How To Say No

Decorating By tab26852 Updated 10 Sep 2009 , 4:18pm by 7yyrt

tab26852 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 12:30pm
post #1 of 39

How would you all deal with your mother wanting you to make a cake for her brother to serve 75 people for his 50th birthday she has 11 other brothers and sisters but only 2 of them want to pay me $5.00 each thats only $10.00 for that cake I told my mother no way and she is now upset with me. How do you all deal with family wanting cakes for nothing. They just don't realize how much goes into making a cake.

38 replies
LaBellaFlor Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 12:41pm
post #2 of 39

You answered her question. It's done. She's just gonna have to get over it. Unless you want to come up with a price and tell her what it cost and see if she wants to pay for it. I wouldn't do a cake for that many people for $10, not even family. And yes, I would be okay with my mom getting upset. Heck, I would look at my mom and wonder why she would be okay with me not getting paid properly.

KHalstead Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 12:53pm
post #3 of 39

I would say "I would be so honored to make your brother's cake" (as long as you wanna do it)......then hand her a shopping list and say "this is what I'll need"

indydebi Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 1:13pm
post #4 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by KHalstead

I would say "I would be so honored to make your brother's cake" (as long as you wanna do it)......then hand her a shopping list and say "this is what I'll need"



Good one! thumbs_up.gif

I find it amazing that if I owned a grocery store, folks wouldn't expect to be able to walk into my store and get their groceries for free. If I owned a gas station, they wouldn't expect to be able to ull up and fill their tank for free. But for some reason, some folks expect to get a free cake from the family cake person. icon_confused.gif

tab26852 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 2:19pm
post #5 of 39

love the idea of a shopping list, I think I'll try that the next time

__Jamie__ Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 2:24pm
post #6 of 39

And if you already have the boards, supports, drums, ribbon, whatever else it takes....pretend like you don't. So throw some chocolate on that list too (expensive chocolate) for you for later. icon_biggrin.gif

Tracyj Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 2:40pm
post #7 of 39

I do my families cakes for the cost of the ingredients. It gives me a chance to hone my skills and for my family to get a taste of my cakes. They love them but rarely get them because I never have time to make one for them!!

-K8memphis Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 2:40pm
post #8 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by __Jamie__

And if you already have the boards, supports, drums, ribbon, whatever else it takes....pretend like you don't. So throw some chocolate on that list too (expensive chocolate) for you for later. icon_biggrin.gif




Don't forget the box of Cheezits.

To eat at midnight of course when everyone is asleep.

Don't rattle the packaging too much or you'll have unexpected company!!!

icon_biggrin.gif

__Jamie__ Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 2:41pm
post #9 of 39

Shoot...yeah, those too!

newmansmom2004 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 2:43pm
post #10 of 39

I'd think nothing of doing a free cake for a (close) family member. I grew up in a family where we do things and make things for each other all the time so I wouldn't think twice about it - I'd just do it.

Now...having said that...if some long-distance cousin twice removed that I hadn't heard from in 20 years called up out of the blue and asked for a cake for free, well then that'd be a whole other issue.

KHalstead Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 2:44pm
post #11 of 39

lol @ the expensive chocolate for later.........I love giving people the shopping list....if you don't want them to know your recipe (ie: cake mix) have em' pick up other stuff like flour or powdered sugar and vegetable shortening and stuff like that you know you always use.

So far I've had 4 family members ask for a "free" cake and I gave them shopping lists and ALL of them opted to just pay what I normally charge for the cakes because they didn't have the time to run out to all the different stores necessary to get the ingredients lol........welcome to my world!

indydebi Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 2:45pm
post #12 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmansmom2004

I'd think nothing of doing a free cake for a (close) family member. I grew up in a family where we do things and make things for each other all the time so I wouldn't think twice about it - I'd just do it.


We're like that, too, but compared to the stories on this site, I am VERY blessed to have immediate family members (siblings and hubby's siblings) who NEVER ask me for a free cake. They always start with "how much would you charge me.....?" And because they never take me for granted, I'm more than happy to VOLUNTEER to do free cakes for them, when I can.

newmansmom2004 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 2:59pm
post #13 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by newmansmom2004

I'd think nothing of doing a free cake for a (close) family member. I grew up in a family where we do things and make things for each other all the time so I wouldn't think twice about it - I'd just do it.

We're like that, too, but compared to the stories on this site, I am VERY blessed to have immediate family members (siblings and hubby's siblings) who NEVER ask me for a free cake. They always start with "how much would you charge me.....?" And because they never take me for granted, I'm more than happy to VOLUNTEER to do free cakes for them, when I can.




That's the key, Debi - we're that way, too, and that's why we don't mind doing things like that. It's never a "hey I need you to...." or "when can I get a ...." We ASK instead of tell.

I know there are some families who insist on using other family members to get free stuff - whether it's cake or something else - and in those instances I can certainly understand how people get tired of being used and get to the point where they just want to tell the next family member not only "no", but "he** no"! LOL!

Texas_Rose Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:12pm
post #14 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmansmom2004

I'd think nothing of doing a free cake for a (close) family member. I grew up in a family where we do things and make things for each other all the time so I wouldn't think twice about it - I'd just do it.

Now...having said that...if some long-distance cousin twice removed that I hadn't heard from in 20 years called up out of the blue and asked for a cake for free, well then that'd be a whole other issue.




I can't always afford to do it. It's not that I don't want to help my family, it's just that sometimes the cash just isn't there...and if my grocery budget is $80 for two weeks and I'm asked to spend $40 on cake supplies, well, you can see why that's not going to happen. I'm not going to take food out of my kids' mouths so that Aunt Ro can impress her guests with some elaborate cake.

Maybe our OP has issues like I do...there's no shame in saying no to what you can't afford to do. And I'm too proud to tell my family that I can't afford to do it, so I just give them the shopping list and if they want to come up with the stuff on the list, they'll get a cake.

LaBellaFlor Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:12pm
post #15 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmansmom2004

Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by newmansmom2004

I'd think nothing of doing a free cake for a (close) family member. I grew up in a family where we do things and make things for each other all the time so I wouldn't think twice about it - I'd just do it.

We're like that, too, but compared to the stories on this site, I am VERY blessed to have immediate family members (siblings and hubby's siblings) who NEVER ask me for a free cake. They always start with "how much would you charge me.....?" And because they never take me for granted, I'm more than happy to VOLUNTEER to do free cakes for them, when I can.



That's the key, Debi - we're that way, too, and that's why we don't mind doing things like that. It's never a "hey I need you to...." or "when can I get a ...." We ASK instead of tell.

I know there are some families who insist on using other family members to get free stuff - whether it's cake or something else - and in those instances I can certainly understand how people get tired of being used and get to the point where they just want to tell the next family member not only "no", but "he** no"! LOL!





You are so right. I have family members that I will do anything for, no matter what it is. But I certainly got some family members I wouldn't put energy into a thought of them. They are just USERS of the worst. They don't feel like they are using you, but that your supposed to do everything for them...and won't help you at all!

Rylan Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:19pm
post #16 of 39

Exactly what the other's said. If it doesn't affect my budget then I'd definitely do it. If it does, then I'd say, "I can't afford it right now but if you get the ingredients for me, then I can do it".

I'd do anything for my family, especially for my mother.

TxBama Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:24pm
post #17 of 39

OMG - And your Mom has 11 other brothers and sisters? Are you going to have to make cakes for them as well? Oooo weee Honey. Your Momma is your Momma and she will get over her mad. But, I don't think I'd get this started - the shopping list is a really good idea. Let her get the supplies and then ask her to come by and "help" with the mixing, the baking, the icing tinting, THE DISH WASHING, the leveling the layering, the board covering, the smoothing....well, you get my drift. Just know that what ever your decision, you CC Buddies are right there with ya!

-K8memphis Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:27pm
post #18 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by tab26852

How would you all deal with your mother wanting you to make a cake for her brother to serve 75 people for his 50th birthday she has 11 other brothers and sisters but only 2 of them want to pay me $5.00 each thats only $10.00 for that cake I told my mother no way and she is now upset with me. How do you all deal with family wanting cakes for nothing. They just don't realize how much goes into making a cake.




I think the greater shame is that unless these folks are coughing up for the eats or something it's a crime that nine siblings out of eleven can't put in a few bucks for their own brother's 50th birthday cake--we give that much at the office for crying out loud.

The big box stores cost more than tha-at!

How's the brother gonna feel to hear that?
'Most of us don't give a flip if you get a cake. Sucks to be you, Bro.'

tsk

playingwithsugar Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:30pm
post #19 of 39

Don't do it!

My story - My ex's father passed away. I went to his family and told them that the monument place down the street from me will do Pop's stone for $300. They all said Yes, order it, we'll help pay for it. There's 6 kids and 3 step-kids in that family, so I'm thinking that my share wouldn't be that much. Yeah, right.

1 ex-BIL paid his share, and I ended up footing the bill for the rest.

Mom or not, if she wants a cake, let her collect the money from her siblings before you start working on it.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

newmansmom2004 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:36pm
post #20 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by K8memphis-


I think the greater shame is that unless these folks are coughing up for the eats or something it's a crime that nine siblings out of eleven can't put in a few bucks for their own brother's 50th birthday cake--we give that much at the office for crying out loud.

The big box stores cost more than tha-at!

How's the brother gonna feel to hear that?
'Most of us don't give a flip if you get a cake. Sucks to be you, Bro.'

tsk




Have to agree with ya, K8. That's pretty sad.

moralna Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:48pm
post #21 of 39

You know it's funny how relatives can be sometimes - either meaningfully (is that a word) or not. I just had an experience this past weekend with a family member that I never thought I would have. I have made b-day cakes for first birthday of kids in my family or if I didn't do first birthday cakes because I wasn't do cakes at the time, then I make a birthday cake at some point for the child as a gift. After that, if they want a specialty cake, then they can order it from me - right? Well, the family keeps growing and a relative of mine, who has 3 sons celebrated his middle boy's 4th birthday and had a farm theme. I was invited to the party and decided that I had already done a huge birthday cake for this 1st birthday (as well as for his 2 other brothers on separate occasions) and that was that - if they wanted a cake from me, as I said, they could order one. Well, they never ordered a cake from me and instead ordered one from Shop Rite - great no problem. During the course of the party, my relative who was to give me an extra navigational system that he had (mind you, he got it at no cost when he purchased a new car that already had a GPS and he didn't need it), brought over the box with the GPS and "jokingly" said here you go, I give you a GPS even though you didn't bring a cake and I looked at him and said "oh really, so the other 3 cakes that I did don't count" - shut him up right away! I have to say though that it did bother me a bit, but I didn't stay shut. What can you do!

LKing12 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:50pm
post #22 of 39

Mom doing the shopping with my list of items-$75.00.
Mom helping with the cake supplies $20.00
Baking and decorating the cake at mom's and her cleaning up the mess! PRICELESS!!

-K8memphis Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 3:59pm
post #23 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by LKing12

Mom doing the shopping with my list of items-$75.00.
Mom helping with the cake supplies $20.00
Baking and decorating the cake at mom's and her cleaning up the mess! PRICELESS!!




Well yah maybe but I mean good ole' Mom might be hostessing this for Brother--kinda sounds like Mom needs some of the other kids to pitch in! Not that it should all be on op's shoulders either not with that many in the gene pool.

She wanted to rely on her daughter 'cause she sure ain't getting no help elsewhere but thankfully daughter is too smart to be snookered by mia family.

It's just runs from uncomfortable to excruciating these affairs huh.

jules5000 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 4:01pm
post #24 of 39

in the middle of them somewhere. I think that I would do the grocery list thing. Your mother doesn't have to know exactly how much you put in of each item if the recipe is a secret, but the idea is that If you are on a tight budget and don't have the money. Just tell mom that You would be more than glad to help out with a cake, but here is a list of things I will need for the cake, here are the places to get those items and if you can't find something I have on there call me and ask. I will be more than glad to help you out. I love Uncle ________and I guarantee you you will be happy with my cake, but I need some help too in the way of saving time. When I do a cake like what you want it takes untold hours and I am happy to put them in, but right now, Mom, I don't have the time to do all the running around and getting all of it and making it too. Make it seem more like she is saving you some precious time then the money issue. If you are very specific on your list that you hand her it shouldn't be a problem and she will gain a new appreciation for the time you put into it just the shopping alone.

Myself, I am tickled pink when I get the opportunity to do something like that for family because I live away from them and I get to see them somewhat regularly, but doing a cake for them is most of the time out of the question. I live in MO and they live in Northern CO. Last year I made a big cake for my parents 50th anniversary party and made punch. ANd gave them a gift. My labor of Love and the whole party was very much appreciated by my parents. My brother and his family did the barbecue and all the meal food. We had 80? some people attend. BUt other than their 30th anniversary and maybe a cake or two down the years, I haven't had the opportunity so I Welcome it, but I also realize that I am very blessed to have the family I have. I know there are a lot out there that have users in their family. I guess one other added blessing is that if I didn't have the money, but I had the time. ALL I would have to say is "Mom, we don't have the money, but if you want to give me the money to shop for the items I need or go with me I will be more than welcome to do the cake. My brother and wife would do the same. They would ask me if I could do one and if I said that money was the only issue they would fork it over no questions asked other than how much did I think I would need? If I need more than just let them know. I hope I haven't gone too far overboard.[/u]

TexasSugar Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 6:41pm
post #25 of 39

My family knows my rule. You ask me, you pay. I offer, it is free. Simple as that. Up until recently I wasn't in a postion finacially to make free cakes for them, expecailly when I knew they could afford to pay for them. And even though I make more money now, I don't have as much free time to give up to spend hours making a cake for nothing.

If you ask me to make a cake for an event I will not be at, then you can bet you are paying me for it. If I was asked to do a cake for a family event, then it depends on the family member and why I was being asked. If I am the only one bringing something, then no I'm not going to bring a big cake for free. If it was a pot luck type thing then I'd probably use cake as my item Again it goes back to if I am asked or if I offer.

There is a point where you have to draw the line and you have to figure out where it is for you. If you are in a postion where you can afford to give the cake for free and you feel okay with that then do that. If you can't, you can charge a full amount or a discounted amount. But you shouldn't feel bad for asking for what you deserve.

My family have seen me make cakes, they understand what goes into them, which is probably why they don't have a problem paying me for them. Maybe you need to educate your family, or atleast your mom how much time and supplies go in to a cake.

moralna Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 6:58pm
post #26 of 39

TexasSugar - well said!!!!

tab26852 Posted 9 Sep 2009 , 8:59pm
post #27 of 39

thanks everyone It sure is nice to have someone to talk to who understands. As for making cakes for close family members I am more than glad to make a free cake expecially for my parents but this uncle is someone I hardly ever see and of all the other siblings they always bring things like a drink or chips when we have something and some won't bring anything It is always put on me and my sisters and my mother and I told my mother I would be happy to do the cake if they all gave me 5.00 to cover cost of cake and I told my mom she didn't have to pay me anything but she still wasn't happy with that.

AKA_cupcakeshoppe Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 12:34am
post #28 of 39

My rule with family is simple. If I offered to make the cake, it's free and a gift. If you asked me, you pay for cost, labor is free.

jules5000 Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:40am
post #29 of 39

YOu know the one thing I like about this forum thing is how much everyone jumps in to help and give advice. I think that the idea of you ask you pay and I offer it's free is a real good idea.

You said that you told your mom that you would make the cake if everyone pitched in 5.00 and she didn't have to pay. I think that is very nice because if she is hosting it, she has a lot of costs too and she is not doing it for selfish reasons. Why didn't she like that idea? Does she not like asking her siblings to help fork over money for occasions like this? IS she the only one who wants to have the party for him or the only one who has the room to host everyone? Do they think she is made of money or is there another reason she doesn't like it? Like maybe she doesn't like to let her siblings know that maybe she can't afford to foot the whole party financially(I don't know the answers, I am just putting some food out there for thought.) I am not judging you or her either. Just trying to throw some light on the situation.

CutiePieCakes-Ontario Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:56am
post #30 of 39

I'm like some ... if I volunteer to bring it, then it's free. Ask me to do it, you pay (discounted a bit). BUT the key is, don't volunteer to do too big of a cake, or too often, or they'll wait for you to 'volunteer'. Next step: I can't do it, but I do have a friend who's prices are quiet reasonable."

My bro is a mechanic. Do you think any of us can take our cars there and expect him to fix it, with replacement parts, for free? His boss would freak!!

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