Almost Everytime I Do A Cake For Free, I End Up Resenting It

Business By springlakecake Updated 22 Nov 2009 , 3:16pm by janebrophy

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-K8memphis Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 7:04pm
post #31 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by costumeczar

Quote:
Originally Posted by K8memphis-


Unfortunately pour vous you can't control me.




K8, I'm laughing so hard right now you don't even know the half of it! icon_lol.gif




icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

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Mike1394 Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 7:37pm
post #32 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cakepro

Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

I know she was just venting .... we're just venting back with her. thumbs_up.gif



No, several people were doing what men typically do when a woman expresses frustration about a situation - instead of just commiserating with her and acknowledging her feelings, men usually try to provide instructions or advice on how to fix the problem. It does not appear that she was asking for help on how to charge people...she was just venting.

I didn't call you out, therefore no response was needed.




Back the bus up. No reason to play the man card.

Mike

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indydebi Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 8:02pm
post #33 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

Back the bus up. No reason to play the man card.

Mike



icon_lol.gif Sorry mike but it's a true thing. Ever read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? It really explains this very well. women talk to talk. It's how we sort our thought processes. Men believe that every conversation is a purpose .... every conversation needs a conclusion. "There! Done! Fixed!"

Woman: I just don't feel like cooking chicken tonight.
Man: Then cook hamburger.
And the fight is on! icon_lol.gif

She wasn't presenting a problem. But the Mars brain thought she was asking for an alternative. So in his way of "taking care of his woman", he "fixed it for her". icon_biggrin.gif

It took my husband a few years to learn it, but he's stopped telling me what to do when I mention anything. We have a nice deal where if I WANT his help with a solution, I'll tell him it's ok to go into man-mode! He's had to tell co-workers, "Look, my wife has taught me that when a woman is telling me a problem, she's not always looking for an answer. So if you want me to help you with this, you have to flat out tell me, "phil I need your help with this." icon_biggrin.gif

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KHalstead Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 8:27pm
post #34 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

"I will do your cake for free but only if you spend the day with me and help me do it."

If they are not willing to give up THEIR day for THEIR kid's cake, why should you? If they are not willing to invest their time for their kid's cake, why should you? And make them go shopping (or better yet, give them a list and send them to buy the stuff!) Make them crack the eggs and mix the batter and color the fondant. You know the drill!

At least you'll get the pleasure of watching them learn their lesson! heh heh heh heh!!! icon_twisted.gif




So funny!!! I actually had this happen.........well kinda. I have a friend a REALLY good friend who I often give her cakes (I offer to make them, she offers to pay, I decline)...well one of these occasions I offered to make a cake and declined payment she said" well if you won't take any money why don't I help you?" I said....ok, sounds like fun!! We worked on the cake for hours (maybe 3 or 4) and she was like "we'll have to finish this tomorrow.....she came back the next day and I had done all but a couple of details on the cake (I told her I was sorry but couldn't help myself) she was like "oh, believe me I'm glad YOU felt like it because I was soooo tired.....I had NO IDEA all the time and work you put into these cakes" needless to say she had stuffed the exact amount that I told her the cake would have cost if she was a stranger (she asked) in my silverware drawer with a note saying there was no way she was walking off not paying for a cake that cost me that many hours away from my family!

Sometimes this is the BEST way to get them to WANT to pay (although this particular friend NEVER tried to get a free cake)
Funniest part is that had I just made the cake all by myself it probably would have only taken an hr. or so but because she was "helping" everything took longer.

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janebrophy Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 8:36pm
post #35 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by merissa

Just saying.

Reading a lot of posts today about people wanting cakes for free. I, on the other hand often have a hard time charging friends and family for cakes. It just feels WEIRD. Anyway, when my 4 year old is upstairs by himself all day playing on the computer or watching movies while I am in my kitchen slaving away for someone else's kid I start resenting. When I miss out of stuff because I am baking a free cake or shopping for ingredients...I start resenting it. When I have to stay up late or get up early for a free cake...I start resenting it. People just don't know how much work it is.

Just saying.




Merissa, I feel the EXACT same way! I have given out a lot of free/discounted cakes, and I am just sick to death of it! I have finally come to the point that I've heard so much about! If you want to pay me what it's worth, than ok, I'll do it, but if not, then find some other chump! LOL!

I find it so liberating to finally be able to say that out loud!! LOL!

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springlakecake Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 8:38pm
post #36 of 51

I think sometimes I am from mars actually. My husband years ago was venting to me about some work problem...I tried giving advice and he wasnt happy. (My husband and I really don't fight. Occasionally he gets the silent treatment from me, LOL. I don't think weve ever yelled at eachother in 13 years together.) Anyway so he "raised his voice" a tad when I tried to give him advice. Of course after that he got the silent treatment from me icon_biggrin.gif I have learned better now. Just keep my mouth shut.

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-K8memphis Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 8:41pm
post #37 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by merissa

I think sometimes I am from mars actually. My husband years ago was venting to me about some work problem...I tried giving advice and he wasnt happy. (My husband and I really don't fight. Occasionally he gets the silent treatment from me, LOL. I don't think weve ever yelled at eachother in 13 years together.) Anyway so he "raised his voice" a tad when I tried to give him advice. Of course after that he got the silent treatment from me icon_biggrin.gif I have learned better now. Just keep my mouth shut.




Wait wait wait--that makes you reasonable/helpful.
It makes men irritating.

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Sorry, Mike, save your post. icon_biggrin.gif

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janebrophy Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 8:41pm
post #38 of 51

[quote="Mike1394
Back the bus up. No reason to play the man card.

Mike[/quote]


LMAO Mike!! I love your humour!! LOL!

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springlakecake Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 8:47pm
post #39 of 51

I definitely don't resent ALL the "free" cakes. Usually if I offer, I genuinly want to give them this as a gift. I think it is when people ask me to make the cake, I feel weird about charging them, and decline payment, I resent those. I am just mad at myself for not accepting payment. Its like I WANT the money...I NEED the money...but need to feel comfortable expressing that. It's like I want to say "okay, your free cake is going to cost me $25 to make and oh...8 hours to make" because I KNOW they don't realize that. Then I just would hope they "insist" on paying me. Doesnt really happen like that! LOL I don't have a problem asking for money with customers I don't know, BTW. I really could care less if they order from me or not!

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LaBellaFlor Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 11:24pm
post #40 of 51

Sadsmile icon_lol.gif

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Mike1394 Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 11:32pm
post #41 of 51

Yeah Debi, I think that book created more issues than need be. People are people. Heck, I have enough issues of my own why do I need to solve someone elses too. LOLOL.

Mike

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sadsmile Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 11:56pm
post #42 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

Sadsmile icon_lol.gif




Here I sat thinking you took that wrong... I was getting ready to PM you icon_lol.gif

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LaBellaFlor Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 11:58pm
post #43 of 51

Oh heck no! I have a very broad sense of humor. I just hadn't gotten any notices about the thread. Heck, I used to work corrections...with men. Very little offends me. icon_twisted.gif

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summernoelle Posted 21 Nov 2009 , 5:45am
post #44 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by merissa

when my 4 year old is upstairs by himself all day playing on the computer or watching movies while I am in my kitchen slaving away for someone else's kid I start resenting.




This is EXACTLY why I am not making cakes right now. The thought of making cakes makes me sick to my stomach! I don't have many regrets in life, but right now I seriously regret the months and months that I put my kids aside and shoved them in front of Spongebob while I baked someone else's kid's birthday cake, and I got paid for it!

Maybe I am burnt out or whatever, but for now, I can't even think about cakes. Ugh. I think once my kids are in school and I don't feel like they are being pushed aside I will be interested again. But until then, nope. No way.

Hopefully that will get better. icon_sad.gificon_cry.gif

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CutiePieCakes-Ontario Posted 21 Nov 2009 , 6:23am
post #45 of 51

My rule:

If I offer to bring the cake (to a shower, for example), then it's free.
If you ask me to make you one, you pay.

Most of my cakes have been paid for. Any cakes I 'give' away have been my class cakes - these often went to the teachers at my kids' school. They never get enough kudos, and appreciate the little extra surprise of a cake at lunch.

I'm also lucky that my kids are a bit older than the OP's little one - 9 and 8. Either they're in school, or they entertainment themselves. But I always make sure that I have some time with them, because I also have a full time job that keeps me away all weekend (so I only do cakes during the week). Trying to make this 'caking thing' more of a full time job, but that's in the far off distance still.

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janebrophy Posted 21 Nov 2009 , 1:06pm
post #46 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by summernoelle

Quote:
Originally Posted by merissa

when my 4 year old is upstairs by himself all day playing on the computer or watching movies while I am in my kitchen slaving away for someone else's kid I start resenting.



This is EXACTLY why I am not making cakes right now. The thought of making cakes makes me sick to my stomach! I don't have many regrets in life, but right now I seriously regret the months and months that I put my kids aside and shoved them in front of Spongebob while I baked someone else's kid's birthday cake, and I got paid for it!

Maybe I am burnt out or whatever, but for now, I can't even think about cakes. Ugh. I think once my kids are in school and I don't feel like they are being pushed aside I will be interested again. But until then, nope. No way.

Hopefully that will get better. icon_sad.gificon_cry.gif





That is exactly how I feel too! Just last night I was baking for my MIL's birthday...kids were going crazy, I was screaming..I mean, this time it's for a family birthday, so I could explain that to them...but it is getting harder to justify...before I know it, they'll be gone, and I'll be able to make all the cakes I want! icon_smile.gif

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FullHouse Posted 21 Nov 2009 , 3:07pm
post #47 of 51

Merissa, your op sounds like I could have written it. I find it impossible to accept $ from family and friends. Some offer, but even then I wind up resenting the fact that I turned them down. Then the ones that just ask for a cake, assuming it's free, esp. the ones who KNOW the time involved, ARRRGGH!!! I've even tried agreeing to do a cake on the condition that they come help, then they back out at the last minute and I'm stuck with the supplies and prep work already done so I just do the cake anyway. Now that I have 4 kids, 2 of whom are a toddler and newborn I have sworn I will put my foot down. I think I'll just have my husband talk to anyone who asks for a cake and let him work it out - he has a backbone and he doesn't want me donating 12 hours of time to anyone but our kids.

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springlakecake Posted 21 Nov 2009 , 3:14pm
post #48 of 51

it's nice to know I am not alone!

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jadak Posted 21 Nov 2009 , 3:45pm
post #49 of 51

I'm with you too, Merissa. I spent lots of time and money on free cakes. I had the mentality that it was allowing me to practice so, if I could do what I wanted, I'd donate it. I've realized now that whether I'm repeating a design or doing something new, I am spending TIME and that is time away from my family. I deserve compensation for that.

I realized also that most of the people I was making the cakes for worked and were therefore compensated for their time when they worked. Making their cake was work for me. They wouldn't work for free, so I shouldn't be expected to either.

I learned this the hard way. I had a "friend" who I'd made 3 or 4 free cakes for. She began making some crafts for craft fairs. I loved one of the things she made and asked her about it. She quoted me $50, which is what she sold them for at craft fairs. She offered no freebie or even discount and I had given her much more than $50 worth of cake. She couldn't have even bought the amount of cake I gave her from a grocery store for $50.


I am not saying I never do fee cakes. I do. But, they are the ones I'm really excited about....like for my kids or my nieces or nephews and they are fun to do and I get paid in smiles and hugs. That's all the compensation I need for those cakes.

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springlakecake Posted 22 Nov 2009 , 1:40pm
post #50 of 51

So one of the people I recently did a free cake for (her husband ordered it for her birthday..he did try and pay me and I refused. I actually didn't resent this one because she is a good friend) bought me dinner last night icon_smile.gif It was nice to feel appreciated. These are the people you do free cakes for.

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janebrophy Posted 22 Nov 2009 , 3:16pm
post #51 of 51

That is such a nice gesture!
There is a definite distinction between free cakes that I love to do, and the free cakes I do because I don't have enough backbone to say you owe me xx$....
My Grandmother keeps telling me that until a person is ready to charge what they are worth, they have no business being in business....that is now my mantra! LOL!

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