The Duggar's First Grandbaby

Lounge By Kellbella Updated 16 Oct 2009 , 5:29pm by maggiev777

Kellbella Posted 10 Oct 2009 , 4:10am
post #1 of 18

Just saw where the Duggar family welcomed their first grandbaby! yeah for them, but does anyone think maybe that's a sign that she should stop having any more kids?? I think when you start having grandkids maybe now's a good time to tie the tubes. God bless her for keeping it all together, I can't imagine how she does it! I have 5 cats a dog and a husband and 2 jobs..that's enough for me. What's everyone else think? icon_wink.gif

17 replies
Cakepro Posted 10 Oct 2009 , 4:18am
post #2 of 18

I think they have a happy, healthy, successful family and other people shouldn't make judgements based on what they perceive as their own limitations.

Worry about your own Fallopian tubes rather than hers. icon_smile.gif

GO DUGGARS!

Kellbella Posted 10 Oct 2009 , 4:24am
post #3 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cakepro

I think they have a happy, healthy, successful family and other people shouldn't make judgements based on what they perceive as their own limitations.

Worry about your own Fallopian tubes rather than hers. icon_smile.gif

GO DUGGARS!




I can't even have kids icon_cry.gif but I've come to realize that is what's best for my husband and I.

Cakepro Posted 10 Oct 2009 , 4:26am
post #4 of 18

You can have all the kids you want through adoption. icon_smile.gif There are thousands and thousands of babies and children who need parents.

FlourPots Posted 10 Oct 2009 , 5:24am
post #5 of 18

I think they're nuts and they opened themselves up to plenty of judgement once they sold their soul(s) to a reality show producer.

Mensch Posted 10 Oct 2009 , 5:46am
post #6 of 18

Total freak show!

maggiev777 Posted 10 Oct 2009 , 2:47pm
post #7 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cakepro

You can have all the kids you want through adoption. icon_smile.gif There are thousands and thousands of babies and children who need parents.




Ummm, I know this isn't the topic of this thread, but I just wanted to correct this. Adoption is not easy, and it is not true that someone can "have all the kids you want" through adoption. It is extremely rude and insensitive to be so flip about infertility and adoption, as though it is no big deal. DH and I were rejected by many agencies (and many countries) because we had not been married long enough (we got married in '05), and once we were married long enough, my DH no longer met their age requirements (he is now 49). Also, even if you can adopt, many places require a child to be placed for a year before another adoption is pursued (this does not mean before another child is *placed* but rather before an adoption is even *started*, which can take years to actually place a child). DH and I would love to have half a dozen children (or more!), but that will not happen for us.

We did end up finding an agency that was willing to work with us, but the way it worked was that the birthmom had to choose the family. I think that is a great way to do it, but we didn't get chosen.

Fortunately we ended up eventually getting pg on our own after tons of medical procedures. But then our agency required our adoption to go on hold because of our pregnancy, and we can't go back active until our baby is 6 months old... and then we are back in the "waiting to be chosen" pile.

Not everyone can "have as many children as they want" through adoption. It depends on how many children they want. Yes, adoption might often work for many people. But it does not work all of the time. We certainly will never get to "have as many children as we want".

Rylan Posted 10 Oct 2009 , 11:11pm
post #8 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by maggiev777



Ummm, I know this isn't the topic of this thread, but I just wanted to correct this. Adoption is not easy, and it is not true that someone can "have all the kids you want" through adoption. It is extremely rude and insensitive to be so flip about infertility and adoption, as though it is no big deal. DH and I were rejected by many agencies (and many countries) because we had not been married long enough (we got married in '05), and once we were married long enough, my DH no longer met their age requirements (he is now 49). Also, even if you can adopt, many places require a child to be placed for a year before another adoption is pursued (this does not mean before another child is *placed* but rather before an adoption is even *started*, which can take years to actually place a child). DH and I would love to have half a dozen children (or more!), but that will not happen for us.

We did end up finding an agency that was willing to work with us, but the way it worked was that the birthmom had to choose the family. I think that is a great way to do it, but we didn't get chosen.

Fortunately we ended up eventually getting pg on our own after tons of medical procedures. But then our agency required our adoption to go on hold because of our pregnancy, and we can't go back active until our baby is 6 months old... and then we are back in the "waiting to be chosen" pile.

Not everyone can "have as many children as they want" through adoption. It depends on how many children they want. Yes, adoption might often work for many people. But it does not work all of the time. We certainly will never get to "have as many children as we want".




I TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY agree with what you just said. Not everyone can adopt and not everyone can have as many children as they want.

-Tubbs Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 2:16am
post #9 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rylan

Quote:
Originally Posted by maggiev777


Not everyone can "have as many children as they want" through adoption. It depends on how many children they want. Yes, adoption might often work for many people. But it does not work all of the time. We certainly will never get to "have as many children as we want".



I TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY agree with what you just said. Not everyone can adopt and not everyone can have as many children as they want.



True, that.

Kellbella Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 3:01am
post #10 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cakepro

You can have all the kids you want through adoption. icon_smile.gif There are thousands and thousands of babies and children who need parents.




Yeah, if I'm Angelina Jolie icon_wink.gif

funcakes Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 4:31am
post #11 of 18

I personally believe in zero population growth. I feel we need to take care of the earth and treat it gently. This means not leaving such a large carbon foot print or having dozens of kids.
But that is my strong belief, and others are able to act on their own beliefs. I am horrified by the Gosselins. The invasion of those children's privacy makes me shutter and the constant gifts they receive because of the show will not make them happy in the end. The Duggars seem very different. They seem to be kind and loving with each other. I thought each of their babies were absolutely beautiful. I hope that the media will not change them.

cabecakes Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 4:54am
post #12 of 18

I wish we lived in a non-judgmental world, where everyone wished everyone happiness and prosperity, but alas, we don't. My best friend has been trying for years to have children, and she would make a wonderful mother. I say if you want to be baby-free more power to you and to the other degree...if you want to have twenty and can afford to...go for it. I personally have a large family and I'M LOVIN IT. Let everyone find their own happiness... as long as they aren't interfering with someone elses.

LaBellaFlor Posted 11 Oct 2009 , 7:15pm
post #13 of 18

To each his own. I have 7 and I wouldn't change that for the world. If I hadn't had 7, I still would have that number, because I would have ended up adopting. From what I know of adoption (and this is just from people that I know who have gone through the process), the problem comes in whene a couple becomes choosy of what type of child they adopt. They want the newborn blonde hair/blue eyed newborn, not the 5 year old black child. My state puts a lot of emphasis on adoption and I have had a hard time getting kids that I used to work with getting adopted as well. They were always too old or not the right race. Yes, adoptive parents can be very picky about the type of children they want.

Loucinda Posted 12 Oct 2009 , 2:35am
post #14 of 18

I am gonna step in here.....my oldest had to have hysterectomy at 26 - and tried for YEARS to adopt. She was not picky at all - ANY child would do for her. She now has 2 sons - both bi-racial and both handicapped, one has severe CP (Darren) who is now 7 - she got him when he was 4. Jacob is now 15 - she got him when he was 8 and he has a brain injury (his birth mother who had 9 children threw him out of a 2nd story window on his 3rd birthday) She loves them dearly - she never got the chance to nurture an infant, but she she never has complained about it.

NO -you cannot "adpot as many as you want" unless you are a multi millionaire in the United States.

Carson Posted 14 Oct 2009 , 5:53pm
post #15 of 18

Adoption is such a hard thing to find a happy medium in...on one hand, you don't want children just being adopted to anyone but the process as it is now has so many issues making it hard to legit people to adopt easily. I would adopt a child myself, but all the red tape has scared me off for the time being. I will remain happy with my 3 girls.

Pookie59 Posted 14 Oct 2009 , 8:18pm
post #16 of 18

The Duggers are an interesting family. They seem happy enough, they aren't asking for handouts and they have lovely, well-behaved children. How many people can say that?

That being said, having all those kids is NOT for me. Three was my absolute limit.

As long as they're not asking me to PAY for their lifestyle, I say live and let live.

LaBellaFlor Posted 15 Oct 2009 , 8:02pm
post #17 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loucinda

I am gonna step in here.....my oldest had to have hysterectomy at 26 - and tried for YEARS to adopt. She was not picky at all - ANY child would do for her. She now has 2 sons - both bi-racial and both handicapped, one has severe CP (Darren) who is now 7 - she got him when he was 4. Jacob is now 15 - she got him when he was 8 and he has a brain injury (his birth mother who had 9 children threw him out of a 2nd story window on his 3rd birthday) She loves them dearly - she never got the chance to nurture an infant, but she she never has complained about it.

NO -you cannot "adpot as many as you want" unless you are a multi millionaire in the United States.




And I wish I could have found more people like your daughter. She is the heaven sent exception to the rule. You must be proud of her. I didn't mean that as a blanket statement either. But in general a lot of adoptive parents are picky. In a 5 year period, between 5 group homes of children with various ages and ablities, we only ever got 2 adopted. I discuss what happens when they become to old.

maggiev777 Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 5:29pm
post #18 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

To each his own. I have 7 and I wouldn't change that for the world. If I hadn't had 7, I still would have that number, because I would have ended up adopting. From what I know of adoption (and this is just from people that I know who have gone through the process), the problem comes in whene a couple becomes choosy of what type of child they adopt. They want the newborn blonde hair/blue eyed newborn, not the 5 year old black child. My state puts a lot of emphasis on adoption and I have had a hard time getting kids that I used to work with getting adopted as well. They were always too old or not the right race. Yes, adoptive parents can be very picky about the type of children they want.




Please clarify you have 7 children, all biological? Or are some adopted? And/or special needs? Hmmmm, so did you adopt any of these children you worked with? If not, why not?

Especially if your children are all biological and healthy, it is quite naïve, judgmental, uncompassionate, and hypocritical of you to criticize potential adoptive parents who hope for a healthy newborn. What did you want when you started your family? And for that matter, why did you even have bio kids instead of adopting (especially if you actually worked with and knew particular children who need adopting)? And if you did adopt, at what age and circumstance? If you adopted a healthy child, why not a special needs one instead? If you adopted a special needs child, why not one with more severe special needs? If you adopted a newborn, why not an older child instead? Your comment regarding that you would have ended up adopting implies that adoption would not have been your first choice. Why not? Wasn't that "picky" of you?

Adopting older and/or transracially and/or special needs children is a beautiful calling, and I admire those who do it. Frankly, DH and I are willing to do it, for some situations, but we were not chosen for that either. But potential adoptive parents are not bad people if they are not automatically open to every potential circumstance. If they are bad selfish people for that, then so is every couple who chooses to produce children biologically rather than adopt any number of the needy children out there who already exist.

Also, even being willing to adopt ANY child still does not mean that you can have as many children as you want through adoption which was the original claim to which I was responding. Special needs are often expensive and time consuming to manage (regardless of whether the child is bio or adopted). I cant tell you how many parents of special needs children say that they would have liked to have more children, but that their resources (time, energy and money) are depleted by caring for the ones they have. Even parents of healthy children often say this! So being able to have as many children as you want is simply not a real option for many (even most) people (whether bio or adopted).

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