Other Folks Disciplining Your Kids??? Long

Lounge By KKC Updated 26 Aug 2009 , 12:54pm by KKC

KKC Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 10:49pm
post #1 of 35

Hi All,

First I want to say that I would like to keep this thread as clean and positive as possible. icon_smile.gif

Ok, in my family there are alot of people who discipline or try to discipline other peoples children but when it comes to their own they don't. I rarely have to spank my son and he's 8... We have this cousin in our family he's older probably in his 50 or 60 and he's always bothering the little kids because he knows that they can't do anything. Let me explain, that I have taught my son that when someone is bothering you and you tell them to stop but they don't then I give you permission to get them off of you by any means necessary..whether that means biting, punching, scratching or kicking in the balls thats what you do. I told him that goes for ANYONE relative or not. So one day this cousin was playing with my son and my son had gotten mad because he wouldn't leave him alone so my son punched him in the face...so he hauled off and hit my son. So of course I went crazy and I told him to never mess with my child again otherwise we'd have serious problems and I'm talking there will be bloodshed.

Anyway he has a habit of trying to discipline all the kids but this is a grown man who will come out of his door when he sees the kids playing and he'll start bothering them but when they get annoyed with him he tries to hit them or whatever. It has gotten to the point that I tell my son that when the guy comes outside that he (my son) needs to go into the house.

We have other family members who are always trying to spank other peoples kids but when it comes to their own they do absolutely nothing. I have told everyone in my family...if my child has done something you come and tell me...do not put your hands on my son PERIOD!!!

So I wanted to get you guys input...do you let other people discipline your children?

REMEMBER LETS KEEP THIS CLEAN & POSITIVE icon_biggrin.gif

34 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 10:57pm
post #2 of 35

No. If a relative hits my child, I'm calling the police on them. One time my daughter bit my mother on the hand and my mother hit her across the face. I told her if she ever did it again I would file assault charges against her, and to let me discipline my own child.

I've taught my kids that they should defend themselves if they're being hurt by someone, but if someone is just annoying them, they need to move on and leave that person alone. My youngest still responds like a typical three year old...she hits whenever she's unhappy with something that's said to her. She's going to have to grow out of that if she's ever going to be a productive citizen, but I'm sure she will grow out of it in the next year or so.

JanH Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 11:00pm
post #3 of 35

For clarification, I'd like to ask for your definition or examples of "bothering" as it relates to the instructions you have given your son and as it relates to the neighbor's behaviour.

Also what do you consider "discipline" - hitting or touching your child, reprimanding or speaking to your child, etc.

I know that we all don't think or feel the same way, so I'm just asking for your perspective from the get-go. icon_smile.gif

AverageMom Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 11:06pm
post #4 of 35

I expect my friends to speak to my children if necessary, or if I'm not there. But NO ONE touches them. As well, when my children have little friends over, I will speak sternly to them if necessary, and once I told a little girl that if she couldn't follow our house rules she would have to go to time-out.

Kiddiekakes Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 11:06pm
post #5 of 35

No also..If my child is doing or saying something inappropriate..come and tell me and I will deal with it.I do not give anyone permission to dicipline my child physically except me and my husband.They can verbally tell him "No" or "Stop that" but that's it!!

KKC Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 11:07pm
post #6 of 35

Well..what I mean is when the kids are outside playing he'll come and just start chasing them or trying to play fight with them...and of course they are kids so they'll play back with him but when they don't feel like play fighting anymore he'll still hit them and things like that. Now if my child tells you to stop then thats it you stop...he'll keep going and going on them. This man should just let the kids play...but he's always non stop bothering them.

Now as for strangers...I tell him that if a stranger tries to talk to you, you run like hell. But if they try to touch you, grab you or come at you in a threatening manner then you fight and fight.

KKC Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 11:09pm
post #7 of 35

Oh yeah...i agree that they can "verbally" discipline my child...I'm talking about the physical discipline.

-Tubbs Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 11:15pm
post #8 of 35

Well, I don't like the sound of this man "always bothering the children". Is that something you should be concerned about?

I recall a thread on here a long time ago about various viewpoints of disciplining children and it wasn't pretty...

For the record, I'm of the opinion that hitting anyone is wrong, especially someone smaller and weaker than oneself. I feel to hit a child is like hitting an elderly person - just not acceptable. If ANYONE touched my children I would be furious. My family and close friends share this view - we will happily tell someone else's child what is acceptable behaviour in our homes, but to physically hit someone else's kid? NEVER.

Madiken Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 11:40pm
post #9 of 35

I definitely would not want someone to physically discipline my child in any way or for any reason. I would be a little weirded out that a grown man seems to want to "mess" with the little kids. I don't want to offend you because this is a member of your family but loud alarm bells ring for me whenever I hear about a grown man becoming overly involved in "wrestling" or rough play with kids. Do you think there could be more to it than it seems?

Tiffany29 Posted 13 Aug 2009 , 11:56pm
post #10 of 35

NOBODY is to touch my kids! Friends or family. When I get together with my friends we mother each others children. If we see that one of the kids are doing something they shouldn't mine or theirs we say something. Our eyes can't be every where at once. As far as physical discipline NO not ever. I would be concerned about that man as old as he is bothering the kids. Have you tried talking to him?

KKC Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 12:00am
post #11 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by TubbsCookies

Well, I don't like the sound of this man "always bothering the children". Is that something you should be concerned about?




Yeah I am very concerned to the point where I tell my son to leave if he comes outside. I've express this to my family and only a few of them feel the same way because they're kids are also the ones he bothers. My hubby expressed to me yesterday that he didn't like how he was acting with my little cousin who is 5..he's the main one that he calls and he knows that the little boy loves candy so he's always calling him over to his home. I've told my aunt that she needs to be careful with that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Madiken

I definitely would not want someone to physically discipline my child in any way or for any reason. I would be a little weirded out that a grown man seems to want to "mess" with the little kids. I don't want to offend you because this is a member of your family but loud alarm bells ring for me whenever I hear about a grown man becoming overly involved in "wrestling" or rough play with kids. Do you think there could be more to it than it seems?




I'm not offended at all believe me...after that incident with him hitting my son I told my son to stay as far away from him as he can. Whats bad is that he picks all the little kids up for Sunday school every week but I'll drive my son there. I am like so suspicious of these type of things!

AverageMom Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 12:21am
post #12 of 35

HUGE alarm bells here!!! He calls a child to his house, uses candy as a bribe? He gets to pick all the kids up from Sunday school? Discipline is not even on the radar as an issue here.

Jayde Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 12:28am
post #13 of 35

Honestly? I think this man, no offense since he sounds like a family memeber, but I really think he sounds like a pedophile or a pedo in training.

He plays aggressively with the kids and then when they retaliate he is quick to anger and strike back? He calls kids over to his house with promises of candy?

Just because a person hasnt acted on the urges that they might feel, doesnt mean that the urges arent there and certainly doesnt mean that when presented with the "right" situation, that he wouldnt take advantage of a kid. I would be very careful of a person like this, because you never know when his disposition will change and what will make him angry. Just what you are describing gives me the willies. Please be safe, and make sure that your children are safe.

peg818 Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 12:32am
post #14 of 35

Is this man mentally challenged? If he is mentally the same age as the children that would explain alot. IF he is normal, run for the hills, family or not there is a problem and it isn't in disciplining or not.

Now as far as speaking to someone elses child, i will and have. I don't believe in spanking (unless there is immediate danger like they are putting their little fingers in the light socket then yes a quick slap on the little hand to get the point across may be needed)

KKC Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 12:53am
post #15 of 35

He has older nephews between the ages of 30 something to 13 and he's disciplined each and every one of them in the past and present. A few weeks ago of the the boys was talking in church and he took him outside and literally beat the boy up...the boy is 14 i think...and the boy of course being a boy he got ready to fight back and then the other men in our family was ready to rip the boy a new one. The boys father and mother isn't in his life so others in our family are trying to be those figures for him and his brothers...but I think they take it too far. Thats the problem with the people in my family especially the men they feel like its okay to discipline that way because it was done to them "back in the day". I totally don't agree with that and thats why I made it clear that they are to not touch my child or there will be problems...he has a mother and a father who will discipline him as we see fit.

I honestly think he's a pedophile or like Jayde said one in training. He's very perverted...he says nasty things to the women in his own family. I just don't like him. I can't tell other people to keep there kids away from him but i sure will tell my son to stay away from him.

Carolynlovescake Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 1:27am
post #16 of 35

I am the privileged one among kids because I run child care, I've taken classes on proper discipline techniques for various ages etc for my main business.

The most I get with the physical aspect when there are children in my home for play or paid clients children and not following rules is that I will pick them up, carry them to the time out mat and set them on it and start the timer. If they leave I will put a strong hand (as in firm grasp but not squeezing them) on them with a stern "no you stay on that mat!"

Everyone congregates to my place because I have the perfect set up for the kids and there's always baked goodies here and mostly because I don't put up with crap from anyone's kid(s) in my home and they appreciate the fact I don't pussy foot around.

KKC Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 2:34am
post #17 of 35

I think you should teach a class on how to discipline kids and not be physical. I'm pretty sure that everyone has been out somewhere where people let their kids run a muck...I really hate that. I understand that not every has the luxury of leaving their kids home while they shop or get their hair done etc...but I've seen people let their kids run around the store, break things, screaming omg...and they'll just keep shopping like nothings wrong. I'm like wow they must be really use to it lol!!! My son did that to me one time when he was very little about 2 or 3...I was so embarressed (sp?) Ever since then I'd warn him before we got in the store, he never did it again. He'd ask for something and if I say no he'd pout of course but he won't throw a tantrum. Now that he's 8 he won't go to the store with me lol...but he'd go with his dad because he has dad wrapped around his finger lol!

julia77 Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 5:13am
post #18 of 35

I would trust any person I was willing enough to leave my children with, to discipline them in an appropriate manner that I would approve of.

However......my children would never be left with anyone like the creepy-sounding uncle! icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

KKC Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 6:01am
post #19 of 35

You know another thing I noticed with someone in my family...when the childs mother isn't around they'd verbally discipline them but It will be with all kind of harsh, nasty words (cursing)...but when the parents are around its a whole different story. Honestly I don't too much leave my son with family...either he's with me or with my husband on the weekends he'll stay with my aunt because she has a son almost the same age as mine...but I barely let him stay there because both of her sons are spoiled brats and the act terrible when they dont get their way...ok not so bad for the youngest cause he's 6 but for a 20 year old i think is a bit much. Last summer my son stayed with my aunt for a few weeks and he came back with the most brattiest (not a word lol) attitude and I had to reprogram him lol!!!

indydebi Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 12:19pm
post #20 of 35

we don't spank other children, but our rule (in my house, and my married daughter has the same rule), "if you don't make your child mind, then I will! If you don't want me to reprimand your child for doing wrong, then either take care of it yourself or dont' bring your child to my house."

I also have no problem with other people reprimanding my child if they are doing something they're not suppose to. "Reprimanding" is way different from spanking, slapping, hitting, etc.

My daughter is the mom in her neighborhood that the OTHER moms threaten their kids with! "You better calm it down or Chris will get after you!" She thinks nothing of lining ALL the kids up and reprimanding them ALL for the noise or the mess or whatever they're doing. It's pretty fun to watch and all the other parents are sitting back with a "Go, Chris!" attitude! (They're a close knit bunch of folks!)

DefyGravity Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 2:09pm
post #21 of 35

First of all, you need to talk to the other parents who are letting their kids go over to Mr. Creepy's house. Family or not, creepy is creepy.

As for discipline, right now I'm living with my parents because my husband is in S. Korea for a year. So, since my parents are around my kids all the time, its more understandable that they discipline them too, but in a nicer grandparent way. I don't mind when they tell my son to sit in time out or tell him to knock it off, because my kids are getting raised the same way I was raised.

The problem of having someone else discipline your kids does not exist in my extended family, because if your kid is acting up, we will tell you to go fix them. There's no ignoring it, but nobody wants to discipline someone else's kid, so we just tell the parents and then they can take care of it. If someone was yelling and cursing at my kids, they better get ready for a fight.

KKC Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 2:38pm
post #22 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by DefyGravity

First of all, you need to talk to the other parents who are letting their kids go over to Mr. Creepy's house. Family or not, creepy is creepy.

As for discipline, right now I'm living with my parents because my husband is in S. Korea for a year. So, since my parents are around my kids all the time, its more understandable that they discipline them too, but in a nicer grandparent way. I don't mind when they tell my son to sit in time out or tell him to knock it off, because my kids are getting raised the same way I was raised.

The problem of having someone else discipline your kids does not exist in my extended family, because if your kid is acting up, we will tell you to go fix them. There's no ignoring it, but nobody wants to discipline someone else's kid, so we just tell the parents and then they can take care of it. If someone was yelling and cursing at my kids, they better get ready for a fight.




I've spoken to my aunt (whose son he bribes with candy) about it and she shares my same concerns but she does absolutely nothing about it...One of her clients has a little girl and he always calls her and he'll say come give me a hug icon_confused.gif and the mom like a dummy will tell the little girl (who is very apprehensive about giving him a hug) go give "Uncle Herbert" a hug icon_eek.gif ...so my aunt told her client to watch out for the guy, and I told her maybe you should listen to your own advice!

my other family members think that i'm just being silly because of what he did to my child, and that I dislike him icon_mad.gif My son already knows the deal when it comes to him...he knows not to disrespect him but he also knows not to take any crap from him either.

CakesByJen2 Posted 14 Aug 2009 , 4:34pm
post #23 of 35

OF course it depends on the person, the situation, and what type of "discipline". Spanking is a personal issue for each parent to decide, but no one has any business spanking someone else's child. I may spank my own child on occasion, but I would never spank someone else's child, and no one else has any business spanking my child!

I've never had anyone else hit or spank my child, but there was a playgroup mom once that NEVER discplined or supervised her own child, and he was a monster hitting, biting, stomping on other children, but she wouldn't hesitate to jump in and correct another child. I also have issues with my father being overly harsh and trying to discpline my kids as though they are his own. If anyone ever actually hit my child, I would press charges.

I do have a couple of very close friends and my sister who all have kids the same ages, and we all have similar values and such, and we have an understanding that we can get onto each others kids like our own, and the kids know they have to listen to any one of us.

itsmylife Posted 17 Aug 2009 , 8:29pm
post #24 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageMom

HUGE alarm bells here!!! He calls a child to his house, uses candy as a bribe? He gets to pick all the kids up from Sunday school? Discipline is not even on the radar as an issue here.




Wow... I totally agree with AverageMom. KKC - Every new post you have put on here is like one more stereotypical pedophile behavior.

I would stay far, far away from this guy, and while it's easy to keep your child safe and away from him, I would also try to look out for the other kids. If you see him doing something inappropriate, call DCF, or DCAF, or the child abuse hotline, or whatever it's called where you live.

It's unfortunate that some of the other parents or guardians of these children aren't picking up on the deviant behavior of this guy... and for those that are picking up on it, but doing nothing... SHAME on them.

CupCake_Caitlin Posted 19 Aug 2009 , 5:58am
post #25 of 35

When I was 5 (Yes I am THAT scared I remember every Detail) My Twin Sister and I were running around in circles at a disco for children, it was a poorly lit room with coloured lights flashing (as you do) without realising we had knocked over a boy not any younger then we were.

The mother jumped up - the child not even crying and contimued to play (still know the boy to this day)
Stormed over to us, and grabbed us both by the arms (I mean she gripped till it hurt) pulled us aside, continuing to yell out us while our grandmother was at the other end of the hall and couldnt see...

Now we where very shy and quiet girls, and honest to god were angels as we never left our parents side. (living a shelted life of protection) So to have that mother do this, we were terrified, after crying our eyes dry and runnning to our grandmother we were taken home and I have never been back to that hall again.

Years past, and now I drive past that hall and still I'm afraid to go in!! I know thats stupid, but thats how scared I was from the incident!! over the years they had markets and all there, and I just stood at the door.

SO NEVER EVER ABUSE ANOTHER CHILD, YOU NEVER KNOW THE TRUE DAMAGE YOU ARE GIVING THEM!! icon_cry.gif

anyway, sorry for spilling my guts, have a pleasent evening/morning all of you Thanks xox
Caitlin

Karema Posted 19 Aug 2009 , 2:29pm
post #26 of 35

I personally think that the bigger issue is this 50 year old man messing with children. I find that very strange. I would keep my child away from him because of that. As far as the disipline rules in my house I personally believe in "It takes a villiage to raise a child".

I rarely spank my children but when I have to it is on their bottom and only a few pats. Like for instance the other day my daughter who is five decided she wanted to test her limits with going in the street. She knew that is was wrong and she knew that she would get in trouble but she thought it was funny. I've told her numorous times to not stand in the street or play in the street. She decided to put on foot in and out like a game to show her friend and was laughing. I told her to come in the house and I popped her bottom asked her what she had did wrong and she knew exactly. I don't believe in beating children or using objects to inflict pain but I will pop a hand or a bottom if needed.

As for other people doing it I allow my family to do what is necessary if I'm not there. I trust that they will handle it like I would. I don't expect them to beat my child but my SIL has popped my child and it didnt bother me. Yesterday she said that she gave my son a spanking because he ran from her while they were outside and wouldn't come back and almost ran a full block with her yelling come back and she had to chase him down. Well he got in trouble and I don't blame her for disciplining him. I think each family is different and we all do what we feel is comfortable.

adonisthegreek1 Posted 19 Aug 2009 , 6:09pm
post #27 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

...we don't spank other children, but our rule (in my house, and my married daughter has the same rule), "if you don't make your child mind, then I will! If you don't want me to reprimand your child for doing wrong, then either take care of it yourself or dont' bring your child to my house."

I also have no problem with other people reprimanding my child if they are doing something they're not suppose to. "Reprimanding" is way different from spanking, slapping, hitting, etc....




I agree totally with Indydebi. Regarding a different post, my kids know that under no circumstances are they to disrespect or hit an adult. They are to tell me immediately and allow me to handle it as one adult to another adult.

Carolynlovescake Posted 19 Aug 2009 , 7:01pm
post #28 of 35

I thought of this thread last night at work.

3 kids were running around a glass candle display at Michael's. When we build them we zip tie the heck out of them to make them as sturdy as we can but on some no matter what you do they aren't secure.

This was a grid about 6 feet high by about 3 feet wide covered in glass jar candles. The three kids were chasing each other, dodging around the sides, and literally grabbing onto it while moving and jer"stop playing in the store" "kids no playing like that please" over and over about 7 different ways in about 3 minutes. Finally I walked over and said "There is no rough play in this store, and running is not allowed go find the adult you came with right now!"

One of them gave the snarky shout back while running off while the other two were startled enough to stop their actions and walk properly to the adult a few aisles down.

I let the manager on duty immediately know (she actually heard the whole thing as she was walking fast to catch up to them to tell them to stop and cut it out.) and by then the adults they were with were on a rampage.

They said they were not doing anything just standing there looking at things and that lady was yelling and mean to them.

I had a class full of students who all stood up and said in various ways "no, those children are not being truthful, they were grabbing the candle display, shaking it, running around it etc."

Big momma of the group looked at the kids, looked at my students, stared me down and said "kids get in the car now!". She went out and then was seen without them checking out. I am hoping they were punished (without being beaten) and told to stay in the car while she rang her items up (they were ages 9-12) instead of being sent to the car and told she knew they were honest angels and to stay away from the mean cake ladies.

letsgetcaking Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:25am
post #29 of 35
Quote:
Quote:

A few weeks ago of the the boys was talking in church and he took him outside and literally beat the boy up...the boy is 14 i think...




If you truly meant the uncle "literally beat the boy up" I think something more than just trying to avoid the uncle should be done. Was the boy seriously injured? That sounds criminal to me. Keeping your own children safely away from the man is important, but the whole neighborhood can't hide in their homes 24/7.

You might want to try contacting these sources for advice:

http://pediatrics.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=pediatrics&cdn=health&tm=19&f=10&su=p284.9.336.ip_p726.5.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=1&zu=http%3A//www.childhelp.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

1-800-4-A-CHILD

KKC Posted 21 Aug 2009 , 5:02am
post #30 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by adonisthegreek1

Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

...we don't spank other children, but our rule (in my house, and my married daughter has the same rule), "if you don't make your child mind, then I will! If you don't want me to reprimand your child for doing wrong, then either take care of it yourself or dont' bring your child to my house."

I also have no problem with other people reprimanding my child if they are doing something they're not suppose to. "Reprimanding" is way different from spanking, slapping, hitting, etc....



I agree totally with Indydebi. Regarding a different post, my kids know that under no circumstances are they to disrespect or hit an adult. They are to tell me immediately and allow me to handle it as one adult to another adult.




I agree with you 100%...the only time I give my child permission to hit anyone is if that person is strong arming my child (like having him in a headlock or something like that)...My rule is if there is someone whether it be an adult or child (and especially with strangers) that is physcially hurting you, then you do anything necessary to get the person off of you.

But you know you have some adults that will just bother/annoy/antagonize (sp) a child because they can. icon_mad.gif That makes me so angry, like this guy in my family his nephews don't live with the mom or dad and he just pushes their buttons because he knows that no one will say anything to him about it. It doesn't matter that they don't do anything to cause him to just harrass them, nobody says a word. One day one of my cousin's told him "Soon you're going to be too old to run and these boys are going to rally around and kick your a$$" icon_lol.gif

It's been pretty peaceful around here because he's out of town.

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