Would You Still Give The Gift?

Lounge By Kiddiekakes Updated 17 Oct 2009 , 1:07am by Shelle_75

Kiddiekakes Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 7:35pm
post #1 of 27

I was just thinking about my daughters birthday party last year and I had a child who's Mom called the morning of the party and said ( name of child) was sick and would not be attending the party..No big deal..It happens!! My question is this......Would you still give the gift that you bought specifically for that child..card and all...and give it anyway?? I ask this because my daughter was the one sick one year for a friends party and of course I had already bought a gift and card and wrapped it all up etc...so I felt compelled to give it anyway since she was invited and I did buy the gift for the birthday girl and the party....Fast forward to when the Mom called and cancelled her daughter from my daughter's party...The next day at school the Mom didn't even mention 'I'm sorry she didn't make it but I already bought a gift so here..Yadda Yadda Yadda.... icon_rolleyes.gif Now before yah all get up and fussy thinking well "Why should she give a gift if she didn't go kinda thing"...It makes me sort of wonder that maybe...

1. She intended on her daughter coming but didn't get around to buying a gift and then said she was sick for a excuse.

2.Bought a gift but kept it instead of giving it...

3. or...If some people are anything like my SIL and BIL law they are always late for my kids parties and others too I suspect because they are literally in the mall buying the gift 30 minutes before the party...then show up late....we are just used to them doing that!! icon_rolleyes.gif


What would you think?? Please don't get upset and say "Get over it "etc..I am just curious as to what others think and would do! Ettiquette I suppose... icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif


Laurel icon_smile.gif

26 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 7:55pm
post #2 of 27

I usually keep a couple of toys on hand, so that if my kids get invited to a party I have something without going shopping for it. I'll buy nice things when I see them on clearance or a really good sale and hide them away until they're needed. If the kids ended up not going to the party, I would just stick the gift back on the closet shelf for the next party. At Christmas I may wrap the toys I've got on the present shelf, and then if someone drops by with an unexpected gift for the kids, I have one for their kids.

We never invite other kids to our kids' birthday parties, so I'm not too sure what other people do. I do know that one time a neighbor invited us to her daughter's party and when we showed up with the gift, she took the gift and then told us the party was canceled and she'd let us know when she rescheduled. We've had "other plans" every time they've invited us to anything since then.

Kiddiekakes Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 7:59pm
post #3 of 27

Texas..Now that is rude...Grabbing the gift and saying party is cancelled..

Texas_Rose Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 8:05pm
post #4 of 27

No kidding. We were standing on her doorstep for a few seconds after that, just looking at each other and wondering what the deal was. Then we had to take the kids to McDonalds because they were expecting a party and we didn't want them to be sad. We could hear other kids in the house too.

My mom used to buy the gift on the way to the party, most of the time. That was always preferable to us kids, because then she had to buy a gift bag, instead of using the funny papers and going on about how clever she was to be saving money.

Kiddiekakes Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 8:10pm
post #5 of 27

You know..I don't remember going to many parties...Growing up in the late 70's and 80's we just didn't go to many birthday parties...and the fact my birthday fell in Septemeber and every year my Mom and Dad were away at some convention having to do with my Dad's work so Ba-Ba (Bless her heart) would come down and look after us and she always made me a homemade cake!!! Ah Memories!!!

Deb_ Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 8:26pm
post #6 of 27

I would still give the child the gift even if my child couldn't go to the party at the last minute.

Jen80 Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 9:16pm
post #7 of 27

Ugh! Kids parties! They're like a status symbol in my town at the moment. Mothers are just competing against each other to see who can have the best party with the most guests.

A lot of the time I don't even know the child and sometimes my kids don't even know them. So, it depends on which child the present is for.

If it's a family I don't know, then no, I wouldn't give the present. Reason being is because I am one of those people buying the present on the way to the party. If it's someone I do know then yes I would make a special trip to the toy store and give the present the day before or after the party.

KitchenKat Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 11:31pm
post #8 of 27

I would. I had a joint birthday party with a friends and she was upset because quite a few people cancelled at the last minute. REasons ranged from got a stomach bug to husband came home late. As she ranted about it, I told her we'd know if they really meant to come if they handed us a present at some point. True enough some did, some did not. To me, and now also to my friend, it clearly showed the real deal - who really meant to come but suddenly couldn't and who had no intention of coming. Also illustrated who has good manners and will still be invited to our next bash, and who are don't deserve to be on our guest list.

ccr03 Posted 12 Oct 2009 , 1:37am
post #9 of 27

Honestly, it depends on the person. There have been times when I just kept the gift and saved it for future use. If it's someone I really like/close to and really couldn't make it, then I'll make the special trip/give it to them the next time I see them.

cabecakes Posted 12 Oct 2009 , 2:13am
post #10 of 27

I don't understand when a child's birthday party became about the gifts. I thought a child's birthday party was about children getting together to have a good time. I think we as adults sometimes complicate the whole thing. My husband and I have really been having a tough time of it economically for the last couple of years, along with many others in our area. I don't have the money to shell out everytime a child has a birthday, and I will explain that to the person inviting me to the party and I will attend. Many are not like that, they get embarrassed that they can't afford a gift, so they make excuses as to why they can't come. Which in my opinion is sad, because the child doesn't care so much about the gifts as having a good time with their friends. Gifts are the bonus. When my children have parties, I tell everyone. Don't worry about a gift, we just want you there. We always have large parties, and some still do bring gifts. And believe me, the kids always have a blast. Just my thoughts. Sorry if the offend anyone, but that's just my opinion and you know what they say about those. If I had already bought the gift for that child, then I'd give it to that child. And then I'd thank the good Lord above you had the finances to do that.

CakesByJen2 Posted 12 Oct 2009 , 1:19pm
post #11 of 27

I think it just depends. If my child is invited to a party by a kid he is not really close to and he is not going to be attending, then, no, I do not get a gift (but I DO let them know he is not attending). If we have already gotten the gift, and something comes up last minute and he cannot attend, then I'd probably still give the gift, but usually I probably would not have gotten yet.

Personally, the fewer gifts my kids get, the better. That is one thing I don't like about having b'day parties for them. They don't need any more stuff! So I really couldn't care less whether they give a gift or not, and the kids don't really care either. I also don't do goody bags. Just a waste of money on usless junk that gets thrown away.

At my son's last party, instead of gifts, we asked for donations for the Humane Society. I suggested it, and he LOVED the idea. Believe me, those kids were just as excited about watching him open cat/dog toys & treats, and he loved getting to take them to the shelter and visiting with all the animals. We will be doing that every year from now on.

Tiffany29 Posted 12 Oct 2009 , 5:53pm
post #12 of 27

If I have already bought the gift and my kids were not able to attend the party, yes I would still give the gift.

When we have b-day parties. I tell my children not to expect a gift from everyone. Because not everyone will bring a gift. That way they aren't disapointed if they don't get many gifts. I tell them the gifts aren't important. We want everyone to come, enjoy games, cake and ice cream, hang out a while and just have fun!

indydebi Posted 12 Oct 2009 , 7:14pm
post #13 of 27

I have an attitude about birthdays to start with. I've been around too many ADULTS who stomped their foot and threw little tantrums because they didn't get their way and thought everyone should bow down and kiss their rosy rear end "... because it's MY birthday!!! icon_mad.gif " They are teaching their children those antics. They are raising little prima donnas. Normally well-behaved children suddenly become holy terrors.

I've heard mothers comment on "HE knows who shows up at their party!" The 2-year old had no freakin' idea who showed up, but MOMMY was sure keeping a list! (Yep. Attended a party where this really happened.)

I've seen parents do a run thru of the value of the gifts given and a few short years down the road, their CHILD is then commenting on the "cheap" toy they were given.

if they made me Queen of the World, I wouldn't allow any birthday parties unless the parents were banned. icon_twisted.gif I feel the same about little league baseball ... the kids would have a GREAT time if parents weren't allowed to show up at the games.

Texas_Rose Posted 12 Oct 2009 , 7:36pm
post #14 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

I've seen parents do a run thru of the value of the gifts given and a few short years down the road, their CHILD is then commenting on the "cheap" toy they were given.




That's my mom right there...kept a list of her expenses for the party and compared it to the value of the gifts recieved to see if she came out ahead or not.

And school gift exchanges...every year one of my sisters or I would end up getting one of those "books" of lifesavers candy in the gift exchange and Mom would be so mad she threw it right out the window on the way home icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

indydebi Posted 12 Oct 2009 , 7:40pm
post #15 of 27

Texas, i remember three years in a row, i got a set of paper dolls stuff.

Uh .... never have been a "paper doll" kind of gal! icon_rolleyes.gif

Texas_Rose Posted 12 Oct 2009 , 7:45pm
post #16 of 27

I love paper dolls! Except the kind from the museum gift shops where they weren't perforated...but even those were fine once I'd spent the week cutting them out.

michellenj Posted 15 Oct 2009 , 4:02pm
post #17 of 27

I always ended up with the Pick-up-Stix, and hoped the next year I'd be the lucky one to get the Shrinky Dinks of Mad Libs.

KKC Posted 15 Oct 2009 , 6:21pm
post #18 of 27

My son received a party invitation and I swear on the bottom of the invite it said..."Leave the drama and EMPTY HANDS at home, NO GIFT, NO ENTRY TO THE PARTY! icon_surprised.gificon_eek.gificon_confused.gif That was so funny I think I showed just about everyone I know. Who does that?!

LaBellaFlor Posted 15 Oct 2009 , 7:29pm
post #19 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by KKC

My son received a party invitation and I swear on the bottom of the invite it said..."Leave the drama and EMPTY HANDS at home, NO GIFT, NO ENTRY TO THE PARTY! icon_surprised.gificon_eek.gificon_confused.gif That was so funny I think I showed just about everyone I know. Who does that?!




GHETTO!!! That is what that is. First, if you go to a party, I would hope you would bring a birthday present. BUT I don't think you should be making request on the invites. I swear I see new & new things on this site everyday...not even cake related.

tatorchip Posted 15 Oct 2009 , 7:48pm
post #20 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by cabecakes

I don't understand when a child's birthday party became about the gifts. I thought a child's birthday party was about children getting together to have a good time. I think we as adults sometimes complicate the whole thing. My husband and I have really been having a tough time of it economically for the last couple of years, along with many others in our area. I don't have the money to shell out everytime a child has a birthday, and I will explain that to the person inviting me to the party and I will attend. Many are not like that, they get embarrassed that they can't afford a gift, so they make excuses as to why they can't come. Which in my opinion is sad, because the child doesn't care so much about the gifts as having a good time with their friends. Gifts are the bonus. When my children have parties, I tell everyone. Don't worry about a gift, we just want you there. We always have large parties, and some still do bring gifts. And believe me, the kids always have a blast. Just my thoughts. Sorry if the offend anyone, but that's just my opinion and you know what they say about those. If I had already bought the gift for that child, then I'd give it to that child. And then I'd thank the good Lord above you had the finances to do that.




I agree 100 percent

LaBellaFlor Posted 15 Oct 2009 , 7:51pm
post #21 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by cabecakes

I don't understand when a child's birthday party became about the gifts. I thought a child's birthday party was about children getting together to have a good time. I think we as adults sometimes complicate the whole thing. My husband and I have really been having a tough time of it economically for the last couple of years, along with many others in our area. I don't have the money to shell out everytime a child has a birthday, and I will explain that to the person inviting me to the party and I will attend. Many are not like that, they get embarrassed that they can't afford a gift, so they make excuses as to why they can't come. Which in my opinion is sad, because the child doesn't care so much about the gifts as having a good time with their friends. Gifts are the bonus. When my children have parties, I tell everyone. Don't worry about a gift, we just want you there. We always have large parties, and some still do bring gifts. And believe me, the kids always have a blast. Just my thoughts. Sorry if the offend anyone, but that's just my opinion and you know what they say about those. If I had already bought the gift for that child, then I'd give it to that child. And then I'd thank the good Lord above you had the finances to do that.




thumbs_up.gif When people ask what they should bring, we always say,"Just come". For my kids, it's ALL about playing with their friends on their birthday.

KKC Posted 15 Oct 2009 , 10:40pm
post #22 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

Quote:
Originally Posted by KKC

My son received a party invitation and I swear on the bottom of the invite it said..."Leave the drama and EMPTY HANDS at home, NO GIFT, NO ENTRY TO THE PARTY! icon_surprised.gificon_eek.gificon_confused.gif That was so funny I think I showed just about everyone I know. Who does that?!



GHETTO!!! That is what that is. First, if you go to a party, I would hope you would bring a birthday present. BUT I don't think you should be making request on the invites. I swear I see new & new things on this site everyday...not even cake related.




Yes, extremely Ghetto and its more of the younger moms than it is the older moms. Oh and don't bring an outfit from Walmart or Target you are sure to be put on blast. They want to see Macys tags or Dillards tags. thumbsdown.gif

LaBellaFlor Posted 15 Oct 2009 , 10:47pm
post #23 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by KKC

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

Quote:
Originally Posted by KKC

My son received a party invitation and I swear on the bottom of the invite it said..."Leave the drama and EMPTY HANDS at home, NO GIFT, NO ENTRY TO THE PARTY! icon_surprised.gificon_eek.gificon_confused.gif That was so funny I think I showed just about everyone I know. Who does that?!



GHETTO!!! That is what that is. First, if you go to a party, I would hope you would bring a birthday present. BUT I don't think you should be making request on the invites. I swear I see new & new things on this site everyday...not even cake related.



Yes, extremely Ghetto and its more of the younger moms than it is the older moms. Oh and don't bring an outfit from Walmart or Target you are sure to be put on blast. They want to see Macys tags or Dillards tags. thumbsdown.gif




And they can kiss my behind! Now, we don't by Wal-Mart, but that's cause the quality is really bad! But YES, we do buy Target. They have really good quality clothes. And to be honest, I think their clothes looks and is made better then the stuff I've seen at Dillard's. And do we bring gifts to things like babyshowers, yes. That's the point of the babyshower. Do we bring birtrhday presents, yes. Cause that's only appropiate. But for people to cancel a party & then snatch a gift out of someone's hand or put it on the invite the way you said it, TACKY, TACKY, TACKY!!!

lthiele Posted 15 Oct 2009 , 11:19pm
post #24 of 27

This thread is making me laugh and also dropping my jaw to the floor! I'm the same as Texas, I have a box in the top of my walk in of things I buy on special and use them when needed. I have a $10 limit for parties from kids at school we dont know that well. If I find something really good on clearance for 10 bucks, then that kid gets a bonus!

I think etiquette states that if you attend a party you should def bring a gift. If you go back to the origins of it, isn't it about honouring the person with an offering on their special day. Therefore it should be the act of giving and NOT the "value" that we instill in our kids. When kids have Nintendo DS'S, Wii's, XBox's etc, there's no way that you can compete on monetary value with what the parents would buy for their own child.

If it was a relo or a close friend and we could not attend, I would still give the gift for sure, but not for one of the MANY school parties that happen thru the year. Some parents just need a good slap up the side of the head!

KKC Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 12:33am
post #25 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

Quote:
Originally Posted by KKC

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

Quote:
Originally Posted by KKC

My son received a party invitation and I swear on the bottom of the invite it said..."Leave the drama and EMPTY HANDS at home, NO GIFT, NO ENTRY TO THE PARTY! icon_surprised.gificon_eek.gificon_confused.gif That was so funny I think I showed just about everyone I know. Who does that?!



GHETTO!!! That is what that is. First, if you go to a party, I would hope you would bring a birthday present. BUT I don't think you should be making request on the invites. I swear I see new & new things on this site everyday...not even cake related.



Yes, extremely Ghetto and its more of the younger moms than it is the older moms. Oh and don't bring an outfit from Walmart or Target you are sure to be put on blast. They want to see Macys tags or Dillards tags. thumbsdown.gif



And they can kiss my behind! Now, we don't by Wal-Mart, but that's cause the quality is really bad! But YES, we do buy Target. They have really good quality clothes. And to be honest, I think their clothes looks and is made better then the stuff I've seen at Dillard's. And do we bring gifts to things like babyshowers, yes. That's the point of the babyshower. Do we bring birtrhday presents, yes. Cause that's only appropiate. But for people to cancel a party & then snatch a gift out of someone's hand or put it on the invite the way you said it, TACKY, TACKY, TACKY!!!





Yeah that is very Tacky, but nowadays nothing surprises me anymore. I love Target, they have really nice things in there. The only time I go to Macys is when they have their 50% off sale..and when I go I buy for my hubby or my son.

Pookie59 Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 9:55pm
post #26 of 27

Do people only throw birthday parties so that their kinds will get gifts? The same for weddings? Ugh! And then you're lucky to get a thank you card. (And people wonder why the younger generation is so self-involved. Look what they're being taught!)

Personally, if I had already purchased a gift, I would go ahead and send it. However, I think the rules of etiquette say that if you don't attend the party/wedding then no gift is required.

Shelle_75 Posted 17 Oct 2009 , 1:07am
post #27 of 27

This thread, sadly, is oh so true. And don't even get me started on thank-you notes. I always always always send one or require my kids (the ones that can read & write already) to send a thank you note whenever they get a gift. But it seems I am a dying breed. I can't even remember the last time I got a thank you note for a gift we gave to someone. Rude!

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