Question For All Married Women & Men...do You Sometimes?

Lounge By KKC Updated 10 Oct 2009 , 4:04pm by KKC

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 12:26pm
post #1 of 44

Pamper your husbands?? My husband and I have been together for 10 years but married for 3. Earlier in the year my husband and I were having problems like him not being understanding, sensitive, appreciative of the things I do, not taking me out...you know the things that most women want from their men. He use to be that way when we first started dating, so I guess he got comfortable and stopped doing those things. Anyway, we've been working on our marriage. We started going out on dates every other weekend, he writes me love letters, surprise me with gifts. He'd come home after work and clean the dishes and after I get home, he'd sit me down and give me a massage icon_rolleyes.gif So he really has been trying. Even though I cook and clean everyday for him I still feel that he deserves to be pampered too. My friends think thats a horrible idea icon_confused.gif They feel that no woman should pamper a man...its the other way around (I guess thats why they all are single tapedshut.gif )

Anyway, my husband is a very hard worker (he works 16 hour shifts most of the time) and he's a barber part time. He comes home very stressed sometimes and for him to come home and wash dishes and give me a massage that shows me he is really putting alot of effort into making our marriage work...so why not pamper him the same way he does me? Most of the time if I make it home from work before him, I'd have dinner ready for him, his favorite channel on and before he gets ready for his nap I'd rub his feet (I hate touching feet by the way), or I'd massage his scalp. He always makes it his business to tell me thanks and that he loves me.

My friends think that this is something that people do in the movies or on tv and that nobody does this in real life! What are some of you guys take on this? Do you think that pampering should be done by the man only?

Men would you love it if your wife/girlfriend pampered you every now and then??

43 replies
egensinnig Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 12:34pm
post #2 of 44

Helloooo???? It's not a one-way street. What planet does your friends live on???
I totally agree with you - both deserves to be pampered. It's an excellent way to show love without words.
If you love someone you want to make them happy.
Then we all have periods in life when we run low on energy and forget to see and appreciate our partner - it's good to get a reminder now and then.
I do things every day for my husband that I know he will appreciate and the other way around. Of course we also have rough patches when we are stressed and tired and forget to show the other one appreciation but somehow we find the way back.

If your all about yourself and me,me,me - who would wanna live with you?
Give and take - and don't expect to recieve if you don't give
What comes around goes around
Karma

And so on........

Kiddiekakes Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 12:41pm
post #3 of 44

Yup...That is why your friends aren't married!! Of course Men need to be pampered also...You go girl!!!

Auryn Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 12:44pm
post #4 of 44

ok you need to stop listening to your friends, there's a reason they are single.

Just as much as you love the attention he lavishes on you, men love and appreciate that just like women do.
If more women paid attention to their husbands like they wish their husbands would, there would be many more happy relationships.

I totally agree with you that you should do small little things all the time for him that show him how much you love and appreciate him just like he does for you.


I don't know when this self entitled its all about ME behavior started with women, but I really think its one of the reasons there are so many failed relationships.

Men are taught that they need to pay attention to and do things for their beloved (the good ones at least), and yet women in the last 15 years or so are being taught that they should demand that and give nothing back.
Ya lets see how long a guys lasts with that kind of behavior being thrown at him.

Don't even talk to your friends about your marriage anymore- they obviously are too self involved and entitled to be giving you any kind of good advice.

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:05pm
post #5 of 44

Thanks to everyone who responded!

Auryn, you are so right and thats exactly why I don't hang out with them anymore!! Its bad because most of these chicks have kids and yet they are the most selfish creatures I know. I know a lot of married women so I mainly socialize with them.

My mom always taught me to be a leader and not a follower, if I hadn't listened to her I'd be single mad at the world because I was to selfish to consider my mans needs and wants! When I got married I made a vow to myself that my husband would never come home and not have some kind of food to eat..whether it be newly cooked food or leftovers. If I know that he's going to make it home before me, I'd order something for him to eat until I can get home to get dinner started. There are times when he'll tell me I don't have to cook, that he'll pop a frozen pizza in the oven...those are the times when I fall in love with him all over again. He says to me, "I know you really love me when you rub my feet...I know how much you hate touching peoples feet" icon_lol.gif

It just feels good for me to do something for him icon_wink.gif

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:06pm
post #6 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddiekakes

Yup...That is why your friends aren't married!! Of course Men need to be pampered also...You go girl!!!




thumbs_up.gificon_lol.gifthumbs_up.gif Thanks!!!

saffronica Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 2:04pm
post #7 of 44

If it's working for you, if you and your husband are both happy, why would you listen to people who can't make a relationship work? I have a sister like this -- of my 6 older siblings and me, she's the only one whose marriage has failed. Yet she's the one who's constantly trying to give me advice about marriage. No, thanks!

Contrary to what some would have you believe, marriage is NOT 50/50. It's 100/100!

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 2:18pm
post #8 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by saffronica

If it's working for you, if you and your husband are both happy, why would you listen to people who can't make a relationship work? I have a sister like this -- of my 6 older siblings and me, she's the only one whose marriage has failed. Yet she's the one who's constantly trying to give me advice about marriage. No, thanks!

Contrary to what some would have you believe, marriage is NOT 50/50. It's 100/100!




Oh trust me, I don't listen to them! It just goes in one ear and out the other...if I did listen to them then my husband wouldn't get the attention he deserves. I was just putting it out there what they think about it. I agree with what you said about the marriage being 100/100. We both try to give 100%.

Why is it though, that people who don't discipline their kids try to give you advice on how to discipline yours? Or why do people who are not in relationships or have failed marriages try to give you advice on yours? I'll never understand that!

__Jamie__ Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 2:42pm
post #9 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by saffronica

If it's working for you, if you and your husband are both happy, why would you listen to people who can't make a relationship work? I have a sister like this -- of my 6 older siblings and me, she's the only one whose marriage has failed. Yet she's the one who's constantly trying to give me advice about marriage. No, thanks!

Contrary to what some would have you believe, marriage is NOT 50/50. It's 100/100!




Couldn't have said it any better myself. I know what a crappy relationship is, I was in one for 5 hellish years. On the complete flipside now after a LOT of work, and I love that in the 5 years in my new relationship....not one single argument, no silent scorning, no jealousies, no rivalries....just perfection. And it's not from avoidance of issues, it's from complete lack of issues. Love it. It is possible.

mkolmar Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 2:43pm
post #10 of 44

I'm glad to read that your not listening to your friends. They are so wrong. I pamper my DH also. I do pretty much what you do but rub his feet. I'm not touching those. icon_lol.gif My husband always likes it when I leave a card or note for him. I put them in the car at night so when he gets in to take off in the morning it's right there waiting for him. I'll also sometimes leave a CD saying what song to play and to actually listen to the words.
My parents have a horrid marriage and whenever I listen to them it seems to be the little things that they don't do anymore that get on each others nerves. They just want some attention from the other person but are both too stubborn to back down. My DH and I are trying not to be that way.

It sound like you 2 have a strong marriage. Just keep doing what your doing and don't listen to the single friends, there's a reason they are single.

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 2:59pm
post #11 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkolmar

I'm glad to read that your not listening to your friends. They are so wrong. I pamper my DH also. I do pretty much what you do but rub his feet. I'm not touching those. icon_lol.gif My husband always likes it when I leave a card or note for him. I put them in the car at night so when he gets in to take off in the morning it's right there waiting for him. I'll also sometimes leave a CD saying what song to play and to actually listen to the words.
My parents have a horrid marriage and whenever I listen to them it seems to be the little things that they don't do anymore that get on each others nerves. They just want some attention from the other person but are both too stubborn to back down. My DH and I are trying not to be that way.

It sound like you 2 have a strong marriage. Just keep doing what your doing and don't listen to the single friends, there's a reason they are single.




Thanks! We had to get back on track though...last year and the beginning of this year I came close to leaving him. He stopped communicating, just to get some sort of conversation with him was like pulling teeth. Finally, I told him I was done trying and next thing I know he was the one putting forth the effort. One night while I was on my way out the door and out of his life he stopped me and wanted to talk. So now here we are, I'm happy & he's happy! It is so amazing how hard he is trying. You know most people try long enough to get you off their backs and then thats it. Now if I could only get him to not leave his socks on my damn coffee table everything would be perfect icon_cry.gificon_lol.gif

Dale Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 3:59pm
post #12 of 44

Totally pampered...and love it. Works both ways though.

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:08pm
post #13 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dale

Totally pampered...and love it. Works both ways though.




thumbs_up.gif

egensinnig Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:14pm
post #14 of 44

What's with men and their socks? My DH leaves them on the kitchentable or the window sill usually. Today I found them on the kitchen counter- maybe I should leave a trail of M&Ms that leeds to the bathroom and the laundry basket?
But I've decided to love him anyway icon_biggrin.gif

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:44pm
post #15 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by egensinnig

What's with men and their socks? My DH leaves them on the kitchentable or the window sill usually. Today I found them on the kitchen counter- maybe I should leave a trail of M&Ms that leeds to the bathroom and the laundry basket?
But I've decided to love him anyway icon_biggrin.gif




icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

indydebi Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 5:07pm
post #16 of 44

You know, it's the LITTLE things that count. Like every night my hubby makes himself some popcorn. A big huge honkin' bowl of popcorn. And every night, he grabs a small cereal bowl out of the cabinet, fills it with popcorn and brings it to me with a fresh can of Coke. I never ask him, he just does it. (And as he hands it to me, he says, "I am SO whipped!" icon_lol.gif )

When he's watching tv, I'll come up behind him and give him a 5 minute neck rub. He LUVS those. Or when I see Necco candies in the store, I pick those up because I know he loves 'em and they're hard to find.

Neither of us need a big romantic dinner with wine and candlelight. We just need someone who's willing to give our sweaty feet a nice massage "just because"! thumbs_up.gif

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 5:31pm
post #17 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

You know, it's the LITTLE things that count. Like every night my hubby makes himself some popcorn. A big huge honkin' bowl of popcorn. And every night, he grabs a small cereal bowl out of the cabinet, fills it with popcorn and brings it to me with a fresh can of Coke. I never ask him, he just does it. (And as he hands it to me, he says, "I am SO whipped!" icon_lol.gif )

When he's watching tv, I'll come up behind him and give him a 5 minute neck rub. He LUVS those. Or when I see Necco candies in the store, I pick those up because I know he loves 'em and they're hard to find.

Neither of us need a big romantic dinner with wine and candlelight. We just need someone who's willing to give our sweaty feet a nice massage "just because"! thumbs_up.gif




I love the "I am So whipped" comment thumbs_up.gif I understand what you mean about the little things!!! I am so glad that I'm not the only one who feels that you can pamper your man! thumbs_up.gif

Dale Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 8:01pm
post #18 of 44

Little things work best...pedicures...foot rubs...back rubs...cooking the favorite dinner...glass of wine waiting when you walk in the door...yup...she takes care of me plus my feet look so nice when I wear flip flops. Occasionally I'll do something nice right back...like take the vacuum out of the closet for her. Im a keeper for sure.

indydebi Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 8:10pm
post #19 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dale

Occasionally I'll do something nice right back...like take the vacuum out of the closet for her. Im a keeper for sure.




icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Ah, what a sweetie you are! When we first got married, my hubby couldn't understand why I'd get mad when he'd pick his feet up when I was vacuuming. He honestly thought he was "helping" when he did that!

I agree .... you're a keeper!

LaBellaFlor Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 9:25pm
post #20 of 44

This thread is so funny & wonderful. I've never understood the mentality of me,me,me! If I want my husband to treat me a certain way, I'm going to treat him the same way. Absolutely it's the small things that make a marriage. I love when my husband puts the food away from dinner. It beats a diamond ring anyday, well, most days. icon_wink.gif

indydebi Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 9:38pm
post #21 of 44

You guys got me going all sentimental (pssst! Don't tell anyone. Everyone thinks I'm a harda$$!). Tonight I bought hubby a bag of chex mix (his favorite) and a gushy card, that I propped up in his bathroom for him to find when he gets home.

Deb_ Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 10:02pm
post #22 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

You guys got me going all sentimental (pssst! Don't tell anyone. Everyone thinks I'm a harda$$!). Tonight I bought hubby a bag of chex mix (his favorite) and a gushy card, that I propped up in his bathroom for him to find when he gets home.





Mr Indydebi's getting luuuuuuucky tonight!! icon_lol.gificon_wink.gif

KKC, don't listen to your friends that tell you it's wrong to "pamper" your husband.....they're just envious of your marriage and relationship with your husband.


I've always tried to keep my late father's advice in the forefront of my mind where my marriage is concerned.

On my wedding day 26 yrs ago, as we were waiting to walk down the aisle, my Dad turned to me and said "Debbie, always be kind to each other, it's the little things you do for each other that make a marriage strong."
oh and
"Never go to bed mad". I think we've all been given that advice. (that one's been harder to follow though icon_razz.gif )

indydebi Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 10:18pm
post #23 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

I've always tried to keep my late father's advice in the forefront of my mind where my marriage is concerned......




we tell our kids "Marry your best friend. Because when the pink fluffy clouds of "romance and love" get hidden behind the gray clouds of real life and you're dealing with mortgages, crying kids and job layoffs and all you can afford to do is munch popcorn while watching tv, then you better LIKE the person whi is sitting on the couch next to you."

My married daughter said that's what she did. Our son (who is almost married, he just doesn't know it yet) says he always thinks about that.

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 10:36pm
post #24 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

You guys got me going all sentimental (pssst! Don't tell anyone. Everyone thinks I'm a harda$$!). Tonight I bought hubby a bag of chex mix (his favorite) and a gushy card, that I propped up in his bathroom for him to find when he gets home.




Mr Indydebi's getting luuuuuuucky tonight!! icon_lol.gificon_wink.gif

KKC, don't listen to your friends that tell you it's wrong to "pamper" your husband.....they're just envious of your marriage and relationship with your husband.


I've always tried to keep my late father's advice in the forefront of my mind where my marriage is concerned.

On my wedding day 26 yrs ago, as we were waiting to walk down the aisle, my Dad turned to me and said "Debbie, always be kind to each other, it's the little things you do for each other that make a marriage strong."
oh and
"Never go to bed mad". I think we've all been given that advice. (that one's been harder to follow though icon_razz.gif )




I love that advice your dad gave to you icon_biggrin.gif My grandmother gave me the advice about not going to be mad at each other. My husband and I will not go to bed mad at each other. We have to say I love you before bed and before heading off to work. He have to give a kiss and hug once we see each other! Even when we're mad one of us will say "I love you" and that just seems to make us forget what we were mad about!

Oh and guess what??? He's washing the last of the dishes I started, he cleaned the bathroom...I mean he got down on his hands and knees and he scrubbed the hell out of that bathroom icon_wink.gif Oh AND HE PUT HIS SOCKS AWAY icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

KKC Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 10:37pm
post #25 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

I've always tried to keep my late father's advice in the forefront of my mind where my marriage is concerned......



we tell our kids "Marry your best friend. Because when the pink fluffy clouds of "romance and love" get hidden behind the gray clouds of real life and you're dealing with mortgages, crying kids and job layoffs and all you can afford to do is munch popcorn while watching tv, then you better LIKE the person whi is sitting on the couch next to you."




I love that advice also! thumbs_up.gif

emrldsky Posted 8 Oct 2009 , 1:58pm
post #26 of 44

I married my best friend, for sure. He still is. icon_smile.gif People think we're nuts, but that's ok, they can go on thinking wrong.

We try to do nice things for each other, but what it really took was us learning the each others' love language. icon_biggrin.gif

His is "Words of Affirmation" and mine is "Receiving Gifts." We have secondary languages, but we feel most loved when the other person takes a moment to fill our primary language.

For example, my husband feels most loved by me when I tell him what a wonderful husband and provider he is. Anything that expresses to him that I think he's just great fills that need.

For me, I like getting surprise gifts that are sentimental and thought out. He recently bought me a light-up-pumpkin with Tigger's face carved out of it (it's plastic). I LOVE it. icon_smile.gif

So, we "pamper" each other in those ways. We do other things for each other, but those lists can get long. lol

Our 3-year anniversary is next Wednesday, and we're doing really good.

KKC Posted 8 Oct 2009 , 2:38pm
post #27 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by emrldsky

I married my best friend, for sure. He still is. icon_smile.gif People think we're nuts, but that's ok, they can go on thinking wrong.

We try to do nice things for each other, but what it really took was us learning the each others' love language. icon_biggrin.gif

His is "Words of Affirmation" and mine is "Receiving Gifts." We have secondary languages, but we feel most loved when the other person takes a moment to fill our primary language.

For example, my husband feels most loved by me when I tell him what a wonderful husband and provider he is. Anything that expresses to him that I think he's just great fills that need.

For me, I like getting surprise gifts that are sentimental and thought out. He recently bought me a light-up-pumpkin with Tigger's face carved out of it (it's plastic). I LOVE it. icon_smile.gif

So, we "pamper" each other in those ways. We do other things for each other, but those lists can get long. lol

Our 3-year anniversary is next Wednesday, and we're doing really good.




I love it!!! Well I'm wishing you an early "Happy Anniversary". thumbs_up.gif There aren't alot of married people in my family (immediate family) I'd have to say about 4 including me, so its nice to talk to other married people and get their take on marriages and how they make them work.

I'm hoping I can reach those 26 years & more like Dkelly icon_wink.gif Wow, that is so amazing!!!

saffronica Posted 8 Oct 2009 , 5:21pm
post #28 of 44

It's so refreshing to read a thread about HAPPY marriages. I'm tired of hearing people refer to marriage as something to be tolerated. I know not everyone has it as good as I do, but it gets old when people assume that my marriage can't possibly be happy because theirs isn't/wasn't. My sister (the one I mentioned previously) tried to talk me out of marrying my husband before she had even met him!

I'd love to see this thread keep going with examples of what each of you have done to make your marriages stronger -- I think even if we're already happy we can learn from each other. Here are a few things we've done:

- We promised each other that we would never tell demeaning stories about the other just to get a laugh or to fit in with the crowd.

- Now that we have kids, we have a bedtime routine every night. We have a story, a song, a scripture, and family prayer. This is good for the kids, but it is also good for us.

- We made a deal when we got married that we would fight naked. icon_redface.gif It was my husband's idea, and it seemed bizarre to me at first, but his reasoning was that if we had to strip down, we'd either start laughing or choose . . . uh . . . other activities. Either way, it would lighten up the situation! Well, I can't tell you how it works, because we have yet to have a real fight (a number of disagreements, yes, but no fights). But it still makes me laugh!

Just out of curiosity -- how long have all of you been married? We'll celebrate six years next week.

indydebi Posted 8 Oct 2009 , 5:45pm
post #29 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by saffronica

I'd love to see this thread keep going with examples of what each of you have done to make your marriages stronger --




Married 21 years ... togehter 23 years (and that's after I spent 10 years in a first/bad marriage).

When we have a fight, disagreement, "words", when it's over, it's over. We don't drag it out for days. We usually end up laughing. Ex: He'll say, "You always have to have it your way!" and I'll say, "And once you accept that, we won't be having these arguments anymore!" Then we both burst out laughing and it's over.

My married daughter said that was the best and the hardest thing to get used to in her marriage. Her hubby grew up where the fights went on for days. She grew up where the fights lasted 10 minutes and ended in laughter. So when married daughter would have a marital fight .... and an hour later, he's still mad, she'd be all confused!! icon_eek.gif What? They had the fight. The fight is over. What's he still mad about? Took her awhile to understand why he was mad and took HIM a while to understand why she wasn't! icon_lol.gif

emrldsky Posted 8 Oct 2009 , 5:45pm
post #30 of 44

Here's something I made a point of doing today, even if it seems small:

When DH and I went home for lunch (we carpool to and from work, and we live very close to our workplace), he got busy changing the battery in his iPod. While he was doing that, I went ahead and put his lunch in the microwave.

Could I have let him do it? Sure. Did he expect me to do it for him? Not at all! He was very surprised and happy that I went ahead and prepared his lunch.

Small things can be bigger than you think. icon_smile.gif

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