Should I Be Offended??

Decorating By Jazp Updated 8 Dec 2009 , 2:09am by Jazp

Jazp Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 3:37am
post #1 of 30

Okay.. So I have a good girl friend of mine that asked me to do her daughters birthday cake, I told her, sure (I always jump at the chance to do a cake and get more practice), and I told her once before I would never charge her . So, a couple days before the party, we're going over things and she tells me she wants her mother to bake the cake and wants me to design/decorate it. Her mother only makes one type of cake and I also have that receipe.
Alittle confused with this one !!???! Should I be offended?

29 replies
LaBellaFlor Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 3:41am
post #2 of 30

I don't think you should be offended. I think what may have happened is that her mother probably offered to make the cake, but had all ready asked you and wanted you to do it originally, so just split it between you two to save her mom from possibly been hurt.

Rosa2745 Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 3:45am
post #3 of 30

I agree, she probably also doesn't want you to spend so much time on her cake. I think she's actually being thoughtful. Making a cake is a lot of work. Don't feel bad you get to do the very best part!

luvmysmoother Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 8:05am
post #4 of 30

Did you mention before that you hate baking cakes but love the decorating part - then for sure she's being considerate. Even if not I also think she's trying to either spare you some extra work or to include her mom in her child's bday so the mom feels like she also contributed - it's a sweet gesture to meicon_smile.gif

Ellistwins Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 8:12am
post #5 of 30

I wouldn't have thought just like you. May the cakes i bake doesn't taste that nice, but seeing she's not paing she probably wanted to at least sponsor the cake at some way.

aundrea Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 8:14am
post #6 of 30

no i wouldnt be offended. her mom may want to contribute to the cake and this is her way. i would welcome the added help and give yourself some extra time away from baking.
your friend must trust both of you enough to take on this project.
i would just make it clear on when the cake should be given to you for decoration so you dont cut yourself short on time.
would love to see your pics once completed.
good luck!

Bunsen Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 9:03am
post #7 of 30

Sounds like her mum wanted to bake the cake so she is sparing her feelings - she still wants you to decorate so no, don't be offended.

cylstrial Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 2:19pm
post #8 of 30

I don't think you need to be offended.

weirkd Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 2:51pm
post #9 of 30

I agree. It sounds like she was trying not to upset her mother who probably offered as well and this was the compromise. If she bought a cake from Sam's club and then told you that she didnt want you to bake then I would get offended . (A former friend actually did this to me. She claimed her son threw a fit about it and she bought it. Shortly after a few other things we are no longer friends.)

-K8memphis Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 3:07pm
post #10 of 30

Ok first of all--over time I'd re-negotiate the 'never charge her' part unless a real transfer of services is taking place--like she babysits for you a lot or something reciprocal. But not now--you got enough on your plate.

Then, no I would not be offended--there's much better opportunities for that.

However I would be weirded out by this. I'd politely back gently away from the complicated birthday cake dealio. I'm gonna guess that if you proceed this will increase in complexity--I'd cut my cake losses now and preserve the invaluable friendship.

I mean if you are considering to be offended or not what's Mom up to kwim? Think she might not be thinking--hey like I ain't good enough to toss some decor on this puppy???

I don't know--I'd get booked up or something. Christmas party you must attend --something. Tv show you can't miss--I don't know. But heads up it's getting tricky--fasten your seatbelts turbulence ahead.

Kitagrl Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 3:17pm
post #11 of 30

Maybe you can find out WHY she wants to do that. If the mom wanted to make the cake, you could gracefully back out and say "Oh no problem, why don't you let your mom make it, I know she would love that."

OR if she is trying to be nice, just say "Oh its no problem at all, I always have cake stuff on hand, its nothing to throw one in the oven, why not just let me do the whole thing."

So you can nicely steer her to one choice or the other.

And yeah I'd be bartering some babysitting for cake!!!!

Ruth0209 Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 5:36pm
post #12 of 30

People are sentimental about their recipes and traditions. She may just want her mom to make the cake she always made her as a child. Just ask her. It's amazing how well communication works when we use it. : ) You shouldn't be afraid to ask a simple question.

When I tell my family I won't charge them for a cake, the understanding is that I'll do it IF I have time, and the design will be my decision. I ask them what they like, but ultimately I get to decide on the design.

Rincewind Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 6:26pm
post #13 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunsen

Sounds like her mum wanted to bake the cake so she is sparing her feelings - she still wants you to decorate so no, don't be offended.




This is what I imagine is the case.

Unfortunately, I have the tendency to be easily offended, so I would be (offended). A little. I would ask her about it. Otherwise, it would drive me crazy.

Take care.

kakeladi Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 6:38pm
post #14 of 30

Oh where is that thread just the other day about decorating a cake someone else has made?? Everyone!!, Yes, everyone said "NOT A CHANCE!!"

Darthburn Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 7:57pm
post #15 of 30

Right on kakeladi ! I was going to say the exact same thing..

There was a thread the other day about a lady wanting someone to bake the cakes and her to decorate them and everyone said HECK NO. icon_smile.gif Why the change of heart now? haha!

It doesn't look as if the same people are replying to thread as did the other thread though.

http://www.cakecentral.com/cake-decorating-ftopict-661428.html

ziggytarheel Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 8:18pm
post #16 of 30

Isn't this a different situation though? I see this as a collaborative effort to make the birthday child/mom/grandmom happy. No business issues involved. Kind of like working on a meal together? That's just the way this struck me.

cownsj Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 8:27pm
post #17 of 30

I think there was a difference from that thread compared to this one. That was a sale situation and a liability issue. It was also a case of putting your name on a customers cake and having strangers judging your performance and quality based in part on something they never had a part in.

In this case, it's all family and friends. The person asking for the cake is a friend and since it's her own mom who wants to doing the baking part, there is not going to be an issue of liability and should credit or not be directed at the person decorating the cake.

I really don't see a reason to feel offended. I'm with everyone else. It could be that her mom wants to have a part in this, but knows her own limitations. It could be that your friend doesn't want to over impose on you and your good nature by asking you to do too much work. It sounds to me like she is a genuine, good natured friend. I think this way ESPECIALLY after you say that you have the same recipe as her mom. Clearly it is not a case of her not liking your cake recipe. You do know that it's your talent for decorating that she values and is impressed with..... Enjoy sharing the project, but yes, do let her know when you need the cake by, and the amount and size you need so you can get it done properly and without stress. Just have fun.

icingimages Posted 5 Dec 2009 , 11:31pm
post #18 of 30

I agree, do not be offended, her mom probably wanted to do it after she had asked you. My guess is her mom cant decorate and this was the best way to keep her mom happy and still get what she originally wanted and that was for you to decorate it. Lifes to short and its too hard to find good friends. If she wanted to offend you, I am sure she could find away to make it so you knew you were being offended!

Brandy982006 Posted 6 Dec 2009 , 12:32am
post #19 of 30

I wouldn't be offended...It could be that she doesn't want to put you out more than you are. You told her that you are not charging her so she probably feels that having her mom bake the cake is one less step you have to worry about. I would LOVE it if the people who ask me to do a cake would just show up with a baked cake and say "here, decorate it". I LOVE decorating, I HATE baking. icon_lol.gif

dailey Posted 6 Dec 2009 , 12:44am
post #20 of 30

i don't see the problem since you are not charging and its for a friend. one more thing you won't have to do, right? : )

LaBellaFlor Posted 6 Dec 2009 , 1:07am
post #21 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by ziggytarheel

Isn't this a different situation though? I see this as a collaborative effort to make the birthday child/mom/grandmom happy. No business issues involved. Kind of like working on a meal together? That's just the way this struck me.




That's how I took it too. I don't think ANYONE would decorate a prebaked cake in a business transaction.

stampinron Posted 6 Dec 2009 , 1:10am
post #22 of 30

As nice as this gesture might be, it may not make life easier for you....

I once had a friend ask me to decorate a cake for her daughters birthday. She baked the cake and I only had a couple hours available to decorate, so thought this would really work out. The mom, my friend, was definitely a cake "native" as some of you say. The day came to decorate. I go to her house and there is the cake.....still in the pyrex pan and cold. I spent alot of time trying to get the cake out of the pan and trimming the edges, etc etc....it fell apart and I had to piece it together, bla, bla....you probably get the point.

So if this friend's mom is cake savvy, then this would be nice.....but most are cake natives....

-K8memphis Posted 6 Dec 2009 , 1:15am
post #23 of 30

I think it's a hot potato.

Jazp Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 8:08pm
post #24 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by K8memphis-


Then, no I would not be offended--there's much better opportunities for that.

However I would be weirded out by this. I'd politely back gently away from the complicated birthday cake dealio. I'm gonna guess that if you proceed this will increase in complexity--I'd cut my cake losses now and preserve the invaluable friendship.

I don't know--I'd get booked up or something. Christmas party you must attend --something. Tv show you can't miss--I don't know. But heads up it's getting tricky--fasten your seatbelts turbulence ahead.




Thank you ladies for the help..
So I decided to do what K8 mentioned and politely back out . NO feelings hurt and everything was great. BUT THEN as I was at the b-day party another lady that I know approaches me in regards to doing her wedding cake. As we get to talking she tells me that she had seen and tasted some of my work at another B-day party and they were discussing my cake when "The mother" of my good friend (the mother I was going to split the 'cake duties" with) says "oh if you like this you guys should try my cake" the lady also tells me that "the mother" then offers herself to doing her wedding cake intially but as they start talking specifics realizes she doesn't do Fondant And says to give me a call, she's sure we could all 3 work something out.
THEN... later on "the mother" pulls me to the side and says to please get her out of this cake ...she doesn't have the time at all to complete this .
Why not pass the buck from the beginning...you know!! And why does it KEEP feeling like "the mother" is stepping on my toes . And what happen to, if you dont have anything nice to say don't say anything at all? ARRRHHHH??!!!! icon_cry.gificon_confused.gif

LaBellaFlor Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 8:22pm
post #25 of 30

That is a really strange of the mom. And the reason why it feels like she is stepping on your toes is cause she IS! I know that's your friend's mom, BUT, this is business. Maybe you need to be firm and tell her that you do not work togther and to not do that again. I think that is just really crazy of the mom!!! Good luck!

cownsj Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 8:32pm
post #26 of 30

The mom was definitely out of line with that. The conversation was with you, NOT with her as part of it. Definitely keep her at arms length and never allow anyone to think that you are associated with her in anyway with your cakes. That was so rude on her part and clearly her ego, or something, now thinks she can just push her way into your business.

Let us know if you get the wedding job; I hope you do.

dreamcakesmom Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 8:45pm
post #27 of 30

Wow- what a crazy development. Sounds like the mom thinks her baking skills are superior but knows your decorating is better. I would run as far and fast away from ever doing any joint ventures with this lady as possible. Ughhh

alvarezmom Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 8:47pm
post #28 of 30

I wouldn't be offended if my good friend asked if her mother could bake the cake I could decorate it. Only if she was a GOOD friend. It does seem a little much to me..two diffrent ppl making 1 cake. It does sound like a hot potato.

Now if the mother is trying to "get in" to your cake business then I'd have a problem. Sounds like the mother wants to have every one talking about her cakes and so she is butting in when no one is even asking her. She's biting off more than she can chew.

I wouldnt worry about it I'd let the mother sink her self with this one. Or you could just cut all this back and forth and tell the lady who wants you to do her wedding cake that you prefer to bake and decorate yourself so you know what all is going into the cake.

WykdGud Posted 8 Dec 2009 , 1:49am
post #29 of 30

Before I started my business, I used to decorate pre-baked cakes for friends. They loved their mom's marble cake, but couldn't decorate for beans - and I was happy to get the practice and even more happy that I didn't have to actually BAKE the cakes or spend the money on ingredients or mess up my kitchen that much more.

If you were operating as a business, i would advise against this - but as it's just a favor for a friend, I wouldn't be offended. Besides, grandma probably just really wants to contribute. As my only grandchild's 1st birthday was last month, I totally understand.

Jazp Posted 8 Dec 2009 , 2:09am
post #30 of 30

Thats exactly how I feel right now, ...telling the mother I'm sorry but I can't help her.. just to see what the heck she would do after she TRIED making herself look good and then volunteering me on HALF of the wedding cake and THEN tries to get me to bond her out of the entire cake ....LOL.... I can't help but laugh as i'm typing this on how ridiculos this is and sounds. I don't know what I'm gonna do!

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