Advice Needed, Helping A Friend W/ Loss Of A Parent...

Lounge By andpotts Updated 10 Nov 2009 , 8:09am by andpotts

andpotts Posted 9 Nov 2009 , 10:11am
post #1 of 6

I am so sad for some very good friends of ours. Their father unexpectedly died in his sleep last night and it is just awful. I don't know what to do or send or what, and would really appreciate any help you can give. I'm not home or I would be in auto pilot, taking the kids, doing laundry, making meals anything to help. But I am deployed and I feel so helpless. They are an extremely close knit family and these sisters are honestly two of the kindest and most generous people I know, my heart is just broken for them. Like I said I am at a loss so any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Andrea

5 replies
mkolmar Posted 9 Nov 2009 , 6:33pm
post #2 of 6

Honestly, just be there for them. That's all they will want, a true friend to listen and try to understand. Write the, email them, call them...whatever is the best way to get a hold of them and tell them how you feel.
When my DH lost his father the people that wouldn't press him to talk but would let him on his own terms is what he wanted. Meals and everything is nice to, but trust me, moral support when they need it will mean the world.

mim1106 Posted 9 Nov 2009 , 7:18pm
post #3 of 6

My mother and my brother's ex wife were murdered two years ago (by my brother's ex's current husband - confusing I know, sorry) We had ppl bring us food and helped with our kids, which we really appreciated, but what meant the most was friends coming over just to sit with me. They just talked about nothing, and it kept me going. You aren't able to go there now, but when you return, just go and sit with your friends. You really find out who your friends are in the midst of tragedy. Mail them a card now, to say how sorry you are to hear about it, and that you are thinking about them often, then as soon as you get back, go for a visit. It will mean a lot to them. Some ppl stay away because they don't know what to do or say around those who have lost their loved ones. You don't need to SAY anything, being there is what matters.

tatorchip Posted 9 Nov 2009 , 7:52pm
post #4 of 6

mim1106 and mkolmar pretty much said it all, when I lost my Father that is what helped me. I am sure it is very hard for you also not being there for them but you are by reaching out to us because now I will pray for all of ya'll.

ladyellam Posted 10 Nov 2009 , 7:24am
post #5 of 6

My mom passed away in her sleep almost 8 years ago. It was such a shock and I literally felt my heart just stop working. I felt so badly for my sisters and my niece because I couldn't take away their pain. The only thing that saved me was having one person that allowed me to talk about her. Everyone else didn't want to talk because it hurt so much but I couldn't let that one day (her passing) dictate what her whole life was about. I only got to have her in my life for 28 wonderful, frustrating and loving years but she showed me so much love.

My best advice is to just be there for them and let them know you love them. It never gets easier, it's just different.

andpotts Posted 10 Nov 2009 , 8:09am
post #6 of 6

Thank you all so much and I am so sorry for all of your individual losses. You are all right I just need to let her know I am a safe place, and I'm not going anywhere so when she needs me I will be there. My first son died shortly after birth almost 10 years ago and you're right it never goes away, just changes and I know all I wanted was for people to still talk to me and I knew those few who I could say anything to. I only have 1 friend who still sends me thinking of you notes and just says hey, how are you doing on his birthday every year and that really sdoes mean the world. Most people are just trying to be nice by not bringing it up. Anyhow thanks again to all of you, I guess I knew the answer, I was just so shocked and felt so helpless. I feel absolutely awful and can't even begin to imagine the pain the are going through . ((HUGS))

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