I Am So Sick Of People Comparing My Twins In Front Of Them!

Lounge By three_sets_of_twins Updated 4 Aug 2009 , 7:03pm by TheDomesticDiva

three_sets_of_twins Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 10:15am
post #1 of 30

As my screen name says, I have three sets of twins.
Needless to say, we attract a lot of attention everywhere we go.
Most of it is ok, some people come and ask questions...make comments....fine...
But I am sooo sick of people comparing theyre looks.
"are these two twins?"
"hmmm. (points to one) that one's cuter"
"excuse me? icon_eek.gif theyre BOTH CUTE."
"hmm.no. that ones cuter"
Do you THINK youre complimenting me?!?!?!?!

My girl twins are 8.
Now, theres a saying on this side of the globe that translates to "even a monkey is a gazelle in it's mother's eyes". (meanin every mom thinks her kid is cute)
I think all my children are perfect and gorgeous.
One of the girls, Sara, is I guess what SOCIETY SAYS is more attractive than her twin, Summer.
This has greatly affected summer! Even in school the teacher prefers Sara just cos sara is "cuter" than summer. I talked to the teacher who OF COURSE denies it. Summer will really try to dress up and outdo herself when we go out, howver someone will STILL comment on how sara is cuter than she is, or will give sara more attention than summer. She has started to act out too I think for attention and Im not sure how to handle that. This has also led to the "cuter" twins thinking they really ARE cuter than their twin.
How do I react/respond to these RUDE people who are always commenting on which one of my twins are the better looking twin?? THEYRE ALL GOOD LOOKING DAMMIT. And how do I comment when it is done IN FRONT of my kids??? So far Ive responded with "Theyre both cute" when im in a good mood and "you wouldnt know what cute was if it slapped you in the head" when ive had enough.


29 replies
Jen80 Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 11:21am
post #2 of 30


I must admit that I would have to say something if I knew or saw someone who had three sets of twins. But it would be something like "Wow, that's amazing!" or "How did you manage to do that?!!"

But nothing like this.

Maybe you should say something like "I think I'm prettier/smarter/better off financially/have a better husband/have a bigger house than you. How does that make YOU feel?"

For the twin who doesn't get the great comments all the time maybe you could find something that you know they do really well and keep commenting on it.

Such as " _______ you play football really well."


"_________ I love the way your hair shines in the sun."

Of course never "more than" or "better than" the other twin, but of course you know that. That's why we're here.

I still can't beleive it.
I think I would have to start getting physical if people said that about my kids.

indydebi Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 11:54am
post #3 of 30

"Excuse me, did you just call my child ugly?" icon_confused.gif

My 3 kids are not twins, but they each have very different attributes. My youngest is my artsy-fartsy one. She is self-taught on the keyboard and on 4 different guitars. She writes poetry, rap, plays and short stories. At the age of 16, she's working as a script supervisor with a film company right now.

Her brother has a genius IQ; her big sister is GORGEOUS; so youngest felt inadequate. However, what I've taught her is that beauty can be bought at the make-up counter and with enough studying, anyone can be smart ..... but talent? My gosh, that's a gift from God that not everyone has. God picked her for a reason and she has a responsibility to nurture that gift and run with it!

She's my awesome kid!

msladybug Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 12:26pm
post #4 of 30

that is horrible people would actually say that. I would never say anything that rude to someone. If I were to comment on cuteness I would say "they are so cute" .

three_sets_of_twins Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 12:54pm
post #5 of 30

Thank you Jen, I should start doing that more often.
Indydebi my god I dont know why but your post made me cry. I'm going to say that to my kids.
Do you have any advice what to tell summer/joseph/Ryan whenever someone calls Sara/Jacob/R.J "cuter" in front of them? So far Ive just been saying "that lady needs glasses" or "that lady doesnt know what cute is".

I have sooo wanted to come back with "Are you calling my kid ugly?" the only reason I dont is cos my kid is usually standing right there and am kinda hoping my kid didnt really catch on to what was said...even though I know she did. I also think if I DONT say that at least my kid thinks that she IS cute but twin is cuter and I guess id rather have her think THAT then that she's ugly.

Even when people see sara they go, in front of summer, "Wooowww youre going to be beating the boys off the stick when you get older!!" with summer just standing there.

It happens with all of them really, but the ones who seem mostly affected are my girls.

three_sets_of_twins Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 1:05pm
post #6 of 30

Im trying to attach a photo here...my first time...
Sara is the one on the right, Summer on the left.

three_sets_of_twins Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 1:08pm
post #7 of 30


Jen80 Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 1:33pm
post #8 of 30

They're beautiful!! Absolutely gorgeous!!

So I'd be right to say that they're not identical?
Are any of your twins identical?
Do you always dress them the same?

All of these questions! But I'm going somewhere here.

If they weren't dressed the same maybe you wouldn't have so many people realise that they are twins. Then you might not get the comparisons.

I'm still angry though. These people must have short memories not to be able to remember the insecurities they had about themselves when they were young.

hilly Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 2:14pm
post #9 of 30

They are both beautiful. I have to agree with Jen though. I have identical girls (and an older girl) and when they are dressed the same we get stares, stupid comments, people really treat us like a circus show but I've started dressing them completely different and people don't even realize that the youngest are twins (remember they're identical LOL). But people are mesmerized by twins, it's a novelty to people who don't live with it so they are more than likely going to dissect them if they know. My sister has two sets (8 & 1) and she feels the same way, want a low profile day - we just dress them differently icon_biggrin.gif.

As far as people in day to day life who know them well (ie their teachers, friends, etc.), people are always going to have stupid comments, people just don't think about what they're saying. I wish we didn't have to deal with such a thing as parents, but even if they weren't twins, you'd probably get people comparing them as sisters, I have 3 sisters of my own and we were constantly compared to each other.

-K8memphis Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 2:20pm
post #10 of 30

Omg this reminds me of the time this school teacher told my Mom that her nephew was such an ugly boy. Bloodshed and chaos ensued (figurativley speaking).

Anyhow--my gut reaction would be to tell both kids. "It's what's inside that counts."

So I don't have twins or anything so I don't know what this is like but we people are idiots sometimes & do stupid things and we've got to shield our kids from harm in all the different forms that it arrives in.

My son is/was learning disabled and I always told him the schools were teaching disabled.

I just say try to turn it around to the kid's benefit.

I'd turn it around and tell the kids how unkind that was to puff up one and deflate the other at each other's expense. Honestly, in a book of wisdom it says that comparing ourselves to ourselves is unwise. I'd tell them that each one needs to do their best and try to do better than they did last time and not compare to each other but to compare to how each individual did last time because comparing will most always lead them down the wrong path.

By the same token each one will have different strengths and weaknesses that they will own and not share and the compliments and consequences of both are not joint property.

Like there's this entire spectrum of people from those who love you to those who don't --and you have to learn to deal with every kind out there. Harsh and gentle treatment comes from both ends and you have to be discerning--can't remember how old they are but age approproately they need that info.

Kid thoughts for you.

Texas_Rose Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 2:34pm
post #11 of 30

They're both beautiful.

People do compare sisters, not just twins...maybe not as often, but it happens. People have always told us how beautiful our oldest daughter is...she was one of those babies who the old ladies would come up and touch in the store, or ask if they could pray over her (made me very uncomfortable). My younger one has just a little less of everything...thinner hair, shorter eyelashes, she got my pale skin instead of her daddy's golden skin...and people don't notice her as much, but she's pretty quick to speak up when someone compliments her sister. She'll say, "Hey, I'm over here. I'm pretty cute too you know and I'm..." and then go off into a monologue so complicated they forget what they were saying. She tells people off for calling her a baby, even when they're not saying it in a mean way. Last year there was a boy giving her a hard time when we'd go to pick up her big sister from school, and she called him something so bad I was a little embarrassed to show my face at the school the rest of the year. I didn't even know she knew those words, they're not words we say.

So be glad your girls are more polite than mine icon_biggrin.gif I have a feeling too that Summer is going to just suddenly blossom one day...you're going to look at her one day and just be amazed.

JoJo0855 Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 2:58pm
post #12 of 30

Maybe you should say something like "I think I'm prettier/smarter/better off financially/have a better husband/have a bigger house than you. How does that make YOU feel?"

I love this!

We have twins in our family ... my youngest siblings, a boy and a girl. It's so funny when people will say, "Twins? Are they identical?" Hello ... icon_rolleyes.gif

PS to parents of same-sex twins: Please don't dress them the same! They are individuals regardless if they look alike or not.

4Gifts4Lisa Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 3:08pm
post #13 of 30

You (turning to "ugly child"): Isn't it sad that her mommy didn't teach her that unkind people are the ugliest of all? YOUR beauty lights up my heart, and you are a gift from God (or the heavens, or whatever you believe in).

I hate stupid people.

JanH Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 3:33pm
post #14 of 30

Well, I'm a twin (not identical) and we never dressed alike when we had a choice (had twice as many outifits that way). I'm sure that cut down on the "Are you twins" questions.

However, if asked... For a long time, I would say, "No, she's my mother." I don't know why, but I thought that was hysterically funny.... Even though my sister would playfully smack me ever time I said it!

Of course, when we were very young...I believe we were dressed in the same outfit, and then the same outfit but different colors. (To this day, I don't like baby pink and my twin hates any shade of blue. And it's not what you're thinking... She wore pink and I wore blue. My favorite color is blue, hers is purple.)

To be honest, I don't recall that we paid much attention to what "other" people said as we always had each other as playmates and best friends.

We never thought we were the "same" so we never paid attention to any "comparisons."

However, if it's possible.. Having them in different classes at school will greatly reduce the comparisons (at least in front of them). In high school, we shared most of our classes (which we enjoyed) and we were identified either as "Miss L" or "the other Miss L."

Both your daughters are beautiful, but they're not clones. So sorry that some people can be ignorant and/or thoughtless.


jsmith Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 3:44pm
post #15 of 30

What?! She's absolutely gorgeous! They're both beautiful. I would have no problem telling the person, "That's very rude". You don't have to say it like you're ready for a fight but just so they know they were out of line. It will hopefully embarrass them enough to back off. And then when they scurry off you can sincerely explain how the person was wrong. Don't try to brush it off because your girls will think it's true.

Please tell her I'm sorry there are such rotten people out there that they are both beautiful.

BeeBoos-8599_ Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 3:55pm
post #16 of 30

I have 2 girls that are 18 months apart and aside from having the same haircut (a bob) they are not at all alike physically, mentally, eating habits, colors they wear etc. They do nothing alike Emma is tall, built like a little model, all legs and very serious all of the time and is 6 yrs old. Erin is 2" shorter (big for her age) darker hair, funny and goofy all of the time, is all torso and built like a tank but not heavy just very solid and is 4. At least 2 times a day I get the question "ohh are they twins?". I look at them like they have 2 heads. My response it "they used to be but they arent anymore". People look at me very puzzled and walk awya mubling to themselves. I cannot stand people looking at my girls like that.

I would say that as far as your girls are conserned, they are both beautifull in thier own way. I would not consider them twins unless they want it talked about. I would not dress them the same and I would be sure to tell BOTH of them every day how special and unique they are. If possible, I would put them in seperate classes so the teacher is not tempted to compare them.

Jenteach Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 5:08pm
post #17 of 30

OMG! I can't believe that anyone would say that in front of a child! How RUDE! As a twin, identical twin, I don't ever remember anyone saying anything like that (unless I blocked it from my memory since it's so horrible). My sister would be the one that is/was always comparing us and pointing out ALL THE TIME that she is thinner then I am....

Anyway, I agree that you should maks some comment about how rude these people are. 3 sets of twins! God was smiling down on you to give you such blessings.


costumeczar Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 6:55pm
post #18 of 30

All you need to say to any pinhead who comments on cuteness is "That is SO rude!" Don't apologize and don't feel like you have to be polite, they certainly didn't.

indydebi Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 7:20pm
post #19 of 30
Originally Posted by costumeczar

All you need to say to any pinhead who comments on cuteness is "That is SO rude!" Don't apologize and don't feel like you have to be polite, they certainly didn't.


heddahope Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 7:31pm
post #20 of 30

I think i would just ask "Did you Seriously just say that to my daughters?!?" with an obvious attitude and maybe they might actually stop and think about the stupidity that just came out of their mouth.

and i also agree with the "her mommy didn't teach her...." comment

brincess_b Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 8:01pm
post #21 of 30

'mmm, i think you left eye is cuter than your right eye' or 'your right eye is a bit funny looking' (also applicable to boobs - wheres the left one going?!)
'its funny how the world goes... i cant believe you got a guy who looks so hot!'
harsh maybe... perhaps followed with a 'thankfully my mother taught me not to go up to strangers and be rude'.

7yyrt Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 11:18pm
post #22 of 30

I agree, brincess_b.
Not to mention, they shouldn't be in the same classes if it causes problems.

indydebi Posted 3 Aug 2009 , 11:32pm
post #23 of 30
Originally Posted by 7yyrt

I agree, brincess_b.
Not to mention, they shouldn't be in the same classes if it causes problems.

My brother's twins were in the same class, sitting next to each other. The loud-whispered conversations were constant:

"Sarah ... look what I did."
"Shut up, Matthew!"

So they put them on opposite sides of the room. The conversation THEN switched to:


My brother tried to keep them in separate classrooms after that! icon_lol.gif

DefyGravity Posted 4 Aug 2009 , 2:01am
post #24 of 30

This board amazes me at how much nicer everyone in the world is, haha. When my twins are out and about, if one of them smiles at a stranger, and the other doesn't, I get "Oh, this one is happier and more loving than her sister." (It's happened more than once!) Uhhhh NO!! I usually say "Oh, well this one just listened better when we told her to be wary of strange people." It usually ends the conversation pretty quickly, but I'm not going to sit there and argue about which of my babies is happier, especially because it changes every minute!. They love me just fine, so who cares what they think of random people at the grocery store?

People always have their ideas of what my babies' personalities MUST be like, upon knowing them all of 5 seconds. It makes me really mad, and I know it must be 3 times as hard for you. People never cease to amaze me with their ignorance.

imarpet Posted 4 Aug 2009 , 3:43am
post #25 of 30

But really: what IS the appropriate thing to say to those rude strangers in front of the children? I am trying to come up with something and...nothing. This mom needs some GOOD COMEBACKS that will put the jerks in their place and empower the children at the same time.

Jen80 Posted 4 Aug 2009 , 4:23am
post #26 of 30
Originally Posted by imarpet

But really: what IS the appropriate thing to say to those rude strangers in front of the children? I am trying to come up with something and...nothing. This mom needs some GOOD COMEBACKS that will put the jerks in their place and empower the children at the same time.

Alright then, Ill give it a go.

I'll make up names here so as not to offend anyone.

Idiot: "Oh, you have twins! Gee, Francis is a lot prettier than Francine!"
You: "Do you think so? Well Francine is definately prettier than you and a lot smarter too!"

three_sets_of_twins Posted 4 Aug 2009 , 7:21am
post #27 of 30

LOL@ jen.
Thank you everyone for your support and kind answers.
Actually I'd have to say that we do dress them alike sometimes. I do buy 2 of everything however they rarely both decide to wear the same thing. Although the 2.5 year olds yeah I'm the one who dresses them and I dress them the same.
Even when theyre not dressed alike, we get stares LOL (are all 7 of these kids hers?) but it does bring the comments and questions WAAAAY down.
I also love the comment about isnt isnt it sad her mom didnt teach her about beauty.
And I take some peace in the fact the lady who is a twin never really noticed the comparisons. And I agree I shouldnt brush it off to the kid, cos summer might think it's true. We've had the true beauty talk and actually just this morning I told summer how lovely her hair shined in the sunlight. And it really was lovely.
Thanks again ladies...just really needed to vent and I just cannot BELIEVE how rude people can be. comparing personalities is one thing, but to actually compare their LOOKS like that, and in front of them? Theyre mental.
And yes, I know when summer gets to a certian age, she might even outshine sara. Summer is VERY petite by nature (uuh, didnt inherit that from me!!) has amazing bone structure and hair down to her bootie. She's gonna be a little pocahontis when she gets older!

cakesbycathy Posted 4 Aug 2009 , 12:51pm
post #28 of 30

I have fraternal twin boys. They are complete opposites in every way possible: looks, personality, everything. They don't usually dress alike, but even when they do people are surprised that they are twins. One is more outgoing and has an easier time making friends and I know that is hard on the other one. I digress...

As far as the comments go, I really would just say straight out "Why on earth would you say something so rude?" and immediately turn around and walk away (cause that's so easy to do with 7 kids icon_rolleyes.gif ). Anyone who is so thoughtless deserves to be ignored. Plus it sends a message to your daughters that you don't feel like that.

cutthecake Posted 4 Aug 2009 , 1:16pm
post #29 of 30

hill said, "but even if they weren't twins, you'd probably get people comparing them as sisters, I have 3 sisters of my own and we were constantly compared to each other."

So true. I have two sisters and two daughters. People always compare one thing or another. It's just not right to compare siblings.

TheDomesticDiva Posted 4 Aug 2009 , 7:03pm
post #30 of 30

Your daughers are both GORGEOUS!!!! How dare anyone say something like that to them.

I think the next time someone says something like that to you, you should pull a line from Ron White and look right at them and say "She can grow up to be anything she wants to be. But as for you--you can't fix stupid."

Quote by @%username% on %date%