Mom Problems

Lounge By jdrew Updated 22 Jul 2009 , 8:17pm by jdrew

jdrew Posted 21 Jul 2009 , 8:24pm
post #1 of 10

As I'm getting older, things my Mom does bug me. If I bring anything to her attention, even in a nice way, she gets mad and starts crying. I don't know why my Mom bugs me more then anybody. I try not to fright with her but sometimes I think she is pushing me for one....I just don't know what to do. Should I write her a letter telling her how I feel? I feel like when I talk to her about things she not listening. I feel like my Mom still thinks of me as 17 and not 33. The fights sounds the same as they did back then. Just today she told me she thought I hated her. I really, really love my Mom. I want us to have a great relationship.

Any advice would help

Julie

9 replies
indydebi Posted 21 Jul 2009 , 9:01pm
post #2 of 10

Writing "The Letter" is a major step. (That occured between one of my siblings and my/our parent so I'm very well versed in going thru that, the steps it takes to get there, and the fallout that occurs afterward.)

I'm not asking for anything that you don't want to share in a public forum, but without knowing what kind of relationship you had in the past, what kind of "changes" you are doing now, and what kinds of things she does that bugs you, it's hard to offer ideas or suggestions.

KathyB101 Posted 21 Jul 2009 , 9:02pm
post #3 of 10

Hello Julie,....I would sit down with Mom to have a long talk, pick a place that is quiet with not too many distractions. Hear what she has to say, maybe something is upsetting her that you don't know about. Of course you love her, in your talk you can tell her this and you don't want her to be thinking that way. Maybe you could bring her some flowers, something that you know she likes and just start talking. I would give anything to have my Mother, I lost her ten years ago...there isn't a day that goes by I don't think about her and wish I could sit down and have a talk..I wish you good luck and I think you will put this behind you, maybe laugh about it one day. I believe communication is the best way, I know how it makes me feel...Good Luck again, Kathy

jdrew Posted 21 Jul 2009 , 9:17pm
post #4 of 10

Here's more of what is going on. I've been renting my Mom's house for a while now. She has a boyfriend that she has been seeing for 12 years. About once or twice in a year they break up and then sometime later get back together. Well, they broke up three weeks ago and we are leaving together until they get back together. I know it's a hard time for her right now but I've been telling her to stay away from him for years now. Until they break up, I'm leaving by myself doing things my way....The thing that bugs me, I know this sounds silly, is she moves my stuff around and she leaves dishes in the sink. I have thing set up in way for a reason, like the kitchen...I just think I'm getting old and set in my ways. I told her this morning when we were fighting that I could move out. Well, she works part-time and doesn't make enough money to live on her own. I'm really not going to move out...I'm just going to try to talk to her when I get home from work. I just hate that she thinks that I hate her. I would know what do without her.

jdrew Posted 21 Jul 2009 , 9:55pm
post #5 of 10

I'm about to get off work and going home to talk to Mom. If things don't go well, then I'm going over to my boyfriend's house to make gumpaste flowers.

Wish me luck.

Deb_ Posted 21 Jul 2009 , 10:07pm
post #6 of 10

LOL that you think your "getting old and set in your ways" at 23......I love that!!

I have a DD about your age (she's 21). The most important thing in a mom/daughter relationship is communication. I think talking to your Mom today is the right thing to do.

If she just had another recent break-up with her BF, that would probably explain her "crying" a lot. It sounds like her self-esteem is in the gutter right now.

Now as far as her leaving dirty dishes in the sink and moving your stuff.......this sounds like "role reversal" to me.

In my house it's the opposite, my DD wears my clothes/jewelry/perfume and NEVER puts it back, which drives me CRAZY. She's home for the summer from school and I find myself counting the days til classes begin icon_lol.gif

I love her but she's a slob and I'm OCD.............Could you please come to my house and show her how to put a dirty dish in the dishwasher. icon_biggrin.gif

If you haven't already just tell your Mom how important she is to you and that you do love her and want to have a great relationship with her. Then tell her what you need from her. It takes 2 to have a successful relationship, you can't be the only one trying.

Good luck!

emrldsky Posted 21 Jul 2009 , 10:48pm
post #7 of 10

Think your mom might be going through the "change of life" and needing help? That could explain the mood swings and why you'd fear bringing things up. I had a friend in high school whose mother hit menopause early (in her 40s) and started verbally abusing my friend. I'm just guessing.

My mom is para-menopausal but is seeing a really good doctor for her symptoms and our relationship has never been better. Planning my wedding 3 years ago, well, that was then. icon_wink.gif

Either way, tread lightly: you only have one mother and it sounds as if you truly love her and want the best for her. I'm certain there's a resolution.

jdrew Posted 22 Jul 2009 , 1:43pm
post #8 of 10

By the way, I'm 33. I wish I was 23 again. I know I'm far from old but I do think I'm starting to get set in my ways icon_lol.gif ...

Last night Mom came up to me and told me she was sorry. I told her "no worries, I just think you took me the wrong way." I told her I loved her and that things will be ok. We had a good night after that.

My Mom had a hysterectomy when she was 23 because she had cancer. I know sometimes she thinks she is ok not taking hormones but I can tell when she hasn't. My Dad, her ex husband, use to tell her to put her a hormone patch on. That would make her so mad at him. I don't know if I want to bring that one up.

Thanks for the support and the advice.

Julie

Deb_ Posted 22 Jul 2009 , 8:08pm
post #9 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdrew

By the way, I'm 33. I wish I was 23 again. I know I'm far from old but I do think I'm starting to get set in my ways icon_lol.gif ...




Oh I'm sorry, I read 23....oooops! See I am getting old, now my eyes are failing me icon_cry.gificon_cry.gif

I'm glad you guys talked.......yeah hormones would probably help her, and yup it's a "touchy" subject.

I'm at the age where if I'm in a "mood" my DH will bring up the "change" word and believe me the daggers start to shoot out of my eyes when I hear that. icon_mad.gif

I hope things continue to improve for you and your Mom, you sound like a great daughter who cares a lot about your Mom, she's very lucky to have you!

jdrew Posted 22 Jul 2009 , 8:17pm
post #10 of 10

Deb, you have put a big smile on my face with your kind words.

Thanks!!!

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