep us posted. I must get off of here now and get to cleaning this house before I have to go back to work on Monday. Yuk, I hate cleaning house!!!

m1m Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 10:55pm
post #24 of 54

Those are adorable cupcakes!

Some people don't realize that doing cakes is an art.

It's too bad they were dumped into a bread bag; now they probably have yucky crumbs all over them!

psmith Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 11:13pm
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Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by globalgatherings

Your MIL has some issues and it is xmas, give her a break and find out what the real problem is.


Here's where I have the problem with parent-and-adult-child situations. Here we have a 'parent' (MIL) who acts like a big baby and rips off ALL of the cupcake toppers in what I perceive as a "fine! you want them, you can HAVE them!" gesture and part of the advice is "oh she's your/his mother, it's xmas, give her a break."

*I* say the advice should be, "Oh, MIL, she wants a topper or two to give to her mom, so don't get all bent out of shape. It's xmas, give her a break, and let her have a topper or two."

How come the advice to "sit back and take it" is always directed at the adult-child and the acting-like-an-ass parent is never reprimanded for her inappropriate actions?

globalgatherings, I'm not being argumentative because I did appreciate you looking at it from another perspective, and many times we all forgot to do that as often as we should. But being the offspring of a woman who is famous for her manipulative actions, to the point that only 1 of her 6 children still visit her, I;m just get frustrated at the one-way street the "can't we all get along" advice seems to flow.




Yup. I have to agree with this. It isn't the responsibility of others to indulge MIL's odd behavior. What MIL did was unacceptable and mean...whatever the reason. If she was annoyed about the other mom getting the bears, she should have been an adult and said something. It was a childish act to destroy the cupcakes by taking off the toppers.

psmith Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 11:16pm
post #26 of 54
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Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by globalgatherings

Your MIL has some issues and it is xmas, give her a break and find out what the real problem is.


Here's where I have the problem with parent-and-adult-child situations. Here we have a 'parent' (MIL) who acts like a big baby and rips off ALL of the cupcake toppers in what I perceive as a "fine! you want them, you can HAVE them!" gesture and part of the advice is "oh she's your/his mother, it's xmas, give her a break."

*I* say the advice should be, "Oh, MIL, she wants a topper or two to give to her mom, so don't get all bent out of shape. It's xmas, give her a break, and let her have a topper or two."

How come the advice to "sit back and take it" is always directed at the adult-child and the acting-like-an-ass parent is never reprimanded for her inappropriate actions?

globalgatherings, I'm not being argumentative because I did appreciate you looking at it from another perspective, and many times we all forgot to do that as often as we should. But being the offspring of a woman who is famous for her manipulative actions, to the point that only 1 of her 6 children still visit her, I;m just get frustrated at the one-way street the "can't we all get along" advice seems to flow.




Yup. I have to agree with this. It isn't the responsibility of others to indulge MIL's odd behavior. What MIL did was unacceptable and mean...whatever the reason. If she was annoyed about the other mom getting the bears, she should have been an adult and said something. It was a childish act to destroy the cupcakes by taking off the toppers.

fondantgrl Posted 26 Dec 2009 , 11:24pm
post #27 of 54

There was no excuse for her uncivilized behavior. Is she Bi polar ? sounds like she has mental illness. Her feelings are not important. If she was jealous because she is very incapable of creating something nice and cute , then that is her problem. So talented people are suppose to hold themselve back so the "untalented" and "Incompetent" people's feeling don't get hurt ? that is weird and stupid thought. icon_razz.gif If they cannot decorate a cake like some people, well that is just too darn bad. icon_razz.gif

adonisthegreek1 Posted 27 Dec 2009 , 12:10am
post #28 of 54
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Originally Posted by amytracy1981

... So I ask everyone if they want the bears because if not my mom would like to have them. So evryone says "that's fine she can have them". So then my MIL out of nowhwere starts ripping them off of the cupcakes along with the little christmas light toppers and gets a bag that the bread rolls had come in and tosses them all in this bag and hands them to my mom! I was so mad! They hadn't been sitting out that long and nobody had even started eating the cupcakes yet. I mean the whole reason I made the toppers is so that everyone could see them and enjoy them! ...




I thought everyone saw them when they said that it was fine for her to have them. Maybe MIL thought she was just helping your mom out. Sometimes we take things out of context. Not knowing your MIL's personality it's hard to say if she acted out of malice or simply ignorance.

andpotts Posted 27 Dec 2009 , 12:29am
post #29 of 54

I don't really have much of importace to add, but I just wanted to say sorry and I would be upset too. I'm hoping it was just an oversight and not done out of nastyness, but either way it still stinks, we work so hard on stuff and part of the joy is having others see it and appreciate it. Your toppers and and the cc's were super cute, I would be bummed. Hope you had a Merry Christmas otherwise!

amytracy1981 Posted 27 Dec 2009 , 12:45am
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I thought everyone saw them when they said that it was fine for her to have them. Maybe MIL thought she was just helping your mom out. Sometimes we take things out of context. Not knowing your MIL's personality it's hard to say if she acted out of malice or simply ignorance.



Even if she wasn't trying to be mean (and I didn't say she was) it still pissed me off. Help my mom by putting them on a plate then, not throwing them in a bag all together to be broken. And yes everyone saw them for a second but they took me hours to make, I would have liked for everyone to have seen them for more than a second. They could have sat on the counter to be enjoyed until dessert time not torn apart before we even ate dinner. I realize when I make a cake that eventually they are going to be torn apart and eaten. But she just rushed them being destroyed and it made me mad. She even took some other toppers off that my mom didn't ask for. And why did she have to put her hands all over something I made? I could have gotten them for my mom. What if I would have went over to her cake and just started grabbing handfuls of it and putting it on plates for people to eat. Would she have taken it as me just trying to help out? icon_twisted.gificon_lol.gif

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