Help Fast! Bridezilla Called, How Would You Handle This?

Business By sew4children Updated 10 Sep 2009 , 4:02pm by MrsMissey

kansaslaura Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 12:55pm
post #31 of 58

It may be perfectly legal to purchase a wedding cake with food stamps, but it's far from the intended use of helping those in time of need feed themselves and their children. That cake will be used to 'feed' many people who are not in need, but rather people attending a fancy party.

I've told my kids over and over again, just because you can, doesn't necessarily mean you should.

I truly believe it would be a much better outcome for all getting assistance if the food stamp program worked like WIC. Teach and encourage nutrition and wise shopping--and better, well rounded meals.

robinscakes Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:17pm
post #32 of 58

I'd offer her a smaller groom's cake but no refund on the deposit. After you take off $ for your time, tasting, and reconfiguring the cake from the money she gave you, she'll be left with a nice 6" layer cake with box mix and frosting out of a can. Maybe if you're feeling generous you can add some sprinkles. I don't know why the sisters didn't pay off her balance on your cake. That doesn't make any sense at all.

cutthecake Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:20pm
post #33 of 58

Let's see... a wedding with 250-300 guests, and they're running out of money! What's wrong with this picture?

ccr03 Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:21pm
post #34 of 58
Quote:
Quote:


So while it is a shock to learn of food stamps being used in liquor stores, fast food places etc. it is perfectly alright legally.




This is incorrect. FOOD STAMPS can ONLY be used for unprepared food. Fast food/restaurants/food from the hot deli case in the grocery store are considered prepared foods and food stamps cannot be used for them. Nor can they be used for liquor - whether in a grocery store or liquor store.
WELFARE is the money on the 'other side' of the EBT cards. Welfare can be used on such things. There is a big difference, even though it is one card. But food stamps can only be used for food.

robinscakes Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:30pm
post #35 of 58

I think this varies from state to state. My friend's daughter is on food stamps (called a "bridge card" in Michigan) and she gets $500 a month for her and her two 3-year-old twins. Holy moly! That's a lot of food! She likes to go shopping for her friends, pay for their groceries on her bridge card, and then take cash for that amount from her friend. The bridge card will only buy food. My friend says her daughter, who shares 50/50 custody of the twins with their father, really has $500 for half a month. I could feed my family of 5 on that! She's constantly bringing home bags of king crab legs and filet mignon. I think the problem here is that the state government is so messed up that they don't realize what they're doing. And this in a state where 10% of the workforce is unemployed.

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:39pm
post #36 of 58

But it's not about the food side. It'a about the living expense side.

It's not about food or nutrition it's about the living expense portion.

I mean I hope I would not ever be in a position where my only option for my child for example would be to use food stamps (at all for anything please God) but to be reduced to the point where I had to use food stamps to pay for a wedding cake but I can empathise with those who are in that position.

It's fricken hard to be poor.

If there is a problem it is NOT with this individual nor any individual using their benefits legally. If there is a problem it is with the system that allows it.

I want everyone to have a nice wedding including a wedding cake don't you?

Our poor should not have the nicest wedding possible?

It's simply a testament of the wealth and success of our society (that such funds are available).

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:47pm
post #37 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccr03

Quote:
Quote:


So while it is a shock to learn of food stamps being used in liquor stores, fast food places etc. it is perfectly alright legally.



This is incorrect. FOOD STAMPS can ONLY be used for unprepared food. Fast food/restaurants/food from the hot deli case in the grocery store are considered prepared foods and food stamps cannot be used for them. Nor can they be used for liquor - whether in a grocery store or liquor store.
WELFARE is the money on the 'other side' of the EBT cards. Welfare can be used on such things. There is a big difference, even though it is one card. But food stamps can only be used for food.




Quote:
Originally Posted by sew4children

Okay, it got really HILARIOUS yesterday. The bride called me back, I told her that I wasn't happy about having two different bakers because I didn't want my reputation on the line. I found out that the reason her sisters in law are getting her another cake instead of paying for the one she order is .......they are buying the cake from Walmart and USING THEIR FOOD STAMPS!!!!!!

OMG! I simply can't believe this! In Georgia, apparently you get a debit card to use for your food stamps. They are paying for the cake with theirs for the month. The bride and I are on the same page, but I still want to report them because that is MY tax dollars they're using. Now I'm angry, but for all different reasons!

BUYING A WEDDING CAKE WITH FOOD STAMPS! I simply don't get people!




We were using the terms loosely.

I do stand corrected as does op's post.

I did mean the other part of the ebt card--but yeah it's all on the same 'credit card' looking food stamp/welfare card.

The terms are a little interchangable due to one card for both

So yeah with the ebt (electronic benefit transaction) card one can purchase fast food and liquor and wedding cake. The same card that purchases food with food stamps.

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:50pm
post #38 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by cutthecake

Let's see... a wedding with 250-300 guests, and they're running out of money! What's wrong with this picture?




Oh yeah poor people should only have two people at their weddings, themselves. They should just go to the jp. They should wear old clothes insead of getting new clothes.

None of them should celebrate with their church or extended families.

hip hip hooray we're gettin married

DollyCakes Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:54pm
post #39 of 58

Tell her you will make her the size cake that her deposit paid for.

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:54pm
post #40 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by K8memphis-

Yes, true that Patti, but it's a new idea to a lot of us. I used to work for a big credit card processor who also handled the electronic food stamp transactions.They can purchase anything with the money side of the card--

There can be 'two sides' kinda. One for food period. And one for cash. Where they can purchase anything where they accept food stamps.





So while it is a shock to learn of food stamps being used in liquor stores, fast food places etc. it is perfectly alright legally.




ccr03--I'm pretty easy to get along with--I do have strong opinions but beyond any doubt you took my quote about purchasing liquor out of context. If I did that to someone I'd apologize.

kansaslaura Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:01pm
post #41 of 58

K8--It's called living within one's means. I do it all the time. I coupon, I say NO--I cook at home 99% of the time. What's next? Do I stand up and expect to have the same wedding Donald Trump did?

I'm not poor now, but I've been there. Maybe I'm cut from different cloth, but I dug down deep and set my jaw to get myself out, no matter what it took. I told the kids no more sodas in the house, water was 'free'... etc.

I say this gently and with compassion. Sometimes our choices create our circumstances though choices made. Growth and success is made through sacrifice and work. Sometimes a hand is needed, be if from family, church or the state--but a true success comes from growth and change. I think about the beautiful Bonsai trees.. they are created from patience and bending.

We've got to quit expecting and feeling entitled to everything and anything we desire.

Lenette Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:28pm
post #42 of 58

I would have to agree that this is not the intended use for these types of benefits. I also agree that the system is flawed.

Sometimes folks go through things, no fault of their own, some other folks are just users. There some of both groups getting assistance.

I think a person should have a nice wedding that they can afford. Obviously, she can't afford this wedding. I do hope that someone's child is not doing without so that wedding cake can be purchased

As far as the "poor" having a nice wedding. K8, I luv ya but have to disagree to a certain point. Yes, it is hard to be poor but ALL of us have do without things sometimes. Society puts the wrong emphasis on weddings. No on should spend money they don't have for a party.

I had no money for a fancy wedding. I had this vision in my mind and everywhere I turned my feelings got hurt because it was more money than I could spend.
I got a dress for $180 off the clearance rack, I made my own flowers from the %50 off sale at Hobby Lobby. We had a wedding at church and cake and punch in the fellowship hall.

I am no less married, no less happy, no less blessed. They are starting off on the wrong foot here. I'm sorry but it's true. I think the PP said it best we are not entitled to everything we desire.

Nothing wrong with a little self denial, patience, and the like.
icon_smile.gif

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:36pm
post #43 of 58

The government has made a way for our fellow citizens to pay for a wedding cake with thier ebt card. The government and those folks do not see this as living outside their means.

We are providing them these means to do with as they see fit.

All things considered I'd much rather see a new family being celebrated than the money going for other even more questionable things.

I ranted loud and long when I had my first call from a liquor store to straighten out an ebt transaction (for the company I worked for)

Our government makes this possible. I got nothing to do with it except I do vote.

How is this living beyond their means? Do we as fellow taxpayers have the right to limit thier lives? If they have the funds to do it and the store accepts these funds it's within the bounds to me.

I'll grant you it's taken me some time to assimilate this into my thought processes.

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:38pm
post #44 of 58

We don't get to impose our ideas of self denial on others.

We're still free.

We're free to screw up and we're free to fly high.

Yes?

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:41pm
post #45 of 58

I'll just wager a far out guess--just an improbable scenario--

How many think this bride got everything she thought she was entitled to???

How many think she had to settle??

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:43pm
post #46 of 58

Let him who never once robbed Peter to pay Paul be the first to speak...

__Jamie__ Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:45pm
post #47 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by K8memphis-

We don't get to impose our ideas of self denial on others.

We're still free.

We're free to screw up and we're free to fly high.

Yes?




Yep. Ya know what is really fascinating to watch? The couple down the street who took part in the new bank bailout, er, I mean "cash4clunkers" program. Those people had their vehicles paid for. Low insurance, no payments....now one month in, and they're back to pinching pennies. Registration on a new car...woooooo boy! Kinda like, "wait a minute....what did I just do?!?!?" Suckers.

At least they have a new "green" car though. Yay environment! icon_twisted.gif

Whoops...sorry, this had nothing to do with the OP. Just sticking my 1.5 cents in where it don't fit... icon_lol.gif

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:46pm
post #48 of 58

When I was a girl I dreamed of going to Sam's to get my wedding cake...

blessedist Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:50pm
post #49 of 58

I have to get in on the EBT talk. I am a "buyer" I can admit icon_redface.gif But they have so much EBT and they love to sell it. I have a family member that has 4 step-ladder kids and she gets almost $800 a month in EBT. WTF??? Who eats that much, and her kids are 5,3,1,and a few months. How can they eat that much food? (and they are all disgustingly fat) They have lobster night, crableg night, etc, and the kids eat junk all day everyday. The system is very flawed as far as amounts that they get for "X" amount of children regadless of age. But I'll only buy if there is something going on like a family gathering, etc. You can't beat getting $200 worth of TAX FREE groceries for $100 cash! icon_twisted.gif

mandyloo Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:54pm
post #50 of 58

just as a fact point, on the other side of the ebt, it doesn't just have to be WELFARE money. It can be child support, unemployment, or disability.

Lenette Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:00pm
post #51 of 58

So, I don't get it, are we supposed to feel sorry for her? I am not saying that sarcastically at all.

What I meant by self denial is that some folks (not all) think that life just won't be the same if they don't have certain things that truly are luxuries. Yeah, it would be great if everyone enjoyed a luxury every now and again, no doubt.
But the fact is that we (society) can do with out a lot of the things we have or think are important and be just fine. That's my only point to that statement.

Do I understand that when one needs assistance you fill out forms and basically say-- this is what I have and we can't get by on it. We need help.

Is that the basics of it?

Please correct me if I misunderstand (again no sarcasm intended).

Lots of us juggle bills all the time. I see that as different from going in and saying "I can't make it with the amount, I need help to get by". That's what makes it beyond their means, needing someone to buy her wedding cake with food stamps because her funds are low makes it beyond her means. I don't see that as within any bounds of her ability to pay.

Just because a person can do something doesn't make it the best choice. Sometimes it's about doing the right thing when no one is watching.

I think it would be different if someone needed food or needed help with something essential. Honestly, I make money from making cakes but these cakes are not essential to anyone's life. Nice, yes but not essential.

Heck, my mom was a struggling single parent. We got a box mix and canned frosting in a pyrex dish with a few candles-- we had very happy bdays! icon_lol.gif

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:08pm
post #52 of 58

I mean I would be ashamed to get assistance.
It would kill my capitalistic little ego.

Back yonder long ago I did go get help once on my electric bill--omg I nearly died. Decided I'd rather not have utilities as go through that again.

But whatever.

No I don't feel sorry for her but neither do I begrudge her nor take out the angst of our mightily flawed system on her shoulders alone.

It's not your first choice? News flash--it wasn't hers either huh.

ccr03 Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:09pm
post #53 of 58

@K8 - yeah, I'm not apologizing. I didn't take your sentence out of context. Your usage of the words "food stamps" in the sentence was incorrect. You even owned up to it. (The "I stand corrected" comment.)
If you think it was out of context, oh, well.

@mandyloo - thanks for the correction! That is correct. I'll admit I wasn't sure if "welfare" was the correct term. I just knew that "food stamps" was not.

Seeing as this is not getting OF, I'm out. Dealing with online drama is not worth my time or effort.

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:21pm
post #54 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccr03

@K8 - yeah, I'm not apologizing. I didn't take your sentence out of context. Your usage of the words "food stamps" in the sentence was incorrect. You even owned up to it. (The "I stand corrected" comment.)
If you think it was out of context, oh, well.




This is annoying and wrong.

The op said the bride used food stamps, I used her terminology but I clearly clarified my thoughts in that same post, twice.

My gist of my post was clearly misquoted.

-K8memphis Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:24pm
post #55 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccr03

@K8 - yeah, I'm not apologizing. I didn't take your sentence out of context. Your usage of the words "food stamps" in the sentence was incorrect. You even owned up to it. (The "I stand corrected" comment.)
If you think it was out of context, oh, well.

@mandyloo - thanks for the correction! That is correct. I'll admit I wasn't sure if "welfare" was the correct term. I just knew that "food stamps" was not.

Seeing as this is not getting OF, I'm out. Dealing with online drama is not worth my time or effort.




Oh my oh my what have we here?

Just start the drama and run off huh.

Somehow you could see that coming.

ccr03 Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:39pm
post #56 of 58

@k8 - Dude, are you freaking kidding me?

Whatever preceived notion you may have of me, that is something you have to deal with. Is it my fault that you incorrectly structured your original response to which I responded? No, it was yours, and I am not apologizing for your faulty grammar structure.

My decision to leave a conversation that no longer has anything to do with the original topic, seems logical. To stick around with the possiblity of only getting further attacked by some online person borders on sadomachism, which I do not take part in. I have people in real life that I can do that with, but chose not to.

You are not the only one on this forum that for the most part is fairly easy to get along with, but also has strong opinions. To think that you can tell someone how they need to act, feel or respond is quite childish on your behalf. If you want me to stick around for a couple more rounds of this, let's go. I don't believing in fighting - thus my original decision to leave - but if you seek me out, you'll find me.

And for the record, you are the one that started this pseudo-drama. You called me out for supposedly taking your sentence out of context. Learn how properly structure paragraphs and then come back to me.

stephaniescakenj Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:59pm
post #57 of 58

To OP: the deposit is non refundable so I would explain to her that she is entitled to a cake in that amount and that's it, she's not getting anything back. I hope it works out for you without too much stress

As to the ensuing debates on what is moral, accepted, etc. I read an article in the newspaper awhile ago, it was about a homeless couple that had been together for 9 yrs in and out of shelters and had never married due to lack of funds. the shelter they frequented threw them a luxurious wedding with a fancy dress and tux, the church was decorated to the max and reception in a fancy hotel ballroom, tons of flowers and hair and makeup for the bride. The did it all with donations given to the shelter. The only thing that came to mind for me was why didn't they take all that money they wasted and help them get a decent apartment or a job/education!?!? why waste money like that! I was totally appalled. I'm also a property manager and a few of my tenants are on gov't assistance for their rent. One single mother in particular really shocks me because out of her entire $1100 rent, she only pays $53 yet for every holiday/season change, her entire yard and apartment is decorated with all sorts of seasonal decorations and tons of flowering baskets, etc etc. The stuff costs a fortune yet she can only afford to pay $53 for rent.

MrsMissey Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 4:02pm
post #58 of 58

Since this has gone a bit off the OP I think it would be a good time to lock the thread. Thanks everyone!

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