Friends Sister In Law "nicley" Taking Over.....

Decorating By motherofgrace Updated 16 Aug 2009 , 7:13pm by motherofgrace

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 9:21pm
post #1 of 111

So my friend had ask me to make her birthday cake for her in june ( her party is next week) We had it all planed out between the two of us.

Her sister in law sent me an email today saying she just went out and bought the stuff to make jens favorite cake, and wasnt sure if anyone had already planned on making it. And added that she wants it to be a special day for jen.

I first messeged her back sayding that jen had asked me back in june to make that cake, but then i messaged her again and said since she already bought the stuff then she should make it.

I knwo she wasnt trying to be mean or anything, but am I right to be alittle upset? I mean Jen ASKED for this "roasted pig" cake ( its supposed to be a luou). And if she wasnt sure if anyone was making one... shouldnt she have asked BEFORE buying the stuff?

I just said I would make jens fav cake balls, and cookies....


Let me know what you think.... thanks icon_smile.gif

110 replies
CutiePieCakes-Ontario Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 9:29pm
post #2 of 111

You have every right to be upset. icon_mad.gif on your behalf.

There is no "being nice" about what she's done. Sounds like the SIL is being passive-aggresive with you. "Oh, I didn't know anyone was making the cake, so I thought I'd do it for her. I want it to be special." Total BS, IMHO. She sounds like the controlling type, and unless SHE gave you the order, the order doesn't exist. She should have asked your friend if she had arranged for a cake already.

BTW: Have you contacted your friend? If not, do it right away, since this only happened today. Send her a copy of the SIL's emails and your responses if she wants them. I would not have told SIL to go ahead with it; whether or not she had bought the ingredients (and I doubt she actually had). Jen placed the order, only Jen can cancel it. (Even if it's free, it's still an order to me.) It's her b'day ... she should get the cake she wants (unless this cow can make a pig icon_wink.gif ).

Good luck.

Roast Pig anyone?

indydebi Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 9:33pm
post #3 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by cake-diva1986

Her sister in law sent me an email today saying she just went out and bought the stuff to make jens favorite cake, and wasnt sure if anyone had already planned on making it.



Did she send this email just to you or to everyone involved with the party?

If just to you, the phrase, "not sure if anyone had already planned...." is confusing. She's really saying "Did YOU Plan on making one?"

I probably would have replied, "Yes, I have already planned to make this cake since Jen asked me to 2 months ago." (Then depending on my mood .... icon_biggrin.gif ) may have suggested "....with both of our cakes, I'm sure we'll have plenty!" icon_twisted.gif

marknelliesmum Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 9:49pm
post #4 of 111

cake-diva1986 said:

Quote:
Quote:

Her sister in law sent me an email today saying she just went out and bought the stuff to make jens favorite cake, and wasnt sure if anyone had already planned on making it. And added that she wants it to be a special day for jen.




My reply would have been the following: Yes, Jen has planned it - she asked me to make it and i agree it needs to be a special day for Jen so we better stick to her original request coz i make very special cakes. icon_twisted.gif

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 9:51pm
post #5 of 111

the email was just to me.... and I had thought of that, or saysing if she bakes the cake I will decorate it.... but that wouldnt work lol.

She is a bit controling, and likes to be the centre of attention.

The thing is, Jen has been having a really hard time, and the SIL can be very nasty if things arent going her way... So i dont want to create problems ( she has post partam deppession and has been feeling really bad)

So far my thoughts are I want her birthday to be stress free..... and I dont think me fighting with her would help

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 9:59pm
post #6 of 111

here is the original message

"Hi nicole how are you? just wanted to communicate for jens birthday party, I got everything to make Jen a special cake she loves this cake!!! I just wanted to let you know this cause im not sure if anyone is making her one or not, But i know she will love it!! im also bringing some meats and cheese and crackers for snacks!! Im not sure what else to bring do you have any ideas??? i want to make it a very special day for her!! Have a great day hope to hear from you soon!"

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:00pm
post #7 of 111

maybe Im over reacting

BeeBoos-8599_ Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:03pm
post #8 of 111

Is there anyway you can use her ingredients so your friend gets her "favorite cake" ? You can mix it up and bake it together then either you can do the pig part or if you are not to territorial she can assist and both of you can be a part of "making the day special". All I see is drama at the party. Someones feelings are going to be hurt. OR, how bout you bake a small pig cake and sit it on top of hers? She can decorate hers to look like grass or whatever. Just a thought.

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:07pm
post #9 of 111

i see what you mean. Im not usually territorial, but she is. I think its best that I let this go. I will make some funky cookies for her, and her cake balls.

And as far as I know, her "favorite cake" Is betty croker cherry chip lol.....


No this is jens special day, no need for anyone to ruin it, so i will just let it go, thank you all!

marknelliesmum Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:16pm
post #10 of 111

Personally i don't think you are over reacting here's my interpretation of what she said:
"Hi nicole how are you? just wanted to communicate for jens birthday party, = just so you know i'm in charge icon_evil.gif

I got everything to make Jen a special cake she loves this cake!!! = Don't care what Jen has asked for she's getting whatever i decide icon_evil.gificon_evil.gif

I just wanted to let you know this cause im not sure if anyone is making her one or not, = i'm getting in first coz you make better cakes than me and i want the credit for making her happy

But i know she will love it!! = that's an order icon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gif

im also bringing some meats and cheese and crackers for snacks!! Im not sure what else to bring do you have any ideas??? = I'm brainless but if you give me some ideas i can take the glory for them too icon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gif

i want to make it a very special day for her!! = I want people to tell me how fab i am for being such a star and making her day specialtapedshut.gif

Have a great day hope to hear from you soon! = Don't bother replying i'm in charge

Ok maybe it's me that's evil not her icon_redface.gif

cakesbycathy Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:17pm
post #11 of 111

Be sure to contact Jen!!! If she is having a hard time as it is, then she shows up at her birthday party expecting the cake that she specifically asked you for...

I would explain the situation and ask her is she still wants you to make the cake. If so, then it's time to put controlling SIL in her place.

sknnypggy Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:28pm
post #12 of 111

hmmm

You know what? Make the cake anyway! Tell her that is your gift to you friend!

E mail that woman and tell her you want to do it, and you have an ITCH that you can't scratch until you can make it.

Don't let anyone talk you out of what you love to do. And I would talk to your friend and ask her the situation, after all, its her party, not SIL!

ziggytarheel Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:30pm
post #13 of 111

Maybe I'm missing something here?

If 2 months before my birthday (TWO MONTHS), I had asked a particular person to make a particular cake for me and I had looked forward to it for TWO MONTHS, I would be most disappointed and probably unhappy if my friendly baker decided to bow out as to not cause a fuss.

Don't you think she still wants that cake?

There are ways to take care of what this sister-in-law wants to do.
My first thought would have been to say something like, "Yes, she asked me to make this super dooper best cake ever 2 months ago and we had a lot of fun planning it. I really don't see how it would be an option for me to not make this cake since she's expecting it and has been looking forward to it for so long. If you still want to make your cake and bring it, we'll have plenty of cake for everyone to enjoy. It's going to be so nice to give her the special day she wants, isn't it?

Or maybe I'm missing something?

alidpayne Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:33pm
post #14 of 111

See, I would just go ahead and make my cake anyway. I would tell SIL that Jen had specifically requested this special 3d cake for the luau theme, and I'm sure she will enjoy having an assortment of desserts, so SIL can go ahead and make her cake also. Let her know that you appreciate that Jen loves that flavor of cake, and yours is for decorative purposes and wow factor.

indydebi Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:40pm
post #15 of 111

annemarie, you are hysterical! Luv it!! icon_lol.gif

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:42pm
post #16 of 111

ok I will try that, thank you so much everyone.

Its funny cuz , Ive already bought the matierals as well.

Hubby said to make it anyways, just incase SIL doesnt follow through, and Jen get left with nothing.

I will ask her what kind of cake it is icon_smile.gif

marknelliesmum Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:42pm
post #17 of 111

indydebi i probably just wrote what you were thinking icon_lol.gif

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:47pm
post #18 of 111

ok heres the 3rd email I sent her lol

"Hey, Wha tkind of cake is it?

Because I already bought the stuff as well, and it was going to be her b-day gift... maybe we could both bring one? Ill make mine a different flavor!!

Just trying to comprimise lol. Are we still trying to make it a lou-ou? "


Really if this goes bad, I cant even show my face.....

Doug Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:48pm
post #19 of 111

ITALICS indicates thoughts in the head not actually sent or said out loud.

Dear SIL (and there's another word that starts with "s" that i'm thinking of and it's not sister! But toilets do come to mind!)

How nice of you to be such a total moronic, control freak jerk.

Jen is just going to love having not one but two cakes at the party. We'll all be in cake heaven and she can eat leftovers for days that is if your cake is even edible and she doesn't throw your cake in the garbage first.

Sounds good on the meats, cheese, and crackers tray tho' can you really get much cheaper! How about some real food!

What with the cake, cookies, and cake balls I'm bringing, I certainly won't have time to help you with that and I'm sure you'll do a super job with it (buying it premade at Walmart).

Looking forward to helping you make Jen's birthday extra special even if you are going to try and make it all about you.

Luv to punch you in the face!
~~~~~~~

marknelliesmum Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:50pm
post #20 of 111

cake-diva1986 you are way too nice thumbs_up.gif I'd have said' listen chick i'm the cake lady go buy more crackers and dip tapedshut.gificon_redface.gif

marknelliesmum Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:54pm
post #21 of 111

Doug are you my soulmate?icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:58pm
post #22 of 111

Doug- ok that made me laugh lol

annmarie- Am I being too nice? I have a tendancy to say too much lol, so im trying to be civil.

The thing is, Im actually hurt by this, becuase im not positve but pretty damn sure that she knew about me making the cake, cuz jen was telling a bunch of people!
Butim also trying to be "civil" ( term used loosely lol) because this is her family and I dont want to FORCE the "cake lady" term on people.

But in reality, jen is the "star" cake lady, and I work with everything else!!


Now im getting really upset...

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 10:59pm
post #23 of 111

ps... if i was to charge for this cake it would have been about $100 bucks... if that shows the amount of "love" that was going into it lol....

marknelliesmum Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 11:06pm
post #24 of 111

Oh sweetie don't be upset....Jen asked you to do the cake - nuff said.

ps. being civil is over-rated especially when dealing with morons like SIL (Doug's terminology!)

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 11:08pm
post #25 of 111

lol ok, im going to toughen up. I just hope this doesnt get out of control!

Doug Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 11:13pm
post #26 of 111

just hush up, make the luv, and bring it unannounced.

once at party if SIL makes a scene she just confirms what a total jerk she is.

motherofgrace Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 11:14pm
post #27 of 111

ok doug!! thanks for the butt kick

essence706 Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 11:14pm
post #28 of 111

If SIL makes hers fine whatever doesn't matter.
You don't even have to contact your friend about what she wants/prefers b/c she already requested you do the cake 2 months ago.
Go ahead and do your cake.

lillermom Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 11:36pm
post #29 of 111

Like others have said make the cake and let the SIL freak out if that is her MO! Can't wait to see pics!

varika Posted 9 Aug 2009 , 11:37pm
post #30 of 111

I wouldn't even respond to the email. Just make the pig cake and show up with it. It's not the SIL's business what you do for your friend, especially when your friend specifically requested you do it.

Yes, it definitely the email is a passive-agressive warn-off. Ignore it. That's all it deserves. Getting upset is not something that it deserves, either, because it's the SIL's problem, not yours.

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