Kids With Bad Manners

Lounge By mrspriss0912 Updated 24 Sep 2009 , 1:45am by indydebi

mrspriss0912 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 1:57am
post #1 of 48

Ok I hope I am not totaly in the wrong here but this evening I had company over DH's best friend with his twin sons I love kids but when they showed up for dinner the twins (age 4) informed me that they didnt eat anything that I had fixed they wanted sanwiches . I have spent the whole day fixing a variety of food so that there would be something for everybody. So I told them that in my house we eat what is on the table. I hope that I didnt make DD's friend made but when I was growing up if you went to someones house you ate what was served and that was that. I love these little boys like they were my own but I am not going to spend all day cooking just to be told that they wont eat. I was ready to tell their dad to take them to McDonalds. They have run through my house and just have been behaving badly I will be glad when they have gone home. I just want to know why kids arent being taught manners anymore?

47 replies
BeeBoos-8599_ Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 2:26am
post #2 of 48

Parents these days are afraid of thier kids. I am a pretty outspoken person and my friends know that if thier kids are doing something wrong I will correct them just as I would my own. If you are in my house you play by my rules.

In this case I may have asked what they would prefer and handed dad a jar of peanut butter or something to make them a sandwich himself. What did dad say? Did he just sit there and let them be rude? If so, I think the problem is more with him than anthing.

I agree that kids are not being taught manners these days. I know that mine are taught and they know very well what will happen if they are rude in someone elses house or misbehave in public.

StaceyCakes75 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 5:22am
post #3 of 48

ahhhh this topic can really get me going. There is something seriously wrong in our society today. The way kids talk back and act as if the wold revolves around them today. Would you have ever talked back to an adult when you were a kids? What these kids need is a swift kick in the butt. My kids are not perfect by any means but they are not disrespectful to an adult.

In my house I purposely make things I know my kids don't love. When they complain I ask them what are they going to do if they get served this at a friends house? They are NEVER allowed to say they don't like something at another persons house.

I have friends that have unruly kids and they are not invited back to my house end of story!

indydebi Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 5:46am
post #4 of 48

As a caterer, I never have surplus food in the house (The cobbler's kids have no shoes .... the caterer's kids are starving to death) so odds are slim that I'd have "something else" to fix for them. Yeah, it's even a slim bet that I'd have bread or PB in the house. My 17 year old's greatest thrill about being able to drive is that she can get her own food from Taco Bell! icon_lol.gif

I grew up the oldest of 6 kids and it was made clear that the household kitchen was not a restaurant where 2 or 4 different meals were made to order. You ate what was made or you didn't eat. Period. And heaven help ANY of us who DARED to say they didn't like something at someone else's house! icon_surprised.gif

Mensch Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 6:27am
post #5 of 48

Sore subject with me.

Why would you worry if the parent became mad? I never would.... I would have told the kids if they don't eat what is served than they can go without until they get home.

mcaulir Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:34am
post #6 of 48

I have cousins who used to come to my grandmother's house when she had made a beautiful roast meal with all the trimmings, and would demand frozen mini pizzas instead. She would microwave them, and these 10-year-olds would eat soggy ham and pineapple pizza out of a box while the rest of the family ate a delicious meal.

Their parents were happy to let my poor grandmother do it.

There's no accounting for taste!

Deb_ Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 12:36pm
post #7 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrspriss0912

I just want to know why kids arent being taught manners anymore?




Because, chances are their parents were also raised without being taught any manners. It's a cycle.

A while back I was in line at a deli getting lunch and this "yuppy no brain" of a father was speaking on his cellphone while his child (about 5 yr old) was grabbing bags of chips and banging them together like cymbals.

When it was his turn to pay, the cashier said to him "you also want those 2 bags of chip that your child has been smashing correct?"

He had the nerve to respond that he wasn't paying for them...it was the owner's fault for displaying them where children could reach them. icon_eek.gif

I seriously wanted to pop this guy right in the head to knock some sense into him.


I see some of my own nieces and the way they DON'T discipline their children at family gatherings and my skin crawls. Most of them have had their kids in full time daycare since they were weeks old, and I really think they feel guilty if they spend the small amount of time they have with their kids disciplining them.

Don't people realize that nobody likes fresh, misbehaving children?

I shudder to think what sort of teenagers these kids will become.......they won't be invited to my house that's for sure.

As the youngest of 8 this is a very hot subject with me. We were raised to respect all of our elders, and if we went to someone's home to visit we sat on the couch with our hands folded. If we were offered food we accepted it graciously we NEVER would have dared say we didn't LIKE what the hostess made for us.

That's just plain rude. If there is an allergy issue that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like this was the case with your company.

You handled it perfectly.

Kiddiekakes Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 12:41pm
post #8 of 48

This is also a sore spot with me also...My niece has terrible manners...My kids know darn well that if they don't use their manners...my hand will use their bum!!

itsmylife Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 12:43pm
post #9 of 48

As soon as my kids were eating solid food... they ate what we ate. It's nice now because they aren't afraid to try new things. Every now and then they put up some resistance to something (can't expect them to love everything), but they will try anything.

As far as behaving that way at someone's house....no way. Their parents should've said something to them.

A friend of a friend has a little boy who will only eat chicken nuggets and strawberries. Literally..... EVERY meal is chicken nuggets and strawberries. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. We see them at get-togethers and she always has her little container of strawberries and she brings a bag of frozen chicken nuggets. We've talked about it, and she insists 'I've tried giving him other things... he'd rather starve, so at least I know he's getting some nutrition' (this boy is 8 yo). She brought him to a nutritionist (recommended by the pediatrician), but he still eats the same thing.

For years, he would pitch a fit at any get-together at the possibility that he might have to eat anything other than what he wanted. When all the moms would make plates for their kids, and he would sit at the kid table seeing these plates being put down around him, he would scream & cry if she tried to put what every one else was having on a plate for him. As soon as the nuggets & strawberries were in front of him. Happy.

Those boys at your house and this boy I know, are manipulating their parents, BIG time.

Deb_ Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 12:53pm
post #10 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by itsmylife


Those boys at your house and this boy I know, are manipulating their parents, BIG time.




Boy, you're not kidding.........and their parents are too stupid to see that.

You know what though, I blame this boys Mother. It's EASIER for her to just give in to his tantrums, she doesn't have to be the "parent" that she should be by taking the time to introduce this boy to new and different foods.

Hopefully she stops at one child icon_rolleyes.gif

indydebi Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 12:58pm
post #11 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by itsmylife

We've talked about it, and she insists 'I've tried giving him other things... he'd rather starve, so at least I know he's getting some nutrition' (this boy is 8 yo).



Oh I'm agreeing with you that this is bull! It's not that he won't eat anything else, it's that mom won't be a mom.

He'd rather starve? Fine. Let's see how long he can hold out. Evidently the old "I'll hold my breathe until I get my way" didn't work out for ths guy.

-Tubbs Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 1:40pm
post #12 of 48

To OP: I think you handled the situation well. thumbs_up.gif

We have a rule in our house that everyone has to have everything on their plate, and they have to try whatever it is. I don't make a big deal if they don't much like something, and I don't make them eat (I tend to believe the "eat everything on your plate" attitude contributes to weight problems). Usually they just end up eating it anyway.

My kids have nice manners, and it's rare that a waitress doesn't comment on it when we're eating out. I pity them for some of the monters they must have to deal with when they comment just because a kid can say "please" and "thank you".

Mike1394 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 3:34pm
post #13 of 48

Parents are to darned concerned if thier kids like them. Who the heck cares if your kid likes you. Just produce some society contributing people.

Mike

StaceyCakes75 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 3:45pm
post #14 of 48

It's nice to know there are still some out there that are training up their children in the way they should. We also have a rule that you must try everything at least twice. My kids have had clams, sushi, mussels, squid... they are 2 and 5 and my 5 year old doesn't like it all but most things she will eat.


Quote:
Quote:

It's EASIER for her to just give in to his tantrums, she doesn't have to be the "parent" that she should be by taking the time to introduce this boy to new and different foods.




Amen!!!! Being a parent it VERY hard work! It's much easier to just give in so we don't have to hear it, but then they become monsters that no one wants to be around. To have well behaved kids it takes blood, sweat and tears...(and maybe a few paddles to the back end) icon_smile.gif

Keep up the hard work moms!!

costumeczar Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 11:34pm
post #15 of 48

When my kids were little and they complained that they didn't like dinner, I always said "well, you're going to be hungry, then."

My daughter is 10 now, and the other day she went over to her friend's house and came home all excited because they were going to make a picnic. This was two 11-yr-old girls, my daughter, and one of the 11-yr-old's 7-yr-old little brother.

So my daughter was in charge of the food (and I knew right away what was going to happen, but I kept my mouth shut.) She made PB&J sandwiches on whole wheat bread, a pitcher of koolade and carrots and grape tomatoes with ranch dressing, one plate for each kid.

When she came home, she said that the 7-yr-old and his sister both refused to eat the sandwiches, since they were on whole wheat and didn't have the crusts cut off (yes, the 11-yr-old's mother still cuts the crusts off of her bread for her!) They also wouldn't eat the vegetables and complained about them the whole picnic. My daughter said that the sister went into the house and came back out with a bag of flavor blasted goldfish, cheetos and potato chips and the two of them ate those for lunch.

The funny thing about this story was that I asked her if they drank the koolade, and she said yes, the little boy drank almost the whole pitcher by himself. I told her I had a feeling that would happen!

I'm glad to report that my daughter was horrified at how rude these kids were, and has vowed to never offer them food of any kind anymore!

funcakes Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 11:52pm
post #16 of 48

Just to look at this a different way, the twins are four years old and are still learning. They are impulsive and will blurt out anything they think as soon as they think it. It is totally the parents fault. How do they know what is inappropriate or rude unless the parents correct them immediately?
Yeah, it is a PITA when you are at a friend's house and your kid acts up and you have to stop socializing and correct their behaviors and give them consequences, but that is what a parent has to do.
Fortunately, my kids are grown and all of my younger friends have kids that know there will be an immediate consequence for any misbehavior. Mommy doesn't play that! So, the kids are considerate and polite.

StaceyCakes75 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 11:54pm
post #17 of 48

Costumeczar thats a great story!

veronica720 Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 12:14am
post #18 of 48

Well this is not a sore subject for me, its just plain and simple alot of kids these days are total brats.
They either eat what I fixed or bought or they go hungry. Same for my brat of a niece too. My sister just gives in so my niece usually gets whatever she wants, she is only 6 and I don't even want to be around when she is a teenager.

I was taught manners growing up, even small ones like no elbows on the table. I think my generation is one of the rudest and most useless. (born in 1980) Most of the people I know around my age don't really care about much other than partying and going out. Even if they have small children, they just pawn them off on the grandparents. One of my step-sisters died last year because of drugs and now her children have no mother. Sad to say they are better off.

I have two girls ages 8 and 9 and they know very well how to behave. It has to start as soon as they begin exploring the house 'don't touch'.

indydebi Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 12:26am
post #19 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by veronica720

It has to start as soon as they begin exploring the house 'don't touch'.



Agree! I have NEVER agreed with the "baby proof the house" philosophy. They never learn the stove is hot unless you TEACH THEM the stove is hot!

When my son was born, in the early 80's, a lot of people had wood burning stoves (oil crisis of the 70's). One couple took out their stove when the baby was born because he might burn himself. *MY* son learned he was not allowed to CRAWL into the room with the stove! I am not kidding, he would crawl to the entryway to the woodstove room and stop. We taught him it was "hot". We taught him his boundaries.

KKC Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 12:56am
post #20 of 48

I have a little cousin he's 5 and he is one of the rudest little boys. He comes to my house every day and if he wants something he'd say in a sharp tone 'I want cereal' or 'I want candy'. I tell him that he's getting nothing from me until he learns how to ask nicely. His mom (my aunt) lets him get away with it...she thinks its cute but I don't. Every single day I end up kicking him out of my house because of his manners or lack there of. Every one laughs at it like its funny and they think its cute because he's 5...ok well it won't be so funny or cute when he's 12. I think some people forget that these kids won't be so little and cute for long.

mrspriss0912 Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 1:36am
post #21 of 48

Ok let me start by syaing a HUGE THANKS !!!!!!!!!!!!! I am glad that i'm not the only one who feels manners should still be taught at home from the begining.

That being said DH called me at work today to tell me that we have the joy of their company all week icon_mad.gificon_mad.gif Shoot me now!!!!!! I work for an ASC and we have 38 cases this week! WTF As if i am not busy enough now I have 3 extra mouths to feed and deal with. DH and his buddy are getting ready for dove season tommorow. I knew DH's buddy would be here but I did not know his kids were comming too! I really think this is streatching the boundries of "southern hospitality"


I did extract a little revenge tonight though DH's buddy is in the coast guard and they thought it would be funny to have another ship mate come to the house after I got home and play a prank on me .... Guy shows up and starts asking me where DH's buddy is. Then tells me that he is AWOL I panicked because I went through something similar with my first hubby. when they told me it wa all a joke I went over to DH's friend and pinched his nipple and told him to squeel like a girl infront of everybody!!! I didnt let go until he did and he apologised to me as did the other two DH looked a little worried . I love to scare RED-NECKS!!! icon_evil.gif

costumeczar Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 12:21pm
post #22 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrspriss0912

when they told me it wa all a joke I went over to DH's friend and pinched his nipple and told him to squeel like a girl infront of everybody!!! I didnt let go until he did and he apologised to me as did the other two DH looked a little worried . I love to scare RED-NECKS!!! icon_evil.gif




Next time give it a big twist before you let go, too! icon_lol.gif

mrspriss0912 Posted 2 Sep 2009 , 11:16pm
post #23 of 48

Well I am happy to say that DH's buddy and his kids went to his MIL's today so I dont have to deal with them the rest of the weekYEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My house is once again my house I dont blame the kids after all they cant help the fact that their parents just dont get it..... My mother told me when I got pregant with my daughter that my life was no longer just mine, I had to think about her before I made any decisions because I now had someone else depending on me. Im not sure how my mom got so smart but I hope to be half as smart as she is some day.
While the kids were here they did learn a few manners "Thank You" became new words in their little vocabularies.
I now also have a new appreciation for how well behaved my daughter is.
I just love happy endings icon_wink.gif

Thanks for listening and for the advice guys Love ya !!!!

LaBellaFlor Posted 2 Sep 2009 , 11:45pm
post #24 of 48

If I child is rude at 4, its a good chance he will continue to be rude. The first 2 years is when kids learn how to act & process. And for those who are wondering, yes, I have worked extensively in child developement & more so with kids with behavioral issues.

thumbs_up.gif to you mrspriss0912. My house isn't a restaurant to my own kids & I have the reputation (even among my own friends) as the mean mom. I wear it proudly!

Deb_ Posted 3 Sep 2009 , 12:21am
post #25 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

If I child is rude at 4, its a good chance he will continue to be rude. The first 2 years is when kids learn how to act & process. And for those who are wondering, yes, I have worked extensively in child developement & more so with kids with behavioral issues.

thumbs_up.gif to you mrspriss0912. My house isn't a restaurant to my own kids & I have the reputation (even among my own friends) as the mean mom. I wear it proudly!




LaBellaFlor, you're not a "mean mom" you're a "mom" who actually cares enough to "mother" her children! thumbs_up.gif

LaBellaFlor Posted 3 Sep 2009 , 12:27am
post #26 of 48

Thank you dkelly, cause I really do. Not just for my own kids, but for EVERYBODY'S kids. I really feal bad for a child that does not know how to behave. It's just not their fault, yet they get looked down on, when it's really their parents fault.

summernoelle Posted 3 Sep 2009 , 4:40pm
post #27 of 48

You know, you are not in the wrong here! I have two small ones (4 and 6 now) and they know to not do this. When we are at someone's home, they eat what's served. Like you said, you went to a lot of trouble to prepare food for everyone. The parents should have corrected their children and had them behave.

My stupid BIL is like this. And he is freakin 30 years old. He b***** about what I cook, tells me that I shouldn't make pasta or whatever, so I don't have him over anymore.

prterrell Posted 3 Sep 2009 , 6:10pm
post #28 of 48

I blame TV. Most TV shows for kids (think Disney channel and Nickelodeon) show the kids as smart alecs around bumbling adults. Also, parents use TV/video games, etc as baby-sitters. Lots of parents spoil their kids, indulge them and give into them because it is easier, they are tired from working and busy, they can't be bothered to parent. Also, many kids are in daycare. Some parents feel guilty about this, whether they realize it or not, and try to make up for it by being indulgent. Also, daycares are a business, so they cater to the whims and wishes of the parents and to a certain extent the kids. This sets up an expectation that the rest of the world will treat the kids the same way.

I understand that most women these days have to work, whether they'd prefer to be stay-at-home moms or not, and that many women are raising their kids with little or no support from the fathers, but when children are being raised primarily by day cares, it makes the amount of time spent with the parent that much more important for the parent to role model and teach and parent, and many parents are just overwhelmed and tired and either won't or can't.

LaBellaFlor Posted 3 Sep 2009 , 6:30pm
post #29 of 48

In defense of daycares, I don't know too many that are indulgent, not if they are any good. hey have structured environments with rules that they enforce. ANd I don't know any that completely accomodate the parents. If a parent ask for special treatment, they usually get told that they may not be a good match for each other. My best friend ran a daycare and she was very strict, even with the parents. She even had to tell one parent who had a 3 year old and kept bringing diapers "Emily doesn't use these here anymore and she hasn't for some time. You may not want to let her use them at home, cause she is not allowed to use them here". Yup, Emily was potty trained at daycare & wearing diapers at home! icon_confused.gif

costumeczar Posted 3 Sep 2009 , 6:46pm
post #30 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by prterrell

I blame TV. Most TV shows for kids (think Disney channel and Nickelodeon) show the kids as smart alecs around bumbling adults. Also, parents use TV/video games, etc as baby-sitters. Lots of parents spoil their kids, indulge them and give into them because it is easier, they are tired from working and busy, they can't be bothered to parent. Also, many kids are in daycare. Some parents feel guilty about this, whether they realize it or not, and try to make up for it by being indulgent. Also, daycares are a business, so they cater to the whims and wishes of the parents and to a certain extent the kids. This sets up an expectation that the rest of the world will treat the kids the same way.

I understand that most women these days have to work, whether they'd prefer to be stay-at-home moms or not, and that many women are raising their kids with little or no support from the fathers, but when children are being raised primarily by day cares, it makes the amount of time spent with the parent that much more important for the parent to role model and teach and parent, and many parents are just overwhelmed and tired and either won't or can't.




I don't know if this is universally true, maybe in certain cases. I had one friend who's a SAHM and her kids are the worst behaved I've ever seen. Her son was, at one point, standing on my dining room table swinging the chandelier back and forth, and she very weakly told him to stop it. That's it! I picked him up and put him on the ground, but she wouldn't do it. Dang!

I think that it just comes down to parents who are inconsistent, and who want their kids to be happy all the time, and think that they're there to be friends with their kids. Nobody wants to be the "bad guy." Well, send them to me! I'll take care of them! icon_twisted.gif

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