Am I Wrong To Have Hurt Feelings?

Lounge By jonahsmom Updated 18 Aug 2009 , 5:53pm by jonahsmom

jonahsmom Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 11:41pm
post #1 of 37

Okay, so I had a hysterectomy on July 28. Doc said I would be off work up to 6 weeks. I talked with my coworkers and boss(es) and told them all that I would likely be back after two weeks. I confirmed with them on the 3rd that I would be back because I was already feeling great and I was bored to death at home. So, by the 3rd, EVERYONE in the office knew I intended to come back to work on Aug. 11th.

Sooo....every month "the girls" (there are only 4 of us) get to go to lunch for "team building" and the attorneys pick up the tab.

Well, guess what I found out today? The other three went to lunch WITHOUT me on Friday (7th)!!! Right before they ALL KNEW that I was scheduled to come back to work. There are only 4 of us in the office so I have a hard time believing that they just "forgot" about me. Plus, none of them told me they went to lunch...I saw the check stub. I've been there just over a year and we have always, ALWAYS gone to lunch toward the end of the month. It has just worked best with everyone's schedules.

My feelings are very much hurt by this. I feel like they snuck it in on purpose before I got back. I can't say anything to them because I don't want to sound like a crybaby.

I probably do sound like a crybaby, but since I can't vent to them....thanks...

36 replies
Kiddiekakes Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 11:48pm
post #2 of 37

Well..maybe they felt uncomfortable since you just got out from the hospital for a hysterectomy..Some women feel very uneasy talking about or to someone right after such a personal surgery.They might have wanted to dodge the uneasy questions.answers,emotions.I wouldn't read too much into it.I bet you all are back to luch next month after all this is over.

-K8memphis Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 11:51pm
post #3 of 37

Why aren't you following your doctor's orders?

People do stuff like this then they wonder why they can't get better and have low energy for a loooooong time.

The best time to get better is as the first.

jonahsmom Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 12:31am
post #4 of 37

Actually, since I found I was having this they've all been asking me tons of questions and I talked to them at least a half dozen times between the 28th and the 11th. One of them in particular kept calling me and asking me how to do things that she wasn't used to doing. They've been very curious about the whole thing. Which is why I was so completely shocked that they went without me.

And, I am within my doctors orders. I talked to her before I had the surgery and asked if I felt good and was bored at home, etc. could I go back to work after 2 weeks and she said "absolutely." Just cautioned against lifting more than 15 lbs and told me not to do any "pounding" exercises at the gym. I'll do more harm to myself at home than at work where I sit at a desk for 99% of the day.

Truth be told, I feel a million percent better than I had for months and months before the surgery. And it's not like I have a ginormous abdominal wound. I just have 3 little (less than an inch) incisions for the laprascopic assisted part. I haven't taken pain meds since the second day after surgery. No need!

indydebi Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 12:33am
post #5 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by K8memphis-

Why aren't you following your doctor's orders?

People do stuff like this then they wonder why they can't get better and have low energy for a loooooong time.

The best time to get better is as the first.



I agree with this. There is a medical REASON they tell you to stay home for 6 weeks. Your body needs to HEAL.

We've always told our kids that even with just a bad cold, when you think you can go back to work/school, to take one more day. It's easy to think you feel better when you're just laying around the house and you can sit and rest when you dont' even realize you're sitting and resting.

But when you get back into a daily routine, with a strenuous schedule and all the stress thats involved .....

Well, your CC mama, here, is telling you to take "one more day".

To your original question, a hysterectomy messes with your hormones, just like giving birth, just like a miscarriage, just like any of that.

No I dont' think they "ditched" you for lunch. 25% of their office staff has been gone for 2-3 weeks. They've probably been busting butt to keep up. It may have been just a good day to go "Whew! We deserve a break today! Let's do that lunch thing!"

De-stress, darlin'. You've been thru a lot. You need to relax and recuperate.

Luby Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 1:23am
post #6 of 37

From what I read from your post you had not returned to work yet, right?
Given the fact that you were not at the office I don't see how your feelings could be hurt that the ones who were there went to lunch.

dldbrou Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:15am
post #7 of 37

How did the end of the month lunch turn into the 7th of the month? That would be the question that I would ask.

jonahsmom Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:18am
post #8 of 37

I had not returned on the 7th. I was to return on the 11th....which they all knew. There is never a "set" date for us to go on our lunch. We generally coordinate with each other's schedules so that we can all go. If someone calls in sick on the day we were supposed to go, we wait until they come back as long as there are more days in the month.

It's more that they knew I was coming back in two days and went to lunch right before I came back. And knowing that there was still 3 weeks left in the month to get the lunch in at a time we could all go together.

I suppose I am being overly sensitive, but I still think that it was inconsiderate not to wait until I got back when they knew I would be back in two days. If they weren't SURE that I was coming back it would be different. Like if I said I "might" come back early or whatever. Then I totally wouldn't care. I would get that.

I'm just feeling left out - which is hard when there's only four people.

But...I'm over it because a friend of mine said that everyone at her husband's party (60 people or so!) said my cakes were way better than any other cakes they can get in town, so I got my "warm fuzzies" and that made me feel better. Glass half full is usually how I like to look at things. Half empty is too depressing!

indydebi Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:29am
post #9 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonahsmom

.... a friend of mine said that everyone at her husband's party (60 people or so!) said my cakes were way better than any other cakes they can get in town, so I got my "warm fuzzies" and that made me feel better.


that's always nice to hear, but especially nice right now, when you need a pick-me-up! thumbs_up.gif

jonahsmom Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:32am
post #10 of 37

Absolutely!!!!

Karema Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 4:23am
post #11 of 37

I think you that you are a little sensitive right now. Trust me as the queen of sensitivity right now (I just had a baby). You said that you all usually go around everyone's schedule and since you are not there how do you that wasn't the best time for them? Take it easy ok.

maryjsgirl Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 5:56am
post #12 of 37

Maybe they were just being petty and thought you didn't "deserve" the lunch since you missed a couple of weeks. Especially if they took on more stress with your absence.

Definitely inconsiderate. thumbsdown.gif

indydebi Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 1:01pm
post #13 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by maryjsgirl

Maybe they were just being petty and thought you didn't "deserve" the lunch since you missed a couple of weeks. Especially if they took on more stress with your absence.

Definitely inconsiderate. thumbsdown.gif




Wow, I can't imagine anyone having a converation about lunch that would include these kind of comments. "Lets do lunch early WITHOUT MaryJ ... she doesn't DESERVE to go to lunch with us!" icon_eek.gif

Deb_ Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:10pm
post #14 of 37

I'm glad you're feeling better Jonahsmom, I know from speaking to you in the past that you were feeling pretty crummy before your surgery.

Here's an idea.....when you go in on Monday take yourself out for lunch to a nice expensive place and turn the receipt in. If anyone questions it, you just tell them that you missed out on the monthly office lunch. thumbs_up.gif

-K8memphis Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:12pm
post #15 of 37

I think this incident shows that while you may be bored and you may feel great your body and mind are still reeling and healing and you should give yourself a break.

If the doctor gave you a 6 week window to be out of the loop and you use a third of that time you gotta know you're gonna suffer, CakeBuddy.

You are better than you were prior to the surgery--that's a low threshold because prior to surgery you were sick enough to need major surgery just 'cause you feel better than previous is not a good marker. Is it.

Bet you're gonna feel even better once you get enough healing time between you and the reason you needed major surgery in the first place. Not to mention the actual procedure of going under the knife and the body recovering from all the invasions it has endured--anesthesia etc etc.

Your body has been through hell and you frankly need to take care of yourself. Nobody else will if you don't. You are letting yourself out into the world in a weakened condition. Not smart. But again no one is standing in your way. It's up to you.

If the office was inconsiderate and I don't think they were you need to be stronger to be able to handle that. Huh.

You can't stop later on and get the healing you can get now. The best healing time comes once--it's right now. You can't schedule your healing like getting off & on the bus.

indydebi Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:12pm
post #16 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

Here's an idea.....when you go in on Monday take yourself out for lunch to a nice expensive place and turn the receipt in. If anyone questions it, you just tell them that you missed out on the monthly office lunch. thumbs_up.gif




I hope you're kidding! icon_biggrin.gif

jonahsmom Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:37pm
post #17 of 37

Thanks dkelly!!!! It's no fun eating by yourself, though!!!! I'm just not going to mention lunch for September (I'm usually the one they rely on to plan it) until someone says something.

And k8memphis...I feel zero pain. And again, haven't taken pain meds since the second day after surgery. My three tiny incisions are healing wonderfully. Honestly, the subject wasn't "should I have gone back to work?" It was about my feelings being hurt because of something that happened. I trust that my doctor wouldn't have allowed me to return to work if she felt I wasn't ready. She flat out told me I could go back after two weeks if I was feeling good. And I was. There's no need to sit at home for 4 more weeks when the doctor told me I could go back to work. I think what helps is that since my breast cancer a couple years ago I've made lifestyle changes such as vitamins/supplements and plenty of exercise. You'd be amazed at how quickly you can recover, even from major surgery, if you're taking good care of yourself before it happens. Having a positive attitude also helps. Despite my hurt feelings yesterday, which even people with the best attitudes have, I try to always think positive.

-K8memphis Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:44pm
post #18 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonahsmom

Thanks dkelly!!!! It's no fun eating by yourself, though!!!! I'm just not going to mention lunch for September (I'm usually the one they rely on to plan it) until someone says something.

And k8memphis...I feel zero pain. And again, haven't taken pain meds since the second day after surgery. My three tiny incisions are healing wonderfully. Honestly, the subject wasn't "should I have gone back to work?" It was about my feelings being hurt because of something that happened. I trust that my doctor wouldn't have allowed me to return to work if she felt I wasn't ready. She flat out told me I could go back after two weeks if I was feeling good. And I was. There's no need to sit at home for 4 more weeks when the doctor told me I could go back to work. I think what helps is that since my breast cancer a couple years ago I've made lifestyle changes such as vitamins/supplements and plenty of exercise. You'd be amazed at how quickly you can recover, even from major surgery, if you're taking good care of yourself before it happens. Having a positive attitude also helps. Despite my hurt feelings yesterday, which even people with the best attitudes have, I try to always think positive.




My point is that you'd be amazed at how many people do this, rush, and regret it when it's too late.

I'm glad you're doing so well.

So when do you think your doctor was wrong when he/she recommended 6 weeks of recovery or when they agreed you could go back at two weeks?

-K8memphis Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:52pm
post #19 of 37

So I did some googling-- the 6 weeks is if you would have had the other kind of invasive surgery-- and 5 days to several weeks recovery is the laproscopic kind like you had--ok I get it.

I was going by what you wrote and it was confusing.

icon_biggrin.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by jonahsmom

Thanks dkelly!!!! It's no fun eating by yourself, though!!!! I'm just not going to mention lunch for September (I'm usually the one they rely on to plan it) until someone says something.




They had their September lunch in August?? This is August right?

Why is this all so confusing??

indydebi Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 2:53pm
post #20 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonahsmom

I'm just not going to mention lunch for September


Was this the September lunch or did they do the August lunch late? If they were short handed because you were on leave, they may not have had time to do the end-of-the-month-August-lunch.

Doug Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 3:11pm
post #21 of 37

ok, now I'm confused too.

was this:

the JULY lunch done late? (not in July because of your surgery, work load, etc.)

the AUGUST lunch done way early? (you mentioned usually done at end of the month as we still have almost 2 weeks in August!)

----

who's to say there won't be another lunch this month nearer the time I'm crying because I back at work teaching school?

indydebi Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 3:15pm
post #22 of 37

oh gosh, guys, you're right! I'm sorry I confused everyone with the wrong months! I guess I"m working ahead! icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif

Did they have the July lunch in AUgust, or was this the August lunch?

-K8memphis Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 3:20pm
post #23 of 37

No wait--I was confused too. I think she means she's not gonna mention the early August lunch we've been discussing until it's time for the September lunch next month--right?

Early August lunch is weird I guess unless it mighta been a late July one.



How can I confuse me let me count the ways....

icon_biggrin.gif

-K8memphis Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 3:24pm
post #24 of 37

I think me & Indy & Doug should stay home for six or two weeks until the pain goes away.

icon_lol.gif

indydebi Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 3:26pm
post #25 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by K8memphis-

I think me & Indy & Doug should stay home for six or two weeks until the pain goes away.

icon_lol.gif



icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Good idea! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

Doug Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 3:41pm
post #26 of 37

YES! --- let's see 6 seeks is end of September -- wouldn't mind missing the first 6 weeks of school!

-K8memphis Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 3:43pm
post #27 of 37

Then we all four go to lunch and op pays!!!! icon_biggrin.gif

And anybody else wants to come too!!!

jonahsmom Posted 15 Aug 2009 , 11:58pm
post #28 of 37

Okay......I reckon I was a little stressed yesterday and didn't get the details all typed in so you could completely understand the story. Even though it made perfect sense to me, I know all the inner details of how our little office works and took for granted that everyone here might know. DUH!

Just to clarify. When I first went in to discuss the surgery with my doctor she said "up to six weeks." When I went in for my pre-op the week before my surgery we discussed going back after two weeks if I felt good. That is when she said that would be fine provided I didn't lift more than 15 lbs or do any "pounding" exercises at the gym. I immediately discussed with my co-workers and bosses my intention to come back after 2 weeks. Surgery on July 28 and back to work on August 11. I spoke with one of our co-workers the day after surgery and a couple times the rest of that week. The last time I talked to her was on Aug. 3 and I told her I would definitely be back on Aug. 11.

We took our July lunch on July 23. I want to also let you know that one of our girls went on a 2 week vacation in July and we still scheduled around her being gone and went when we were ALL able to go. And believe me, they did NOT do all of my work while I was gone. I had stacks to go through when I got back. They were not busting their butts too terribly bad to cover for me. I was gone for 9 working days. And I had most of that 9 working days worth of work waiting for me when I got back. They did have to alternate who would work at the front desk and answer phones, but they still do their own work as our computers are all linked together.

The August lunch is what they took on August 7. If we don't take our lunch by the end of the month we lose that privilege, so we always take it by the end of the month come hell or high water! That's one of the first things they taught me when I first started there. That and ALWAYS ORDER DESSERT!!!! I'm not planning on bringing anything up when it comes time to schedule the September lunch as it sounds like they're just fine on their own. My hubby said the real test will be if they take the lunch on Sept. 11th. My post-op is scheduled out of town that day. If they decide to go on that day I will REALLY be mad and then I will probably be forced to say something because it will be completely obvious.

indydebi Posted 16 Aug 2009 , 12:12am
post #29 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonahsmom

And believe me, they did NOT do all of my work while I was gone. I had stacks to go through when I got back. They were not busting their butts too terribly bad to cover for me. I was gone for 9 working days. And I had most of that 9 working days worth of work waiting for me when I got back.



Oh now that is just wrong! icon_sad.gif

-K8memphis Posted 16 Aug 2009 , 12:19am
post #30 of 37

Gotcha.

Ok--why risk it? I'd just out & say, (at a propitious moment)
'Hey we can't schedule the September lunch when I'm out on the 11th.
When do we want it?'
<pause for feedback>
'Because I did miss out on the August one, y'know.'

I would. Life's short. You only get 12 of these a year.

Head 'em off at the pass kinda move.

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