Is It Cake Envy

Lounge By cabecakes Updated 17 Oct 2009 , 2:00am by tracycakes

cabecakes Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 12:53am
post #1 of 20

I have this problem. There is a girl that I work with (non-cake related work) that makes cakes. She always liked to talk to me about her cakes, show me her pictures, show me her catalogs, etc. until I became interested in making cakes. I thought it kind of gave us a common ground so I began sharing my cake stuff with her. Now it's like she avoids me like the plague. Others who know us both say it's because she is jealous because my cakes are better then hers even though she has been doing it longer. I personally do not believe this to be the case, but I don't know why else she would be avoiding me. And I'm not exactly sure how to approach the issue. It really got bad when I was asked to make the company cake for an annual cake auction that she had done the year before. But they always try to get some new to do it each year. On here we all share our thoughts, designs, successes, and failures. I guess I just don't know how to deal with this. Any advice.

19 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 2:08am
post #2 of 20

She probably sees you as competition, especially if she usually bakes for other coworkers.

Everyone thinks we're all going to like each other because we have the same hobby...but that's not always the case. There's a lady at my kids' school who does cakes who can't stand me. I'm not selling cakes like she does, but she seems to want to be the only cake lady there.

indydebi Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 2:51am
post #3 of 20

I'm going to offer some general observations about people that I've picked up over the many many decades.....

I would venture to guess that there are two types of people. Those who are secure in who they are and those who are a walking quivering dishrag of insecurity and low self-esteem.

Those who are secure in what they know and what they do, are happy to share what they know, are anxious to mentor those coming up behind them, and get excited over their friends' achievements.

The insecure dishrags sometimes find ONE thing they are good at. And if someone else comes along and is good at that, too, then they start feeling as if they are losing whatever little "power" they had. Knowledge is a candle that when shared, doubles the light, but the insecure person believes knowledge is a candle that is diminished when it is split between two wicks.

This woman felt like a queen in her own little cake kingdom and you've come along and threatened that.

It's nothing you've done. It's her own level of insecurity and low-self-worth.

It's sad, because she's missing out on all of the fun of sharing everything cake with someone who gets it. Look how much we love it here on CC, simply because it's fun to share with others who live and breathe cake.

cabecakes Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 3:16am
post #4 of 20

Since she is avoiding me, I don't know if I should approach her anymore or not. I tried to talk to her about this website and tell her how much I've learn here, and she just kind of blew me off. Kind of "oh really, that's nice" kind of thing. I didn't really mean to "pee in her wheaties" but apparently I have. I guess I'm just the type of person that I don't like having the "unfinished" business. Normally (if it wasn't a work situation) I would ask her if I did something to make her mad, but I don't really want to possibly start any drama at work.

Texas_Rose Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 3:21am
post #5 of 20

Well, no way of knowing you were going to tinkle in her Post Toasties icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif She might have been happy to have a cake buddy instead.

I'd just let her be. You don't need the drama, and she knows where to find you if she wants to get over her attitude and be friends again.

cabecakes Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 3:30am
post #6 of 20

Probably very good advice. I'll just let her come to me.

LaBellaFlor Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 4:25am
post #7 of 20

I just wouldn't worry about it. This is a co-worker, not family or a life long friend. I would totally love to have some one to talk about caking, but she probably feels you've stepped on her toes. It's just not a big deal. Keep on caken & be happy like I am to have found a site with people who love to talk endlessly about cakes...which makes my husband very happy that it's not him.

KKC Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 2:56pm
post #8 of 20

Ooohh, I can totally relate! The only thing is this lady is a close friend of my aunt and every single time my aunt would show her a cake I made she'll say something negative. This is the same lady who contacted me the day before a wedding to come and help her do the cake for free, but she was going to take all the credit for it icon_eek.gificon_confused.gif

For my aunts little boys birthday she called my aunt and this is what she said to her "You know you like my cakes you don't have to patronize your family all the time, order a cake from me, you don't have to order for your niece" icon_confused.gif My aunt asked her was she going to get it for free and the lady said "hell no" so my aunt told her no thanks icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif. So of course I ended up making the cake (Spongebob in my pics) and the lady didn't attend the party (their kids are in the same class). This lady is bonafide crazy. She doesn't even decorate cakes, she really only makes pound cakes and layer cakes (i.e. coconut, red velvet). I told her that there is enough business to go around and besides she lives about an hour and a half from where I do business.

mgwebb68 Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 3:47pm
post #9 of 20

Ok, I can relate to both of the stories. There is a girl that I work with that makes / made cakes. She stopped (don't know why), but I was talking to her one day telling her that I always wanted to try, she gave me that look like "what's stopping you, just go for it". So, I did. At first when I would show her my cakes she was helpful and offered suggestions. Now when I show her it's like she doesn't want to talk to me. If it's not cake related she's fine, but if it's cake related, very low interest level.

There is also a lady that is the wife of one of my DH's friends. She does it for a living, she found out that I started doing it and she gets all prickly around me. She asks me what I've done, but when I tell her, she gets all prickly. I told her about the cake that I was making for my DH for his birthday and she asked if I had ever done that before (in a real "now honey, you know you're out of your league" kind of tone), I told her "nope, never done it, but it doesn't look too hard if you break it down into steps". I got "the look". My friend was with me and said that she doesn't understand why she gets so touchy, it's not like I have a business and I'm competing with her.

I guess some folks just don't like to know that there are other people that they know that can do the same thing they do. I guess they feel less special.

On the flip side I was going to take a cake to some friends, my husband I were there and one of they guy's girlfriend (young girl) had already made a cake, she was so proud of it (you could just see it on her face) and I was proud of her for having tried (her first time using fondant), even though I never met her before. She had no idea cakes are my hobby. When we left to go home (with the intent of returning with the cake), my husband said, "well, what are you going to do with the cake now?" Meaning, we both knew that I wasn't going to steal her thunder by taking another cake over there, no matter what either of them looked like. Mine ended up going to the fire station and the 911 dispatchers. They always love cake!

Carson Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 3:48pm
post #10 of 20

I find that the cake business is a hard one to make friends in. Everyone gets defensive and insecure when it comes to talking to other cakers. It seems that they want to be the only cake talent in the room (or town/city/world). That is something I run into all the time in the cake world and still haven't figured out why. I am pretty sure musicians don't refuse to talk to other musicians about music incase they are better or have more (or less) fans, still haven't figured this one out yet.

I'll talk to anyone about cakes, hehe.

costumeczar Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 3:55pm
post #11 of 20

She's probably just jealous, like everyone else has said. It goes both ways, though...How many times have we read posts in these forums about people who are insulted when someone doesn't buy a cake from them and goes somewhere else for it, or a relative doesn't ask them to make the cake for family events?

A lot of people seem to define themselves by their talents, and if someone shows that they have the same talent, or isn't interested in letting you show yours off, there end up being hurt feelings and everyone gets offended.

If she doesn't want to talk cake with you, just leave her alone and post here about it! It's not worth worrying about if she's got her nose out of joint.

KKC Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 4:42pm
post #12 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by costumeczar

She's probably just jealous, like everyone else has said. It goes both ways, though...How many times have we read posts in these forums about people who are insulted when someone doesn't buy a cake from them and goes somewhere else for it, or a relative doesn't ask them to make the cake for family events?

A lot of people seem to define themselves by their talents, and if someone shows that they have the same talent, or isn't interested in letting you show yours off, there end up being hurt feelings and everyone gets offended.

If she doesn't want to talk cake with you, just leave her alone and post here about it! It's not worth worrying about if she's got her nose out of joint.




So true...I honestly hate when my family & friends asks me to make cakes, because they feel that they should get the "family & friends" discount...and I definately don't do discounts!

LaBellaFlor Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 5:15pm
post #13 of 20

KKC you have got to be kidding me. ((sigh)) icon_rolleyes.gif Good thing she's your aunt's friend and not yours!

Mgwebb68 you just keep on trying whatever you want. How else do you learn? I'm sure you know not to do someone's wedding cake if you don't know what your doing.

I just don't understand. I always feel there is plenty of business for everyone. Heck, you may not be able to work with someone, where as someone else can. I have no problem reccomending someone somewhere else. It's just not that big of a deal. At least we got CC to have someone to talk to about cakes! icon_smile.gif

mgwebb68 Posted 6 Oct 2009 , 5:32pm
post #14 of 20

LaBellaFlor - thanks! I fully intend to try anything that I feel I can do, I know my limits and abilites, but I'm not going to learn anything new unless I try, like you said. The one that she felt was "out of my league" was the fire helmet in my photos. It wasn't perfect, but for a first try I think it turned out pretty good (especially since I'm self taught, no classes at all).

My friend is funny, she won't show this lady's husband some of my cakes because she says she needs to come up with her own ideas. She's a "professional" I can't see any reason for her to feel threatened by me, This is just my hobby, I do it for friends and family and my personal enjoyment, on my schedule, and that's all that I care about.

But like most here have said, some people just want to be the only one that does something, like they invented it or something. If I bring something to work it's cupcakes or an undecorated cake like tres leches or german chocolate so that I don't step on any toes.

cabecakes Posted 10 Oct 2009 , 3:44am
post #15 of 20

Well, when I wasn't doing decorating she always wanted to show me the pictures of the cakes she had decorated, and I was always supportive. I just loved the show Ace of Cakes and I asked her if she ever watched it and she said no. She started saying how she would like to be able to do this or do that, and I'd say "Well on the Ace of Cakes, they would do this or that." She would be like, "Hey that's a good idea" and we would just kind of throw ideas back and forth. It kind of gave us a common ground and we both enjoyed talking about it. About 6 months ago I started researching and self-teaching myself how to do several techniques and all of the sudden she just kind of drops off the radar. She doesn't seem to want to even talk to me at all (cake stuff or otherwise). I'll have to admit it does bother me a little, but I'm not really going to lose any sleep over it. I got everyone here to talk cake with. Yee Haw, I'm lovin' it!

NJCakeDiva Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 2:39pm
post #16 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

I'm going to offer some general observations about people that I've picked up over the many many decades.....

Those who are secure in what they know and what they do, are happy to share what they know, are anxious to mentor those coming up behind them, and get excited over their friends' achievements.

The insecure dishrags sometimes find ONE thing they are good at. And if someone else comes along and is good at that, too, then they start feeling as if they are losing whatever little "power" they had. Knowledge is a candle that when shared, doubles the light, but the insecure person believes knowledge is a candle that is diminished when it is split between two wicks

It's sad, because she's missing out on all of the fun of sharing everything cake with someone who gets it. Look how much we love it here on CC, simply because it's fun to share with others who live and breathe cake.




I would have too absolutely agree with you Indydebi! If it were not for the wonderful members on this forum I would not have the courage to try to do what I do. The positive feedback, the personal messages of advice that is shared amongst all of the very secure members on CC makes this experience a joy. I know I am not alone in my passion and I look forward to hearing about everyone's triumphs(and failures, because we are always lifted up to try it again).

michellenj Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 4:15pm
post #17 of 20

It would be interesting if she was a member and stumbled on to this thread. icon_razz.gif

Loucinda Posted 16 Oct 2009 , 7:29pm
post #18 of 20

Indy - that speaks volumes. I cannot tell you how many times I have been thanked for sharing something I have learned - and the comment about how many times they had asked "so and so" and they would not help. (and I have copied and pasted that into my sig - I hope you don't mind)

There are enough cake orders in the world to keep all of us busy! thumbs_up.gif

indydebi Posted 17 Oct 2009 , 12:52am
post #19 of 20

Ah man loucinda, now that just made me cry! thanks! thumbs_up.gif

tracycakes Posted 17 Oct 2009 , 2:00am
post #20 of 20

I'm one of those that have suffered from insecurity although most people probably would not think so since I hide it pretty well. Believe me, those who have it would rather not.

Hopefully, I have put it behind me. Last week, I had a booth at a business expo. I had several people ask me if I gave classes and if I did, they would take them. icon_biggrin.gif I thought that was totally cool. I have thought about it but mainly for kids like for kids parties, I hadn't thought about teaching adults. It would definitely be a way to give back.

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