Venting, But Not About Cakes.

Lounge By Babarooskie Updated 5 Jul 2009 , 9:04pm by chassidyg

Babarooskie Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 8:46pm
post #1 of 18

OK...so I know this is CAKEcentral, but I need to vent and get my frustrations out. This was the best place I can think of since you all give great advise and a comfy shoulder.

My Father remarried to who is now my Stepmother when I was 3 years old. I was never fond of her, you could say. We had many problems and to this day, there's a lot of tension between us. I'm 25 now, by the way. I always felt that her daughter had it better in the house. I mean, my father was always working so it was really my step-sister, step-mother, and myself in the house 75% of the time. I loved it when I went to go visit my Mother, because I always felt like an outcast in my Father's house. There were many, many...and many arguments between my Father and I because I don't think he understood how I felt. There was always favoritism towards my step-sister. My step-sister stopped contact with her Father...and my step-mother even considered that my Father legally adopt my step-sister!!

I used to work with my Father for 5 years, but left because of another argument between us and ended up not speaking to him for 2 years.
After those 2 years, we started speaking to each other again and things were the same as usual. Fast foward a few years- my step-sister started dating her current boyfriend a few months before I started dating my current husband. I married in February/2009 and ever since then, my step-mother has been making comments to my husband or about my husband. She's completely jealous that I am married, settled down, and bought a house. I believe she's jealous because her daughter has been dating her boyfriend for 4 years (on and off) and he hasn't even brought up the word marriage. I'm back working with my Father because last job closed their offices due to the economy. And guess what- it's not going too well. Everything I do is basically under a microscope and they're waiting to catch me in something, etc.

I'm so fed up that I don't even know what to do anymore. I have told my husband everything in my past about this situation, but he doesn't understand. He just keeps telling me "be patient".

Sorry that this is sooo long, but I had to get this off my chest to SOMEONE.
Thank you for reading...

-Nati

17 replies
Kiddiekakes Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 9:49pm
post #2 of 18

Well it sounds like you need to get another job that doesn't include working with your Father..I know that is easier said than done in these tough economic times!I also would distance myself from having much to do with all of them since you don't really get along anyway...I am 41 and trust me...It is not worth wasting 15-20 years going back and forth to try and salvage any relationship...you have you husband so try and build a life with him and if that doesn't include your Dad and stepsister/mom.....then so be it!!!I know it's hard to get along sometimes...Lord knows my Mom drives me but life is too short to worry about things you can't or won't change. icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif

thumbs_up.gif

Lita829 Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 10:05pm
post #3 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddiekakes

Well it sounds like you need to get another job that doesn't include working with your Father..I know that is easier said than done in these tough economic times!I also would distance myself from having much to do with all of them since you don't really get along anyway...I am 41 and trust me...It is not worth wasting 15-20 years going back and forth to try and salvage any relationship...you have you husband so try and build a life with him and if that doesn't include your Dad and stepsister/mom.....then so be it!!!I know it's hard to get along sometimes...Lord knows my Mom drives me but life is too short to worry about things you can't or won't change. icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif

thumbs_up.gif




I agree. I know what it's like to be the feel like outsider in your home and family. Some relationships are just NOT worth salvaging. It is a shame that your step-mother drove a wedge between you and your father...thats probably why things aren't going well for HER daughter...God doesn't like ugly.

I am estranged from my father and I know how conflicting emotions can arise. I did it for many reasons that I don't care to disclose at this time but I just want you to know that I can identify with how you must feel.

If I were you, I'd just concentrate on building the best life I could with my man. He is all you really need...IMO.

Babarooskie Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 1:37pm
post #4 of 18

I know that I need to get a new job...I've been looking and have even applied to a few places, so we'll see. This is just a crappy situation...

Thank you for your advice icon_smile.gif

BeeBoos-8599_ Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 2:13pm
post #5 of 18

My Dad married the baby buffalo when I was 15 two weeks after his divorce from my mom was final. This "woman" has never done one thing in her life that was for someone else. About 12 years ago I moved to Missouri (with my job) where they had been living for about 5 years. 6 years ago I married my husband and we have 2 daughters. My father has never stood up to her and insisted on having a relationship with me and my family. Abbout a year ago I decided to tell him exactly how I feel. I did and was extremely frank telling him that if he could not be man enough to stand up for his daughter and our relationship that it was fine with me but that I would no longer make the effort. If he wants to spend time with us he knows where we are. That I love him and miss our time together but that I would not expose my children to his "wife" any longer. He is still doing things the way he allways has and knows that the ball is in his court. Is is fully aware of what a byach she is but he is so non confrontational that it will never change. He has given all of his kids whatever he wanted us to have once he is gone because he knows that is the only way it would ever happen. I tell you the history so you know that I can relate. Now my advice to you.
#1. Your dad is a full grown adult and he is going to make his decision on how to handle things with his wife.
#2. You dad will not be here forever so do what you can to build a relationship with him seperate from her.
#3. Accept him for who he is realizing that you cannot change him.
#4. Life is way to short to deal with people who are going to bring drama into it. Dismiss anyone who interfears with you living your life happily.

BeeBoos-8599_ Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 2:16pm
post #6 of 18

My Dad married the baby buffalo when I was 15 two weeks after his divorce from my mom was final. This "woman" has never done one thing in her life that was for someone else. About 12 years ago I moved to Missouri (with my job) where they had been living for aboutr 5 years. 6 years ago I married my husband and we have 2 daughters. My father has never stood up to her and insisted on having a relationship with me and my family. Abbout a year ago I decided to tell him exactly hows I feel. I did and was extremely frank telling him that if he could not be man enough to stand up for his daughter and our relationship that it was find with me but that I would no longer make the effort. If he wants to spend time with us he knows where we are. That I love him and miss our time together but that I would not expose my children to his "wife" any longer. He is still doing things the way he allways has and knows that the ball is in his court. Is is fully aware of what a byach she is but he is so non confrontational that it will never change. He has given all of his kids whatever he wanted us to have once he is gone because he knows that is the only way it would ever happen. I tell you the history so you know that I can relate. Now my advice to you.
#1. Your dad is a full grown adult and he is going to make his decision on how to handle things with his wife.
#2. You dad will not be here forever so do what you can to build a relationship with him seperate from her.
#3. Accept him for who he is realizing that you cannot change him.
#4. Life is way to short to deal with people who are going to bring drama into it. Dismiss anyone who interfears with you living your life happily.

Lita829 Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 7:40pm
post #7 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeeBoos-8599_

My Dad married the baby buffalo when I was 15 two weeks after his divorce from my mom was final. This "woman" has never done one thing in her life that was for someone else. About 12 years ago I moved to Missouri (with my job) where they had been living for aboutr 5 years. 6 years ago I married my husband and we have 2 daughters. My father has never stood up to her and insisted on having a relationship with me and my family. Abbout a year ago I decided to tell him exactly hows I feel. I did and was extremely frank telling him that if he could not be man enough to stand up for his daughter and our relationship that it was find with me but that I would no longer make the effort. If he wants to spend time with us he knows where we are. That I love him and miss our time together but that I would not expose my children to his "wife" any longer. He is still doing things the way he allways has and knows that the ball is in his court. Is is fully aware of what a byach she is but he is so non confrontational that it will never change. He has given all of his kids whatever he wanted us to have once he is gone because he knows that is the only way it would ever happen. I tell you the history so you know that I can relate. Now my advice to you.
#1. Your dad is a full grown adult and he is going to make his decision on how to handle things with his wife.
#2. You dad will not be here forever so do what you can to build a relationship with him seperate from her.
#3. Accept him for who he is realizing that you cannot change him.
#4. Life is way to short to deal with people who are going to bring drama into it. Dismiss anyone who interfears with you living your life happily.




My situation is very similar to both of your situations but tack on abuse, neglect, abandonment, and head games. The only way I found out my father had remarried was when I tried to contact him and couldn't. After numerous calls to my aunt...she finally gave me his new home number. When I called his wife said "Darlita who?". The SOB didn't even bother to tell her that he had other children besides the ones living in his home state. On top of that....he and his new wife had a child and the only way that I found about her is when I was questioning him about his ways and absence ( I was 17 years old) I OVERHEARD a child calling "Daddy" in the background. He wasn't taking care of the children he already had so why in the hell did he go and make another?

So....I DO understand what both of you are feeling. I despise my father so I had to cut him out of my life for my own sanity and well being. Besides...he'll never get a chance to do to my children what he did to me.[/b]

Babarooskie Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 7:59pm
post #8 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lita829

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeeBoos-8599_

My Dad married the baby buffalo when I was 15 two weeks after his divorce from my mom was final. This "woman" has never done one thing in her life that was for someone else. About 12 years ago I moved to Missouri (with my job) where they had been living for aboutr 5 years. 6 years ago I married my husband and we have 2 daughters. My father has never stood up to her and insisted on having a relationship with me and my family. Abbout a year ago I decided to tell him exactly hows I feel. I did and was extremely frank telling him that if he could not be man enough to stand up for his daughter and our relationship that it was find with me but that I would no longer make the effort. If he wants to spend time with us he knows where we are. That I love him and miss our time together but that I would not expose my children to his "wife" any longer. He is still doing things the way he allways has and knows that the ball is in his court. Is is fully aware of what a byach she is but he is so non confrontational that it will never change. He has given all of his kids whatever he wanted us to have once he is gone because he knows that is the only way it would ever happen. I tell you the history so you know that I can relate. Now my advice to you.
#1. Your dad is a full grown adult and he is going to make his decision on how to handle things with his wife.
#2. You dad will not be here forever so do what you can to build a relationship with him seperate from her.
#3. Accept him for who he is realizing that you cannot change him.
#4. Life is way to short to deal with people who are going to bring drama into it. Dismiss anyone who interfears with you living your life happily.



My situation is very similar to both of your situations but tack on abuse, neglect, abandonment, and head games. The only way I found out my father had remarried was when I tried to contact him and couldn't. After numerous calls to my aunt...she finally gave me his new home number. When I called his wife said "Darlita who?". The SOB didn't even bother to tell her that he had other children besides the ones living in his home state. On top of that....he and his new wife had a child and the only way that I found about her is when I was questioning him about his ways and absence ( I was 17 years old) I OVERHEARD a child calling "Daddy" in the background. He wasn't taking care of the children he already had so why in the hell did he go and make another?

So....I DO understand what both of you are feeling. I despise my father so I had to cut him out of my life for my own sanity and well being. Besides...he'll never get a chance to do to my children what he did to me.[/b]




I am so sorry to hear that! I hope you're doing a lot better now...

Well, here's an update for you:
I have a personal facebook account where I have only friends an family on there. Apparently my step-mother has nothing better to do with her time- she checks to see what I have written on my status updates and tells me Father. She also checks my husbands!!

And get this- there's only a few of us working today at my Father's office (he's away on vacation- how convenient). I e-maile dhim at 3:00 PM to see if we can leave early. He responded (Why would you ask to leave early- you need to set the example). Keep in mind that my step-sister is on vacation in the Bahamas with her boyfriend.

My response, "I am setting the example- I'm not away on vacation!!"
I honestly think that I am going to get to the point where I'm going to explode and it's going to get real ugly.

Babarooskie Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 8:00pm
post #9 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lita829

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeeBoos-8599_

My Dad married the baby buffalo when I was 15 two weeks after his divorce from my mom was final. This "woman" has never done one thing in her life that was for someone else. About 12 years ago I moved to Missouri (with my job) where they had been living for aboutr 5 years. 6 years ago I married my husband and we have 2 daughters. My father has never stood up to her and insisted on having a relationship with me and my family. Abbout a year ago I decided to tell him exactly hows I feel. I did and was extremely frank telling him that if he could not be man enough to stand up for his daughter and our relationship that it was find with me but that I would no longer make the effort. If he wants to spend time with us he knows where we are. That I love him and miss our time together but that I would not expose my children to his "wife" any longer. He is still doing things the way he allways has and knows that the ball is in his court. Is is fully aware of what a byach she is but he is so non confrontational that it will never change. He has given all of his kids whatever he wanted us to have once he is gone because he knows that is the only way it would ever happen. I tell you the history so you know that I can relate. Now my advice to you.
#1. Your dad is a full grown adult and he is going to make his decision on how to handle things with his wife.
#2. You dad will not be here forever so do what you can to build a relationship with him seperate from her.
#3. Accept him for who he is realizing that you cannot change him.
#4. Life is way to short to deal with people who are going to bring drama into it. Dismiss anyone who interfears with you living your life happily.



My situation is very similar to both of your situations but tack on abuse, neglect, abandonment, and head games. The only way I found out my father had remarried was when I tried to contact him and couldn't. After numerous calls to my aunt...she finally gave me his new home number. When I called his wife said "Darlita who?". The SOB didn't even bother to tell her that he had other children besides the ones living in his home state. On top of that....he and his new wife had a child and the only way that I found about her is when I was questioning him about his ways and absence ( I was 17 years old) I OVERHEARD a child calling "Daddy" in the background. He wasn't taking care of the children he already had so why in the hell did he go and make another?

So....I DO understand what both of you are feeling. I despise my father so I had to cut him out of my life for my own sanity and well being. Besides...he'll never get a chance to do to my children what he did to me.[/b]




I am so sorry to hear that! I hope you're doing a lot better now...

Well, here's an update for you:
I have a personal facebook account where I have only friends an family on there. Apparently my step-mother has nothing better to do with her time- she checks to see what I have written on my status updates and tells me Father. She also checks my husbands!!
I got really irritated so I deleted her and my Father. She has the nerve to friend request me again!

And get this- there's only a few of us working today at my Father's office (he's away on vacation- how convenient). I e-maile dhim at 3:00 PM to see if we can leave early. He responded (Why would you ask to leave early- you need to set the example). Keep in mind that my step-sister is on vacation in the Bahamas with her boyfriend.

My response, "I am setting the example- I'm not away on vacation!!"
I honestly think that I am going to get to the point where I'm going to explode and it's going to get real ugly.

indydebi Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 8:06pm
post #10 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Babarooskie

My response, "I am setting the example- I'm not away on vacation!!"




Good one! icon_biggrin.gifthumbs_up.gif

Babarooskie Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 8:31pm
post #11 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babarooskie

My response, "I am setting the example- I'm not away on vacation!!"



Good one! icon_biggrin.gifthumbs_up.gif




Thanks Debi.

Everyone tells me that I need to speak up and sit down with both of them and let them know how I feel. But when it comes to speaking to them face to face, I just get emotional and that's the last thing I want my step-mother to see. I guess it's been years and years of all this anger and resentment, that I'm still suffering from it so when I try to express it- it just breaks me down to the point where tears are all I got.
But then with other situations, I have such a big mouth that my husband tells me that I act like a crazy woman.

nicki9774 Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 8:43pm
post #12 of 18

I've worked for my father for about 15 years and I had to get a part time job in the end of 2007 cause we own a real estate company and he couldn't pay me anymore. So we have went through hard times. I'll tell you this we always worked a full day before a holiday. Even today he asked why I'm still here. A few years ago, he decided it was more important to spend time with your family on holidays. I just had my 3rd son who is only 7 weeks tomorrow and he still tells me every day that I go to my part time job that he doesn't want me there. He wants me here with him. Things can change and family will realize how important you are.

Lita829 Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 8:50pm
post #13 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babarooskie

My response, "I am setting the example- I'm not away on vacation!!"



Good one! icon_biggrin.gifthumbs_up.gif




I agree...that was a good one thumbs_up.gif . I wish I could think that fast on my feet. Good for you, Babarooski, for standing up for yourself!! He wants you to work like a dog and your step-sister can go globetrotting...WTF!!

As far as your stepmom goes...she really needs to mind her darn business. She knows that the two of you don't get along so why in the heck would she check your Facebook page...that hussy is not your friend!! She is trying to stir the pot between you and your father. A real woman would encourage her man to be a father to his children...even the ones that aren't hers. My advise to you is to try to keep cool because she wants you to blow up...thats what people who antagonize want. If your father can't step up and be a man....after you get a new job....distance yourself from him and his precious new family. I know it will hurt but for your own sanity, happiness, and well-being you may need to do just that...trust me on this one. I had given my father sooooo many opportunities to be a part of my life and all I got was crap thrown in my face. He constantly lied, false promises....just an aweful man. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when he promised over and over that he'd be there for my nursing school graduation (knowing what all I had overcome). He called the morning of with some lame excuse of why he couldn't attend. He knew all along that he wasn't going to come. He missed EVERY milestone....middle school graduation, both proms, high school graduation, and when he missed my nursing school graduation.....he died in my eyes. I wasn't a little girl hoping that daddy would just love her anymore. I was now a very pissed off grown woman.

I know I am better off without him in my life. Ideally, I wish I had a father who was responsible and cared more about his children than he did himself but I don't. That is the bitter truth and I've come to accept it. No more drama for me. You may want to adopt the same mentality. Just focus on you, your man, and the family you create togather. If he wants to step up....let him come to you.

Babarooskie Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 8:50pm
post #14 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicki9774

I've worked for my father for about 15 years and I had to get a part time job in the end of 2007 cause we own a real estate company and he couldn't pay me anymore. So we have went through hard times. I'll tell you this we always worked a full day before a holiday. Even today he asked why I'm still here. A few years ago, he decided it was more important to spend time with your family on holidays. I just had my 3rd son who is only 7 weeks tomorrow and he still tells me every day that I go to my part time job that he doesn't want me there. He wants me here with him. Things can change and family will realize how important you are.




I understand, but it seems almost impossible to change when you have such negative influence in your life by your side all the time. My step-mother has wedged distance between my father and I so much that he doesn't even have respect for me.

nicki9774 Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 9:07pm
post #15 of 18

I'll tell you this someone will always try to put a wedge between you. My husband works with my dad and I. That is a huge wedge. My grandparents all thought I did nothing and my dad just keeps paying me for doing nothing. They never realized what I actually did. They would feel sorry for my brother and would give him whatever he needed because my dad paid me salary and he had to work. He is still to this day irresponisble. I still struggle to pay my own way in life and except for borrowing $300 to get my jeep fixed and just paying my parents back. I'll go w/o before I take a dime from them. I at least can say that I earned what I have. I can be proud of myself. My dad tells me when the economy turns around he will help me open a cake shop. I still will do it myself. I want no wedge between anything I do and want no one to hold anything over me.

nicki9774 Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 9:14pm
post #16 of 18

Have a Happy 4th. I'm taking my boys home for the weekend.

Lita829 Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 9:33pm
post #17 of 18

Back at you nikki9774!! Have a happy 4th everyone icon_smile.gif

chassidyg Posted 5 Jul 2009 , 9:04pm
post #18 of 18

You need to change your facebook pages to private, so only your friends can see your page instead of everyone in your network. I have mine set like that for the same reason!

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