Good evening everyone,

I need advice on this situation I'm having with my a-hole of a cousin. He's 19 with a major attitude problem. He's mad at me because I commented on something he posted on Facebook about his mom, his family and church family.

Ok, a few months ago he got mad at his mom because she wouldn't let one of her clients (who is also a family friend) rent him a car to go to Orlando. So now, he's mad at the whole entire family save for a few people. He really has his a$$ on his shoulders and his mom would not do anything about it. Now every other week this kid is "not speaking" to someone in our family, whether it be his mom, his dad, cousins or aunts. He always has an issue with someone.
Ok well he posted something really degrading and insulting about his mom and his family on Facebook. So I sent him a message and I read him like a book. So he's mad at me about that. So now he's been saying little derogatory comments to me under his breath and sometimes he says it out loud. I try not to let it get to me but today he really pissed me off. I really don't want to repeat what he said, just know that it was so bad that I almost poured a cup of hot tea on him

Did I mention that he literally cries, pouts and whine when his mom buys his 5 year old brother something. This boy is 19 and he acts like this. He quit the choir at church because he's mad at everyone. He's just an all around spoiled brat. And his mom caters to his every need because she doesn't want him to be mad at her!

Anyway, when he has an issue with me he takes it out on my daughter, which I am not going to tolerate. I've spoken to his mom about it but she just brushes it off. I told her don't blame me if some bodily harm is done to him because I'm not going to let him keep disrespecting me or my child. I am just really fed up with him and his mom seems to be clueless about it. One day he told me that he was going to slap my child I told him that if he lays a hand on my baby it would take an army to keep me from killing him. Ugh, I just really can't stand this kid and out of respect for his mom I have not done or said more to him.

Has anyone every dealt with a situation like this in your family? How do you deal with it? Thank you in advance

BakerInHeels

Oh man i hate kids like that. They've been spoiled to DEATH their whole lives and think they can still get away with pouting and throwing fits when they are supposed to be acting like adults. I say just ignore it and stay away from him as much as possible. He's just looking for attention with his fits and "silent treatments" and nasty comments, so if you dont give it to him, he'll eventually give it up.

How old is your daughter? Is she old enough to explain that he's being a bad person and dont take it personally? Although, if someone threatened one of my babies, it would be WAR, and you dont wanna see momma in a war!

Sounds like this cousin needs a reality check. If he was in my family my uncles would've put him in his place real quick (although, I don't agree with how they try to discipline). Does anybody know why he is the way he is? For him to be jealous of a 5 year old thats pretty ridiculous. And not to mention he's mad at the whole family...maybe there is some deep issues that needs to be addressed. I don't know. Sounds like him and mom may need some counseling (sp). I'm sorry you are going thru this...I hate when people take their anger out on innocent children that really makes my blood boil!

People who act like that are not only spoiled, but they are bullies. They are bullies because people (like his mom) allow him to intimidate them.

With a threat against my daughter, I can guarantee you that either me or my husband would go into Drill Sargeant mode. This young man needs backed up against the wall and he needs it laid out for him. And I mean physically backed up against the wall. I am not kidding. Bullies will bully as long as they think everyone is afraid of them. Bullies back down when someone calls their bluff.

(I had more than one of my daughter's boyfriends confess to my husband, "Yeah, you make me nervous because you're her dad. But Debi just flat out scares me!")

If mom is a wimp and just blows you off, then take her out of the equation. He's not a kid anymore anyway. He's 19. He doesn't need mommy to take care of him and you don't need mommy to intervene for you. He needs to see that you are not screwing around with his little play acting bullsh*t! If he wants to pretend to be a big boy, then he has to play by big boy rules. And that means being accountable! If he doesn't know how to be accountable, then you need to show him what that means.

In the words of Barney Fife, "Nip it! Nip it in the bud!"

When you involve and threaten my child, then in the words of Roseanne Conner, "Oh.... I'm IN this NOW!"

(I think I watch too much Nick at Night! )

If it were me I would just delete him from my life. I watched my mom die 9 years ago and at that point I decided that I do not have room in my life for people who want to bring me or my family harm or drama. I don't care if they are "blood" or not. I would make sure I could no longer see his Facebook (it is his anyway) and I would not allow him near my family. My daughter would be told to stay away from him and I would deal with his parents only on subjects that do not involve him. You cannot change how she raises or deals with him. Why even get involved any more than you have? Just get on with raising good people.

Well said Jan, kick the jerk to the road. Being the way he is I'm wondering why you got involved in the first place.

Mike

OP - is he coming out?

I am sorry you are in this position. I agree with all the others. Kick him out of your life. If your daughter wants to play with his brother, invite the little one to your house.
This young man - and he is an adult by our standards - the age of majority here is 18 in all aspects - needs to grow up. I would say even his mom needs to grow up. Mothers need to be an adult and see that you can't be a friend to their children (at least not all the time). They are parents, not friends. Parents like this make a big disservice to their children.

I've been dealing with a similiar situation with my youngest sister. She used to be a sweetie but she's turned into an impossible, spoiled, 20 year old brat. Last year at Christmas, she kicked my mother hard enough that she had to have xrays. My mom didn't want her adult child to get in trouble, so she lied to her doctor and said one of her grandchildren had done it (my kids are the only grandchildren).

Then earlier this year my sister was at my house giving me a hard time about something and my husband told her if all she came over for was a nag-a-thon, she should go on home. She called him names at the top of her lungs, suddenly remembered that she can't talk to him the way she talks to our parents, and knocked my oldest daughter down as she rushed for the front door. My daughter is a big kid, as tall as my shoulder already, so you can imagine how hard my sister hit her to knock her down. I do believe it was an accident, so I called and left her a voicemail that my husband wanted to press charges for assault against her and that I had talked him out of it, but that if she ever laid a hand on one of my children again, I'd be calling the police myself. The only reason I didn't let him call the police that time was because I don't think you can get a medical license when you've been convicted of assault, and I didn't want my parents stuck with her student loans if she couldn't get a job when she's done with school.

I agree with most of the other people here, you should keep your daughter away from this jerk, and don't deal with him if you don't need to. If you do have to be with him and he's sitting around saying stupid things, tell him that he needs to shut up and quit acting like a baby!

I'd also tell him that if he lays a hand on your child, you will press charges for assault. No adult should be able to threaten a 6-yr-old with violence and think that he's going to get away with it.

You can't choose your relatives, but you can choose whether you want to be around them.

Do you think that drugs are involved?

And please, NEVER, EVER let your daughter be in his company without you or your husband. NEVER. There should not be an "if harms come to our daughter". That's like a free pass to hurt her once. Do not give him that opportunity.
He is a man, and a man should not be threatening to hurt children. Has your husband laid down the law to him? If not, he should. NOW.

If your daughter wants to play and have a sleep over with her little cousin, then have the cousin come to your house where you are in control. Tell the mother of the 19 year old that you are drawing a line and will not tolerate her son threatening your daughter or verbally abusing you. He is a legal adult and you will press charges if he attempts anything else.

If mother tries to take up for him, then tell her she is not doing him any favors by teaching him it's okay to abuse and get away with it. She also needs to realize that he is jealous of younger sibling and is bulling that child also.

Some parents just don't want to admit that their baby are spoiled and just want them to always like them.

So what if he doesn't talk and pouts if he doesn't get his way. It would then be a quite household. It is like having a tantrum, he will get over it, cause he will want something else from the one he is mad at.

Good Evening everyone,

I hope you all had a good Labor Day! I just got home so I'm just now reading the responses. I want to thank everyone for your advice on this matter. But I wanted to answer Mike's question about why I got involved. The reason being is that I just wanted him to not really put our family business out there like that. I told him to take any issues he had up with his mom, instead of putting her out there like that. Even though it was already to late because he had put it on Facebook, I just wanted him to realize that it was very childish of him to say all those things where the world could see.

Last night when I went to bed, I had the attitude of "you know I really don't give a damn about him and his attitude". I was just going to stay away from him and be done with him. But when I woke up this morning my heart was so heavy. Our family is very religious and when we have issues or anything we'd pray and talk to God about it (i'm not going to get into the whole religion thing just wanted you all to know where I'm coming from). So I listened to my gospel music and its this song that he (my cousin) usually sings in church and it just made me break down. So I called my grandmother and told her that I wanted to have a family meeting with him to clear the air, but I made it clear that I didn't not want it to seem like an ambush. Well, I just found out this morning that he put more stuff on facebook but this time it was about my cousin who had a baby last year and the baby was on life support, but thank God she is still with us. So my cousin has been going through alot this past year, with her baby having multiple heart surgeries all before the age of 1. So he said some horrible things about her and her baby (which is my God daughter). That really made me want to get this whole thing cleared up.

So fast forward, he said he didn't have anything to talk about so he left and finally his aunt talked some sense into him and he came back. So anyway, I talked to him and told him how I felt and how he hurt me with the things he said and did. We opened up to each other and I told him that with his attitude he is only hurting himself and his mom. He was very apologetic and he seemed sincere. He even admitted to me that he knew that was I told him was the truth and he had a hard time dealing with it. So I don't know but I hope that things are going to change. I told him that I loved him and that I had his back and that he could always talk to me. So thats what went down on my Labor Day.

BTW, his dad took away his new/used car that he bought him a few weeks ago and he sold it, he also took away his laptop that he just for his birthday a few months ago. So hopefully he'll see that he only hurt himself with his attitude.

I really, really want to thank each and everyone of you for your advice and words of wisdom and encouragement, it really means alot! Thanks!

Drop him and drop him hard. My uncle is like 45 and still acts like a brat. If my grandparents don't give him money, he goes off & kicks him out the house. BUT my grandmother will always say "but he's my baby". Makes me sick. And let me tell you another thing , my uncle has just stopped living with my grandparents in the last 4 years! When my grandmother asks me to check on him& see if hes okay, I always tell her I do not take care of growen men, Your aunt is looking at the same thing.

BakerInHeels - I'm glad you took the big step of confronting him, with everyone else there as well. That should have shown him that it wasn't just you sounding off at him, and that everyone else was okay with him being the way he was. Here's hoping he's at the beginning of the long road to a better him. Has been seen a doctor? Perhaps he's bi-polar?

I'm also glad his father took the steps he did - selling the vehicle and taking away the laptop. Just because someone is "legally" an adult, doesn't mean they are emotionally one. That being said, if one of my older nephews ever threadened one of my kids, I'd be calling the police. I'm very lucky to have the family I do have - we're all very close and loving.

If I were you, I would suggest that he issue an apology to whomever he's slandered on his Facebook page ... and that's what it is, slander, and he can be sued for it.

How is he putting stuff on facebook if his computer was taken away? He might have sounded sincere, but he is probably an expert liar and will say whatever he needs to just to get out of trouble and make you think he has changed. Then when he thinks you aren't paying attention he will do it again.

Still keep your guard up for your child's sake.

I'm sorry but I would have to open up a can of whoop a$$ on that boy!

I'm glad to hear you're still keeping your daughter away from him, talk or no talk.