Should I Be Upset?

Decorating By notjustcakes Updated 9 Aug 2009 , 12:30am by LaBellaFlor

notjustcakes Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 2:31pm
post #1 of 41

Okay, I guess I'm just insecure. I did a wedding cake and 130 cupcakes for the daughter of my husbands very close friend. Before I took the order I told them I had another wedding cake due on the same day for MY bestfriends wedding (she moved away this week so this was very important to me as it was kind of a going away present as well). All of these were freebees! I explained to the MOB that because I had this other order, I would need for them to be flexible w/ helping me transport and move the cakes from the commercial kitchen at church...Logistically, I had to do it this way so I could have room for all the filliings, perishable stuff. They were getting their cake and CC free so I felt this was reasonable. All of this was discussed way before saturday.Well, MOB was really rude on Saturday and acted as though I put them out...Her daughters Cupcakes were beautiful and I tasted them...They were moist and tasted great (they are posted in my pics) The cake was absolutely beautiful...I tasted it too, from the trimmings...I forgot to take pics because I was so frazzled. I emailed MOB and asked for Pics. Dead silence. I have yet to receive a phone call, card or email saying thanks...Did I mess something up? I feel really put out but IMHO this is just rude...Should I say something ?

40 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 2:35pm
post #2 of 41

She was probably just stressed by all the details of the wedding and didn't mean to be a witch to you on Saturday.

They may not have the photos back from the photographer yet and she might be waiting until she can send you photos to email you. Why don't you give her a week to de-stress from all the wedding details, and then if you haven't got a response or pictures yet, get your hubby to ask his friend for pictures of the cake for your portfolio.

-K8memphis Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 2:39pm
post #3 of 41

I don't have much patience left as I have mentioned before, and that supply is dwindling.

But this woman sounds like a bitch if you gave her free stuff and she's the tiniest bit wierd and what you're describing is not a tiny bit.

You are fine.

But fasten your seatbelt you may be in for some more turbulance.

(((hug)))


repeat after me no more freebies no more freebies icon_biggrin.gif

-K8memphis Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 2:41pm
post #4 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

She was probably just stressed by all the details of the wedding and didn't mean to be a witch to you on Saturday.




If someone didn't mean to run me over with their car I'm still just as flat and bloody.

What does 'didn't mean to' mean?

It's not ok to be a mean person for a while if you're stressed.

notjustcakes Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 2:45pm
post #5 of 41

She was yelling out the window of the car at her husband....Let's go, right now we are late! when he was unlocking the church kitchen for me...She didn't say a damn thing to me...It was as if I wasn't there. I think I would have been better off if she told me to F*** off...Her husband was visibly irritated with her...It was like that scene in the 101 dalmations wher cruella deville rolls down window just slightly and barks out stuff..you never even see cruella's face. It was as if she didn't even want to be bothered with me.. sniff sniff...

-K8memphis Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 2:55pm
post #6 of 41

Well that is different. She definitley showed her nasty self there.

Me, hmm, since I gave the cakes away, hmm, I think I would stay shut up for the sake of your husband's friendship. I've been in some dilly entanglements with people and I think preserving a good friendship wins over kicking somebody's nasty butt even thought they do deserve it royally.

And especially since her husband was annoyed with her bad butt too. If he was yelling--that'd be different.

Karma really does work this out better than we ourselves could. We may never get notified of it but she will get karmafied.

That's what I think I would do with what you've said.

Wishing you well however you decide--not an easy thing to settle.

Texas_Rose Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 2:59pm
post #7 of 41

What I meant is that she was probably so stressed out that she was being a b!tch to everyone...not excusing her in any way, just trying to encourage our dear OP not to take it so personally.

__Jamie__ Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:00pm
post #8 of 41

I think, now don't take this personally, just making an observation from what I observe in similar situations. When you do a free cake, it is still a job. If people acted like this on a paid order, it seems that it sluffs off the back a little easier. But it's still a job. And I can't fault people for lumping in the free services with the ones that were paid for. You are still "just one of the vendors" on that day. That said, if I am going to expect that people may act like that, I'm sure as hell not going to take it on a free order. I insist on being paid for my services, and if people want to act like jerks, at least I have their money in the bank, and I can come here and gripe about it with people who understand.

And why is it that most of the bad experiences with freebie or super cheap cake happen to be related to church? Just another observation. Is it a service that you guys feel somehow is being appreciated on a "higher level" or calling or something? Cause when I see the complaining about it, it's like, what personal satisfaction did ya get out of it, cause all I see is hurt feelings and no appreciation. Is it coming later? You know....later? I dunno. I wouldn't put myself through it.

Doug Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:03pm
post #9 of 41

The "Hyacinth Bucket's (BBC: Keeping Up Appearances) of life all eventually get their just due and she will too.

Her behavior toward her husband is your best clue as to why she acted as she did toward you.

It's not you, it's her.

Chin up, carry on - and join in repeating K8memphis_GSA's mantra: no more freebies no more freebies

notjustcakes Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:04pm
post #10 of 41

I don't think I will say anything to her or her husband however I see them at church every week and her husband plays drums in the contemporary music band that I sing in every week. I sort of feel uneasy about being around them now...then there is a part of me that wants to confront her (my pride I guess) and tell her that my feelings were hurt.

dailey Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:08pm
post #11 of 41

okay, i think you may be looking *too* much into this. sounds like this women was really stressed out, weddings have a way of doing that to you! plus, you mentioned they were running late which, of course, would add to her stress. i'm not sure when this wedding took place but you mentioned not getting thanked yet. most people don't send thank you's for a good month...or longer. she didn't say anything negative about your cakes so i would just let it go : )

LaBellaFlor Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:10pm
post #12 of 41

The best thing I can say now is NEVER FORGET THIS INCEDENT. Why? Cause come babyshower time do not take their order. If she acted like this getting a free wedding cake, imagine how she will be the next time, especially if she pays you.

__Jamie__ Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:10pm
post #13 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doug

The "Hyacinth Bucket"s (BBC: Keeping Up Appearances) of life all eventually get their just due and she will too.
[/i]





OMG, I am so not old enough to know this stuff. And it's booooo-KAY darling, don't forget that! icon_lol.gif

Texas_Rose Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:15pm
post #14 of 41

She might be embarrassed now too, especially after treating her husband like that in front of you. He probably said something to her about it later on. I know if I treated my husband like that he would make me pay later on in a dozen little passive-aggressive ways.

Anyhow, just looked at your cupcakes in your photos. A rose on each cupcake, what a lot of work and I do agree that you deserve some kind of acknowledgement. icon_biggrin.gif They're beautiful and I bet the bride will send you a thank you card when she gets back from the honeymoon.

notjustcakes Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:17pm
post #15 of 41

Doug- I love that show!! I know exactly what you are talking about...

Jamie- I didn't do the cake free because I go to church with them....This friend of my husband helped my husband and me through a very rough patch in our lives. You see we almost lost everything we owned due to a theft in my husbands business...One of the things that the bookeeper stole was our payroll taxes. This friend of my DH is a tax attorney and used to be COO of the SW region of the IRS. He intervened for us and represented us for free. Without his help we would have been homeless....As far as the higher calling, I do bake and cook at church for different functions and feel that if my work somehow plays into a higher plan then I did my job. Also, I believe in paying it forward if I can...I cook for shut ins and for kids who don't get BD cakes because they are in poverty and this is one way I can help... I agree w/ you about being paid. It does keep it less personal...

LaBellaFlor Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:20pm
post #16 of 41

You know I don't understand why we excuse bad behavior. We say"Oh they had a bad day" or "They were stressed", but unless I caused that bad day or stress, you don't have the right to take it out on me. You may not feel like being friendly, but you can be courteous without being rude. JMHO.

__Jamie__ Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:27pm
post #17 of 41

Thanks cakes, and thanks for not taking that as an attack, I was really honestly curious. I see it a lot. icon_sad.gif

Doug Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:32pm
post #18 of 41

don't be surprised, I bet, if the husband doesn't quietly (using drums as cover?) tell you that he appreciated what you did. Sounds like a classy guy

dailey Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:38pm
post #19 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

You know I don't understand why we excuse bad behavior. We say"Oh they had a bad day" or "They were stressed", but unless I caused that bad day or stress, you don't have the right to take it out on me. You may not feel like being friendly, but you can be courteous without being rude. JMHO.




geeze, *nobody* is perfect. we *all* have acted badly on occasion...

notjustcakes Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 3:59pm
post #20 of 41

Well earlier in the week I did throw my spatula at the wall because my BC was misbehaving...so I know when I am stressed I throw things. Did I mention, I once threw a chair at a wall...Never again....I had to learn how to patch drywall because of it...It was good practice to learn how to spackle frosting onto cakes (hee hee!)

-K8memphis Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 4:04pm
post #21 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by dailey

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

You know I don't understand why we excuse bad behavior. We say"Oh they had a bad day" or "They were stressed", but unless I caused that bad day or stress, you don't have the right to take it out on me. You may not feel like being friendly, but you can be courteous without being rude. JMHO.



geeze, *nobody* is perfect. we *all* have acted badly on occasion...




Because we all have acted badly and because we all know right from wrong we should on purpose be making better decisions.

Forgivness is different than excusing.

We excuse a child's bad behavior and later we discipline them in a good way to help train them to make better choices.

On the day we celebrate our child's entrance into one of life's greatest love chapters we act like a scalded hog caller out the car window? Price.less.

She knows exactly what she did.

notjustcakes Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 4:08pm
post #22 of 41

FOTFLMAO a scalded hog caller..!!!! That is priceless!! That is to funny...

tigersluv Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 4:08pm
post #23 of 41

I know this will be hard to do, but as Christians first we are taught to forgive but also to be able to honestly tell someone when they hurt us. She probably didn't mean anything by it and/or didn't realize how awful she was being but she should know how it made you feel. Maybe you could just ask her how everything went or if her daughter enjoyed the honeymoon and then you can tell her how you felt when she was screaming from the car and then didn't mention the cake after the wedding.

I have a customer who calls or emails me everytime after their event to tell me how much they enjoyed the cake, and she pays for her cakes.

notjustcakes Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 4:16pm
post #24 of 41

tigersluv- I so know you are right. Wasn't it Paul who said "let there be nothing between you" when talking to the Corinthians. I'm just a scaredy cat. Funny, I'm usually pretty vocal. I think that because I am just a "budding" cake artist I don't yet have the confidence in my work...

BTW- at my best friend's wedding, I had people tell me that it was the best wedding cake they had ever tasted. Especially my WASC Pina Colada cake...One man asked me to bake some stuff for him and one of my lady friends leaned over and said, "I'm sure she can make that for you but she ain't cheap. It will cost you" I was as puffed up as a rooster with pride!!!

-K8memphis Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 4:17pm
post #25 of 41

I was hoping you would like that.

I mean shoot, I wish everyone was as nice as me... when I'm being nice. icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gif

But other than that, I do NOT look for folks to thank me--I do kinda remember who didn't --if it was fairly recently but oh well.

I have decided that pour moi if I give a gift, I do just that & if I get feedback that's cool (hog calling aside) if I don't I still gave a nice gift that I feel good about.

But it is hard when people add in the negative stuff huh. They have a captive audience and just let all hell break loose. That's so wrong.

But just keep laughing about the scalded hog caller part on her way to a wedding! Stinking it up alllll the way!!!

dailey Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 4:24pm
post #26 of 41

am i missing something here?? the OP said that the women words were "let's go right now, we're late!" to here husband. that HARDLY sounds like a horrible person. i know i have personally said much worse to my husband (yes, i AM human and sin, hehe) we shouldn't be so quick to judge...but i'm sure it will fall on deaf ears : )

-K8memphis Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 4:24pm
post #27 of 41

There's also scripture in Proverbs, suffer a fool according to his folly and don't suffer a fool according to his folly.

You owe this woman jack squat.

What does your husband say? It's his friend, right?

I mean at the time I mighta whipped out my "It's not ok to hog call at me."
but why waste your energy on sucha person as that?

If you see her and you feel that breaking the ice is a good thing, talk about the weather and y'know, ask her "did that whole herd of pig make it to the church with yah or did some of them drop off after being called up so eloquently???!"

notjustcakes Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 4:31pm
post #28 of 41

dailey- It was because she was so dismissive....She couldn't even bother to roll the window down and say "Hey the cake looks great" or Thanks for doing this for us. We'll talk soon...See ya later" Also it is a huge no no to embarrass or emasculate a man in public. It sort of demeans them IMHO. Not that I have never said anything icky to my husband in public....I've said a few things I wished I could have taken back...so I won't judge you.

Deb_ Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 7:33pm
post #29 of 41

It sounds like this woman feels like you "owed" them this service....her husband represented you guys free of charge, now she probably expects you to bake for free for the rest of your life.....because after all "it's just cake", which is worth so much less then legal services.

I guarantee you this is her thought process.


This is exactly why I hate for someone to do something for me for free, especially *so called* friends. icon_rolleyes.gif

Doug Posted 7 Aug 2009 , 7:35pm
post #30 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

It sounds like this woman feels like you "owed" them this service....her husband represented you guys free of charge, now she probably expects you to bake for free for the rest of your life.....because after all "it's just cake", which is worth so much less then legal services.




hmmm.... very perceptive. wouldn't be at all surprised if you are correct.

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