Shouldn't Share Cake "how To's" With A Friend! :(

Decorating By kccliff Updated 11 Sep 2009 , 3:14am by Lita829

kccliff Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 12:45am
post #1 of 17

I have a friend who has been making cakes for a few years now I guess. She never uses any kind of fondant and I'd say her cakes are ok. Mine aren't great but I like to try new things all the time.

So she could only make nail roses so I showed her how to make Easter Lilies, hand size calla lilies, morning glories. I've also told her some tricks that I use like using an old hair iron and putting wax paper behind my cake ribbon. She also never knew how to use parchment paper to help keep your cake flat.

Anyway, she is attending school now because her kids are older and she told me last year that she would definately pass customers to me. Well never happens. Now she is making cakes with the flowers I showed her how to make, and using the techniques I showed her how to do .....

I believe I'm jealous...but man now she has more orders because she expanded what she can do. How do you deal with this. Every time she says she has another cake and "it's real easy, I can squeeze it in" it drives me crazy!!

I had to vent to someone so if anyone is out there wants to read this...here it is...lol


Karen

16 replies
Kiddiekakes Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 12:49am
post #2 of 17

Ahhh I feel for yah fellow Canadian....That's why I am sooo glad that none of my friends can cake decorate and don't want to know how either!!! It makes it sooo much easier.

bbmom Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 12:57am
post #3 of 17

Ooh, thats hard. If she's a really good friend just try to feel happy for her success and every so often remind her that you could use a few more clients if she's ever too busy. If she's just an aquaintance then dont give her any more advice, tips, tricks, no loaning pans, tools etc.,

Lita829 Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:06am
post #4 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbmom

Ooh, thats hard. If she's a really good friend just try to feel happy for her success and every so often remind her that you could use a few more clients if she's ever too busy. If she's just an aquaintance then dont give her any more advice, tips, tricks, no loaning pans, tools etc.,




I agree with bbmom. I wouldn't give her any more tips or advice even if she was a friend...she totally flipped the script on ya icon_surprised.gif . It is a tricky situation.

Good Luck!

KitchenKat Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:07am
post #5 of 17

Man this is frustrating. I'd be hurt and annoyed too.

The blessings you give out come back to you a hundred-fold in many, many ways. Being generous was your good deed. Though it now seems that she took advantage of you to the detriment of your business, in the greater scheme of things, believe me it will not go unrewarded.

MissCathcart Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:14am
post #6 of 17

It would really hurt if that happened to me, but KitchenKat has the right idea.

indydebi Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:15am
post #7 of 17

Um, I guess I'm in the minority here, because I don't understand. You showed her how to do new things. Did you expect her NOT to use her new skills to enhance her own cake biz? icon_confused.gif

She has more orders because she can do more (stuff) now. I'm sorry but the only thing that come to mind is "Duh!"

Since you're the kind who likes to try new things, then I'm sure you're adding skills to your cake resume and will be able to expand your business also.

Be happy for your friend's success, as I'd hope she'd be happy for yours.

If there's something I don't understand, then I sincerely ask to be educated. But if I share how I do something, I'm not going to share it with the stipulation that the person can't use what I've just shared with them.

LaBellaFlor Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:17am
post #8 of 17

You showed your frined who you knew like to decorate some decorating techniques. Now she is doing cakes instead of passing them customers on to you like she said she would. And your jealous. Sometimes people change their minds. I personally do things for my friends simply cause their my friends. Not cause I expect anything back.

sweetcravings Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:23am
post #9 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Um, I guess I'm in the minority here, because I don't understand. You showed her how to do new things. Did you expect her NOT to use her new skills to enhance her own cake biz? icon_confused.gif

Be happy for your friend's success, as I'd hope she'd be happy for yours.




thumbs_up.gif Exactly what i was thinking.

KitchenKat Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:31am
post #10 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Um, I guess I'm in the minority here, because I don't understand. You showed her how to do new things. Did you expect her NOT to use her new skills to enhance her own cake biz? icon_confused.gif

She has more orders because she can do more (stuff) now. I'm sorry but the only thing that come to mind is "Duh!"

Since you're the kind who likes to try new things, then I'm sure you're adding skills to your cake resume and will be able to expand your business also.

Be happy for your friend's success, as I'd hope she'd be happy for yours.

If there's something I don't understand, then I sincerely ask to be educated. But if I share how I do something, I'm not going to share it with the stipulation that the person can't use what I've just shared with them.




What I'm understanding from the OP is that it's not so much the fact that the friend is using the techniques OP taught her to sell more cakes. It is that the friend specifically told OP she'd refer customers to OP and that's not happening.

And I kinda get the feeling the friend has not acknowledged or thanked the OP for the OP's role in the friend's expanded business. If I were the friend I would surely say something along the lines of "My business is booming and it's because of what you taught me. Thank you." In the same vein I'd hope the person I helped would do the same.

indydebi Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:43am
post #11 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by KitchenKat

And I kinda get the feeling the friend has not acknowledged or thanked the OP for the OP's role in the friend's expanded business. If I were the friend I would surely say something along the lines of "My business is booming and it's because of what you taught me. Thank you." In the same vein I'd hope the person I helped would do the same.



Oh, that I can completely understand and I missed seeing that point. It would definitely be a feel-good for anyone if the friend acknowledged the help with the expansion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KitchenKat

What I'm understanding from the OP is that it's not so much the fact that the friend is using the techniques OP taught her to sell more cakes. It is that the friend specifically told OP she'd refer customers to OP and that's not happening.


This might be some misunderstanding. Perhaps the friend meant she'd be happy to refer some overflow business? But since she's able to handle it, there is no overflow? I have no idea of her intent, of course, just offering some ideas on what might have been meant.

LaBellaFlor Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:45am
post #12 of 17

She doesn't say anything about not being thanked. Just that she's jealous that her friend's business has expanded, cause of the techniques she taught her. I just don't get calling someone your friend and feeling that way. The people I call friends are like family and we have done way more for each other at greater cost & sacrifices, out of love, and never thought twice about it.

Lita829 Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:48am
post #13 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

You showed your frined who you knew like to decorate some decorating techniques. Now she is doing cakes instead of passing them customers on to you like she said she would. And your jealous. Sometimes people change their minds. I personally do things for my friends simply cause their my friends. Not cause I expect anything back.




I concede that your probably right. I am just a little jaded and disappointed with people right now so I was projecting this in my initial post. I'd be a little hurt but I could understand if she simply changed her mind and decided to continue caking. I also agree that friends are supposed to do good things for one another without expecting something in return. She could acknowledge how much you have helped her expand her business skills, though. Just like KitchenKat said.

Good Luck!

Texas_Rose Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:52am
post #14 of 17

I can understand what you're talking about. She basically said, "Oh, I'm in school now, I don't have time to do cakes except for fun, so I'll give you my customers, but teach me some new stuff to play with," and then she liked the new stuff so much that she didn't stop making cakes after all.

Since you do fondant and she doesn't, why don't you practice some new fondant or gumpaste techniques that she doesn't know, so you'll have something to offer that makes your cakes different from hers. Maybe big loopy bows, gumpaste roses, gumpaste baby booties or high heels (the patterns are in the gallery here, super easy and fun!), etc...Branch out into decorated cookies too. If you put fondant on them they're really fast and easy, but they look like they were a lot of work.

kccliff Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 1:58am
post #15 of 17

Kitchenkat says.."What I'm understanding from the OP is that it's not so much the fact that the friend is using the techniques OP taught her to sell more cakes. It is that the friend specifically told OP she'd refer customers to OP and that's not happening.

And I kinda get the feeling the friend has not acknowledged or thanked the OP for the OP's role in the friend's expanded business. If I were the friend I would surely say something along the lines of "My business is booming and it's because of what you taught me. Thank you." In the same vein I'd hope the person I helped would do the same."

Just like Kitchenkat says in her second reply. I haven't received a thank you nor has she passes any clients to me as she said she would. Instead she tells me that even though she is too busy with school and work she'll do the cakes anyway. I was happy to show her some techniques and tips NOT in exchange for business but to be a friend. It's the fact that her end hasn't been filled or thanked my for any of it...

Thank you for all your replies. It won't be this way forever.
Karen

LaBellaFlor Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 2:01am
post #16 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lita829

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

You showed your frined who you knew like to decorate some decorating techniques. Now she is doing cakes instead of passing them customers on to you like she said she would. And your jealous. Sometimes people change their minds. I personally do things for my friends simply cause their my friends. Not cause I expect anything back.



I concede that your probably right. I am just a little jaded and disappointed with people right now so I was projecting this in my initial post. I'd be a little hurt but I could understand if she simply changed her mind and decided to continue caking. I also agree that friends are supposed to do good things for one another without expecting something in return. She could acknowledge how much you have helped her expand her business skills, though. Just like KitchenKat said.

Good Luck!





I understand about being jaded. We sometimes come across people that really surprise us in their behavior, especailly if we call them "friends". But can I tell you what I tell my daughters, "You need to learn how people are going to be and you have to decide if your going to deal with them or not, and if you do, you gotta deal with them on their level". I have had friends that have given me $2000 to save my house from forclosure and they know I'm more then willing to do the same without a thought. I have had a "friend" use my credit card and not pay the bill, even though she knew she had to. Gone to work for same person and not pay me my salary, even though she knew my husband just lost his job and my daughter's birthday was coming up. She couldn't pay me and in the same breath talk about how she had to get at least one pair of Gucci shoes & purse for Christmas. I all ready knew she was like this. I wasn't mad or surprise, cause I knew she was this type of person. I just removed her from my life.

Lita829 Posted 11 Sep 2009 , 3:14am
post #17 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lita829

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

You showed your frined who you knew like to decorate some decorating techniques. Now she is doing cakes instead of passing them customers on to you like she said she would. And your jealous. Sometimes people change their minds. I personally do things for my friends simply cause their my friends. Not cause I expect anything back.



I concede that your probably right. I am just a little jaded and disappointed with people right now so I was projecting this in my initial post. I'd be a little hurt but I could understand if she simply changed her mind and decided to continue caking. I also agree that friends are supposed to do good things for one another without expecting something in return. She could acknowledge how much you have helped her expand her business skills, though. Just like KitchenKat said.

Good Luck!




I understand about being jaded. We sometimes come across people that really surprise us in their behavior, especailly if we call them "friends". But can I tell you what I tell my daughters, "You need to learn how people are going to be and you have to decide if your going to deal with them or not, and if you do, you gotta deal with them on their level". I have had friends that have given me $2000 to save my house from forclosure and they know I'm more then willing to do the same without a thought. I have had a "friend" use my credit card and not pay the bill, even though she knew she had to. Gone to work for same person and not pay me my salary, even though she knew my husband just lost his job and my daughter's birthday was coming up. She couldn't pay me and in the same breath talk about how she had to get at least one pair of Gucci shoes & purse for Christmas. I all ready knew she was like this. I wasn't mad or surprise, cause I knew she was this type of person. I just removed her from my life.




You are absolutely right. I had to totally EXPEL all of my female friends from my life because of various reasons that boiled down to me being a better friend...bending over backwards to be there when they needed me and even when they didn't. They always say that a friend in need is a friend indeed. So true..so true. The women I had in my life were down right toxic...they didn't want me to have anything or anyone..especially a man who was better than they could attract. Oh well, what can you do. You live and you learn...even though life lessons can be excruciatingly painful.

Ya'll have a good night. I'm about to get some ZZZZZZ's icon_smile.gif

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