Thanksgiving Etiquette Question

Lounge By Texas_Rose Updated 24 Nov 2009 , 8:24pm by Pookie59

Texas_Rose Posted 19 Nov 2009 , 10:23pm
post #1 of 28

Is it weird to go to Thanksgiving dinner at someone's house and have them tell you not to bring anything? I keep trying to get my sister to tell me what to bring for Thanksgiving and she keeps changing the subject. She's been doing it for weeks now. My mom called me last night and said that my sister doesn't want me to bring anything, just show up with my family.

I would feel really strange showing up empty-handed. Also, I am the cook in the family and if I don't bring stuff, I don't know what we're going to eat. It almost feels like my sister is treating me like a charity case, figuring I can't afford to bring anything.

27 replies
ShelleyMJ Posted 19 Nov 2009 , 10:29pm
post #2 of 28

I would bring flowers. Maybe she wants to make you feel special and give you the day off. Maybe she realizes you usually do the cooking and wants to repay that in some way.

Maybe it's your sisters way of saying Thank you.

Enjoy the day with your family.

Callyssa Posted 19 Nov 2009 , 10:59pm
post #3 of 28

Or, maybe she doesn't want you to get credit for bringing delicious food and getting complimented? A lot of women are like that; we're shallow creatures, we are! LOL But I'll bet you on Thanksgiving day as she's trying to slice the turkey, make the gravy, mash the potatoes, bake the bread, and set the table all at the same time she'll be secretly cursing herself!

I think the flowers are a great idea, or a nice bottle of wine. I hate going anywhere empty handed too.

It could be worse; she could tell you WHAT to bring; that really irritates me! My MIL has family recipe for pumkpin pie that's she's always made, but nobody eats it. It's turns a funny color, tastes bland, and these days she uses store bought crust. I make the Libby's recipe on the back of the can LOL and go home with at least six empty pie plates. She won't ever ask me to make the pie though, my SIL's call me secretly and ask if I'm bringing my pies again! Instead, she'll tell me to bring corn, or cranberry jelly, etc. something that I don't have to cook and people don't rave about. With four sons of my own I also get to look forward to this one soon day where my DIL's show ME up in their cooking abilities! LOLOLOL

indydebi Posted 19 Nov 2009 , 11:34pm
post #4 of 28

Is this her first time hosting the dinner for the family? If so, she could be just excited about doing her first Thanksgiving (don't we all remember that feeling?) and wants to be the hostess in the fullest sense of the word.

Taking a hostess gift is a great idea ... and an idea that for some reason has fallen out of vogue and I'd love to see this symbol of proper etiquette brought back as an everyday occurrance! thumbs_up.gif

As mentioned above, she's going to be really buried with the last minute details and a good way to contribute to the meal could be just by lending her a helping hand!

Texas_Rose Posted 19 Nov 2009 , 11:41pm
post #5 of 28

This isn't her first Thanksgiving...it's her 3rd. Last time she had her inlaws there and her turkey didn't cook...the oven thermostat was broken. All we had to eat were the pies, potatoes and rolls that I brought. So maybe she's trying to prove she can do it all. She did tell me that she's growing the potatoes for the meal in her backyard.

I'm just used to driving up to Austin with the trunk stuffed with food.

Callyssa Posted 19 Nov 2009 , 11:43pm
post #6 of 28

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a turkey and dressing casserole stuck in the trunk, just in case?! And if you don't end up needing it you can always stick in the freezer for a night when you don't have time to cook. Just a thought!

indydebi Posted 19 Nov 2009 , 11:50pm
post #7 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

This isn't her first Thanksgiving...it's her 3rd. Last time she had her inlaws there and her turkey didn't cook...the oven thermostat was broken. All we had to eat were the pies, potatoes and rolls that I brought. So maybe she's trying to prove she can do it all.



Oh bless her heart! You could be right.

But I understand your anguish. As a caterer, you can imagine how I "critique" all the foods at our family get togethers! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif And of course, nobody does any of it my way, uh, right, uh, the way I'd do it! icon_rolleyes.gif (Is it really so hard to cut celery into nice pretty little uniform strips? Yes, it DOES make them taste better! icon_lol.gif And for heaven's sake, stop putting like colored foods next to each other ... no celery, green peppers or cucumbers should be side by side on the veggie tray! Geesh, these people drive me nuts! dunce.gif ) icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

idgalpal Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 12:04am
post #8 of 28

LOL- Oh my goodness! I host Thanksgiving every year, this year there are 12 of us. It's hard for me to tell people what to bring. It's just as easy for me to get all the stuff and make it and then just have help with all the last minute stuff; mashing the potatoes, watching the rolls so they don't burn, getting the other stuff on the table. I work part time for two caters, so I'm like Indydebi when it comes to color and wanting things just so.
If someone insists on bringing something I have them bring soda, or wine or something easy.
I wan invited to Easter brunch last year by someone and they told me to bring ambrosia salad AND they gave me the recipe to use to make it!! I was really ticked off! I've been cooking for over 40 years, I know how to make ambrosia salad, and did I mention I work for two caterers and at an upscale deli one night a week! I'm not totally without food pre skills-geez!

Deb_ Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 12:17am
post #9 of 28

I'm one of those hostesses that makes the entire meal too. I tell my guests to "just bring themselves", but if they insist I tell them a bottle of wine will never go to waste.


It does sound like your sister is trying to make up for past problems.....if I were you I'd still roast a small turkey for "at home" leftovers.

There's nothing worse then getting home and wanting a hot turkey sandwich and not having any. icon_cry.gif

Enjoy your day of leisure!

Texas_Rose Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 12:33am
post #10 of 28

icon_biggrin.gif There's a 12 lb turkey in my freezer because DH complained so much the year there was no turkey icon_biggrin.gif

indydebi Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 12:38am
post #11 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

icon_biggrin.gif There's a 12 lb turkey in my freezer because DH complained so much the year there was no turkey icon_biggrin.gif




Oh we always bought a 30 lb .. just for 6 people! And our leftovers never lasted past Saturday! We LUV turkey!

Texas_Rose Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 12:42am
post #12 of 28

I usually buy a bigger one but I don't like leftover turkey after the second day, so we end up feeding everyone we can think of. It's just me and DH, plus a 7 year old and a tiny 4 year old. Also I'm still having a little trouble lifting things and I was afraid I'd have trouble getting a big bird in and out of the oven. So this is just supposed to be the leftovers icon_biggrin.gif

cabecakes Posted 20 Nov 2009 , 6:17am
post #13 of 28

I am one of those people who says "just bring yourself", usually, and it's just because I don't want to tell someone else what to cook. And, I don't really want everyone showing up with the same things. It's just easier to do it myself and know what's what. This year, however, I took the year off. I told everyone in early October I was not cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year. You should have seen the jaws drop (including DH). We have a very large family (18 people with only children, spouses, and grandchildren) this isn't including other guests. I have been trying to get my children interested in cooking, and their response is why should we when we got you to make it. This year, guess who is making it. I haven't recieved one phone call or anything on how to make any of it. I'm loving it. I can't wait to see how it all turns out. Oh, did I mention that we always have our Thanksgiving together the Saturday before Thanksgiving, so we don't have to share the day with anyone else. So, ours is this Saturday. Hee. Can't wait.

sherrycanary62 Posted 22 Nov 2009 , 7:18pm
post #14 of 28

I would be like hip hip hooray!!!!!

My hubbie cooks so we don't starve....but I can bake!!!!! icon_biggrin.gif

Mike1394 Posted 22 Nov 2009 , 10:19pm
post #15 of 28

Sorry Ladies, but this is why all of you have some sort of screw loose. LOLOL.

Take your Sisters generosity, say Thank You, and make sure she gets a big hug.

Mike

Mme_K Posted 22 Nov 2009 , 10:34pm
post #16 of 28

I always tell my guests they are to bring nothing. If they want to help with the last minute prep, I say yes please & thank you. I also expect the same courtesy when I'm invited out. You invite, you cook. I'll gladly help with the last minute stuff, but it's a real treat not to have to worry about doing any of the cooking itself.

costumeczar Posted 22 Nov 2009 , 10:40pm
post #17 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

Sorry Ladies, but this is why all of you have some sort of screw loose. LOLOL.

Take your Sisters generosity, say Thank You, and make sure she gets a big hug.

Mike




That's just like a man to be rational and take people at their word without trying to analyze their motivations! icon_wink.gif Where's the fun in that!?!?!?

Doug Posted 22 Nov 2009 , 11:21pm
post #18 of 28

How about simply saying:

"How's about I bring two helping hands for all that last minute stuff?"

(oh and a big bottle of ---fav alcohol-- just for US two sisters to kill the pain afterward!)

Texas_Rose Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 1:50am
post #19 of 28

Well, I called my sister today and said, "Mom said you don't want us to bring anything but I want to double check with you before I go to the grocery store."

She got really quiet. For a long time. And then she said, "I didn't want Mom to bring anything. You on the other hand....I was counting on rolls and cake."

So that's solved.

My mom is famous for showing up with a bag of frozen peas...still bagged, still frozen...as her contribution to the meal. So I guess my sister didn't want peas this year icon_biggrin.gif

indydebi Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 2:02am
post #20 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

My mom is famous for showing up with a bag of frozen peas...still bagged, still frozen...as her contribution to the meal. So I guess my sister didn't want peas this year icon_biggrin.gif




icon_lol.gif Hubby is famous for asking, "Do you want me to bring the can of beets?" (no one eats beets in our family.)

I had a cousin who came to thanksgiving and as her contribution to dinner, she brought pumpkin. Not a pumpkin pie, not a can of pumpkin pie filling, but a bowl of the innards of a fresh pumpkin. Um, yeah, we'll dish that RIGHT up! icon_confused.gif

costumeczar Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 2:15am
post #21 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

My mom is famous for showing up with a bag of frozen peas...still bagged, still frozen...as her contribution to the meal. So I guess my sister didn't want peas this year icon_biggrin.gif



icon_lol.gif Hubby is famous for asking, "Do you want me to bring the can of beets?" (no one eats beets in our family.)

I had a cousin who came to thanksgiving and as her contribution to dinner, she brought pumpkin. Not a pumpkin pie, not a can of pumpkin pie filling, but a bowl of the innards of a fresh pumpkin. Um, yeah, we'll dish that RIGHT up! icon_confused.gif





Mmmm...Maybe you could mix the beets and the pumpkin guts with the frozen peas! Yum yum!

indydebi Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 2:27am
post #22 of 28

Costume, it would be colorful, that's for sure! icon_lol.gif

Deb_ Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 3:01am
post #23 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose


My mom is famous for showing up with a bag of frozen peas...still bagged, still frozen...as her contribution to the meal. So I guess my sister didn't want peas this year icon_biggrin.gif




Well that COULD come in handy if somebody falls and bumps their head.... icon_razz.gificon_lol.gif

indydebi Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 3:05am
post #24 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose


My mom is famous for showing up with a bag of frozen peas...still bagged, still frozen...as her contribution to the meal. So I guess my sister didn't want peas this year icon_biggrin.gif



Well that COULD come in handy if somebody falls and bumps their head.... icon_razz.gificon_lol.gif




heck yeah! Save the ice for important stuff ... like bourbon! icon_biggrin.gif

FloraFlora Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 8:59pm
post #25 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mme_K

I always tell my guests they are to bring nothing. If they want to help with the last minute prep, I say yes please & thank you. I also expect the same courtesy when I'm invited out. You invite, you cook. I'll gladly help with the last minute stuff, but it's a real treat not to have to worry about doing any of the cooking itself.




Are you my long lost sister?
That's exactly how I am, too icon_smile.gif

wow! you are in Ontario, too.
hmmmm

Mme_K Posted 23 Nov 2009 , 10:50pm
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by FloraFlora



Are you my long lost sister?
That's exactly how I am, too icon_smile.gif

wow! you are in Ontario, too.
hmmmm



lol..... icon_rolleyes.gif it's the only way to go....

multicrafty Posted 24 Nov 2009 , 3:45pm
post #27 of 28

I'm another one that would prefer guest didn't bring anything. If they insist then Alcohol, soda or an appitizer to snack on while I finish cooking is fine.. I also have a pretty small kitchen and with more than one person in there your just tripping over each other so STAY out of my kitchen while I'm cooking.. Now after wards if you want to help with clean up, That would be great!!!

Pookie59 Posted 24 Nov 2009 , 8:24pm
post #28 of 28

I would love to be invited to Thanksgiving dinner (by someone who can actually cook) and told not to bring anything. In our family, we usually each take on part of the meal. Otherwise the hostess is freaking exhausted by the time the meal goes on the table.

I do hate attending a "don't bring anything" dinner that is hosted by someone who should really stay the heck out of the kitchen. One year at my mother-in-law's, Thanksgiving dinner was a turkey roll. Pathetic. Why not just microwave some Swanson dinners?

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