What Should I Do Now About My Sister-In-Law? Kina Long

Business By froglover Updated 9 Oct 2009 , 9:16pm by CarolAnn

froglover Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:03am
post #1 of 56

O.K. I just got married and I've already pissed off the PITA sister-in-law. But in my defense I didn't DO ANYTHING.
So I own a shop with two other people and when i meet my husband his sister wanted me to to her daughters bday cake. O.K. so my partners and I decide that any cake for mine or my husbands siblings, kids and parents will be charged only $5 per cake recipie used unless it is very detailed and we told everyone this so there will be no free cakes for anyone and they all know when they get that discount.
Now my sil texts for a babyshower cake she is throwing and mentions that she will help make it and she doesn't need to spend a lot of $. Thats fine so I tell her she can go by one of two local businesses and get a discount coupon for my shop before she comes in to order. She texts back do I really have to go to another store to get a coupon for your shop. and I said no i will just give you the discount she said well never mind she didn't want the cake.
Let me explain myself I was already planning on giving her a discount off of price per serving to start and the coupon would be even more of a savings for HER but I would need the coupon to staple to the order form since we do not keep these in our shop so that my partners will see she actually had the coupon. I guess she took me telling her to get a coupon as me saying well you will pay full price unless you bring a coupon. When I tried to explain to her that I was just trying to save her a little more money along with the other discount. she said she was not really expecting a discount (we all know she was) but the fact that I would tell her where she could get a coupon was crappy. and the damage was already done and they werent raised to act like this with family. I mean what did i do really someone explain to me what she is so mad about? The bad part is that she holds a grudge and will try to drag his whole family into this. I told her that I was sorry she thought i was being rude or disresspectful but she doesn't need to do this it will only seperate her and her brother even more. (not that I will keep him away but she will avoid doing things with "us" now cuz thats the kinda person she is)

My husband said not to worry and she will eventually get over it but I know she won't. I mean last year she got mad because her dad was too tired to take her daughter trick or treating and she avoided him like the black plague until christmas.
My question is I already have an e-mail of the cake she wanted and it is for Sun. What should I do? Should I go talk to her and explain that she took it the wrong way and see if she still wants to order cake? (I honestly think when I explained what my plan was she realized she blew it out of proportion but was too big headed to swallow her pride) Should I just make the cake show up at the party put it on a table and leave? Should I ignore all of it? HELP

55 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:08am
post #2 of 56

Call her and ask, or get your husband to call her and ask. You don't want to take the cake over there and have her not pay you anything because she didn't order the cake, or take it over and have a sheet cake from walmart already sitting there, while she tells you to take your cake away.

Anyhow, she's being immature...but it's better to get it out now than to have years or decades of being guilt-tripped into giving her free cakes.

LaBellaFlor Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:13am
post #3 of 56

Why are you kissing her behind?!T the reason she acts the way she does, is cause her family (now you) allow her to. I so do not have time to cater to an adult. Go with what your husband says. She'll get over it. And if she doesn't, does your sun rise and set with her? No. And no, you haven't done anything wrong. Plus, you do have business partners.

ButtercupMama Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:21am
post #4 of 56

I've learned that you have to accept that you cannot control how other people behave; you can only control your own actions/reactions.

So if she decides to make a federal case out of this then she will. Give her one quick last chance, and if she refuses the cake, then so be it, you're all done.

Remember to keep your head and act with fairness and grace in all situations.
Over the years, your reputation will speak for itself with your husband's family. Then, when she pulls some hotheaded or whiney BS, they won't wonder who's side of the story to believe. (They already know how she is and I'm sure they've all been the target of her witch hunt at some point.)

G_Cakes Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:25am
post #5 of 56

Sounds lijke emotional blackmail...and I would let it go.

If she is going to be like this then she is not worth it...if it were a customer paying full price would you allow yourself to be treated that way? I doubt it.

Either way I wish you the best of luck and keep in mind that you married her brother....not the family!

froglover Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:27am
post #6 of 56

well I guess If i were to show up with a beautiful cake and there she sat with a pitiful wally world sheet cake and everyone oooh and aahhhed my cake and left her cake to collect dust it would kinda make me smile lol hmmmmmm icon_evil.gif

Mensch Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:39am
post #7 of 56

Let it go.

I mean, why have coffee with people who pee in your cup?

step0nmi Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:48am
post #8 of 56

was all of this conversation through text? If it was or some of it was...I would definitely either call her and explain or go to her. you don't want to have a communication problem because of an electronic device icon_razz.gif

traceyjade Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:51am
post #9 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

Why are you kissing her behind?!T the reason she acts the way she does, is cause her family (now you) allow her to. I so do not have time to cater to an adult. Go with what your husband says. She'll get over it. And if she doesn't, does your sun rise and set with her? No. And no, you haven't done anything wrong. Plus, you do have business partners.




Well said thumbs_up.gif Some people love the drama.....back away while you can...lol!

KitchenKat Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:54am
post #10 of 56

There's nothing wrong with asking. that way the ball is in her court. And any rational person will be able to understand the reasoning behind your asking for the coupon. Of course she could still be miffed but if she's an adult and acts like an adult, she would at the very least still acknowledge your explanation.

If she gives more attitude then that's the time I would drop her.

froglover Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:55am
post #11 of 56

yes everything was in text as far as this cake except when she originally told me about it and said she would help and didn't need to spend a lot of money. She is a texting kinda person 99% of our conversations are through text. I have locked all of the texts she sent so that i can't delete by accident until i feel i can delete them. I don't know I kinda feel like they are my proof that i didn't do anything wrong.

SugarFrosted Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 4:58am
post #12 of 56

I have a SIL just like this. She is ALWAYS mad at someone, and 99% of the time, the person has no clue what happened. Currently it's my MIL she is mad at. It used to hurt a lot to be the target of such nastiness. Now we just laugh about it and move on.

Personally, if I were you, I'd talk to the SIL one more time and explain the "family discount policy" again. If she is still nasty or dismissive or refuses to listen and play by your rules, let it go. No more cakes for her!

illini89 Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 5:02am
post #13 of 56

Why are you kissing her behind?!T the reason she acts the way she does, is cause her family (now you) allow her to. I so do not have time to cater to an adult. Go with what your husband says. She'll get over it. And if she doesn't, does your sun rise and set with her? No. And no, you haven't done anything wrong. Plus, you do have business partners.


I agree! Let it go-it will be her loss in the end. And you have more important things to take care of then running after her. Never easy to do things for familiy

blessedist Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 5:11am
post #14 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

Why are you kissing her behind?!T the reason she acts the way she does, is cause her family (now you) allow her to. Plus, you do have business partners.




thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif

Loucinda Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 12:12pm
post #15 of 56

I don't have anything to add to the drama you are having with the SIL from he** - but I wanted to comment on the stuff you did at Cake Camp - WOW - the extension work is gorgeous!! I so want to learn how to do that!!

JGMB Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 12:19pm
post #16 of 56

I just have one question . . . are we related? icon_wink.gif Your SIL sounds exactly like my sister. I finally took a stand a few years back and wouldn't put up with her nonsense. Everyone else is right -- as long as you keep giving in to her, she's going to keep acting that way.

Kiddiekakes Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:15pm
post #17 of 56

This is exactly why I don't give discounts to family or anyone unless there is a problem with a cake etc...They know that they have to pay for my cakes regular price like everyone else.

littlecake Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:23pm
post #18 of 56

why reward bad behaviour?

you guys are training her to be the way she is.

IGNORE HER...for her own good.

what a brat/

Kitagrl Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:31pm
post #19 of 56

I'd actually have your husband call her ONE time and then forget it. We kind of have a "you deal with your own family" policy around here...not to the extreme (and we all live long distance anyway) but for the most part, my hub takes care of his side and I take care of mine. Its safest that way!

sweetcakes Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:42pm
post #20 of 56

so you're in business with 2 other people and you all agreed that you will give your familys a discount? thats a lot of people to give a discount to. id rethink that idea immediately. Now with your sil order, i would just call to confirm the order and see if she wants it or not. Have one of your partners do it if you dont want to. 'This is _____ bakery calling to confirm your order for the baby shower cake on sat ___. Then you will know if you need to do it or not. She's the one with the problem not you, and you've got to take care of business. Hope it all works out well.

Kitagrl Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:45pm
post #21 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetcakes

so you're in business with 2 other people and you all agreed that you will give your familys a discount? thats a lot of people to give a discount to. id rethink that idea immediately. Now with your sil order, i would just call to confirm the order and see if she wants it or not. Have one of your partners do it if you dont want to. 'This is _____ bakery calling to confirm your order for the baby shower cake on sat ___. Then you will know if you need to do it or not. She's the one with the problem not you, and you've got to take care of business. Hope it all works out well.




If she has a partner do it I'd definitely make sure the partner gives her a balance quote and explains payment so they don't end up doing free cake.

froglover Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:50pm
post #22 of 56

loucinda I'm sorry but I didn't go to cake camp I really wished I could have but with getting married in May I couldn't afford it. My Partners went to the one in Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago though that must be what your talking about I can't wait for them to teach me some new techniques too. They brought back some really pretty stuff. I'll tell them you liked it.
Thanks to all of you ladies for the advice. I think I will go over and try to talk to her once and if she still wants to act childish then she can have her a wally world sheet cake. My husband keeps telling me not to worry because everyone in the family knows how she is and have each felt her wrath at some point or another. Besides I kinda think my father in law loves me more plus I'm the only one in their family who knows a how to cook. lol

ccr03 Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:50pm
post #23 of 56

What's there to call about? She said she didn't want the cake. Done deal. Plus if your husband said she'll get over it, then let it be. He's known her for a MUCH longer time than you have. i know as a new member of their family you want to 'fit in' and get along, but honestly, it's just plain silly to even consider making her cake and showing up with it.

(Don't mean to be harsh, but my bro just did a very dumb thing and this reminds me of it. And he doesn't even think it's dumb, but it's VERY DUMB.)

jody827 Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:54pm
post #24 of 56

This situation caught my eye. Have you ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder? My Mom has it and from the way it sounds your SIL could possibly have it. If so, expect a lifetime of more irrational drama.

dldbrou Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:56pm
post #25 of 56

She seems to be a drama queen of the family. The type of person that has to be the center of attention no matter how it affects the family.

If you leave it alone and don't give in, then she will get the message that her tactics don't work on you and she will move on to someone else.

So-what if she doesn't have anything to do with you for months, just think of all the free time you will have without catering to her demands. She is spoiled and lazy and wants everyone else to keep her on her throne.

You could email her your explanation, but she will just take it in a way that she is too important to run around to get coupons and that you should give it to her anyway. She wants everything on her terms or you get her revenge. Kind of sounds blackmail to me.

Your husband has lived with her dramatics all his life and is tired of it and wants you to let her learn a lesson. I am sure he thinks she doesn't deserve being treated with kit gloves and would love to see her come down to earth just for once.

Keeping the peace in the family sounds like a good idea, but what will you do the next time she orders you around.

CakeMommyTX Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 1:56pm
post #26 of 56

I would'nt even give her one more chance, she made her choice.
Don't give in and make the cake for free or even a discount, thats what she wants and if she throws a big enough hissy fit she knows she'll get it.
You will only be re-enforcing her bad behavior.
Let her eat her Walmart cake, I bet she paid them full price for it.

froglover Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 2:11pm
post #27 of 56

The deal my partners and I made don't include that many people

My other two partners have no family anywhere close (at least 4 hrs away) And I only have one sister who does not take advantage of it she only orders her 1 sons birthday cake every year and now since it includes my husbands family he has a brother and a sister. His brother is kinda like my sister would rather not take advantage and then this whole ordeal is his only sister. So we aren't giving away much. I mean we opened the shop a year a go this month and the only "family discount" that has been used was from the sil for her daughters bday and then my nephews birthday is in Nov. So it's not like we are giving away a next to free cake every month or anything.
Yes she is the drama queen of the family. Her father told me that at christmas she would count the presents to make sure she got at least the same # as everyone else or more. I mean how sad is that?
My huband put it perfect that she has a since of entitlement (sp) I said yeah she thinks shes entitled to everything she wants but not what she needs (like a good slap in the face). tapedshut.gif did I say that

moralna Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 2:17pm
post #28 of 56

Ok - here is my 2 cents. . . I agree with several things: 1) I am a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you and it is obvious that your SIL behaves this way because she has been allowed to do so. 2) By your saying that your SIL is a 99% text person, goes to show that she hides behind the written word because she seems to be an e-mail/text bully. 3) That said, sometimes what is written in an e-mail can sometimes be misconstrued by the receiver. So I would personally call her one more time just to make sure she understood that you were trying to save her money and then just confirm that she still does not want the cake. If she says she doesn't or still continues to behave in such a ridiculous manner, then just say "OK" and back off with no attitude or anger - rise above her pettiness. Another thing, I would mention is do not have your husband call her - do not involve him because though you are dealing with his sister, this is still a business issue. It also goes to show that you are part of the family now and you will deal with your new family directly without needing his defense.

sadsmile Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 2:17pm
post #29 of 56

This sounds like the beginning of a beautiful friendship... cough, sputter, snark, choke... sorry hair ball. icon_lol.gif

OK you have to set the tone for how you will be dealt with, what "they"will get away with and how you want to be treated. I don't care how "they" were raised... you weren't-period. They can not just expect you to "know" all of the family quirks or abide by them, or roll over to give who ever what ever they want, when they want it- with a smile.
I would call her bluff. Be straight forward and explain her options(that you are willing to give) at this point in time.
Explain that you bottom line you have to treat your business as a business and that your partners expect things to be done to procedure.
I would give her the options as A and B.
A you make the cake she pays regular cost.
B You make the cake she gets the family discount with the coupon that she must go pick up. Her choice.
Geeze talk about no good deed goes unpunished. You were only trying to tell her how to go about getting and extra discount.

Bluehue Posted 7 Oct 2009 , 2:49pm
post #30 of 56

People only treat us the way we allow them too - and you are allowing her to treat you badly -
But then that has already been said (in various ways in this thread)

Good God, do you honestly think she is talking about this as much as we all are - NO
Do do honestly think she is perturbed about it like you are - NO
She said *forget it* so i am guessing she has already ordered/arranged for another cake - so just do what she said - forget it.

Would you be as accepting if she was an *unknown* and not family?
You would be calling her the customer from he** and kicking her to the curb - so it staggers me why you are so accepting of her attention seeking rot. icon_confused.gificon_confused.gificon_confused.gif
Staggers me why you are chasing after her - *shakes head in disbelief*

Its all too draining - icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

Move on to the next customer..............................

Next please...................cha ching.

Bluehue.

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