Sick And Tired Of Bullies, Bad Kids..what Has The World Come

Lounge By sweetcravings Updated 19 Oct 2009 , 4:03am by Adevag

sweetcravings Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 1:19pm
post #1 of 28

too?

Listening to the news today, hearing of a young boy who covered with a flammable substance and was burnt by 'bullies' just makes me sick. What kind of upbringing do children like that have, when they can inflict such harm to another child?

My son has dealt with a bully last year, and yet again is dealing with another one this year. He is not a fighter, he will walk away or ignore those who say hateful things to him, he is the biggest kid in the class but at what point does the child being bullied have the right to defend themselves by making these kids accountable for their actions? Does it take a severe burn to 'wake up' their parents that their children are misguided?
I think back to being a child and I would NEVER think to put my hands on someone no matter how bad i hated the person. These days kids are so quick to flex their muscles. Maybe it's more of a boy thing, but I'm sick and tired of it!
I just want to scream at the top of my lungs for all to hear,

"WAKE UP PARENTS! TEACH YOUR KIDS THAT VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER!"

**stepping of my soapbox now...thanks for letting me vent. ugh

suz

27 replies
ShelleyMJ Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 1:50pm
post #2 of 28

I am so sorry your son is going through the bullying. Trust me, it's not a boy thing. As a matter of fact, there are increasing cases of girls inflicting very serious harm on other girls in schools. It is frightening. One of my daughters was attacked by a gang of girls in middle school in '2003 because she was "talking" to another girls' boyfriend.

Thankfully, she didn't get seriously hurt but the healing process took a long time.

In the past few years there have been zero tolerance campaigns in schools on bullying. I really like the program Jay McGraw (Dr. Phil McGraw's son) started a couple years ago.

It never hurt me to get my butt spanked as a kid. It sure looks like these kids needs some corporal punishment. (Not beatings, just punishment)

sweetcravings Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 2:12pm
post #3 of 28

Shelley i'm sorry your daughter has had to deal with this too. Girls can definitely be bad too, no doubt.
I agree that sometimes the emotional scars are far worse then the physical. As of this summer we put our son in mixed martial arts classes just so that he willl know how to defend himself should it come down to it. He has gained some confidence but still he would always prefer to not fight. We are hoping that with these classes he will start to feel more in control of his body and defend himself as need be and stand up for himself more.
We have a no bullying policy at the school but it still goes on, believe me. Once the teacher looks the other way, or on the bus the bullys find a way.

michellenj Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 2:13pm
post #4 of 28

My daughter was bullied last year in kindergarten, and I had to get very ugly with the school to get the situation resolved. It started out as "you're ugly, you stink" and social exclusion, and escalated to pinches and pushes on the school bus. The little boys doing it denied it, of course, and pretty much the school sided with the bully.

ShelleyMJ Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 2:27pm
post #5 of 28

In kindergarten? OMG! I would have been livid.

I know there are laws to protect our children.

When my daughter was attacked I got the system involved. The girls that attacked my daughter were expelled. I hate that some teachers turn away and don't take the appropriate action in these cases. Unfortunately, it starts at home.

prterrell Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 2:43pm
post #6 of 28

Schools should have an anit-bullying policy. I know every school where I live does. If your child is being bullied at school, s/he should report it to the teacher. If the teacher does not take action, escalate it to the principal.

MnSnow Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 2:45pm
post #7 of 28

It isn't the children that have gone bad...it's the examples that are being shown and behaviors that are being taught.

Where are their parents? What are the parents teaching them. What behaviors are ok and acceptable?

I agree a good old fashioned spanking never hurt. My kids were spanked and they never bullied anyone. I would not accept that behavior from them, nor would I ever tolerate disrespect.

I watch kids play sports and the parents get into fights over it. Now that's a real good example being set. The kids think it's acceptable behavior and then we wonder why they display the same behavior. Go Figure

sweetcravings Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 2:47pm
post #8 of 28

Michelle, ya kids sure are cleaver..lets verbally abuse the kids so there is no 'evidence'.
That's sickening that its' starting in kindergarten.
Last year my son's bully was a next door neighbour..we complained because approaching the parents did nothing to change the behaviour. He eventually was kicked off the bus. The bullying completely stopped.
This year, another kid, same age as my DH..just flaps his mouth whenever he feels like it. He sits with my son on the bus, and insults him all the way home, "you stink", "you have boobs", "your gay"..etc.. It was just yesterday when he punched him in the back as he got off the bus was the last straw. That kid didn't like the fact that my son stood up to him and told him he couldn't sit with him becuase he wasn't taking his insults any longer. The kid wanted the last 'word' by cowardly punching him as he exited. I told my son to go to school and make it crystal clear to this kid that he is not to put his hands on him again..I hope that will be the end of it. If not we will have to see what we are going to do. Oh, and my son approached the bus driver several weeks ago about the verbal abuse and she did NOTHING>.some anti bullying rule eh?

sweetcravings Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 2:49pm
post #9 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by MnSnow

It isn't the children that have gone bad...it's the examples that are being shown and behaviors that are being taught.

Where are their parents? What are the parents teaching them. What behaviors are ok and acceptable?




EXACTLY!!! Couldn't have said it better myself. thumbs_up.gif

michellenj Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 4:11pm
post #10 of 28

I got some very good advice from some other CC members when this was happening to DD. Someone told me to have her say very loudly "Stop touching me!" and things like that to verbally defend herself, and hopefully be heard by the teacher/driver. We made her practice saying it, so that when it happened again she could say it forcefully.

DD's principal actually took DD aside when they were lined up getting on the buses and made her point out the boys picking on her. I don't think that helped things at all.

tatorchip Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 4:44pm
post #11 of 28

My gd was being bullied by a girl her age and size and my gd is a cheerleader and didn't want to get in trouble and her mom told her if the bully put her hands on her she better defend herself, the bully pushed her and my gd balled up her hand and popped her in the nose and well a bloody nose stopped the bully and that was that and it was at the skating rink and no body reported it so all is well and the bulling stopped.

KKC Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 6:04pm
post #12 of 28

Ooh, don't even get me started on this. I had to talk to my sons teacher recently because my son said a boy hit him in school more than once. He told the teacher and all the boy got was detention. So I called the teacher and this idiot tells me "Oh your son isn't the only child this boy is messing with, he bothers everyone in the class". So I asked her what was she going to do about it and she said that they gave him detention and that his parents are aware of his behavior. So i asked her to call a meeting with his parents because obviously nothing is being done. I warned each and everyone of them that if this child puts his hands on my son again, I gave my son permission to kick his a$$ and I dare them to call me or punish him. I hate violence, but I am not going to keep telling my son to go and tell the teacher or walk away when someone is bullying him. In alot of cases if you beat the crap out of the bully they'll leave you alone!

The case of the boy who was set on fire, that happened here in Florida. These situations are getting worse by the minute. A few weeks ago a 17 year old boy was stabbed to death at school here in Florida. There are so many cases like this that happens all the time, and I have no clue what is being done about it. I've told my husband that I want to homeschool my son, because this bullying crap is out of control.

misserica Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 8:37pm
post #13 of 28

I do not have children yet but I was bullied when I was in school and it makes me sick to think about it. I used to cry my eyes out and beg my parents to let me stay home. My parents said what KKC said that if the girls ever touched me I better fight back. I literally made myself sick so I would not have to go to school because I did not want the girls to bother me.

The zero-tolerance policies schools have are useless in my opinion. I am weeks away from becoming a licensed teacher and I must say the current policies do not do anything. I agree that some teachers turn their backs and I am not sure why. My heart breaks for those of you with children, you send them to school where they are supposed to be safe and in the care of teachers and principals and this is the kind of thing that is going on.

Deb_ Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 9:04pm
post #14 of 28

I just heard about another story today out of Myrtle Beach, SC....a student stabbed a resource officer at the school, the officer returned with gunfire killing the student.

WTH is going on in this country with these kids?

__Jamie__ Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 9:13pm
post #15 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by MnSnow

It isn't the children that have gone bad...it's the examples that are being shown and behaviors that are being taught.




And that, in a very broad nutshell, is the answer to this whole dilemma. Although it would be a great travesty to democracy and personal freedoms......some people should be sterilized. tapedshut.gif

Pookie59 Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 9:44pm
post #16 of 28

Bullying is nothing new. Way back in the early '70s when I was in the 7th grade, a mean pack of girls ganged up on me and made my life a living h*ll for the better part of a year. The leader of this pack was from a single parent home, being raised by a dad who pretty much just shrugged and looked the other way ("girls will be girls"). I guess I was lucky that she didn't beat me up (others weren't so lucky). I just got a lot of threats and verbal abuse, but she had enough clout to insure that I was ostracized and friendless. (That same girl was later suspended (in high school) for attacking another girl in the school swimming pool.)

My mom, of course, tried to help and contacted the school. However, my experience with the school principal was that he thought I needed to stop whining and just deal with it. I never complained about it again because I understood that no one could or would help me. I daydreamed, though, about being moved to another school. I was a shy girl anyway and the experience traumatized me in ways that still affect my social relationships.

Why do kids bully others? Because they can. Until their parents or someone with authority puts a stop to it, it will continue.

misserica Posted 17 Oct 2009 , 12:31am
post #17 of 28

Luverly, I agree. Its extreme and I know its never going to happen but we really need to stop this. It still baffles me that the parent of the bully would not see the problem once it was brought to their attention, could you possibly be proud that your child is making someone elses life miserable?

When I was being bullied I was so scared to go to any authority figure because the threats would get worse. One day when my parents were told "administration" was monitoring me in the hallways one of the bullies managed to chase me down the hallway, I was literally running from this girl, to get to my teachers room.

sweetcravings Posted 17 Oct 2009 , 1:51am
post #18 of 28

icon_biggrin.gif Well my son came home from school today and was so happy. The first thing he said was, "my day was PERFECT! I don't think he'll put his hands on me again." I asked him if he took our advice and he had. When he saw this boy in the schoolyard this morning, as he was walking by, my son shoulder checked him and said in his biggest and baddest voice, "THAT WAS FOR YESTERDAY! DON'T EVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME AGAIN, GOT IT?". Apparently this little shrimp cowarded and stepped back a few steps and nodded in agreeance with my son. They parted ways and nothing more was said. He saw the child the next recess (they aren't in the same class) and he looked at my son and smiled. I'm guessing he got the point. He wasn't on the bus today, so we'll see what happens on Monday. As of now my son is feeling pretty proud for standing up for himself and i have to say i'm proud of him. He took his power back. thumbs_up.gif
TGIF

cabecakes Posted 17 Oct 2009 , 2:45am
post #19 of 28

As if there is not enough in this world to worry about...we have to worry that are children are safe when we send them to school. My children picked up so many bad habits (that I had to nip in the bud) from other children at school. I am a firm believer in "Spare the rod spoil the child". I got my butt spanked many a time, and my children got their butt spanked when they needed it. No juveys in my household, they know facing momma would be worse than going to jail. Five kids and all fine upstanding citizens, and I have never been in trouble with the law. Tell me corporate punishment doesn't work. It's the parents that are pushing their kids out the door, so they don't have to deal with their attitudes and don't care where they are at or what they are doing that are doing the bullying and getting into trouble. Not the ones that have got spankings when they did wrong. Timeout my butt. Timeout does solve crap.

Karabear1125 Posted 17 Oct 2009 , 3:22am
post #20 of 28

Question for you guys while we are on this topic.

If you know your child is 'aggressive, mean, will push, spit, hit other kids" and you are say at a family gathering or anywhere where other kids will be playing, you are supposed to keep an eye on that 'aggressive' child, yes?? I'm talking about a 3 year old btw! My nephew, he is pretty much a bully and it's really bothering me when he's around my 3 year old son cause he treats him like crap and will do those things mentioned above..when my sister visits us "I" am the one that has to watch her kid to make sure he won't hurt mine, while she sits on her butt..the other day her son took one of my son's big trucks and hit him in the eye with it while she just sat there..and then my DH argues with me that it was "MY" fault that I wasn't watching them well enough..My arguement in return was that "MY SISTER" should be watching HER kid to make sure that he doesn't hurt mine or others, no??? was I wrong to think that if you have a disruptive child that you should really watch them to make sure they don't act out??

I know kids will be kids and that you can't watch them ALL the time but to expect someone else to watch your kid knowing that yours behaves a bully is wrong, I think at least.. I dunno, just wanted to get some thoughts on this..

Oh and my sister will always goes into defensive mode to when confronted, so I don't even bother anymore so I've decided Since that last episode I will not be bringing my son over their house, and it's really a shame because I'd like for them to be close and 'brought up together' in a sense, ya know? But not like this and my son was starting to pick up some bad habits from him also, so I think it's better this way for now? Am I blowing it out of proportion??

Deb_ Posted 17 Oct 2009 , 3:36am
post #21 of 28

No, I don't think you're blowing this out of proportion. I just can't get over the fact that your nephew is only 3 and he's already showing signs of being aggressive with other children.

Boy, it's a shame that your sister isn't open to other people's advice when it comes to her child....I hate to think about what he'll be like once he goes to school.


If she won't listen to you then you really have to protect your own child and if it means not going to her house then that's what has to happen.

Good luck....it sucks when it's a "family" issue like this because inevitably someone's feelings will get hurt. But.........better someone's feelings then your little boy.

Karabear1125 Posted 17 Oct 2009 , 3:52am
post #22 of 28

Thanks kelly, she actually has him enrolled in the "3's" preschool and he's already done some terrible stuff there too, just the other day the teacher sent a note home about his behavior, I guess he was kicking the teacher, telling her "no", and spitting at the other kids..

he's only 3, and it's pretty sad when my son will flat out say that "he doesn't like playing with Anthony anymore because he's mean to me" , I can't say I blame him..I've always told him that if he hits you, spits, etc..to just walk away from him and come get mommy or daddy, I'd like to tell him to knock the u kno what out of him next time he does, u know? LOL ( I never will, but as a parent you get SO furious!)

I think that's what makes it hard is that it's family, but until she steps up and actually takes a role of being responsible and a mother it's best for us to just walk away for now, as hard as it is..

Thanks again for the support and letting me know that it is the right thing to do ! icon_smile.gif

funcakes Posted 18 Oct 2009 , 2:16am
post #23 of 28

Bulling is not something new. It was around big time when I was a kid and I remember my parents and grandparents talking about it happening when they were kids too. I may be wrong, but I think bulling is less tolerated in school today than it has been in the past.
Our school has a zero bulling policy and they mean what they say. We also have a responsive classroom approach that teaches socialization, kindness and tolerance day in and day out. These two things do make a difference. Does it stop every incident-no, but it has improved the climate in school. I have seen a kid on the playground start to exclude another child and I have heard a child call another kid a name. The other kids, the witnesses, made statements to the offender-things like don't do that it hurts peoples feelings, and that's not fair and a very popular kid walking over and saying-that is so not a cool way to act. The offender change his attitude right away. Bullies like to be cool, strong and powerful, when the other kids don't buy into it-there is usually no reason to behave that way. There are however some kids that are just troubled and need more help, therapy than this.

adree313 Posted 18 Oct 2009 , 2:53am
post #24 of 28

i think bullying -- and the young age it's starting at -- is horrific.

most recently those 2 little boys (completely separate cases; different states) i think were both 11 years old, committed suicide because kids were picking on them for "being gay". ELEVEN YEARS OLD, COMMITTING SUICIDE. that is NOT okay.

i don't have kids, and i was never really "bullied" (i can remember 1 instance... just 1, in my whole schooling), so i can't really help with what to do for those of you affected my it.

something needs to be done, that much i do know. i agree with what others have said, it starts with the parents. too many parents are letting WAY too many things slide. it's such a shame and, really, a disgrace.

veronica720 Posted 18 Oct 2009 , 3:54am
post #25 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by cabecakes

As if there is not enough in this world to worry about...we have to worry that are children are safe when we send them to school. My children picked up so many bad habits (that I had to nip in the bud) from other children at school. I am a firm believer in "Spare the rod spoil the child". I got my butt spanked many a time, and my children got their butt spanked when they needed it. No juveys in my household, they know facing momma would be worse than going to jail. Five kids and all fine upstanding citizens, and I have never been in trouble with the law. Tell me corporate punishment doesn't work. It's the parents that are pushing their kids out the door, so they don't have to deal with their attitudes and don't care where they are at or what they are doing that are doing the bullying and getting into trouble. Not the ones that have got spankings when they did wrong. Timeout my butt. Timeout does solve crap.




I agree 100%. Spanking works. Did for me and has for mine. They also know I am worse than any punishment at school or anywhere else. I tell mine if they are being picked on to "handle it" and they will not get in trouble at home for defending themselves. But if they start a fight then "I will finish it". I was raised that way and it worked for us.


When my daughter was in kindergarten there was a boy in her class that attacked the teacher with a pair of scissors. He cut her a few times and cut her long blonde hair, she had to pin him to the floor and send another child to get another teacher. All they did was move him to another class.

maryjsgirl Posted 18 Oct 2009 , 8:20pm
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by funcakes

Bulling is not something new. It was around big time when I was a kid and I remember my parents and grandparents talking about it happening when they were kids too. I may be wrong, but I think bulling is less tolerated in school today than it has been in the past.
Our school has a zero bulling policy and they mean what they say. We also have a responsive classroom approach that teaches socialization, kindness and tolerance day in and day out. These two things do make a difference. Does it stop every incident-no, but it has improved the climate in school. I have seen a kid on the playground start to exclude another child and I have heard a child call another kid a name. The other kids, the witnesses, made statements to the offender-things like don't do that it hurts peoples feelings, and that's not fair and a very popular kid walking over and saying-that is so not a cool way to act. The offender change his attitude right away. Bullies like to be cool, strong and powerful, when the other kids don't buy into it-there is usually no reason to behave that way. There are however some kids that are just troubled and need more help, therapy than this.





I agree.

Bullying and fighting is not some new phenomenon. My aunt, who is in her forties, went to a school in Chicago with a jail in the basement for bad kids. There were metal detectors in schools in the early eighties. There were shootings and stabbings long before Columbine. Now that blatant violence has made it's way to the burbs is it being deemed an issue. Things that make you go hmmm...

Bullying is not normal behavior. These kids tend to be having horrible things going on in their personal lives and are acting out. My best friend was a bully in school. She had been abandoned by her mother at a young age. She was an angry, wounded kid.

Cabecakes...The prisons are full of people who were spanked as children. It is deeper than that.

tatorchip Posted 18 Oct 2009 , 8:58pm
post #27 of 28

I know that each child that bullies has issues, some come from parents and some from peer pressure and some are just born in them, I worked at a federal prison for over 21 years not as a guard but as a foreman in a factory and I would tell the inmates good job for good things and also not good at all for bad things and they said wow "nobody ever told me I did something wrong and you have your nerve and I respect that" and some said "nobody ever told me I did something good, thank you" so it works both ways of over doing something, it is a real hard thing to get to the real issues. I wish I could help each and everyone of them. Look at ballon boys dad he loves himself more than his kids to put them in danger chasing tornatos the boys will see that one day or they will be just like him and either way it will not help them in the long run. That is just a sample of life as I see it, sorry for the long post.

Adevag Posted 19 Oct 2009 , 4:03am
post #28 of 28

I feel so bad for all children who has to go through bullying. But I have to say I am chocked to hear parents talk about spanking as a positive discipline method for children. I would NEVER spank my children and I have NEVER been spanked and I have NEVER done anything bad and turned out being an honest and good citizen. Here we are talking about violence with bullying amongst our children and agreeing that it is wrong. But for those of you who spank use violence to solve problems at home.
I use time outs and they don't work because of the time, but they work because of the thought process children get to develop during their time out. I mean you talk to your child in a time out. The absolutely best way to parent would be to be a good role model. If you hit somebody (spank) obviously hitting is ok. Children learn through imitation so the old saying, children don't do as you say they do as you do (something like that) is pretty powerful. Please stop hitting your children!!!

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