Just Venting!

Lounge By Rachie204 Updated 17 Nov 2009 , 2:26am by Deb_

Rachie204 Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:03am
post #1 of 32

Err...I just spent the past 2 1/2 hours getting my 10 month old daughter to sleep. It is so frustrating. I am very passionate about caking and am researching and trying to work diligently to improve so that I can start a business in the next year or so, but every night we have a bed time struggle.

She goes to sleep fine but refuses to sleep in her bed. She wants to sleep in our bed which just isn't going well. I am so exhausted I almost fell asleep in church today. She doesn't nap more than 30 minutes during the day and I have had absolutely no time to cake.

My husband gets home from work, eats, showers and then has to go to bed, so he isn't very much help.

Does anyone else have this problem?...Any advice.

Caking is my downtime. It is literally the only thing I do for myself and i'm starting to go crazy without it.

Thanks for listening

31 replies
denetteb Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:20am
post #2 of 32

I'm not a mom so no good advice about the bedtime problem. But to save your sanity by caking or to get some sleep, could you call a friend, family or neighbor to babysit for a few hours to give you a break? Then bake a cake, take a nice nap while it cools, frost and give it to them as thanks?

LaBellaFlor Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:24am
post #3 of 32

She is tired! That is why she is so resisting to sleep. I know sounds crazy, but true. I'm a mother of 7 and 3 of those are 3 & under. Okay, so, an average 2 year old requires 15 hrs. a sllep per day, a 10 month old is like 18 hrs. per day. My kids take a 2 hr. nap and then go to bed between 7:30 & 8 and don't wake until 8 the next morning. So, it's all about the routine and tought love. I know, it sucks to hear your baby cry, but it's the only way she is gonna get proper rest and you too. Put her down for a nap at the same time every day, make sure she's not hungry, not wet, everything fine. You can sit with her for a while rock her, help her wind down, she may fall asleep, you may just have to lay her down and let her fall asleep that way. Let her know your there, comfort her, but DO NOT pick her up. Same thing at bedtime. And a 10 month old's bedtime IS NOT 10 PM. Same thing. Consistency is the cake and it's really hard to be consistent in this, cause you have a little baby. But if you don't get her used to a schedule (and that means same breakfast time, snack time, lunch time, nap time, bath time, etc., etc. you get it everything is schedule) you will have this problem for the next few years. Kids & babies thrive off a schedule. Not a 2 month old baby, but a baby that is soon to be a year likes a schedule. It makes them feel secure & helps them to understand their day.

Texas_Rose Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:26am
post #4 of 32

A few things...

About bedtime, lose the battle, but win the war. Let her fall asleep in your bed, then move her to hers.

Remember she's only going to be little once and there will always be occasions to bake but you can't get those baby years back. At the same time, you need a break sometimes. I used to take breaks by putting my daughter in the exersaucer in front of the TV...if you still have a vcr, tapes are really cheap at the thrift store...stock up on elmo's world, sesame street and dora, and give yourself a little break now and then.

I don't think this is all about not having time to do cakes though, or all about your baby wearing you out...I'm guessing that it's partly that your husband works and thinks that because of that, all of his time off is his free time. While you're on duty 24 hours a day, even when you're sleeping, if your daughter wakes up or gets sick in the bed, you're automatically drafted to deal with it. It's most frustrating on your husband's days off probably, because he sits on the couch and watches the ball game while you do everything. And the reason I know is that my husband does that and it is frustrating. My youngest is 4 years old and I've been a full-time mom since she was born. I worked when our older daughter was small, and it was nice to go to work and have a break sometimes. It's really easy to get burned out, especially when your kids are really too young to have fun with. When they get big enough that you're not just dealing with the mouth or the bottom 10 times a day, then they're more fun. When they get old enough to tell you they love you, it's even better...but still easy to get worn out, especially when nobody helps with anything in the house. I broke my leg in Feburary and I was actually glad for the vacation from housework (until I found out I had to have surgery, that is). I'm not sure what to suggest except, if you can afford it, get a babysitter sometimes and have some time to yourself or time to go out with your husband.

And not all kids need the same amount of sleep...my youngest sleeps about 8 hours a day at the very most but my oldest would sleep 15 hours a day if I let her, when she was the same age.

LaBellaFlor Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:28am
post #5 of 32

And another thing, I'm a married SAHM as well & could careless about husband going to work! He needs to help out too. We need that little bit of down time or mentally it's too hard to deal with a baby and a baby feels your mental stress. It's we as women that allow our husbands not to chip in & then in time feel a little resentful. Not saying this is you. Just saying.

jlsheik Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:29am
post #6 of 32

Maybe this is why I didnt start caking until my kids were almost gone! I had 3, all stacked together in age and it seemed like I didnt have time to go to the bathroom!!
Sorry, I'm no help....but alot of us have been there. Someday they will be going off to college....and you will have plenty of time to cake.
Don't give up....I had a 20 year career. Retired. Had a midlife crisis and opened a cake shop! ;o)

jenmat Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:34am
post #7 of 32

Poor things!
I agree with Bella, and wow, she's an expert! You have to let that baby cry. By her bed, do you mean her crib? If she's in her crib and is screaming, she's perfectly safe. If she's in a big girl bed, get her back in that crib!
She's just so tired that she can't get to sleep. Fight that battle now- much harder to do it when she's 3 and has a bed she can climb out of! Just let her cry and after a week or so, she'll get the picture.
You can't be a good mom if you can't sleep either, hun, so no more letting her in bed with you! Mommy needs mommy time!

Enchantedcakes Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:37am
post #8 of 32

I feel your pain, my 2 almost 3 year old has stopped taking naps and is put to bed at 8:00 but will not fall asleep until well after 10 or 11 each night. She gets up and asks for water, she wants new pj's she wants her tv on, you name it. Thankfully I am an insomniac so I make a lot of my gumpaste figures at like 2 in the morning. My son who is 9 has never slept through the night ever, not since he was born. My husband however has no problem falling asleep. All I can say is that have a friend or family member relieve you for a few hours during the day at least once or twice a week and be thankful when your children start school.

Rachie204 Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:39am
post #9 of 32

I'm kinda out of options right now as far as baby sitters go. My parents are out of town. I guess I will just have to be a little more patient and maybe I can have some time around thanksgiving...(hubby will be off work for a few days)

LaBella~ You are sooooo correct! Lol

When my son was a baby I laid him down for his naps and bedtime....he started off crying himself to sleep and then eventually learned to Love bedtime.

I was laying my daughter down to settle herself since she was born but about a month ago she learned to stand up and now fights it so bad. The same night she learned to pull herself up she fell out of the crib and we had to go to the hospital. Even though her mattress is all the way down now I swear she could fall out if she tried hard enough. She is extremely tall (over 100%) and we have hard wood floors. I guess I have just been afraid to put her back in her crib. But I know that it is the only way. Tonight we started back (even before I posted this thread.) She screamed for about 2 hours straight...(needless to say she is sacked out now...lol)

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond....I really needed to hear that I was doing the right thing by letting her settle herself down. It makes you feel awful to hear them so upset like that...wish me luck. Lol

Cakepro Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:47am
post #10 of 32

Routine, routine, routine....

I had my three kids in four years, and never had a problem with bedtime. Once they started sleeping through the night, the bedtime routine was always the same...bottle or breast in the rocking chair in their room, with the lights off and a lullaby cassette playing. When they were off the bottle or breast, we read a book or two, with Goodnight Moon being read 4 - 6 times a week.

Never had a problem.

My sister's kids, on the other hand, have never had a bedtime routine and my sister doesn't have any kind of parenting spine. Her kids fall asleep whenever and wherever they want...99% of the time in front of the TV or in their bed. thumbsdown.gificon_mad.gif

Incidentally, the other day my oldest child, who is now 18, recited Goodnight Moon out of the blue...I was amazed she still knew it after all these years. She told me she looks forward to reading it to her babies one day. icon_smile.gif

JanH Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:49am
post #11 of 32

31 Ways to Get Your Baby to Go to Sleep and Stay Asleep Easier:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp

10 Ways to Calm your Baby:

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/crying-colic-9/slideshow-treating-colic

How Do I Teach Baby to Self Soothe:

http://www.babycenter.com/404_how-do-i-teach-my-baby-to-soothe-himself-to-sleep_1272921.bc

HTH

Edited to add last link. icon_smile.gif

Cakepro Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:51am
post #12 of 32

Oh, I forgot to add....it takes awhile for the routine to take hold. Give it at least a month, and just remember that this time is so fleeting...one moment you are rocking the baby to sleep and then you blink and you are filling out college applications with her. You are going to have time to yourself once again all too soon. icon_smile.gif

Rachie204 Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:52am
post #13 of 32

Wow there were a lot of replies while I was writing that last response. LOL

~ We have tried letting her fall asleep with us and then moving her. Within 30 minutes she wakes up. LOL

~ I might have accidentally made my husband sound like a jerk...lol. Let me explain. My husband is wonderful...while he doesn't do much house work he is very willing to watch the kids for me if I ask when he has a chance. Unfortunately he works about 45minutes away from where we live and he has to be there by 6am....that means he has to get up at 4am. By the time he gets home it's 6pm and we get done with supper around 7...that leaves just enough time for him to shower and shave to be in bed by 8. He has to go to bed by 8 or he won't wake up...he has a wonderful job right now but it is temporary and they are planing on keeping maybe 7 or the 200 temp positions....being late even one day would disqualify him and that is a risk we just cant take. (We actually sleep with a light on to be sure he wakes up...haha)

Deb_ Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 4:56am
post #14 of 32

I agree with all the Moms about routine and letting her cry a little.

My DD did this same thing as yours. We let her fall asleep in our bed until she was about 14 months....she never napped unless we were in the car and then she'd fall asleep in her car seat.

Her Pediatrician at the time told us to put her in her crib and allow her to cry. We were instructed to check in on her every 10 to 15 minutes to be sure she was OK but to NOT bring her into our bed.

It took a good week to get her to fall asleep in her crib and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.....listening to her cry was brutal, but it worked.

Good luck I know it's hard but they're only little for such a short time and then before you know it they're in college icon_cry.gif like mine are.

Deb_ Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 5:01am
post #15 of 32

Rachie....do you think it's possible that she could be teething or have an ear ache? Crying for 2 hrs is a lot, maybe something is bothering her.

Also, I forgot to mention our doctor also told us to cut off all juice after 3 p.m.....just milk and water to drink and nothing sweet to eat.

Rachie204 Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 5:09am
post #16 of 32

dkelly~ Thanks for the tip about juice and sweets...I hadn't even thought about that.

I dont think she is teething or having ear issues. She is fine the rest of the day, my son would cry for a good 2 hours when i was teaching him to settle himself when he was a baby. Honestly I have very strong willed opinionated children. LOL My daughter is very persistent when she wants something or doesn't want something. She has quite the temper as well. icon_mad.gif

Deb_ Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 5:23am
post #17 of 32

lol she's a girl....just wait. kidding!

My DD is 21 yrs old and she still requires very little sleep. I know that's not what you want to hear right now but I'm amazed that she can stay up studying til 3 a.m. and wake up at 7:30 for an 8:00 class and be fresh. icon_confused.gif

Yeah, the juice and sweets thing I believe played a big part in why we couldn't get her to "unwind". She LOVED apple juice, so I started watering it down so it would be less sweet.

Oh, I just remembered something else we did. We put a picture of the 3 of us on her crib so she could "see us" while she was laying down. We told her that we were there with her just like when she was in our bed. That worked too.

SecretAgentCakeBaker Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 5:43am
post #18 of 32

I cannot say enough good things about the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution". http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

My daughter was over a year old when we found this book; I sure do wish we had read it before she was even born. It helped us greatly. My daughter is now 7.5 and still goes to bed very easily. (This was a child who before the age of one only took one 10-minute 'power nap' per day, and then only slept 8 hours at night.)

Good luck to you.

Texas_Rose Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 6:14am
post #19 of 32

Be careful with the crib if she's that tall. I had to move my oldest to a toddler bed at 18 months because she fell out of the crib. We put a doorknob cover on her room and then closed the door when it was time for her to sleep.

One of my friends with a tall baby had a problem with him jumping up and down in the crib. He hit his mouth and broke out his top front teeth.

mcaulir Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 10:46am
post #20 of 32

No tips, but we are going through something similar, so just lots of sympathy.

Mine goes to sleep fine, then wakes at 2am and wants to party for an hour or two. The other night she woke at 1.45am, then wouldn't go back unless I was holding her, then woke at 3.30am and wouldn't sleep again at all. She had her first daytime sleep at 6.30! I had mine then as well.

I understand about husbands being willing, but needing sleep to get to work. Doesn't help you feel any less exhausted and frustrated, though.

Will keep hoping it works out for you.

ziggytarheel Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 12:26pm
post #21 of 32

I can enthusiastically repeat what others said: routine, routine, routine!

If you make up your mind that you know what your child needs and is best for them it makes it much easier to stick to your guns.

From the day we brought ours home from the hospital, we had certain principles that were rock solid when it came to bed time. It made all the difference!

Develop a routine that is calming and will become comforting and add a sense of security for her. We would have bath time and a story even when they were infants (yes, I know). Story time was never with the overhead light on, always a smaller light. For us, this always ended with a Bible story and prayer and then hugs and kisses and a nice tuck in. Even when they were babies.

Bed time was bed time. It was treated as being as non-negotiable as changing when the sun rises and sets. There were no drinks, no potty, no nothing after that, because it was bed time. All of that was part of the routine before hand (although we were a no drinks after dinner family).

When they were infants and would wake up during the night, we NEVER EVER engaged them. Night time was for sleeping, not for play or for anything else. Nursing or diapering was done matter of factly, even without eye contact, with just enough light in the room to be sure I didn't hurt myself. No stimulation in the middle of the night!

I just want to encourage you that if you decide when bedtime is and you decide that your child needs to stay there, it is much easier to make bedtime firm but comforting.

You can do this!

Rachie204 Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 3:09pm
post #22 of 32

Yeah the crib is a little scary with her being so tall, but at this point she would roll out of a toddler bed because she just isn't ready for that either. If she gets hurt again maybe a mattress on the floor will be the answer.

When she fell out of her crib it was right after I had decided she needed to start calming herself down again. (She had gotten out of habit due to being sick i think) anyways we had just read a book and prayed and sang when I put her in her crib and went to tell hubby that if he heard her crying not to worry...that she was settling herself down and that it would be good for her. As I exited our bedroom from telling him this I heard a loud bang....She had fallen. I was like "great I'm sure she loves her crib now" LoL.


Today we start the routine. Unfortunately she fell asleep in the car on the way home from dropping my son off at school...but she woke up when I got her out of the car and actually let me lay her down in her crib. Maybe she will sleep a while and I can make some Butter-cream icon_smile.gif

She generally naps at 10 and 4 but she never sleeps very long. Bed time is at 8:30 but it's always a bust. LOL

denetteb Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 3:11pm
post #23 of 32

JanH, you are too funny. I have gotten used to you posting appropriate links to other CC threads as answers to posters questions. I figured you must have some great, organized method to retrieve relevent links. Now you post links about putting a baby to sleep. So now I think you must be a magician or something! At least master of search engines!

Rachie, You may want to reconsider sleeping with your light on. Get a better alarm clock or a second or third alarm to make sure you wake up, but having the light on will greatly affect the quality of your sleep. You are sleeping but it will interfere with the REM and other sleep phases and you won't be as rested. You and hubby should both have a bedtime routine like the others have said for your baby. No TV in the bedroom, quiet reading to settle your mind for a little bit and a dark room to sleep.

SecretAgentCakeBaker Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 3:38pm
post #24 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachie204

Yeah the crib is a little scary with her being so tall, but at this point she would roll out of a toddler bed because she just isn't ready for that either. If she gets hurt again maybe a mattress on the floor will be the answer.




We added a side rail to our toddler bed, the kind that has mesh and slips in under the mattress (though my husband anchored it more, but I don't remember how). Then we practiced with out daughter the correct way to get into and out of the bed (there is a space at the head and foot of the bed that they can use to get in and out.) If you do that and practice with her, she will learn quickly and not get hurt.

Deb_ Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 8:45pm
post #25 of 32

I don't think a 10 month old is quite ready for a toddler bed, I mean she can't walk yet right?

I think it's a good sign that she let you lay her in her crib today for nap time. Keeping my fingers crossed for you guys.

Rachie204 Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 8:56pm
post #26 of 32

Yeah she isn't walking yet and she is very clumsy (spelling?) when standing.... we might move her to a toddler bed around 16 months or so.

Well she took her morning nap~ after falling asleep in the car and me putting her in her crib she slept for around an 1 1/2 hours...YAY.

Then she started to get a little fussy about 2:50 so we read a book and prayed and sang...I put her down at 3 and by 3:20 she was out! YES!!! LOL

Almost 4 now and she is still napping. I will get her up soon if she doesn't wake up by herself so that she will sleep tonight.

Thanks for all the advice!!!

KatieKake Posted 16 Nov 2009 , 9:05pm
post #27 of 32

routine, routine, every day the same, let her cry, do not let her sleep in your bed, that I believe is a major mistake, some people think it is fine, others like me don't. I have watched my granddaughter wind her Mama around her little finger, about sleeping in Mom and Dad's bed. She is nearly 8 years not, and still wants to sleep with Mom and Dad, they will be lucky to get her out of their bed by the time she starts college.
We were lucky our oldest loved her crib, loved going to sleep( at 52 she still does) With her to set the pattern, the younger kids just followed her example, amd we never had a bedtime battle.

KKC Posted 17 Nov 2009 , 12:45am
post #28 of 32

This is one of the reasons why I'm hesitant about having another baby. My son is 8 now and he still does not sleep through the night.

dldbrou Posted 17 Nov 2009 , 12:46am
post #29 of 32

I would like to add to this conversation because of having a son that would not sleep much either.

He would thrash around in his baby bed while he slept and would then would wake up because of the bed rails making noise while he thrashed around. Our solution was to take the mattress and put it on the floor up against a corner wall. We would put a dimer light on in his room and put a radio on a soft music station and then he finally would sleep at night.

Two reasons for not giving him juice at night. It will rot out their teeth eventually and the sugar will keep their energy running.

We would stop liquids at 7:00 p.m. and he could only have a sip of water to go to sleep. This helped tremendously with potty training also.

Yes, letting her cry herself to sleep is a great idea and a routine is the best solution, but your husband has to get his sleep also.

It should only last for one week to break her habit, any longer and you need to find out why she is fighting sleeping in her room. It might be she is seeing or hearing noises and she is just scared. Give her some light source and music to wind her down. Read to her also to help with winding down.

She is picking up on your stress and redirecting it back at you. Give her a treat the next morning if she stays in her bed all night without crying. Positive reinforcement goes a long way with babies.

Good Luck

cutthecake Posted 17 Nov 2009 , 1:18am
post #30 of 32

Our oldest (now 26) went through a stage when she was around 2 where she'd wake up in the wee hours and cry and call us. (She had been sleeping through the night prior to this stage.) The first night she woke up, we thought something was wrong, so we brought her into our bed. Big mistake. She tried to turn it into a nightly ritual. After a few nights, we realized it had to stop. We spent the next three nights with pillows over our heads, trying to drown out the crying. First we made sure she was safe, then we re-assured her that we were in our room. Then we told her we meant business. The fourth night--bingo. She was back in her sleep routine. Thank God.

Oh. Did I mention that, early in this adventure and desperate for a solution, I climbed into her crib with her one night, and got stuck there? I couldn't climb back out. My husband couldn't hear me calling him through the baby monitor. That was fun!

Then when our son was around 4, he went through the nightmare stage. He'd wake up screaming, come running into our room, and climb into bed with us. Then he'd kick and squirm and wiggle, and nobody would get any sleep. Night after night. It was exhausting.

I solved that problem by leaving a pillow and quilt on the floor next to my side of the bed. If he had a nightmare, he knew he could come sleep on the floor near me, and we'd hold hands. (I had carpal tunnel syndrome, so my arm was always dangling there anyway.) Worked like a charm. He eventually outgrew this stage and stopped visiting.

Now he's in college and boy do I miss him!

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