It's Official, My Kids Are Awful...

Lounge By CakesByJen2 Updated 29 Dec 2009 , 12:02am by Jen80

CakesByJen2 Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 12:05am
post #1 of 45

So awful, in fact, that their grandparents would rather us NOT come to visit over the holidays icon_surprised.gificon_redface.gif ! I don't know whether to be embarrassed, offended, relieved, or some combination thereof!

My MIL has been having problems with her blood pressure shooting up sky-high for no apparent reason. They can't figure out what's causing it, but I personally think she is developing some type of anxiety disorder with possibly some depression as well. My FIL said she gets all nervous & anxious out of the blue, for no real reason.

I'll admit, my kids can be pretty awful with the bickering and my 7 yo son is pretty high-energy. But, we never stay long, and they have a fairly big house. I just can't believe my kids are SO bad she can't stand to have them around for just 2 days when she hasn't seen them in almost 5 months. I mean, I have to put up with them every day!

I'm concerned about my IL's, my FIL is physically OK, but mentally he is definitely declining, which is sad to see. I really think my MIL needs to see some type of mental health professional, but I'm sure she won't. They've always been somewhat detached as grandparents, but it seems now they are withdrawing completely.

44 replies
MalibuBakinBarbie Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 1:13am
post #2 of 45

Hi. I just wanted to say I'm sorry your family is going through this tough time, especially around the holidays. I hope your MIL is able to get her BP and possible anxiety/depression stabilized, and that your FIL keeps up on his health, too. Try not to take it personal. A visit just might be too much for them (or your MIL) to handle right now, until things settle down. (So it may have nothing to do with your kids. icon_wink.gif ) I hope that you all have a special, memorable and happy holiday season. icon_smile.gif

indydebi Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 3:32am
post #3 of 45

ditto to the above comments ... sorry this has to surface at the holidays.

It sounds like they are kinda up there in age, and that could just be part of it. I'm only 50. My 2 grandkids are 7 and 2. They are not what I would call rambunctious at ALL, but at the end of a 2-hour visit, I am SO ready for them to go home! I just never realized how peaceful and quiet my house is ... until suddenly it's got little kids in it again. I never realized how much I didn't have to "get up and do" for other people ... until suddenly there's a 2 year old who needs juice, and snacks, and has to go potty and wants to tell on his big sister, and ..... icon_eek.gif

I love 'em to death. They are good kids. They are welcome any time. (I'm keeping them all night on New Years Eve and I'm looking forward to it.) But sometimes, after they leave, I crash on the couch, and realize I'm happy when they visit and I'm glad when they go home. Ahhhh..... the advantages of being gramma! I can send them home to mom when they get cranky! icon_biggrin.gif

So it may not be your kids at all. It may just be their age and what they've gotten used to over the years.

Shelle_75 Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 3:42am
post #4 of 45

Ditto Debi....my mom is 58 and loves my kids more than anyone else on earth, but I can tell after a few hours she's losing what's left of her patience (and her mind) and it's time to pack up and go home!

I'm sure your kids are not awful! icon_lol.gif

7yyrt Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 4:21am
post #5 of 45

We stay in a motel when we visit the old folks. We haven't had any young ones until the grandkid this year, but even two adults is too much for the parents for more than a few hours.
Come for lunch, stay a few hours, then take them out for dinner.

CakesByJen2 Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 4:58am
post #6 of 45

Staying in a hotel would definitely be easier on the grandparents, but it would be awful for us. My husband has sleep apnea and snores something awful, and because of that, we haven't been able to sleep in the same room for several years. Plus my 14-yo daughter does NOT want to share a bed with her brother, LOL! Not to mention we really can't afford it. There wasn't even a hotel in their hometown until the last year, anyway.

We live 4 hours away, they won't come here to visit, and we try to come visit 3 times a year, and we never stay more than 2 nights. I realize it's hard for some older people to handle being around kids when they're not used to it, but goodness, they can't suck it up for a couple of days 2-3 times a year?? They'd really rather not see them at all? Their own grandchildren? They used to complain because we didn't visit more often. I do understand she's having issues, but gosh, it's Christmas! I mean she's not in the hospital or anything. I'm not upset or anything, really, I just don't get it is all, and I feel bad for my kids not having real grandparents who want to know them.

The ridiculous thing is, my husband's brother lives 2 houses down from their parents, and they have a HUGE 4000 sq ft home, 2 kids who get along well with our kids. It would be much better for both the grandparents and the kids if we stayed with his brother's family, yet we have NEVER been invited to so much as set foot in their home, much less spend the night! His wife is always nice and polite on the rare occasion we see them, but it's clear she doesn't consider *us* family or worthy of having a relationship with.

Texas_Rose Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 5:16am
post #7 of 45

If you need a good laugh, rent Four Weddings and watch it...you'll feel a little better about the family issues when you see theirs icon_biggrin.gif

Instead of going several times a year, why not go once a year and splurge on a suite at the motel, or get a couple of connecting rooms. If you need to stick to one room, get some earplugs and use them icon_biggrin.gif They block out gunfire, so I'm sure they would block out snores.

The thing is, when you stay at someone's house, they're not just providing a place to sleep for the night, they're also providing your meals. That might be what the problem is, that your MIL isn't up to the extra cooking and cleaning that come with having guests.

Personally, I don't let anyone stay at my house. I haven't since the time that my sister and BIL got too drunk to drive home and decided to crash at our place, only to creep out sometime around 3AM and leave my front door wide open, while DH and I were sound asleep. It doesn't have anything to do with anyone else but that's the reason that no one is invited to stay overnight at my house. I don't tell anyone, I just don't offer to let anyone stay or if a relative talks about coming to visit, I say, "There are some really nice motels near here."

indydebi Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 5:46am
post #8 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

If you need to stick to one room, get some earplugs and use them icon_biggrin.gif They block out gunfire, so I'm sure they would block out snores.


Obviously you don't live with a problem snorer! icon_lol.gif My hubby and I also sleep in separate rooms because of his snoring. I worked in a manufacturing company and brought home earplugs that were used in the plant .... OSHA approved ..... and those didn't work either. Not kidding, I can be downstairs watching TV at 3:00 a.m. (insomniac) and I can hear him snoring from upstairs behind a closed door.

He would get mad if I woke him to try to get him to quit snoring and he would feel bad if I gathered my pillow and slept downstairs. "Honey, I don't want you to have to leave your bed, but dont' wake me up!" I said, "So what you're telling me is to lay there wide awake because you don't want me to wake you to make you stop snoring and you don't want me to leave and go where I can sleep in peace and quiet. Is THAT what you're telling me?"

I feel your pain, darlin'! thumbs_up.gif

CakesByJen2 Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 5:47am
post #9 of 45

I guess I just never looked at taking the kids to visit their grandparents they hardly ever see as an intrusion. We aren't going because WE want to, we go because we feel obligated to, because they used to complain we "never" visit, and because we felt we owed it to our kids. There's really no other reason for us to go there, other than for them to see their grandkids. We really do make every effort to be good houseguests, she doesn't cook, so we eat out every meal anyway, and we make sure to clean up before we leave. My sis and her three kids come visit us for a week at a time,(and they aren't such considerate houseguests!), and I do cook for them, but I would never dream of telling them to go to a hotel when we only see them once a year.

Oh well, I guess I shouldn't complain, it makes things easier for me, and my daughter's at the age where she doesn't really want to go anymore. I just think it's a little sad that my 7 yo won't really have any memories of his grandparents when he gets older, and I just don't get grandparents that don't want to really know their grandkids, just have a picture of them. My kids haven't lucked out in the relatives dept. My parents are a little more involved, but still not like most I know, and neither my brother & his wife, or my husbands brother & his wife, have any interest in them.

indydebi Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 6:00am
post #10 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by CakesByJen2

We aren't going because WE want to, we go because we feel obligated to,



That is the saddest statement in this whole thing. I've mentioned numerous times that the greatest thrill I have is knowing that my kids visit with us and spend holidays with us becuase they WANT to .... not because they HAVE to. I would break down in tears if I thought my kids came around only because of some social obligation, and they were sitting there watching the clock until their allocated "time of duty" rolls around.

In my world, this is how I measure if I was a good mom or not .... by knowing whether they come 'round because they want to. thumbs_up.gif

I am so sorry they appear to have not properly paved the road along the way, while your husband was growing up.

I say you have a great opportunity to have a fabulous Christmas at home with your kids, with no travel stress, no 'working' to be good houseguests, no worrying about stepping on anyone's toes or stressing out because kids are being kids. This could be your best Christmas ever! thumbs_up.gif

prterrell Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 6:10am
post #11 of 45

Does your DH not wear a CPAP at night? My DH has sleep apnea and snores like a grizzly bear. He wears his CPAP every night and it is wonderful. What it is, in case you don't know, is a mask with pressurized constant air flow that blows into the nose. The constant flow of air prevents both the snoring AND keeps the breathing response turned on all night. If your DH doesn't have one, he really should talk to his doctor about getting one. It will improve his quality of sleep, plus sleep apnea puts strain on the heart, causing those who have it to be at higher risk for heart attack or stroke, and people do still die from sleep apnea.

Not trying to scare you or anything, just trying to help!

Sorry your in-laws' health is so fragile right now!

Texas_Rose Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 6:21am
post #12 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

If you need to stick to one room, get some earplugs and use them icon_biggrin.gif They block out gunfire, so I'm sure they would block out snores.

Obviously you don't live with a problem snorer! icon_lol.gif My hubby and I also sleep in separate rooms because of his snoring. I worked in a manufacturing company and brought home earplugs that were used in the plant .... OSHA approved ..... and those didn't work either. Not kidding, I can be downstairs watching TV at 3:00 a.m. (insomniac) and I can hear him snoring from upstairs behind a closed door.




My dad snores like that. It's been years since I slept in the same house with him, but even being in a different room didn't block out the sound. I used to buy the squishy silicone earplugs, break them in half (even though it says not to on the package) and they would block out the noise. It worked even when we traveled and the whole family slept in one motel room.

CakesByJen2 Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 6:23am
post #13 of 45
Quote:
Quote:

CakesByJen2 wrote:
We aren't going because WE want to, we go because we feel obligated to,

That is the saddest statement in this whole thing. I've mentioned numerous times that the greatest thrill I have is knowing that my kids visit with us and spend holidays with us becuase they WANT to .... not because they HAVE to. I would break down in tears if I thought my kids came around only because of some social obligation, and they were sitting there watching the clock until their allocated "time of duty" rolls around.




Well, I didn't quite mean it like that exactly. It's not like we hate going or anything, it's just that there is *nothing* in the town to do or see, we have no close friends there to visit, it is a pretty boring place. What I was trying to convey was that taking the kids to visit the grandparents is THE reason we go, as opposed to going for other reasons and just using the IL's house as a place to crash, and we thought we were trying to maintain some type of relationship, not being an imposition.

CakesByJen2 Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 6:30am
post #14 of 45
Quote:
Quote:

Does your DH not wear a CPAP at night




After YEARS of me telling him he had sleep apnea (and him vehemently denying it) he finally went to a sleep study and got diagnosed. He tried the CPAP, but he takes it off in his sleep almost immediately. The dr. and I both told him he really just needs to stop sleeping on his back (he has almost no episodes when he's on his side), and lose weight, but he won't do it.

Oh, and no, earplugs do not block it out. The sound has such a strong vibration I can feel it as well as hear it icon_sad.gif

JanH Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 7:03am
post #15 of 45

Please pardon this OT interruption.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CakesByJen2

My husband has sleep apnea and snores something awful, and because of that, we haven't been able to sleep in the same room for several years.




Your husband has been suffering from untreated sleep apnea for several years. icon_eek.gif

Has he seen a doctor or is he assuming he has sleep apnea because he snores. (Not every one who snores has sleep apnea; but everyone who has sleep apnea snores.)

I'm truly concerned for your DH because untreated sleep apnea can cause serious heart problems, leading to an early demise. And there's a definite decline in the quality of life when you're constantly tired/always napping or falling asleep during normal activities.

My older brother, my twin sister and I all have sleep apnea. We would never not use our CPAP machines, life is so much better when you're not always nodding off...

(And I'm sure our spouses appreciate being able to get a [snore-free] good night's sleep, also!)

Stepping off my soapbox now.

cakesbycathy Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 3:14pm
post #16 of 45

I wasn't going to reply to this thread, but because I sometimes have trouble standing up for myself just want to offer this possible perspective...

I suspect it took A LOT for your in-laws to finally come out and say that it would be easier for them if you didn't visit. I would bet that they really agonized over how to tell you that. I'm sure it wasn't easy for them to find the right words to say so that your feelings didn't get hurt (which obviously they did anyway).

I'm trying to say this gently, because I don't want to hurt your feelings either. Instead of having an "I can't believe they don't want to see us even though we're such good guests (even though the kids can be a handful) perspective on it, maybe you could look at it as you are giving them a Christmas gift they actually want this year.

LaBellaFlor Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 4:21pm
post #17 of 45

I'm sorry, but I totally agree with Cakesbykathy. You say you feel obligated, but no that's not it, theres just nothing there for you to do. None of that sounds like you want to be there. People can sense that. I know a lot of people who have out of control kids and don't even realize it, until I tell them. I have no problems telling people to get control of their kids or don't bring them in my house. I have 7 kids and I don't like loud children. My kids can get loud, but relative to other children, they are quieter all together then a mouse. My former boss doesn't like her own grandchildren at her house, cause they are so loud. But she let's them come, cause they're her grands. She doesn't let ANY kids come to her house (except for mine & actually asks for me to bring over), cause most parents just don't check their kids behavior. What you may think as "just kids" behavior, may be just too much for your IL's to deal with.

indydebi Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 5:22pm
post #18 of 45

I just remembered .... my sister had a similar thing happen to her. Her in-laws said her 2 boys were too loud. Sis was hurt by the comment, noting that her boys WERE loud, but they were boys. icon_confused.gif

I asked, "Doens't your mother in law have a hearing aid?" Yes, she did. So I suggested that perhaps with a hearing aid, which amplifies ALL noise, she couldn't "tune it out" like we could. I could see the light bulb go off in my sister's face and she immediately felt better and understood a bit better about what her MIL was saying.

I have no personal experience with hearing aids, and I was just shooting in the dark, but it made sense to me that a machine designed to amplify ALL noises, wasn't able to differentiate between WHAT noises needed to be amplified and what noises needed to be ignored.

BTW ... my 2 grandkids have arrived to spend the day with me while mom wraps Christmas gifts. So far, I've mopped my bathroom (how does a 2 year old miss the toilet COMPLETELY!? icon_eek.gif ), cleaned juice from my coffee table, stepped on crayons, played the game "operation", colored 2 pictures in a coloring book, referee'd about 27 arguments ..... I'm exhausted, and it's only been less than 2 hours! icon_eek.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

jonahsmom Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 5:24pm
post #19 of 45

I wonder if maybe they don't want you to visit because they don't want you and your kids to see them when they're not doing their best? Didn't you say that MIL is super anxiety-ridden right now? Maybe she's embarrassed by it? And FIL is having some sort of mental decline? Maybe he's embarrassed, too?

It could be that they're telling you not to visit because they're embarrassed by their own health issues and don't want you to be burdened by worrying even more about them by seeing how they are in person. Just a thought...

CakesByJen2 Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 5:26pm
post #20 of 45

Well, I guess I'm not really explaining myself very well. My feelings aren't hurt, it's just more of I just don't get them. It seems like we are damned if we do, damned if we don't. If I posted that my in-laws were complaining because we don't come to visit and that I didn't want to, I'm sure there'd be just as many people telling me that I should not be so selfish and make the effort to encourage my kids to have a relationship with their grandparents, LOL.

It's not that we don't want to be there, I was just trying to say that seeing them is the whole reason for the visit, that we are not there on vacation or something and just using their house as a convenient place to crash. That it's not a matter of them "letting" us visit and us imposing our kids on them; they have always asked us to. (And no, my kids are not "out-of-control", and we make it clear to them they must be respectful of other people and their homes, and follow their rules, as well as ours, but they do bicker as siblings often do, and my 7yo boy is, well, a typical 7-year old boy.)

If we don't visit often, they say they wish we'd visit more. If we only stay one day, its "Oh, you're leaving already?!". If we spend time with other people while we're there, they get offended, yet if we stay at home most of the time, they hide out in their room. We just can't win, LOL! I guarantee they will be complaining about not seeing the kids at Christmas, even though it was their preference.

I guess it seems like I'm making a bigger deal of it than I really am. I'm not hurt, mad or upset, just a little frustrated that no matter what we do, its wrong, and concerned that if my MIL is really in that bad a shape, and not getting the appropriate help. I've suspected she had mild depression for a while, and could tell she was more stressed (more about their business than us being there I suspect), but it really sounds like now she's developed a full-blown anxiety disorder.

indydebi Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 5:49pm
post #21 of 45

sounds like they just like to complain. icon_confused.gif

Texas_Rose Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 6:00pm
post #22 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonahsmom

I wonder if maybe they don't want you to visit because they don't want you and your kids to see them when they're not doing their best? Didn't you say that MIL is super anxiety-ridden right now? Maybe she's embarrassed by it? And FIL is having some sort of mental decline? Maybe he's embarrassed, too?

It could be that they're telling you not to visit because they're embarrassed by their own health issues and don't want you to be burdened by worrying even more about them by seeing how they are in person. Just a thought...




That's actually a really good point...my dad was having some severe mental health issues and my mom wouldn't have anyone over because it made him too nervous having strangers (even son-in-law) in the house and also because my mom was embarrassed to have anyone see him like that. She told me it was because my baby was too annoying and disruptive to have in her house and I didn't find out the truth until later on, when my dad had to be hospitalized. Older people feel like there's a lot more stigma attached to mental health problems...my dad always said that he couldn't see a doctor for anything or he'd never be able to find another job (and of course now his health issues have forced him into early retirement). Anyhow, they don't look at it the way we do.

Since you mentioned they have another son living two doors down from them, at least you know there's another family member close enough to keep an eye on your MIL and get her help if she gets too bad off.

Just think of this as a free Christmas, one where you can do what you want with your kids and husband and not have to go to someone's house. It is hurtful that they told you but personally I'd rather be told than go somewhere that we weren't welcome. And I would be planning a delicious Christmas meal and take the kids to the movies to see something that just came out, or take them hiking if you're not married to a couch potato like my DH, or something that y'all like to do.

LaBellaFlor Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 6:02pm
post #23 of 45

Well you know, some people are just like that. I know it's hard to not to get frustrated, you just got to roll with the punches type deal. Personally, for me, I would tell them how they are frustrating me (my grandmother is 92 and I hold no punches with her. Would die for my Grandma, but the reality she is just not a very good person) but I guess you can't if your MIL is suffering from anxiety. Hmmm, tough deal. I guess look at the silver lining that you don't have to drive 4 hours away! icon_biggrin.gif

Sox-n-Pats Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 7:55pm
post #24 of 45

My inlaws are like that. So we don't go. No guilt, no obligation... haven't been there in over 8 years. Some people think I'm horrible for not letting my children be close to their grandparents (We visit my parents all the time, the kids even spend weeks with my parents without me).

My response? Why would I want my child around people who are never happy, always complain and put guilt trips on everyone every minute of the day??? How is that "getting to know their grandparents?" How is that spending quality time with family? They will only grow to resent them and possibly dislike them as much as I do.

So, no. We don't go visit. We've offered to pay for them to come see us- many times and there's always an excuse. So we stopped offering a few years ago (and yes, they complained that we didn't offer plane tickets again).

I've told my husband, he is more than welcome to go visit, and more than welcome to take the children (It's a cross country flight) but he has to pay for everything out of his paycheck- and I won't be going. (yes, there's more to our little story)

So, enjoy your holiday, spend happy time with your family and share the good stories about their grandparents with your children.

indydebi Posted 22 Dec 2009 , 7:57pm
post #25 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sox-n-Pats

We've offered to pay for them to come see us- many times and there's always an excuse. So we stopped offering a few years ago (and yes, they complained that we didn't offer plane tickets again).


I love the way you handle this ... not letting other people control your emotions ... but I had to jump in and say this part of your post made me burst out laughing! icon_lol.gif Typically predictable, huh? icon_biggrin.gif

Sox-n-Pats Posted 23 Dec 2009 , 4:50am
post #26 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sox-n-Pats

We've offered to pay for them to come see us- many times and there's always an excuse. So we stopped offering a few years ago (and yes, they complained that we didn't offer plane tickets again).

I love the way you handle this ... not letting other people control your emotions ... but I had to jump in and say this part of your post made me burst out laughing! icon_lol.gif Typically predictable, huh? icon_biggrin.gif




It figures right?!

My inlaws smoke - their house is filled with smoke- literally. When we would visit, we'd stay at a hotel or my sister-in-law's house. MIL would get mad- the whole my house isn't good enough.... we;ll I have asthma and my son has asthma. We said we couldn't stay at her house if she smoked. She smokes so we stay elsewhere. Then MIL gets all "How dare my children act better than me, ask me not to smoke... it's my house.... blah blah blah...." Really?? My children, my health, my children's health... my rules. Your house, fine. Smoke all you want, but we won't stay there. Easy choice.

So ya, after about 15 years of offering to pay for flights or train tickets, or even to drive them out to us- my husband finally listened to me and stopped offering. He finally realized (yes, 15 years later) that he was only setting himself up for heartache. Then he gets the whole attempt at guilt trip for not offering something they have refused for 15 years.

My parents were masters of "Love and Logic" before the book was even written.

I love logical solutions!!

indydebi Posted 23 Dec 2009 , 10:13am
post #27 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sox-n-Pats

Then MIL gets all "How dare my children act better than me....



My apologies for sidetracking this thread but omg is she a clone to my parent!? icon_surprised.gif

Mine actually told one of my sisters, "Debi doesn't get it. I'm the parent, she's the child!"

Excuse me? icon_eek.gif

At the time, I was 35 years old, the mother of 3, remarried after a violent divorce ... and she thinks she get to tell me how to do? She thinks that NOW, 35 years later, that she wants to PLAY the role of "parent"?

I don't think so, Tim!

And I also grew up being told "...you're just tryin' to better than you are!"

But yeah .. I was. And thank god I succeeded! thumbs_up.gif I mean, most parents WANT their children to grow up to be better and more successful than they are. My children are doing way better than I was at their age and I'm so proud of them! thumbs_up.gif

Whenever I run into these type of people, I tell my husband, "Oh pul-leaze! I grew up with The Master Manipulator! These people are STRICTLY amateur!!" icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

Pookie59 Posted 24 Dec 2009 , 3:01pm
post #28 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by CakesByJen2

Staying in a hotel would definitely be easier on the grandparents, but it would be awful for us. My husband has sleep apnea and snores something awful, and because of that, we haven't been able to sleep in the same room for several years.




Kinda of off topic, but has your husband ever been evaluated by a sleep clinic? My husband is a terrible snorer and also has sleep apnea. He now uses a CPAP machine which fixes the snoring/apnea problem and allows us to occupy the same bed. Sleep apnea is really dangerous (plus your hubby really isn't getting any sleep). Worth checking into.

JustToEatCake Posted 25 Dec 2009 , 4:21pm
post #29 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by prterrell

Does your DH not wear a CPAP at night? My DH has sleep apnea and snores like a grizzly bear. He wears his CPAP every night and it is wonderful. What it is, in case you don't know, is a mask with pressurized constant air flow that blows into the nose. The constant flow of air prevents both the snoring AND keeps the breathing response turned on all night. If your DH doesn't have one, he really should talk to his doctor about getting one. It will improve his quality of sleep, plus sleep apnea puts strain on the heart, causing those who have it to be at higher risk for heart attack or stroke, and people do still die from sleep apnea.

Not trying to scare you or anything, just trying to help!

Sorry your in-laws' health is so fragile right now!




You are EXACTLY right about that cpap machine!! It is the cure for those LOUD snorers, who probably have sleep apnea! My dad and my brother and my BIL would raise the roof and now they all use cpaps and you can sleep right beside them. My BIL says he doesn't feel any different using it, rest wise (he might be lying) but he uses it because my sister can now sleep in the same room in their ginormous bed.

Mensch Posted 25 Dec 2009 , 7:55pm
post #30 of 45

This thread makes me sad.

My paternal grandparents were so cold and so distant and uninterested. My parents still made the effort to visit 6-7 times a year, but I cannot remember one single time they ever came to our home (4-5 hour trip). Whenever we were there we (the kids) were 'banished' to the (furnished) basement for just about the entire time. We ate down there, met our cousins down there... everything. I never remember being hugged by my grandparents, not once. They weren't interested in us at all, never asked about school activities or school sports or band or anything. I was so proud when I made the varsity volleyball team as a freshman, and their reaction was like 'so what'?

The only time I ever remember a reaction from my grandmother was when she found out I wasn't going to med school, like 'everyone else in the family'. I remember her words as if it was just yesterday (24 years ago).... 'I am so disappointed in you'. Never mind that I maintained a 3.82 GPA with full-time university and full-time work.

My sister and I never said anything to our parents and I'm not sure they ever noticed the damage that was done. I wish now I would have. My parents divorced when I was 20 and I tried to maintain a relationship with my paternal grandparents then (because that is what one was taught...), I sent holiday cards and birthday cards and mother's day and father's day cards for about 3 years afterward, and never had any kind of response, so I stopped. About eight years after that they started sending cards, but by then it was way too late. I have no contact with them, but it's okay. I get more riled at the folks who think it's awful that I have no contact with my grandparents, and that I must be just horrid because they're my GRANDPARENTS, for heaven's sake!

But those times we didn't drive down for holidays and such you'd better believe they got all pissy about it.

Your kids are most likely better off with a long distance relationship with these people, getting the occasional birthday present in the mail and such. Kids aren't stupid and they know when they're not wanted, especially by family.

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%