Ok Venting At Family

Decorating By HannahLass Updated 4 Jul 2009 , 2:13pm by maddiseeyore

HannahLass Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 7:47am
post #1 of 24

Right I know this is a familiar vent but If I dont get it out somewhere I am going to expolde. I just got a message from my cousin saying you still ok to make my cake can I pick it up friday. Its freaking thursday for cripes sake. I work full time Its the UK and its near 30 degrees c. oh and she wants pink shoes handbags and pearls. It was mentioned in passing at a family party that she wanted a cake but had no ideas and nothing was finalised she just wandered off. If I dont get a definate request and confirmation 1 day is not enough to make a sodding cake. And she sent the message on facebook which im not on all the time she has my damn phone number. I dont see her often, we arent a big family but some people you see some you dont. I'm just panicing now I wont get home til 6 I had plans tonight, now I have had to blow my friends off AGAIN because of stupid cake. I have to be up at 5am to get ready for work so essentially I have 11 hours to make a cake and decorate it and get a good enough nights sleep that I can actually do my job tomorrow. In a situation like this my mum at home would usually help but in these temperatures I can't ask her to have the oven on for hours baking me a cake . Im about ready to give up right now. Thanks for listening

23 replies
Renaejrk Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 8:04am
post #2 of 24

people have no idea, do they!

Texas_Rose Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 8:13am
post #3 of 24

Why don't you call her? See if she means this Friday or next Friday, and tell her you were hoping she meant next Friday because you need more than one day of notice to do that kind of cake. Tell her you can make a simpler design and that next time she should tell you sooner so that you have time to make a really nice cake....or if the party is on Saturday, see if she can pick it up then.

Or you could pretend that you didn't see what she wrote on Facebook, go out with your friends, and tomorrow when she shows up looking for it, just say, "Cake? What cake? You mean that's today? I thought you'd call me sometime to finalize the details and let me know what day you needed it for."

HannahLass Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 8:37am
post #4 of 24

Thanks guys, she means tomorrow, her birthday isnt til th 5th I sent her a message saying can she pick it up saturday hell im in work anyway on saturday but it would give me another evening to do it. My mum is being a star she has the cake in the oven already to help. Our house was like an oven at 6 this morning so when you put the actual oven on it has to be much much worse (it was 21oC when I left for work at 6 am) . If she will pick it up Saturday I can even go to the pub with my friends. well get in from work make gumpaste shoe then go out. It is warm enough that the gumpaste will dry quickly at least. oh it is all fun and games. This is what people who dont cook and dont bake are like i could smack her upside the head and say get a grip and come back to earth.
Hanx

lomfise Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 9:15am
post #5 of 24

But if you don't stand up for yourself and say "no, sorry, not possible, you should have called me last week," she's just going to do it again next time.
I know it is hard when it is family, but just because you're related, doesn't mean she can control you like this.
You have a life beside cakeing.

indydebi Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 12:23pm
post #6 of 24

I understand that sometimes it's hard to deal with family, but no you DON'T have to cancel with your friends to make this cake.

'Coz see, I'm the type who would call her or get a message to her that said, "What do you mean by expecting a cake this last minute with that kind of detail and expecting me to drop everything to TRY to get that cake done for you? Hope Walmart has that kind of cake 'coz there's no time to do it out of MY kitchen!"

But then .... I'm kinda the smarta$$ kind of gal!

adven68 Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 1:29pm
post #7 of 24

I agree wi Debi....why are you letting her push you around? She, at the very least, should have picked up the phone to speak to you directly. If she is so discourteous to you, why are you bending over backwards to accommodate her?

do you think by any means, that if you called her today and asked her to drop everything she had planned tomorrow & please come over to my house at 6am and help me ___________ (insert whatever you need help with)....oh, and bring he rmom along...., that she would do it? Uh uh.

see people for what they are & stop feeling bad for saying no. Clearly, she is a user & has no respect for what your time is worth.

sorry for being harsh...but this really pisses me off! Being a SAHM...people are always expecting me to help them becasue I don't have a "JOB" & of course, I'm just sitting around eating bon-bons & watching soaps. thumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gif

indydebi Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 2:06pm
post #8 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by adven68

Being a SAHM...people are always expecting me to help them becasue I don't have a "JOB" & of course, I'm just sitting around eating bon-bons & watching soaps. thumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gifthumbsdown.gif




You mean you're NOT!!!??? icon_surprised.gif

(Kidding!! I'm KIDDING!!!! icon_lol.gif )

Relznik Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 2:20pm
post #9 of 24

I feel your pain.

Been there, too.

Just recently, I told my sister that if she wanted a cake for the baby blessing (she's due 12th August, was thinking of having blessing on bank holiday weekend) she'd have to change the date of the blessing as I'm already fully booked with orders that weekend! icon_wink.gif Trust me, I'm REALLY not a 'no' person, but there comes a time, when you've been taken advantage of enough, that you'll learn! icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif

BTW, I'm in London and they're saying it's 32c - 33c today... I haven't ventured out and I've got the fan blasting, so I can only take their word for it!

Auryn Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 2:30pm
post #10 of 24

I would like to know what you ended up doing.
She keeps doing this to you because you keep allowing her to.
People only treat you the way you teach them to.

You should have ignored the facebook business and if she called you told her to go to the store.

costumeczar Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 4:53pm
post #11 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by HannahLass

I'm just panicing now I wont get home til 6 I had plans tonight, now I have had to blow my friends off AGAIN because of stupid cake.





Uh, no you don't. Repeat after me: "I can't do a cake for you for tomorrow. I have plans tonight and I need more than one day's notice to make a cake. Sorry, next time call me a couple of weeks ahead of time."

Family members can be the most obnoxious and pushy customers! Don't feel that you have to do anything out of the ordinary just because someone didn't feel the need to give you the courtesy of enough notice!

itsmylife Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 5:27pm
post #12 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by HannahLass

I have to be up at 5am to get ready for work so essentially I have 11 hours to make a cake and decorate it and get a good enough nights sleep that I can actually do my job tomorrow.




So you could call her at like 2am and tell her you have some design questions and wake her patootie up so that maybe she'll understand that you don't just wave the magic cake wand and the cake appears. It's hours and hours of work, and when you are working on top of that, she's really not being that considerate of your life/time.

It's nice that your mom is helping and you have an extra day.... & if you are already mentally committed to doing this cake, that fine. BUT, I would definitely let her know when she picks it up that you will never do a cake like this with such short notice again. Just be honest with her with something like:

"I'm glad I was able to do this cake for you, but I won't do it this way again. I didn't get any sleep for the last two nights because I had to get the ingredients, bake and decorate after working all day each day and had to cancel an evening I had planned to go out. I need at least a week (or whatever) to get something like this done. Your cake took me (x) hours from start to finish. I just don't have that kind of time when you call me with one day's notice.

And do NOT send me messages on Facebook... I don't check it every day. Just call me"

varika Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 5:48pm
post #13 of 24

Do not ever do this kind of cake again. Next time you get this kind of message, pick up the phone yourself, call your cousin/aunt/grandfather/father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate and say, "NO CAKE FOR J00!" You don't OWE anyone cake unless they've signed a contract and paid for it. A few minutes' conversation at a party does not constitute a contract.

I would be polite in my call: "Since you didn't contact me after the party, I assumed you were getting a cake elsewhere. I don't have time to do a cake now, so I hope you can find what you're looking for elsewhere." And then, if the cousin/aunt/grandfather/father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate starts sputtering, hang up on them. Most of the time, when I've had to do this--and I have--I've gotten, "Oh, I understand....sorry..." Only once did I get sputtering denunciations of ruined birthdays, and...well, okay, I didn't hang up though I say you should. I laughed, said that she was ruining her own birthday by acting like such a putz, and that she was never getting cake from me again.

We haven't spoken in over ten years now, and I feel so much relief.

Bellatheball Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 6:28pm
post #14 of 24

Oh hell, I'd never do it. She gives you a night's notice for a handbag and shoes? I'd have called and told her she's lucky you happened to look at Facebook but, aside from that, it's not enough notice and have a great time at the party. PLease tell me, if you're doing all of this, you're at least getting paid.

miss_sweetstory Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 7:25pm
post #15 of 24

AAAAAARRRRRGGH! Please, please, please send her to Tesco or Asda. In the short term you are avoiding a family conflict, but in doing so you are enabling "familyzilla" behavior. They're even worse than Bridzillas because you can never really get rid of them.

miss_sweetstory Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 7:26pm
post #16 of 24

AAAAAARRRRRGGH! Please, please, please send her to Tesco or Asda. In the short term you are avoiding a family conflict, but in doing so you are enabling "familyzilla" behavior. They're even worse than Bridzillas because you can never really get rid of them.

mackeymom Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 7:42pm
post #17 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by miss_sweetstory

you are enabling "familyzilla" behavior.




I love that word!! I have a sister inlaw that I always charge her a PITA fee. Cuz she is the biggest Pain In The A$$. Changing her design, flavors blah blah blah!

loulou2 Posted 2 Jul 2009 , 7:59pm
post #18 of 24

Just say no, can't do it too hot/busy/tired/mad whatever right now!! icon_mad.gif
I have recently learned to say no-it took forty years but I can now say it & mean it & not feel guilty!! icon_lol.gif

Karema Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 12:54am
post #19 of 24

I'm sorry but this may sound mean but I don't feel for you at all. You could just say NO! When I get someone call me the day before and ask for a cake I say NO! I had a neighbor call two days ahead for a cake and I told her ok because it was just an 8" Round with white frosting and a boarder. I tell people that I don't do cakes unless I get one week notice. Is your cousin even paying you for this cake? If not then why couldnt you say no? Did you just feel bad? She is not going to feel bad when she is in her bed asleep and you are up all night making a cake now is she? You can't expect to be a pushover then complain because you are frustrated. Stop being a PUSHOVER!

Mensch Posted 3 Jul 2009 , 3:45am
post #20 of 24

I agree with Karema.... no pity here either.

You know, you don't HAVE to do this cake.

HannahLass Posted 4 Jul 2009 , 10:25am
post #21 of 24

Thankyou everyone! Tough love is required I have always been a push over.
I've no pity for myself either. I am an absolute putz myself, saying no is getting easier but I'm still not great. I didnt cancel my plans, told her no chance on friday come and get it saturday, i knew there was time.I changed her design and did what I wanted she didnt have firm ideas anyway. Got in from work made the shoe and went out. I've made the cake, it looks unbelievaby "chavvy" but it will suit her. (will try and post pics tomorrow forgot to bring my camera to work D'oh) She is at least now well aware that she has to give more notice as I wont be doing it again and darn it I wont be, you get one and I mean ONE stupid request. I escalated through family as I couldn't get her on the phone. The easy way out I know but I do believe she has got the message and has appologised. I am soo glad we dont have a large family (both my parents side we add up to 12 people) She's young and doesn't cook or anything so doesnt know how long things take but she knows now. Haha Miss sweetstory loving it "familyzilla" I have to say my family are usually pretty good giving me notice I usually get months notice if they want a cake. noone expects free cake, I can choose to give free cake If i want but I usually find money stuffed in my handbag lol. Indydebi I have to say you are my Idol *bows at the feet of greatness". I should be better at saying no I do it all day at work "sorry you havent payed for that response you will have to wait for tomorrow blah blah" I think I need assertiveness training hell not think know I need it. Not sure who's paying me her or my mum and dad to give as her present. Either way Im getting money for it (as illegal as that is). If she wasn't family I would have turned her down I've turned other people down when they are asking for stuff that I just cant do and dont give enough time on stuff. Right got to escape from work and go and get a birthday card for her. Thanks everyone you tell me the stuff I need to hear and do!
HanXX

rockytop Posted 4 Jul 2009 , 12:10pm
post #22 of 24

I agree with adven68,
I am a SAHD just because we dont have an actual jib does not mean we are not busy. I wish some people would do it for a week, maybe they would understand.

grandmaruth Posted 4 Jul 2009 , 1:04pm
post #23 of 24

i dont think anyone would think that a stay at home mom doesnt work...but there are times during the day ...im sure ...that you could make the frosting.or..mix the cake.or..torte the cake etc...any one of those steps would help but....when you work out of the home it isnt that easy...no oven, access to mixer, ingredients etc....all that has to be done when you get home ...all of us have "alot on our plates these days"....we just need to try to" walk a mile in each others shoes" icon_biggrin.gifusaribbon.gif

maddiseeyore Posted 4 Jul 2009 , 2:13pm
post #24 of 24

Hannahlass, I understand totally how it is hard to stand up to family and I for one, think you figured it out quite nicely! there was a lot of good feedback in the thread as well as some harsher words, and I for one, think you are good to take all the 'tough love' comments on here with such grace! I'm sure 'pity' wasn't what you were looking for, just a place to vent your frustration and CC should be a safe place to do that. Many times we know what we SHOULD do, we know we have created our own stress by our inabilty to stand up to family or friends, and we're kicking our own a*s! All we need from fellow cakers on CC is a place to vent, to get out our frustration (often with ourselves) so we can do what we need to do. It's all a growing process isn't it? So I agree, no pity (that's not what you need or wanted i'm sure) but an encouraging word to say "way to go; you stood up for yourself in making the pick up on Saturday (baby steps are good!) and I'm willing to bet that next time, you'll make sure people know they can't give you a day's notice! Lesson learned."

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