Okay, lately I keep getting irritated about things. Really irritated. And I'm not shy about speaking up like I used to be. Right now I want to go over and make a fuss at the school. Today on the way to school Val told me that when she was working on the posters with the big kids, the big kids kept talking to each other about what kind of name our last name was and what color Val is (she's half white and half hispanic...in San Antonio Derrick and I are considered a mixed marriage by a lot of folks). She's in elementary, so I figured a big kid could be anything from a 3rd to 5th grader. No big deal. They're not old enough to know better.

But I told DH and he said he saw Val working on posters with the kids from the high school day before yesterday when he went to pick up Sophia. I don't like that at all, if that's who Val meant. Not only are they old enough to know better, they're old enough for Val to see them as adults. I don't think the high school kids should be left unsupervised with the elementary school kids either.

I'm actually sitting here counting to ten over and over telling myself to calm down.

Oh no, stop counting--go make that right.

whew--I'm so glad I lived through my kids school years--the gajillion fights I was in--oh my oh my so tired

One kid was/is ADHD so I was a decorated veteran of many many wars and countless skimishes when the other kid needed some military intervention (aka Mom). She was in this whoopteedoo program for the gifted and had tragically fallen from an A to a B--yes you read that right she was getting a B --B's are good. But not to this teacher.

<maniacal laughter ensues>

So this teacher who only taught the above average kids even said this was the first teacher/parent conference he had ever scheduled in upteen years. He picked the wrong chick to break his fast lemme tell yah.

Oh my gosh--let me preface this by saying that I had already told him she was getting over a boy--so he still calls this conference. I mean I'm the Mom with the coffee mug with her name on it in the office I been there so much. He calls me in for a freaking B--gotta get off work--. I spit on that B of his. Idiot.

I had him drawn, quartered, quivering like a catfish on the pavement, then handed him his ass, packaged perfectly so fast so efficient--it was a pleasure doing business with him, a thing of beauty. Dang I was good, a legend in my own mind <more maniacal laughter>

Dude, don't even start with me. It was not a fair fight by any means but I enjoy it immensely to this day.



All that to say--Go, Texas, Go!!!!

But seriously--respect is my hill worth dying on and safety of course goes without saying.
Those are my two call(s) to arms

Your dilema has both.

Run Fight Win Go Team Go

You got my blessing.

I agree don't let them do that to her, she does not deserve it, no one does

OKay, I may not be reading it correctly, but were they asking in a way that was making fun of her? Or truly curious?
REally not trying to be dumb here....

My mom always taught us to not start fights, but if we're drawn into them - finish them! That probably accounts for the numerous times I get sent to the principal's office for talking back.

After standing up for your kid, take this time to teach your kid that while fighting is not good, she needs to defend herself against ANY and EVERYONE. (I talked back to teachers & students alike. I still graduated at the top of my class though.)

As Mothers we can't help but get maternal when we see/hear that others are *maybe* treating our child/children not to our liking.

Many times we have to turn and walk away and let our children learn to defend themselves - in saying that there are also times when we need to step in with a both foot.

If it is the older children speaking like this ABOUT your daughter then that is not acceptable at all.
Lets be honest here - they know your daughters surname - so what else could they being doing but making an issue of it and taking the pi$$ (excuse the language)
Totally unacceptable - and with no supervision around - it could be open slather of what they were saying.

Nope - i don't like what you wrote - i don't find it healthy and you know it isn't right and thats why you are not only irritated but seething about it.

Speak your mind Mum - you are the only defense your daughter has., especially at her young age.

Some might come on and call it molycoddling - great - thats them
I call it being the mother you are expected to be - nuturing and protective.
Heaven knows there should be more mothers like that.

There will be many years ahead where your daughter will stnad up for herself - but for now - she is just a ittle child.

Bluehue

Ok--hold it--I got the impression that the school was allowing high school kids to work with second graders (or younger) on an outside project and some of the talk was prejudiced against the little kid.

So I would have a beef with the school on that myself if I understood that correctly.

Now then if my kid said that to her Daddy I'd whup her butt.

I don't know I'm confused now.

Before I went and yelled at the school, I picked Valerie up and asked her how big the big kids were. Apparently she was working with some fifth graders on one project and that was what she was talking about. The one with the high school kids (which I still don't like the high school kids doing anything with the elementary school ones, I don't even have high school kids babysit) was a different project. The kid can draw, so she always gets drafted to work on things. Now I'm not sure about complaining because they might quit

As far as how she talks to her dad...it's one of those little family things that sounds weird to other people but is just part of how we interact. He and I are like that too...people have suggested marriage counseling but it's more like we've just got a lifelong comedy routine going

Texas, if these kids are talking like that to your daughter I would by all means step in. This should not be tolerated.

I just wanted to say that if the kids are working on projects, high school kids with elementary students this is no necessarily a bad thing. As a teacher we encourage interaction among the grade levels. Some schools have programs where high school students interested in becoming teachers work with younger children. This is hugely monitored and obviously students are encouraged to behave in a way that is respectable. They know that the younger children look up to them and they are to provide the example. If older students are working with younger children it is supposed to be monitored (which I am sure it is) but some things will fly under the radar. If this is becoming a problem for your daughter I would say go into school guns blazzin' and get it taken care of.

And as for your family talk, I understand, we are that way in my house too. Everyone goofs around with each other and says silly things. It does sound starnge when people who dont know us well hear it though.

A young elementary school student saying 'Kiss my ass' to anyone especially to her Dad or any authority is over my line. If anyone said that to me it would not be silly or weird, those are fightin' words to me/us.

We trash talk around here but the kids are grown and we apparently have different lines drawn.

K8 I just wanted to clarify...I would never have spoken to anyone is a crazy/silly way other than in my house. I would have been in deep $hit if I ever misbehaved, bullied, talked back etc in school or elsewhere. In the confines of our home we have a different climate so to speak thats all.

And mcaulir, when I said "guns blazing" it was in reference to the fact that older children were making fun of/ attacking Texas' daughter because of her background/last name. I did not mean to sound like every issue should be a throw down with the school. I agree with you that parents, like children, get a reputation in school.

speaking as a teacher of now 35 years who has taught in multiple schools ranging from NYC to San Antonio to Chicago to small town NC/upstate NY, to affluent FL (when on when can I retire -- in this economy: never)

1) any drop off in a straight-"A" student's grade is a cause for concern. Never a good thing as if continues jeopardizes GPA, class rank and from there college admissions and scholarships. Even "innocent" causes such breakups, championship losses, not getting cast need to be addressed.

2) over the phone can work, but F2F is always better and the student should be present too.

3) Yes, teacher's DO have reputations to protect, and programs to protect and FUNDING to protect. School's are MASSIVELY political - even more so the government at times.

Just like a coach of a sport gets to keep coach so long as the team is winning, teachers of advanced programs get to stay in them only as long as the students all make the grade the administration expects.

Yes, if left unaddressed and it snowballed, it could have cost him the position in that program. Teachers fight to get in the best programs with the best students and then fight even harder to stay there.

So, yes, he did see her as the enemy in terms of him holding on to his job.

Parents always seem to have amnesia about teachers being people too who have insecurities, job concerns and self preservation and interest as part of their outlook on life.

Teachers are not self-less Mother Theresas who only think of the kids and would teach for free if the had to. Nor are teachers your slaves to be ordered and bullied about.

Personally, I would have thrown anyone out of my room, calling the resource officer if necessary, and then filed a formal complaint if they had come at me with that attitude. I am not your slave. You do not have the right to verbally assault or intimidate me. If you can not be civil, get out even if the officer has to escort you out in handcuffs (and yes that has happened with parents in my school!)

The modern attitude of he/she who screams the loudest is the winner and the one who is right is so WRONG and has already turned us into a very UNcivil society.

And then we wonder why our children are so uncivil when we the adults act like petulant 2-year-olds.

-----

specifically about San Antonio.

I lasted only 1 year in that town. While I loved the food, the River Walk, the food, the climate (well they lied about warm winters), the food, the people, the food, HEB, the food (ok, so Tex-Mex and TX brisket BBQ are to die for! and Taco Cabana is just so much fun!)

I left because:

1) traffic goes round and round and round (and avoid the river! -- oh wait that's storm overflow!)

2) cost of apartment vs. what you really got

those I could have adjusted to in time, after all neither was as bad as it had been in NYC which is where I moved from

the killer:

the attitude of the Christian school that it was there to only serve JUST "our own" -- aka white -- and that they didn't need to reach out to "them" aka Hispanics.

after having taught in a Christian school in NYC where we had students of so many nationalities it was too many to count (but made for drop dead good International Night Banquets!) this was such a let down and disillusionment that I left the Christian system and went into the public system back in NY.

sad to hear this focus on us/them and race is still prevalent when one would hope by now it would be a non-issue.

----

finally -- I do not understand the grave suspicion, mistrust, distrust of high school students and programs that put them into working contact with younger children.

Many, if not most, are fine people, no more weird than any of us at that age, and possibly/probably much less so for those of the hippy dippy skippy era!

They can make fine mentors, great surrogate big brothers/sisters and in the process learn about being proper role models and assuming adult responsibilities.

This past Thursday our school's FFA chapter had a PALS event at the local middle school where the HS students paired off with MS students to do pumpkin face painting. Those I talked with after they returned were positively gushing about how much fun they had and how they wanted to work with the kids again.

HS students will rise or sink to the level of trust we have in them and the responsibility we demand and give them. The vast majority "get it" that children are not to be "messed with" and will guard language and behavior to protect the child.

Having done my own programs of high schoolers working with younger children, I know it can work and benefit both tremendously (tho, it was SO much fun to see the HS kids so WORN OUT by the energy level of the little ones! -- a backstage full of "town kids" for Music Man drove the HS cast and crew to exhaustion!)

The HS students of today are tomorrow's teachers, and counselors, and....it won't hurt them to get some experience now.

TexasRose, I always believed it best to defend my kids no matter what. If Val felt it important enough to mention, then it bothered her.

Of course, now that we know it was 5th graders, it's a judgment call. On the one hand, you want your daughter to know that you'll always come to her rescue, but on the other hand, she's got to learn the hard lesson that some kids are mean or thoughtless or ignorant, or whatever. I really don't know what you can expect from the school on this one.

BTW, after viewing her blog, your daughter is simply adorable! My (white) daughter lives in SA and is dating a wonderful Hispanic young man who I would welcome into the family without hesitation. Sometimes I fantasize about the beautiful grandchildren I may have some day (don't tell my daughter!!). I just hope they don't have to experience such ignorance.

Good luck to you!

I successfully raised a hyperactive child, my boy, and survived so far. I spent more time in the education trenches that I care to remember.

I was of course waxing eloquent in my post upthread. The police were neither called nor needed. Please.

It would not be ok with me for my child's talents to be used for the school and her be put in a situation with older students who were profiling her as I understood op's concern at the time.

Sorry to have ruffled feathers--teachers always seem to have amnesia about parents being people too who have insecurities, job concerns and self preservation and interest as part of their outlook on life.

Not to mention trying to teach their kids that B's are good grades, not bad grades.

[quote]Regarding another response, my son is a straight "A" student. Second quarter he came home with a "B" in gym. I scheduled a meeting with his gym teacher. She called me. I told her that I wanted to see her face to face. She admitted that she dropped his grade, because he was "mouthy" one day. I told her not to ever drop his grades without bring a problem to my attention. First, my son has to behave and second she can't drop his grades unless he failed at a task. Without her calling me, how was I supposed to know that there was a problem.[quote]

This is my point. For every parent who doesn't want to be bothered by a drop from A to B (we have them here too), there's one who will be grumpy if you don't call them. Rock on the left, hard place on the right.

Every job/occupation has it's high points and low points......NO job is perfect.
For those of us that are fortunate enough to still be employed we should consider ourselves lucky. Just a thought...........



Texas_Rose, I think I'd take this opportunity to teach Val about the ignorance of others. I really don't think the school is at fault on this one.

I remember when my kids were in school how much they enjoyed working with the upper-classmen on projects. Of course there's always a bad apple in the bunch to ruin it for the others.

He already told us she was getting a B. We had been personally informed by the teacher. We knew. We remembered the phone call from over the weekend. Got it. A to B.

I was further called in formally as if it was a disciplining.

Both my husband and this daughter were teachers, you're preaching to the choir.

Look, you don't like your job find another one.

? Is this this when we call the resource security person?

No it doesn't seem like there's too much paperwork--in our resource classes the students get almost three months less education because the teachers are filling out so much paperwork--teachers don't start teaching until mid-September and they stop teaching in April. It's a shame/crime.

And this discussion makes my point better than anything else--It's stupid and wasteful to create drama and blow up an issue when an A student has a problem with a boy and her grade changes one tiny bit ONCE and worlds collide when yes she needed extra care and phone calls were made and rightly and thankfully so but making me take off work to push this exact same point two days later to say the same things in an office. S.T.U.P.I.D

I didn't ask for a meeting I had to show up, I wanted to be left alone--I did not want any further intrusion myself--I don't understand your point about parents intruding on their children--baseless words directed at me? Why are you taking it personal because I had a run in with a teacher thirteen years ago?

I'm definitely a mama bear when it comes to my little guy (6 yrs old). While my initial reaction might be the same as the OP - to run in there and hold the school accountable, after really thinking about it I'm more inclined to say it is a better time to teach her about ignorance.

We all know that there are going to be instances like this while our kids grow up. My son was born with birthmarks and one of them covers his entire right ear. It's a normal shaped ear, but it's a purplish, blackish color (pigmented nevi is what it's actually called). Whenever I notice kids staring or saying "mommy what is that on his ear" I politely tell them it is a birthmark - because they don't know - they're curious. Then the kids move on and it's fine. What irks me is when a grow person says something about it! Last night while we were out an employee at the pharmacy looked at Jonah's ear with horror and said to HIM "oh - you have something growing out of your ear!" I was like WTF!!!!!!!!!!! I told her it was a birthmark and she just said "oh" and her face got all red. I kinda thought a grown person should know better! But the truth is, they don't always. Truthfully, my son will probably be one of those people. Not because we haven't taught him to be accepting of others for who they are, but because he is an Asperger's kid. He is known as the "truth teller." If he sees something different about somebody he ALWAYS mentions it. Not because he's trying to be mean, confrontational, racist - but because he's curious. I don't see that curiousity waning at any time as that "truth telling" is a symptom and part of the social awkwardness that children like my son suffer from. Hopefully, we'll be able to teach him to work through things like that internally instead of just saying it when it pops in his head. That's one of our goals.

Instead of teaching her to get upset about everything that is said to/about her, maybe teach her that ignorance will be all around her for probably her entire life - whether it is ignorance on purpose or ignorance accidental. It's a life lesson that doesn't just apply to racial issues - it's fitting for soooo many other things!

I don't know if that makes sense....but it does in my head! (Lots of things make sense in my head and not so much on paper. At least that's what DH says...)

I think we have all gotten "reality tv" syndrome. It seems like the more outrageous and abnoctious we can be the better. I for one do not subscibe to this way of thinking. I agree that if the mother has concerns regarding her daughter being "picked on", she should address this issue. But, I don't agree with going off like a raving lunatic. You will not be heard. Call the school, tell them you need to speak with the principal about a pressing issue as soon as possible (even throw out the words about "racial remarks being made to your daughter". Discuss with him like two adults how you would like to see the situation addressed. Maybe a discussion with the students about our different cultural diversities. Most of these issues come from young children's curiosity or ignorance to the fact. Maybe you yourself with other parents could set up some type of after-school culture fair. Anger and mistrust only add flame to an already out of control fire. In our household, our children are taught that if they are being picked on at school, they are to go through proper channels. First you tell teacher/playground attendant/bus driver/other staff...if no satisfaction...go to the principal...still no satisfaction...you take your part. Once you take your part...you take the ensuing punishment (suspension...whatever). Just make it worth your while. In other words, make them not want to pick on you again.

In this case the problem isn't the SCHOOL's fault but the fault of other children, it's impossible for the adults responsible to hear every conversation that occurs.

It should be addressed but when you talk to the school it should be to bring attention to an issue, most of the time teachers want to hear about stuff like this but they don't want to be yelled at for things they didn't even know about until you contacted them. If the problem persists because the school isn't doing anything then yelling at them is appropriate. It's best if you know at least first names so the school can track it but they should have a general idea anyway.

Also be prepared to find out that the kids weren't really thinking about it when they said something and weren't trying to be offensive. People of all ages do that sometimes. My grandma did it this summer, she had been telling one of her nephews that my boys "dressed up like Indians" to dance for my great grandma at the nursing home. I don't have an issue with the term "Indian" being used to describe Native Americans because almost all the Natives on this res call themselves that but I didn't like the implication that they were just dressing up. I pointed out to her that they ARE Indian just like their father and she admitted that she just hadn't been thinking.

Having younger kids working with older kids is a policy issue that is unlikely to be changed since it's a positive thing. It's pretty common in alot of schools to have kids of different grades read to each other. There are no safety issues about it, the schools can't leave them unsupervised, so you won't have much in the way of real reasons to get the policy changed.




And Bravo Doug!

I am hispanic and was married to a white man, had 2 children with him. Both my children from him are completely opposite looking. My son looks hispanic (dark hair and skin) and my daughter looks white (blondish hair and light skin). When my DD started Pre-K, I was so worried about her being in school for the 1st tme. I think I had a harder time letting her go than she did. We went on a field trip to the zoo. We got on the bus and we sat with each other while other students were still boarding. Here comes a boy and looks at her and then looks at me and then says "Is that your mother?" My DD says "yes". Then he looks at her again and says "but she's Mexican!" That's when DD stood up and boldly told him "but she's is still my mother!!!" That's when I knew she could take care of herself!