Yes Or No, Woman!

Decorating By eggsnbakin Updated 17 Jun 2009 , 3:01am by eggsnbakin

eggsnbakin Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 4:36pm
post #1 of 19

Situation that is taking place:

LAST WEEK--

Pastor's wife: DS is having his b-day next week...don't make any plans.
Me: k, if you need a cake, let me know
PW: Transformers! He loves transformers.
Me: k, we'll get together on it.

b-day is this coming saturday

I hadn't heard from her, so I sent her an email with some ?'s like how big does the cake need to be, what flavor, etc. etc. I only have 4 days til the b-day so I NEED to know. And I also told her it would be about $30....ingredients, edible image, delivery, cake box/board, etc.

Her reply: Well, if you want to do a transformers cake...I'm not going to stop you, he would love it.


Okay, so is that a yes or no and are you going to pay me? Argh!

18 replies
mariela_ms Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 4:45pm
post #2 of 19

Wow the nerve of some people. Sounds to me that she is not intending on paying for it, like if it were your gift to him. I wouldn't do it.

rgj123 Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 4:46pm
post #3 of 19

Sounds like YES she wants a cake and NO she's not going to pay you.... icon_confused.gif

bakermommy4 Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 4:46pm
post #4 of 19

It kinda sounds like a "sure, go ahead and make the cake but I'm not paying you, it would be a very nice GIFT ".

I've read time and time again of these problems on cc and hop you can somehow clear this up with her before the last minute.

shell62995 Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 4:47pm
post #5 of 19

I would email her back and say, 'so $30 sounds fair then?" That way you will know her intensions...gL

tiggy2 Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 4:48pm
post #6 of 19

I would reply back and tell her I'll make whatever cake she orders and if it's the cake we discussed it will be $30. If the design changes we will need to discuss price. Please let me know 5:00 p.m. today if you need the cake.

ccr03 Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 5:16pm
post #7 of 19

Well, to me it kinda sounds likes you offered to make the cake. I understand the conversation as being that she was inviting to the party and while you may have mentioned the cake as potential business, she took it as you were offering. That's how I read it. When she didn't get back to you, you should have just left it as it. Not tell her that how much it would be and such.

Do say anything else to her about the cake. Make it if you want, but don't expect payment.

Just my thoughts.

Franluvsfrosting Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 6:21pm
post #8 of 19

It does sound like she's expecting the cake for free. If you opt not to do it make sure you let her know because she is probably planning on it. Whenever I find myself in a conversation like that I just keep my mouth shut! icon_biggrin.gif I don't mention cake unless I am planning to do it for free. If they bring it up they're asking me for a cake and I'm expecting to be paid.

eggsnbakin Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 6:48pm
post #9 of 19

maybe I shouldn't have gotten back with her and just left it alone until she came to me; but after our conversation I think I would be really embarrassed to come to the party with no cake if she was expecting one, so I just want to be clear if she needs the cake or not. And also, me tell her price and such is my way of letting her know the cake is not his gift.

__Jamie__ Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 6:56pm
post #10 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by rgj123

Sounds like YES she wants a cake and NO she's not going to pay you.... icon_confused.gif




thumbs_up.gif to it being a freebie cake cuz you're dying to make cake for free and thumbsdown.gif to the whole thing!

BlakesCakes Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 9:25pm
post #11 of 19

Sorry, but if the verbal exchange went the way you've described it, then I think that you offered the cake in a way that made it seem like it would be a gift.

I, too, would think that your remark of, " k, if you need a cake, let me know " implies that it would be free/gift, especially since her comment was an apparent invitation.

I wouldn't let something like this fester or ruin a relationship. A phone call is in order to calmly straighten it out. "Sorry, xxxx, but now that I think about it, when I mentioned a cake, it may have sounded like I was just going to bring one. I honestly wasn't planning on that being my gift to XX. If you've already ordered a cake, that's fine, but if you'd prefer to purchase one from me, let's talk about the details.

Hope it works out for the best.
Rae

CakeMommy3 Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 10:58pm
post #12 of 19

People are so funny! I never comment on this type of thread, but I feel compelled to say something. I never assume that anyone is offering to give me something for free. I don't expect it, either.

If I was having a party for my kid, and someone asked me to let them know if I needed a cake, I would figure I was going to be paying for it. Who are all these people who think that everyone owes them something?

My father is a dentist, and I still offer to pay him for his supplies when he works on my teeth (of course he never wants me to, but I still feel like he shouldn't be out money, lol).

Anyway, just had to get that off my chest. icon_smile.gif

carooch Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 11:10pm
post #13 of 19

At this point, I would give the cake as the gift - It may be more than you planned, but rather than ruin a relationship and foster bad feelings, that seems like the simplest way out -

Its also a lesson learned...

Melchas Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 11:17pm
post #14 of 19

Cake Mommy3 I am completely with you. Unfortunaetly in this day and age alot of people have the "someone owes me" mentality. I have offered to babysit for family and friends and before I know it I have become the daycare provider...and a thatnk you very much, yeah right!

Eggsnbacon-It does seem like you were offering to make the cake. I have been in this spot many times, unintentionally as well. What you could do is call her back and let her know that you are sorry about the misunderstanding, but you were offering to do the labor as a gift, but you need to have the ingredients covered. Let her know that her son would get a fabulous custom cake for the price of a supermarket cake.
I have used this tactic before when I have inadvertantly offered to do a cake. HHTH..Good Luck!

BlakesCakes Posted 16 Jun 2009 , 11:25pm
post #15 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by CakeMommy3

Who are all these people who think that everyone owes them something?





Well, I hardly think that the pastor's wife thought for a moment that the OP "owed" her anything icon_confused.gif but I do think that she thought her friend was offering a cake for the party.

Since the OP brought up the cake first--and neglected to include anything in the initial conversation indicating that it would be a paid cake-- I can see how the pastor's wife could very easily think that the OP was offering the cake as a gift/free.

In my world, if I spontaneously bring up the cake, then the onus is on me to make it very clear what I expect out of the deal, e.g. Great. If you haven't ordered a cake, would you like to order one from me? OR Great. I'd love to make your DS a special cake as my gift.
If the other party says, can you make a cake for the party, then I have to decide immediately whether or not it's a freebie.
If free isn't in my plans, then I make it very clear that I'll need lots of info before I can quote a price.
One way, or the other, we both walk away understanding if it's free, or not.

Would it have been any different had it gone:
Pastor's wife: DS is having his b-day next week...don't make any plans.
Me: k, if you need CHIPS let me know
PW: CHIPS! He loves CHIPS.
Me: k, we'll get together on it.

Sounds like an offer to bring chips to me. Doesn't sound like an offer to bring chips and get paid for it--Sorry...........

Rae

KitchenKat Posted 17 Jun 2009 , 2:09am
post #16 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlakesCakes

Quote:
Originally Posted by CakeMommy3

Who are all these people who think that everyone owes them something?




Well, I hardly think that the pastor's wife thought for a moment that the OP "owed" her anything icon_confused.gif but I do think that she thought her friend was offering a cake for the party.

Since the OP brought up the cake first--and neglected to include anything in the initial conversation indicating that it would be a paid cake-- I can see how the pastor's wife could very easily think that the OP was offering the cake as a gift/free.

In my world, if I spontaneously bring up the cake, then the onus is on me to make it very clear what I expect out of the deal, e.g. Great. If you haven't ordered a cake, would you like to order one from me? OR Great. I'd love to make your DS a special cake as my gift.
If the other party says, can you make a cake for the party, then I have to decide immediately whether or not it's a freebie.
If free isn't in my plans, then I make it very clear that I'll need lots of info before I can quote a price.
One way, or the other, we both walk away understanding if it's free, or not.

Would it have been any different had it gone:
Pastor's wife: DS is having his b-day next week...don't make any plans.
Me: k, if you need CHIPS let me know
PW: CHIPS! He loves CHIPS.
Me: k, we'll get together on it.

Sounds like an offer to bring chips to me. Doesn't sound like an offer to bring chips and get paid for it--Sorry...........

Rae




I agree. I too interpreted your conversation as an offer to bring cake (as a gift). The statement "do you need cake" was ambiguous.

Deb_ Posted 17 Jun 2009 , 2:20am
post #17 of 19

Yup, she thought you were offering to "bring" the cake, that's the way I took it too.

I know it's hard but from now on let the hostess bring up the cake.

It's taken me a long time to learn how to "bite my tongue" because I was tired of "donating" cakes to every single party that I went to.

My motto is "if I OFFER to bring the cake it's FREE........if they ASK me to bring the cake it's an ORDER" icon_biggrin.gif

Don't worry these people can be trained, it just takes some practice.....and bite that tongue of yours icon_lol.gificon_razz.gif

DessertDreams Posted 17 Jun 2009 , 2:43am
post #18 of 19

Question, does the PW know that you make and SELL cakes? My BIL owns a tire business. We were having a conversation about me needing to get my car serviced before we leave for vacation, we are driving. He said "Well, call at home if you think you need tires, I will not be at the shop this weekend". Now, should I think that he was offering to give me a new set of tires...don't think so.

eggsnbakin Posted 17 Jun 2009 , 3:01am
post #19 of 19

Yes, she knows I bake and sell cakes. But it's not really as big of a deal as it seems, we do communicate and we'll figure it out! I was mainly ranting.

I will probably end up doing it for free, because even if she offers to pay for it I plan to tell her it's on me this time.

Thanks for the comments and advice!

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