Oh Yes She Did! Grrrrr!

Decorating By sadsmile Updated 20 Jun 2009 , 7:25pm by sadsmile

sadsmile Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:39pm
post #1 of 102

I made a hatbox for my Nanny(Grandmother) for Mother's Day. I poured myself into it to show her how much I love her. So Nanny's 92ND!!! birthday is comming up. And the same aunt is planning party for her. She sent this email to my mom which is fwd to me.



Sarah will need to bring any special food for the kids. I am making veggie baked beans. We will need a cake if Sarah wants to make it. Not so fancy with all that work like she did last time. It is a waste of all that sugar.

What!
What the heck does she care about sugar?! Did anyone pay for the sugar but me? Did I ask anyone for anything? Did I ever mention how much it cost me? NOPE. Seriously, in what way did those sugar flowers put her out?

Bueller...


Bueller...?



Certainly she has a right to her opinion as we all do but she didn't pay for it. After I spent time and effort to show Nanny how much I love her She calls it a waste. Not so nice of her. It is so rude to say we will need you to do something and then undercut me in the same breath.
I made that because I wanted it to be special for Nanny and it was not wasted even though it wasn't practical because Nanny felt special. I could understand if she was paying for it and wanted it simple and cheep. It was not commissioned. It was a contribution and others do not have control on gifts. Period.


So being blunt yes I would love to contribute Nanny's Birthday cake but it's not an order that someone else I paying for is it? And it's her 92ND!!! Birthday- H-E-L-L-O that is special and the cake will be special too.
And it's not as though the leftover cake sat at her house and rotted. I took home the leftovers as did everyone else that brought something. And not one piece went uneaten.
Waste...! NO!!! I know you cakers in here will get where I am coming from on this.

101 replies
bourbs Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:42pm
post #2 of 102

Bless your heart for being so kind and giving of your time and talent. Shame on her for being insensitive and unappreciative of you and your heart.

Marie

SJ169 Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:46pm
post #3 of 102

Exactly! if she is not paying for it why would she care if there was sugar wasted?? is there some kind of world sugar shortage that i was unaware of??

You are so wonderfull to make sure a lovely cake for your Grandma..and if it was me i would put just as much work and love into her birthday cake (especailly after 92years i think she deserves a pretty special birthday cake!!)

Have a great day!!!

alanaj Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:46pm
post #4 of 102

Wow, that is just rude and insensitive. You make your nanny the grandest 92nd birthday cake ever!!!

chefjess819 Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:46pm
post #5 of 102

if the cake was not made for your "dear auntie"....hehe...than i would ignore what she said about the sugar and make something really awesome and special for your nanny. 92 is a great achievement these days. lol. or..to just get under auntie's skin, double the amount of sugar flowers that were on the last cake! sry...little icon_evil.gif came out... havce fun with the cake however YOU decide to make it. i've learned not to let anyone(especially family) influence my caking. icon_cool.gif

SugarLover2 Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:47pm
post #6 of 102

Oh man! Ya know, this would make me want to make something even more over the top! Do it all up and give her something to whine about. Things like this just push my buttons. Forget the high road of doing something simple-go for the gold girl!

in2cakes2 Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:49pm
post #7 of 102

I feel for you on this. My DH has an aunt that is like that, she doesn't have a nice or tactful bone in her body and everyone always does what she says. Now I don't have the time nor the patients to deal w/ this kind of person and have told her! She doesn't speak to me anymore. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

Amymnn Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:49pm
post #8 of 102

Sarah will need to bring any special food for the kids. I am making veggie baked beans. We will need a cake if Sarah wants to make it. Not so fancy with all that work like she did last time. It is a waste of all that sugar.

Sounds like the sugar police came after you. Have you exceeded your sugar quota for the year? I bet your next trip to the grocery store, while buying sugar, the alarm will sound and the swat team will rush in and take you down! There's only so much sugar to go around and it's up to all of us to protect the supply!

Now, sarcasm aside. That would have really hurt my feelings, especially if I had poured my heart into making something special for a much-loved family member. Truly, it sounds like a comment made out of envy "not so fancy," (fancy meaning she knows a lot of work went it to it) And "waste of all that sugar) because she truly cannot find anything wrong with the beautiful cake you made, so she calls you out on "wasting sugar." I can understand you being hurt over it, but I bet your Grandmother was thrilled you went to such trouble to show her how much you love her. My favorite saying is "the journey is the gift" and you went on a long journey to make something so special - maybe your Aunt just journeyed to Walmart for her gift, and feels like she has to undercut you to feel better about herself? Just my take on it - (and my experience in coming from a long line of dysfunctional and mean family members)

AKA_cupcakeshoppe Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:50pm
post #9 of 102

ITA! Go for gold! 92 IS SPECIAL! your granny deserves it. and it will show your aunt. how rude of her! how completely and utterly insensitive to dismiss someone else's hard work and talent just like that!

STRAWBERRY1390 Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:51pm
post #10 of 102

YES BLESS YOUR HEART.

Shoo I wish a mofo would tell me what I can and cannot do for my grandmother on her birthday....If you wanna make her a towering monster with nostalgic stair cases and fountains you do what you know will bring a smile to her face....screw everybody else. It is your money your time and your grandmother. I think your aunt doesn't want to be upstaged as she is "planning" this thing. Well to heck and beyond with her. You do what you want.

Sorry but that rubbed me the wrong way. icon_mad.gificon_mad.gif

Good luck with the unappreciative aunt and happy caking,
Stacy

EDITED TO ADD: How dare she tell you what you need to bring. Let her pick special foods for the kids So you can focus on your fancy piece of too much sugar.
Very plain to see that I took this personal...reminds me of an aunt of mine

Neelas_wife Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:55pm
post #11 of 102

Its ur Nanny's 92nd - U shud make her feel extra extra special.....Ignore your aunty - Seriously I am tongue tied for words now but a nice comeback reply for her would be very appropriate. Afterall, the cake is for your Nanny not for her.

Cant wait to see your creationicon_smile.gif Good Luckicon_smile.gif

SJ169 Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:57pm
post #12 of 102
Quote:
Quote:

....If you wanna make her a towering monster with nostalgic stair cases and fountains you do what you know will bring a smile to her face....screw everybody else




EXACTLY!! Make exactly what you think your Nanny will love!!!

If my Grandma was still alive I would definatley be making the most magnificent cake i could!!

KHalstead Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:58pm
post #13 of 102

I would have your mom tell the aunt that you will make a cake "fancy or not" that you think your Grandmother will love and when it's time for her (the aunt) birthday if you're asked to make HER cake, you'll be sure and NOT make it fancy as to be sure and save all that sugar that otherwise would have gone to waste!

tiggy2 Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 4:59pm
post #14 of 102

I would definitely have to out do last year and make it the grandest cake they have ever seen. And if Dear Auntie says anything I'd ask "and just which part of this cake did you pay for"? It's not even my Grandma and she has my blood boiling.

Lisabellemarie Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:01pm
post #15 of 102

Families can be the meanest, because they know just where to hit so it hurts the most. My family is mostly very supportive of my cakes, and gush all over them, but I do have a few relatives who act like it's no big deal. They're the same ones who don't comment on how gorgeous my nephew is, how cute my sister looks with her new hair cut and weight loss, and how fantastically funny I am. I stay away from them - I figure those ones are my mother's relatives, I don't have to claim 'em.

So, I do what I want for cakes (or food, or party planning, or whatever) and spend time at the parties with my family members I like the most, and ignore the rest of them.

Well, not really ignore - I do share a few catty comments with my favorite cousins, but THAT'S IT. And the birthday boy or girl feels special and loved, and if they know about the tension behind the scenes, then it's not because of me. You're the better person here, Sadsmile, and your nanny knows you love her...that's what matters.

Auryn Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:01pm
post #16 of 102

ohh man
see first I would tell the aunt that I will give my granny any present I want and she needs to butt out and mind her own business.
I totally agree that everything she said was said out of envy.

If I were you, I would totally go way over on this birthday cake. Forget her and think of your granny, she knows how much you love her and she will love your cake.


ohh you know also what would be so great and I would totally do it.
Make your granny a small amazing over the top personalized cake. Something small like a 6 inch.
And then bring just a plain ordinary uniced cake for everyone else, and when ppl complain about it, just say that auntie didn't want anything special for everyone and the amazing cake is your gift to grams.

loriana Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:03pm
post #17 of 102

I agree with all the other posters. Maybe I'd just add one thing.. I am starting to learn not to let people getting away with being insensitive and rude. When you deliver that gorgeous cake to Nanny's party, I would do something that might make you feel a little uncomfortable, but would be the right thing:

I would take her aside and say "Mom sent me a copy of your email last week since I was planning the cake. I just wanted to tell you that it's important to me to make something special for Nanny and even though it might seem a waste to you, I think she deserves a fancy cake."

That says a lot without saying a lot. To me it says "mind your own business about how I decorate." and "word gets around when you speak badly about someone's 'wasting'" and "never say anything to anyone you wouldnt say in front of them".

She might not learn, but at least she'll learn that you are your own woman who doesn't bow down to her ideas of right and wrong. And you love Nanny enough to pour your heart into your sugar art icon_rolleyes.gif

bbmom Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:07pm
post #18 of 102

I havent read the answrs yet, but I'm sure someone else mustve said this...aside from how rude...
I say you make the most bling blingy sugar encrusted flower overloaded creation you can and let their eyes bug out when they all see how gorgeous it is!!!!!!

cathyscakes Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:07pm
post #19 of 102

I can't tell exactly what I think of your aunt. Does she worry about you going to so much trouble. Is she jealous of your talent, she is throwing the party and you are getting the attention, or is she against sugar and doesn't think its healthy. Can't figure her out, but you should make your nanny feel special, its about her anyway.

Amymnn Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:14pm
post #20 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by loriana

I agree with all the other posters. Maybe I'd just add one thing.. I am starting to learn not to let people getting away with being insensitive and rude. When you deliver that gorgeous cake to Nanny's party, I would do something that might make you feel a little uncomfortable, but would be the right thing:

I would take her aside and say "Mom sent me a copy of your email last week since I was planning the cake. I just wanted to tell you that it's important to me to make something special for Nanny and even though it might seem a waste to you, I think she deserves a fancy cake."

That says a lot without saying a lot. To me it says "mind your own business about how I decorate." and "word gets around when you speak badly about someone's 'wasting'" and "never say anything to anyone you wouldnt say in front of them".

She might not learn, but at least she'll learn that you are your own woman who doesn't bow down to her ideas of right and wrong. And you love Nanny enough to pour your heart into your sugar art icon_rolleyes.gif




I always wonder why after years of being treated bad by family why I haven't developed thicker skin. For me it's worked the opposite - just seems to hurt more. Guess I need to learn to not let people get away with it either, by saying it tactfully as you said here - instead of my usual instincts - pushing them off a cliff, pulling their pants down in public, putting Nair in their shampoo and so on icon_twisted.gif

matthewkyrankelly Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:21pm
post #21 of 102

Rude, yes. But I'm assuming this came from a depression-era contemporary who wants you to save all of the glass bottles and newspapers as well. Ignore her.

That said, I see several tiers, with fantastic color, and lots of flowers and decorations, maybe some sparklers.....

MBHazel Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:21pm
post #22 of 102

Sounds to me that Auntie likes attention and that your cake may have upstaged her. You know, the green eyed monster.

I would do the cake that was in my heart to do.

playingwithsugar Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:28pm
post #23 of 102

It reminds me of a comic I saw last year. Can't remember his name, but he said that before 13 and after 80, you should be entitled to a birthday cake every year.

That being said, is there any way to make an even more spectacular cake than the one from last year? It could be your silent protest. A little rebellion, now and then, can only make things better.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

Littlebit0302 Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:31pm
post #24 of 102

I have to agree with sugarlover2. I would do something WAY over the top just show your Nanny how much you love her. Forget your Aunt. She must be jealous of all the beautiful work you do and must not have a talented bone in her body.

sudsy Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:35pm
post #25 of 102

Do an "over the top cake". It sounds like auntie is a little jealous of you. Payback is H-e-l-l-0.

AverageMom Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:39pm
post #26 of 102

Did your Nanny love the hatbox cake? (Which is gorgeous, by the way!) If so, then go big or go home! If Nanny would like something simpler....
Sounds like your Aunt needs to be given a plain, no frosting, no filling cake for her next birthday.

Lita829 Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:40pm
post #27 of 102

It seems as though the green-eyed monster has gotten a hold of you aunt icon_surprised.gif I agree with everyone...especially the posts who said she was envious of your baking and cake decorating ability. She is just mad that SHE wasn't the one to create such a lovely, homemade, heartfelt gift.

Its a shame that for some people, including family, envy is easier than admiration or gratitude. thumbsdown.gif

Don't even sweat it. Just do a knock out job on for her 92nd birthday party icon_biggrin.gif

weirkd Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:41pm
post #28 of 102

I wouldnt take it to heart. I really think its the generation. My mother is in her 80's and when they were young, they had to go without things. So they were frugal about where the money went. A cake would of been a big deal. So her saying that to me is her way of saying to save your money, and not to over do it. But if she is like my aunt, then its another story! My aunt spends every dime she gets her hands on and doesnt like to be outdone by anyone. She likes being the center of attention even when the event is NOT about her. Like my babyshower. She had to make sure everyone saw what she bought me and how much she spent on it. Like it made her feel more important. So maybe by you making a cake that knocks everyone's socks off, its taking the praise she will get for making a party for your grandmother. They will all be agoling over your cake and how pretty it is instead of the "wonderful" job she did by putting it all together. Either way, I would still make the cake the way you want. If you dont want the attention then when someone compliments you say thank you but the attention should be on granny for being such a wonderful person and Aunt.. for throwing her this marvelous party. That way its not about you, and she cant gripe about stealing her thunder!!! lol

jlynnw Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 5:56pm
post #29 of 102

I say make Granny the cake YOU want her to have. don't change your plans due to a catty auntie with snarky comments. When it is her birthday or other occasion, make her the simple "low wasted sugar" style cake. When asked why, you can then point out you know Auntie prefers not to have the waste. This is your gift and your part of the gathering. The mean person in me wants to send Auntie a recipe for her veggie baked beans as the last one was not to your liking as it wasted good veggies in an excessive overload of baked beans. Just beans no veggies if you please, save them veggies for the salad would be a better use.

sadsmile Posted 18 Jun 2009 , 6:08pm
post #30 of 102

LOL guys I am thinking and hoping she just meant it in a frugal/thrifty way but it did get to me. I don't think it's really big deal to her about having the whole fam over for stuff. The aunts in the fam always take turns hosting and while things are really nice it's kept on the casual side at least with attitude- there really hasn't been any. Maybe it is just blunt and I am taking it wrong. Or maybe I am really missing the big picture-IDK

I was laughing so hard about the sugar Swat team.. and I am soo gonna be looking over my shoulder and laughing my next trip to the sugar isle. Bottom line is that I do care what others think of me and what ever I do. I can't help it and I probably let it get to me personaly when it may not be meant that way.

And I don't think I can out-do the hat box..LOL OMGosh I emeailed my mom back with most of what I said in my op here and my phone is ringing-It's my Aunt and I don't wanna pick up. Shart! I hope I didn't just start a fued. UhhG!

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