Can I Decline After Already Agreeing To Make A Wedding Cake?

Decorating By cakeflake80 Updated 23 Nov 2009 , 8:36pm by alvarezmom

cakeflake80 Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 3:27am
post #1 of 18

So, my brother in law is getting married next August. A few months ago, they asked me if I would make their wedding cake. After further discussion, they decided on a cupcake tower for about 150 guests (so I am thinking 300 cupcakes).

At that time, the wedding venue was not picked yet and my MIL said they were looking at a few places within about 20 minutes from me. I agreed to do it because I knew I could just get everything set up before the reception without any disruptions.....and traveling a max of 20 minutes with 300 cupcakes in August would be doable.

Well, about two months later they decided on the venue, and it turns out it's 2 1/2 hours away from us!!! Now I am not so sure I can do these cupcakes for them. First of all, it's hot and humid here in August. I once traveled to a party in July with a cake on my lap in the passenger seat (about an hour away) and the icing started to melt down the sides of the cake!!! I can't imagine what would happen in 2 1/2 hours.

Second, my plan was to drive to the venue and set everything up (so that I would have an empty car to transport the cupcakes) and then either come back home and go back with the husband and kids in one car or have them meet me there in the other car since it's not that far away. Well, that wouldn't be possible now because there is no way we are taking two cars for a 2 1/2 hour drive, and there is no way 300 cupcakes would fit in the car with the kids and husband!

My question is, would it be completely rude to decline even though I already said I would make it? They still have 9 months to find someone else, and I want to suggest looking a little bit closer to their venue. I just can't imagine a local bakery around here delivering 2 1/2 hours away (without a HUGE delivery cost).......and if they did I am sure they have a refrigerated truck).

Am I being irrational in thinking it's just too much to take on since the venue is so far away??

17 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 3:37am
post #2 of 18

Do you have a relative with a SUV who you could press into cupcake transport duty? Someone with a good air conditioner? Cupcakes aren't as tricky to transport as cake so they could probably do fine.

If I were doing that for a relative and it was someone I liked and wanted to make a cake for, I would probably rent a van to get us and the cupcakes there...but if it was someone I didn't care much about I would tell them it was too far.

erin12345 Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 3:38am
post #3 of 18

No, I think you have valid reasons for re-thinking your offer. Explain that you are very sorry for the reasons you mentioned and let them know that you really want everything to be perfect for them and you just can't handle the logistics of it. 9 months is plenty of time for them to find a baker closer to their venue. Don't cave in to any pleading or guilt trips they may throw at you. YOU KNOW how hard it will be to get all of those cupcakes to the reception and you'll be the one sweating it out all by yourself. Good luck!

3GCakes Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 4:11am
post #4 of 18

[quote="naultlover"]So, my brother in law is getting married next August. A few months ago, they asked me if I would make their wedding cake. After further discussion, they decided on a cupcake tower for about 150 guests (so I am thinking 300 cupcakes).

How do you go from 150 guests to 300 cupcakes?

-K8memphis Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 4:29am
post #5 of 18

3G--I love your quote on your signature.

To the op--sure you can change your mind--you don't need that stress.

indydebi Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 4:55am
post #6 of 18

2.5. hours ..... that would be like me driving a cake from Indianapolis to 20 minutes south of Louisville KY. icon_eek.gif (I checked it on Mapquest).

Circumstances have changed ...... I don't see a problem with telling your brother in law, "Since the reception no longer just 20 minutes away, I can't make your cake and transport it that far. You should find someone in that area to make your cake."

Any idea why they decided to move the reception so far away? Is the bride from the venue-town or something?

mommyle Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 5:20am
post #7 of 18

I would say no. 2.5 hours is a LONG way. I transported a wedding cake on a plane, and one 6 hours away, but the weather up here is WAY cooler, the SUV has great air conditioning, and my parents took our luggage so that we ONLY had the cake and two kids. But it's what you feel comfortable with. maybe not all the cupcakes, but what about a little 6" topper/cutting cake for the top of the tower? That would sit nicely in a small cooler...

all4cake Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 5:39am
post #8 of 18

Or, if you wanted to do it but couldn't travel with them...

"When we first discussed your wedding, and I agreed to do the cupcakes, I was under the impression the venue was going to be in this area. It's 2 1/2 hours away and after careful consideration, I've come to the conclusion that I wouldn't be able to transport the cupcakes safely to the venue. If you can find someone reliable to transport them that wouldn't mind keeping the a/c running the entire time, I'd be more than happy to make them. Otherwise, you may want to consider getting a bakery in that area to produce them for you. Think about it and let me know what you decide."

cathyscakes Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 5:44am
post #9 of 18

It is up to you, if you really want to do it, you could manage 150 cupcakes. Just use a good buttercream that is all shortening, since it doesn't melt as easily. Cupcakes wouldn't really worry me. I would definitely have a car that has air conditioning.

catlharper Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 6:03am
post #10 of 18

I, too, would explain the problems with heat in August and the good chance their cupcakes would melt. Let them know that you are just not comfortable taking such a huge chance with their special day. Suggest that they find a bakery closer to the venue to ensure they don't end up with a puddle of icing.

I have transported a cake that far before but it was single tier (a purse cake) and was fondant covered. Even so, after getting it to the venue, where the AC wasn't working well, it did start to melt and was fairly soft when it came time to cut it...and fondant holds up SO much better in the heat than buttercream.

I do hope they understand and you can go and enjoy the wedding!

Cat

cakesbycathy Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 12:23pm
post #11 of 18

[quote="3GCakes"]

Quote:
Originally Posted by naultlover

So, my brother in law is getting married next August. A few months ago, they asked me if I would make their wedding cake. After further discussion, they decided on a cupcake tower for about 150 guests (so I am thinking 300 cupcakes).

How do you go from 150 guests to 300 cupcakes?




I recommend to any of my brides that want to do cupcakes to always order 1.5 - 2 cupcakes per guest. There's something about cupcakes that makes people feel like they can have more than one. thumbs_up.gif

minicuppie Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 3:43pm
post #12 of 18

1. remember the 2/3 rule...just because they are invited they don't always come. 2. Make One cupcake per guest and maybe an 8 inch "cutter" for pictures and if you must....a sheet cake for the kitchen....but IMHO 300 cupcakes will leave them with the problem of finding a charity to donate the leftovers to.

indydebi Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 3:57pm
post #13 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by minicuppie

1. remember the 2/3 rule...just because they are invited they don't always come. 2. Make One cupcake per guest and maybe an 8 inch "cutter" for pictures and if you must....a sheet cake for the kitchen....but IMHO 300 cupcakes will leave them with the problem of finding a charity to donate the leftovers to.


Which is why you always ask "Is the 150 the number INVITED or the number EXPECTED?"

Two different numbers that need to be treated two different ways.

MalibuBakinBarbie Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 6:32pm
post #14 of 18

I think it this can be done if you can secure a vehicle with good AC. I did my sister's baby shower cupcakes (not 150-300, mind you!) and drove them 2+ hours away in mid-August. However, if you are really stressing about it now, it may ease the burden to graciously back out as soon as possible and allow someone else to do it. That way, all you have to do is worry about getting you, DH and kids to the event. Think your options through first, though, because you don't want to have regrets if you DON'T do it. (Ya know?) If you DO decide to back out, before you tell them, see if you can find a bakery or two who may be able to do what they want. This way the bride and groom won't have that potential dreaded moment of "Okay. NOW what do we do?" icon_surprised.gif

Good luck with your decision! icon_smile.gif

cylstrial Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 6:52pm
post #15 of 18

They have plenty of time to find someone else to do the cakes - and you didn't agree to make 300 cupcakes and transport them 2.5 hours away. You agreed to transport 300 cupcakes, 20 minutes away. I would definitely tell them they need to figure something else out if it's not doable for you.

indydebi Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 6:54pm
post #16 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by cylstrial

They have plenty of time to find someone else to do the cakes - and you didn't agree to make 300 cupcakes and transport them 2.5 hours away. You agreed to transport 300 cupcakes, 20 minutes away. I would definitely tell them they need to figure something else out if it's not doable for you.


agree.

__Jamie__ Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 8:18pm
post #17 of 18

Whew! I wouldn't make 300 cupcakes for a paying client whose reception was 2.3 minutes from my shop! icon_biggrin.gif

alvarezmom Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 8:36pm
post #18 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by MalibuBakinBarbie

If you DO decide to back out, before you tell them, see if you can find a bakery or two who may be able to do what they want. This way the bride and groom won't have that potential dreaded moment of "Okay. NOW what do we do?" icon_surprised.gif

Good luck with your decision! icon_smile.gif




I totally agree.

You still have time to back out and you are certainly well within your right to back out. When first asked and agreed to the venue was only going to be 20 minutes from your house not 2 1/2hrs away.

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