Free Cakes For Mom...grrrrrrrr

Lounge By sugartopped Updated 1 Nov 2009 , 8:19pm by cabecakes

sugartopped Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 4:27pm
post #1 of 21

Sorry this is gonna be a bit of a rant...but I have no idea how to deal w/my mom!

first off...I am going thru a divorce & trying to get my business up and running....but I live w/my mom right now. I pretty much live rent & bill free right now...so usually when she asks me to do something...i don't ask questions and just do it for her. I help out when I canbut like everywhere & everyonemoney is tight.

But i don't know where to draw the line....at the beginning of the month she asked me to do a couple cakes for her for work. I asked when she wanted them and what she wanted. She gave me very vague info about time/date/what she wanted. just basically said last week of the month...im going to need some cakes. she said she would give me more info as it got closer.

last tues night at 8pm she called and said she got the dates wrong and the united way bakesale was THAT night. (she works midnight shift) but she asked if i could get her 3 cakes by 3AM.....she wanted me to bake & decorate 3 cakes for her by 3am. I told her there was no way...i had just put my son to bed and there is no way i could get 1 cake done by 3am....let alone 3. Well SHE gets mad at me...said i'm going to make her look like an idiot cuz she said she would bring the cakes. I just said I would do it if I couldbut it is just impossible. So we agree on giving a few gift certificates away...but she was not happy.

After that I asked about the other cake she neededand they are for thurs. well today she tells me she needs 2 cakesone to feed 30 & one to feed 50! I just stared at her..she wants me to do a cake for 80 ppl for free..by thurs. she said they would give me some $$...i have no idea who they are or how much moneybut last time I heard thatI didnt get any money. But w/my base price.a cake to feed 80 is $320.after decorations and stuffit would end up being more. I have no problem giving discounts and stuff for herand I would give her a very nice discountbut I know Im not getting any money. She said but its free advertising for you I saidNO its not! It cost ME time & money to make cakes. And people who are getting laid off are NOT going to buy cakes from me. This a pot luck dinner b/c they are laying off a bunch peoplemy mom is going to be laid off in Dec for a couple months.

I feel like I have to do the cakes b/c I owe her for helping me outbut I also feel like throttling her for putting me in this position. I have tried to explain that I dont mind doing free cakes for HER.i dont want to do free cakes for all her friends & coworkers. But she is just not getting it! She keeps sayingso & so is having a party & they want me to bring the cake.Im like that is NOT a cake for YOU..its your friends trying to get a free cake from ME!


Sorry for the long rant.i just dont know what to dobut she is always asking me to do stuff like this. Its really starting to annoy me b/c I dont feel like I have a choice.

20 replies
WendyB Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 4:44pm
post #2 of 21

I'd consider paying rent instead of paying in these complicated, schedule disrupting cakes. You can make more at your cakes if you aren't fitting in your mom's unplanned events then that money will help you pay rent. Mom will be needing the income if she's being laid off.

Once you feel like you don't "owe" her you can decide if/when you want to do any free cakes.

Rosie2 Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 4:45pm
post #3 of 21

Ohhhh, I wish I could help you. I'm a hobby baker and I'm looking for opportunities to do cakes...and yes, I do them all for free.

I feel for you though...you're in a tough spot since she's your Mom and she's helping you. Can you maybe tell her that you'll do only one free cake a month and the others you will charge for them? and...better yet maybe she can help you make them icon_smile.gif

tiggy2 Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 4:47pm
post #4 of 21

I feel your pain......you're between a rock and a hard spot. She was a little unreasonable to expect you to do 3 cakes by 3:00 A.M. As for the cake for 80 people I'd give her a list of what is needed for the cakes and send "they" to the store. Be sure to include everything, boxes, boards, paper supplies, milk, eggs, oil, flour, sugar, butter, shortening, etc. Don't leave anything out and include the name brands you want. Maybe she'll get the message when she see how much everything cost.

sadsmile Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 4:51pm
post #5 of 21

Sugartopped that is a ton of free cake. I would put a limit on it. Even going to Walmart of Publix would be costly for that much cake.
I have admired your cakes for some time now and have a few in my favs. You do beautiful work!
You didn't even mention thoverhead for making cakes. Do you do them from home?

cakemaker30 Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 4:57pm
post #6 of 21

Maybe if you sent her to the store for the stuff it would get the point across. I think whoever suggested that had a good idea. I was in a pinch last week for time so I asked my bf to run to the cake shop for me and pick up a few things I needed. He came back and said "I need you to look over that receipt for me because I think the lady overcharged me since I just handed her your list and I didn't know anything." I looked over it and said nope that's the right price. He was floored icon_biggrin.gif He thought for sure they were ripping him off because he couldn't understand how some boxes and tools could cost that much money. Sometimes people just have to see it for themselves. icon_lol.gif

Lcubed82 Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 4:57pm
post #7 of 21

<<Pat on back>> Timing is terrible, and no way to solve that issue at the last minute. As far as payment, consider what you would be paying for rent and bills if not living with Mom vs the cost of ingredients- time is harder to quantify.

Bartering is an age-old way of doing business as long as both parties benefit. Can you and Mom sit and chat 'not in the heat of the moment' about expectations? Has she been around when you do a cake to see how long each step takes?

That said, I would be frustrated too esp in the first incident. Good luck!

majka_ze Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 4:58pm
post #8 of 21

I was in similar situation. It is important to say no, even if you feel bad about it.

I would suggest to say to your mom - YOU make this cake. I will help you, but you will make it. Or - dear mom, you want a cake? Come here and watch my children for me, manage my household for the time it takes me to make the cake for you. Scratch the cost of ingredients and baking, simply exchange your time for her time. There is simply no other way for her to understand how much work it means to make a cake she wants.

I had it to put similar way for my mom - she wanted a small sculpted, very detailed cake for her friend (her friend would pay, but not my price), and have it the next day. I had to lay it out - the cake would take me about 6 hours - baking from scratch, all fondant from scratch, coloring and carving, no time for freezing. She does sometimes work at home - completing small orders etc. I asked her how much she gets for 6 hour work. Then I said - I want for 6 hours work the same and want the cost of ingredients on top of it. It will be more difficult, because neither the fondant nor the cake would have the time to rest overnight. And then there would be the rush fee for an usual customer. The price I offered had already very nice discount built in. This was the only way for her to get it.

And good luck to you - I know it is very difficult situation.

sugartopped Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 5:00pm
post #9 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadsmile

Sugartopped that is a ton of free cake. I would put a limit on it. Even going to Walmart of Publix would be costly for that much cake.
I have admired your cakes for some time now and have a few in my favs. You do beautiful work!
You didn't even mention thoverhead for making cakes. Do you do them from home?




thanks everyone for the input....and sadsmile. i actually have my shop open now. i had a place built next door to my house (well my ex's house now...but that's another story). haha so i actually have a business...not a hobby baker anymore....and running a business is freakin expensive...esp when you are trying to also go through a divorce.

and once she is laid off I will start paying her rent. i think i will just tell her 'they' will pay for the ings....which still isn't going to be that cheap. what really irks me is she knows how much time & money go into cakes...she helps out at my shop sometimes and has even said she can't believe how much work goes into 1 cake!!

sadsmile Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 5:10pm
post #10 of 21

Well sound's like Mom is just going to have to understand that business is business. I wish you luck! I am so releived that you have a shop and are not risking it all illegally. I hate to see people putting themselves out there like that in our State. Plus it's not fair for those like yourself who are doing it the hard/right way. I hope things pick up for you! Your cakes are amazing!

sugartopped Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 5:15pm
post #11 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadsmile

Well sound's like Mom is just going to have to understand that business is business. I wish you luck! I am so releived that you have a shop and are not risking it all illegally. I hate to see people putting themselves out there like that in our State. Plus it's not fair for those like yourself who are doing it the hard/right way. I hope things pick up for you! Your cakes are amazing!




thanks again. yes...it was a pain to get my shop open........took me about 4yrs...so by the time i got it all done & ready to open...i'm not only going through a divorce..but the market is awful. but i'm hanging in there and trying my best to make it work! thumbs_up.gif

chefjess819 Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 5:24pm
post #12 of 21

sadly, paying rent/bills to your mom doesnt always help keep her at bay with the "free cake" requests. i live with my mom and we half every bill in the house. but...i've made cakes for all her friends, their kids, and grandkids birthdays. plus, she just asked me to make a wedding cake (never done one before) for her friend that is getting married "sometime this year". she knows exactly how much goes into the cakes b/c she goes shopping with me when i go to get the ingredients. granted yes, i love the experience i get from it, but fondant to cover an entire wedding cake will be expensive. plus she wants me to make finger foods and punch for the reception. some moms just dont get it. hope things turn out better for you tho. and sending "them" to the store might work for you. or at least send them your receipts from where you went shopping and make them reinburse you. GL!

bbmom Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 5:24pm
post #13 of 21

Your mom should be helping your business by selling your cakes not giving them away for free. Maybe if you told her you'd be able to pay rent if there were more paid orders?

Mike1394 Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 6:05pm
post #14 of 21

Pay rent, and utilities.

Mike

AverageMom Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 6:22pm
post #15 of 21

I agree with Mike. Pay rent and utilities, or better yet, move out.

CBMom Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 8:46pm
post #16 of 21

Honey, hang in there...your work is beautiful!

Our business mentor says in times like today, just keep doing what *you* know, and other's honest critiques/feedback show you're good at...
Good at Real Estate - stay at it.
Good at Investing - stay at it.
Good at cakes - keep cooking!!

Others that don't have that fire to find solutions in lean times will not be there tomorrow.

So, hang in there...your time is now!! thumbs_up.gif

Deb_ Posted 27 Oct 2009 , 9:14pm
post #17 of 21

Sit you Mom down and tell her that you will not give free cakes away to all of her friends and co-workers.

Tell her while you appreciate her helping you out during this difficult time you just cannot continue to make free cakes for her.....she needs to understand just how much money you are losing by making these cakes. While you're baking her free cakes you could be making other paid orders.

I sent all of my family and friends an e-mail when I finally got licensed and thanked them for allowing me to "practice" my craft on them for so many years. I included a price list and flavor list for them to keep "handy" for all of their future "orders" from me.

I think your Mom is being completely unreasonable with these short notice orders....you really need to stand up for yourself.

Good luck

7yyrt Posted 29 Oct 2009 , 10:48pm
post #18 of 21

Figure out what your share of the expenses should be, and make cakes up to that dollar amount.

lthiele Posted 30 Oct 2009 , 3:09am
post #19 of 21

Sugartopped - your cakes are amazing, you do really good work and CONGRATULATIONS on opening your shop!

What's with your mum NOT knowing exactly when 3 cakes are due? Providing that you are not "Mooching" off her (and it does not sound like that to me!) I dont think that she should expect or want anything from you right now, other than for you to get back on your feet, be a good mum to your son and be successful in your business. I would look her in the eye, say thanks for helping me and then tell her that right now, she needs to be the ONE person in your life who will not kick you while you're down. "Dont stress me out more than I am. Get me orders, but make sure they are paid ones!" JMHO

BTW - it's highly likely that when she's older, you will be the one helping her out! Remember that the next time you feel guilted into something! icon_biggrin.gif

Carolynlovescake Posted 30 Oct 2009 , 4:03pm
post #20 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by lthiele

BTW - it's highly likely that when she's older, you will be the one helping her out! Remember that the next time you feel guilted into something! icon_biggrin.gif




I have a friend who's mother is very controlling and is the guilt trip type.

As my friend gets older and has learned it's ok to stand up to her mother she started telling her "mom there will be a day you will grow old, you will need a hearing aid, you will probably loose your eye sight, and at some point you will be placed back into adult sized diapers. The more you piss me off now, the more I'm going to remind you of that when I care for you my way on my time and on my terms."

Oddly enough when her mom realized that her daughter meant business with that statement she did a complete 180 and is now trying to build a relationship with her daughter "for a better future with her".

cabecakes Posted 1 Nov 2009 , 8:19pm
post #21 of 21

Here is a reasonable solution for both parties involved. Tell your mom that you will no longer make any free cakes for her because it hurts your business, what you will do for her, however, is if she buys the ingredients you will be more then happy to donate the time (with her help) to make the cakes. I am almost positive that you will see a reduction in the amount of cakes that she will be requesting. If you like doing the cakes for the experience, you benefit for having done them, but you aren't out anything for the ingredients. Your mom still gets to impress her friends with the cakes, but she is also invested in them as well. She has to understand, even if you are living with her rent free, that your time is money. That is time and money taken away from your full-time paying job and your own independence. If the cost starts coming out of her pocket, maybe she won't be so eager to give your hard work away for free.

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