Best/snarkiest Comeback Wins!!!

Lounge By jillmakescakes Updated 30 Aug 2009 , 1:48am by indydebi

jillmakescakes Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 12:58am
post #1 of 15

So I got this email this afternoon from the owner of a bridal shop in the area. I think its hilarious. I am planning on declining, but I SOOOOO want to ask if I get 10% of the dress order(s) for people I send to her shop. I have all of these mean/snarky/smart-alecky replies floating through my head, so I thought I'd come here to ask some of the masters for their thoughts..... I know Doug's will be great!

I am looking for a cake vendor that will sign a vendor agreement with my store and provide all brides with their services. Is this something you would be interested in agreeing to. I ask for 10 per cent if a bride that comes here contacts you to make her cake. And, we could have a cake tasting day at the store every quarter. We could invite brides who come to the store to come that day and taste your cakes. We may be able to even get brides to sign a contract with you that day to bake their cakes!

All the cake bakers that I have talked to do not want to take the time or do not feel they need the business. I am just certain there is a cake baker out there that will work with me and I know we can get them some business!

14 replies
heavenlys Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:11am
post #2 of 15

WOW! this lady is wow! Not sure i can even be a smart aleck right now. Wow! In my town we offer referrals between businesses as a professional courteousy. When My fellow wedding people do well I do well. WOW!! does she think her shop is the mother of all shops to save yours.

WAIT!! would she be your cake pimp? Does that mean she can slap you around a bit? i knew it would come to me!!

OfficerMorgan Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:15am
post #3 of 15

Dear Dumbass,

What a wonderful way for both of us to make money off of each other's businesses! But perhaps I could suggest an alternative?

Instead of me have a cake tasting day at your shop, how about we have a dress fitting/trying on day at my cake shop? That way, you can bring all your beautiful gowns over, and the brides could eat the cakes while wearing them, to see how comfortable they are!

I could put a sign up in my shop, saying that I am having a dress fitting day! And I could put your name and store name on it! That would send TONS of business your way!

For this, I would only request a deposit of $500/bride, as well as 25% commission off the dress they order from you. I also need 3 months notice so that I have the correct amount of cake to serve.

What a fabulous idea! Thank you so much for contacting me! I was just certain that there was a dress maker out there that would work with me and I knew I could get her some much needed business!

Texas_Rose Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:16am
post #4 of 15

It's tempting to be rude, but there's no reason to make an enemy if you don't have to. You don't want someone badmouthing you every chance she gets, which she might if you were sarcastic enough.

Maybe this would work:

Thank you for the offer, but I'm doing quite well getting business already. If you don't find a baker who wants an opportunity like you're offering, then I would be happy to display your business cards in my shop as long as you would do the same for me. Dresses probably have a much higher profit margin than cakes, which may be why you're having trouble finding a baker who is willing to give up ten percent of her sales. Again, thank you for the opportunity.

Jen80 Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:19am
post #5 of 15

I'm not a master, but I just couldn't help but remark.

"No, it's because they don't want to give you 10% of their hard earned profits."

"No, it's not because they don't need the business, it's because you've insulted them."

"Sure, $1000 deposit per tasting day paid two weeks in advance, $1000 balance to be paid on the day."

"Your welcome to get 10% of my profits. What days would suit you to come to bake/decorate?"

"I ask that you don't bother me again."

"Is it always this easy for you to offend people?"

jillmakescakes Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:22am
post #6 of 15

Texas Rose, don't get me wrong, I have no intention of actually writing any of the amazingly rude or sarcastic things that are coming to me (BTW, LOVE the cake pimp comment, but I ain't nobody's 'ho icon_lol.gif )

I was hoping to get a little comic relief. I am a big proponent of referring business to others as a professional courtesy, and it has definitely been beneficial. I actually have a plastic holder with several companies business cards at our register.

sadsmile Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:23am
post #7 of 15

Oh my! Thank goodness you emailed me when you did. I was just looking for a new inventive way to lose some of my own profit margin. icon_biggrin.gif

Wow is she looking for a sucker or what!?! But I agree no need to make things bad and spread bad press around for yourself. I would probably just decline and say, "No thank you. I am not interested."

this-mama-rocks Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:25am
post #8 of 15

Will you at least kiss me after scr3wing me over with this "business offer"?

costumeczar Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:26am
post #9 of 15

I'd not even reply to this, to tell the truth. If she's not getting any responses maybe she'll finally get the hint that this isn't a good deal for the bakers.

Some people around here do operate on a kickback system (that's basically what it is, whether you call it that or not). It's a certain group that just works together and has "arrangements" with each other for discounts and percentages off, etc. The majority of people who I know don't work like that, but there are definitely a subgroup who do. I'll also make the sweeping generalization that they tend to be the vendors who are the "less than excellent" service providers in my area...I always hearing stories about sketchy customer service, etc. about them. Definitely stay away from those kinds of arrangements.

Jen80 Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:28am
post #10 of 15

I know, I know.

You're right Texas_Rose.

She would be the worst person to get snarley with in this situation.
If she's got nothing better to do than make silly business propositions she's probably all for badmouthing you to potential clients.

indydebi Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:28am
post #11 of 15

She's being a bit snarky when she says "....or do not feel they need the business". In today's economy, that's kinda snide.

If everyone has turned her down, what does that tell her about her proposal? Is she a new shop?

I also noticed her email focuses on how much business she's going to get the baker. ("...and I know we can get them some business!" "We may be able to even get brides to sign a contract with you that day to bake their cakes!"). It's too hard sell, and less "partner"-sounding.

Jill, you know that you & I have made good contacts with many great wedding vendors around here an none of them operate this way.

(OMG! I bet I know who this is!!! First name start with "M"? If so, run, Forrest, run! I'll fill you in next time I see you.)
So ..... my entry for the contest:

Thanks for the wonderful opportunity. Unfortunately, I'm unable to enter into such a restrictive agreement. I work with many wedding vendors and we do a lot of referrals back and forth to each other and we do not charge each other a commission. If I would agree to such an agreement, I fear it would lose me business, once I explain to the bride that I have to charge her an extra 10% to cover your kickback. PLus I would feel bad taking 10% from you on every dress sale resulting from a bride that I send to you. While it sounds like a wonderful opportunity for someone, like the other bakers you've contacted, I too must pass. Thanks for thinking of me.

all4cake Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:36am
post #12 of 15

I've no snarky comeback(It usually takes me a couple of days or more to think of something clever to say by that time, I forgot why I thought of it), but I would like to ask...WTH????????

"10 per cent if a bride that comes here contacts you to make her cake" Do whaaaaaaaaaat? That could be wide open....Brides go to oodles of stores(or is that to mean, if a customer of her shop, is referred to you) and you pay her 10 percent if she contacts you?(that doesn't make sense pay her 10 percent of what...just for contacting you? or did she mean 10 percent of her total if she ORDERS and PAYS for her wedding cake made by you if she were referred by bridal shop?)

She's going to refer people to someone anyway...and the more names they dole out, the more knowledgeable(sp) they appear....

I don't want another person taken another freakin' slice of my pie I worked my arse off to make...geeeeeeez, everyone has their hand open, palm up waiting for a gimme....

"how 'bout you keep your 10% for my referrals and I'll keep my 10% for your referrals. No reason why we can't send potential customers each others' way without all the mumbo jumbo contract 10% bs"

sadsmile Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:39am
post #13 of 15
Originally Posted by heavenlys

WAIT!! would she be your cake pimp? Does that mean she can slap you around a bit? i knew it would come to me!!

ROFL! "I don't need a cake Pimp and I don't want to be your dress whore!"

jillmakescakes Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:41am
post #14 of 15

sadsmile... I LOVE IT!!!! dress whore, that's priceless thumbs_up.gif

indydebi Posted 30 Aug 2009 , 1:48am
post #15 of 15

I vote for OfficerMorgan's respnse!! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

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