A Bit Miffed...would This Offend You?

Decorating By JCE62108 Updated 13 Jun 2009 , 3:01am by paulstonia

JCE62108 Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 8:05pm
post #1 of 19

Ok well, my sister-in-law is having a baby shower next month. So I ask my MIL if there is anything I can do to help, thinking of course, CAKE! She says, no everything is mostly taken care of. I said, well, I would like to be able to make her a cake as a gift. Can I help out with that? "Well, (Sister-in-law's MIL) is in charge of the cake, so maybe you can get with her.

WHAT? Why is SHE in charge of the cake? I am the decorator in the family! Everyone knows Im the decorator in the family. Why did no one ask me? Why is someone else put in charge to buy her a grocery store cake?

So my MIL says she will ask (Sister-in-law's MIL) to contact me. So yesterday I asked her again. She says, oh yeah I told her. She wanted to get a (my grocery store chain) cake anyways. She always gets cakes from there. UGH!

Ok we do make the best cakes, for a grocery store, but I cant do ANYTHING custom or special at all if I go it at work. We are literally not allowed to do anything that might take more than 15 minutes. So, I was hurt. Disapointed. And a little angry that my MIL didnt put me in charge of the cake. I have been thinking about this for months. I wanted it to be my gift to her. It makes me feel like my MIL has no confidence in me to do a good job or something.

How would you guys react to this situation. Maybe Im over-reacting. icon_sad.gif

If your family planned a party and didnt ask you to do the cake would you be offended?

18 replies
loriana Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 8:36pm
post #2 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by JCE62108

Ok well, my sister-in-law is having a baby shower next month. So I ask my MIL if there is anything I can do to help, thinking of course, CAKE! She says, no everything is mostly taken care of. I said, well, I would like to be able to make her a cake as a gift. Can I help out with that? "Well, (Sister-in-law's MIL) is in charge of the cake, so maybe you can get with her.

WHAT? Why is SHE in charge of the cake? I am the decorator in the family! Everyone knows Im the decorator in the family. Why did no one ask me? Why is someone else put in charge to buy her a grocery store cake?

So my MIL says she will ask (Sister-in-law's MIL) to contact me. So yesterday I asked her again. She says, oh yeah I told her. She wanted to get a (my grocery store chain) cake anyways. She always gets cakes from there. UGH!

Ok we do make the best cakes, for a grocery store, but I cant do ANYTHING custom or special at all if I go it at work. We are literally not allowed to do anything that might take more than 15 minutes. So, I was hurt. Disapointed. And a little angry that my MIL didnt put me in charge of the cake. I have been thinking about this for months. I wanted it to be my gift to her. It makes me feel like my MIL has no confidence in me to do a good job or something.

How would you guys react to this situation. Maybe Im over-reacting. icon_sad.gif

If your family planned a party and didnt ask you to do the cake would you be offended?




Well... I think I might react a little differently than you, although I have sympathy for you and am very sorry this has hurt you. This is just my opinion, ok?

You say:
>I have been thinking about this for months.
If you have been thinking about it for a while, what made you not take charge and just let her know you would be making the cake instead of waiting to be asked?

>She always gets cakes from there.
If she does, maybe she just likes their taste or simple design? Try not to take it too personally.

>WHAT? Why is SHE in charge of the cake?
If she is organizing the baby shower, she is probably in charge of all the details. If you want to help next time, try stepping up and get together with her and say "I want to help plan this. I have a great idea for the cake and I'd like to make it."

>I am the decorator in the family! Everyone knows Im the decorator in the family.
They might know that, but they also might not want to ask you to do every cake. THey might know it's a lot of work and you also work in the bakery. Maybe they assumed you wouldnt want more work?

Do you usually charge family? Would she have gotten the impression that it would have cost her more from you? That could be it as well.

Anyway, take it with a grain of salt. I have a MIL who also makes... um... interesting decisions and doesn't always appreciate my cakes. She says she loves my work, but I've been to her parties where she just threw open a grocery store cake with nasty whipped topping, knowing I could have made her something beautiful. Don't worry and keep your chin up. Hope I wasn't too hard on you.

Deb_ Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 8:36pm
post #3 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by JCE62108

If your family planned a party and didnt ask you to do the cake would you be offended?




Heck no!!! After 25 yrs of making every single stinking cake for every birthday, shower, christening, first communion, graduation, anniversary and wedding, I'd be thrilled to NOT be asked!! icon_biggrin.gif

Go to the shower and just enjoy the party without the added work of baking! Have fun!

indydebi Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 8:45pm
post #4 of 19

I would be so freakin' excited about NOT having to do a cake that I'd do a cartwheel in my front yard ..... a sight my neighbors wouldn't be thrilled about seeing, but there ya are! icon_biggrin.gif

Seriously, I understand how you want to expand what you do, but I NEVER get to be "just a guest" at a wedding or a shower or anything. while everyone else in my family is enjoying their time with family and friends, I'm working, and looking hot and sweaty.

If they ask me, I'm complimented and they get the best dang cake they've ever had! If they choose to go elsewhere, then that means I won't be working my tail off for free.

Yeah .... you're over-reacting. Remember ... you want them to order cakes from you because they want to and because you do good work. You DON'T want to be the person referred to as "well, you better ask HER to do the cake or she'll get all pissy about it!"

JCE62108 Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 8:57pm
post #5 of 19

LOL. I get it.

Well, I had been saying I wanted to do it for awhile now. Its not like I didnt say anything. Maybe she just forgot. I wasnt going to charge for it at all, it was going to be my gift for my sister in law. I just wanted to make something nice for her and am a little dissapointed that I cant use my one talent to create something beautiful for her for her shower. Now I just have to get her some toys, or some baby supplies...same stuff that everyone else is getting her. I just wanted to do something speical that only I can do.

Im not trying to be pissy. LOL. Just dissapointed because I feel like I was disreguarded as being a part of a family event, especially since I had been talking about this for months.

Im 25 years old and have only been doing this for 2 years. I want to do this for my family and friends. Im not quite burnt out on it yet. lol.

PinkZiab Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:01pm
post #6 of 19

I wouldn't care... I do a lot of cakes for family members, but there are a LOT of family members (and I have a HUGE family) that never even think to call me, and it doesn't bother me one bit. If they want to get their cake somewhere else, fine by me. I have a cousin who owns an insurance agency, but I get my coverage through Geico. He still speaks to me icon_smile.gif

When you're throwing a party, you relegate who does what. It's not your party, so you just need to chill and not sweat it. I get that you wanted to do this as a gift, but what's done is done. If you really want to make something, you could also ask about doing cookie favors or something else, but seriously, enjoy the shower as a guest and don't give it another thought.

indydebi Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:04pm
post #7 of 19

If you want to give her something really special, here's an idea that I used to do years ago when I worked in a building of 400 women.

For the baby shower gift, I'd give them a coupon for a free first birthday cake. They'd keep in the baby book so they wouldn't lose it. Lots of them were used, so while I did a few free cakes, it was INSTEAD of spending money on a baby shower gift and they kept coming back for cake!

You can create one pretty easy on the computer. If you want to make it a free cake just for the baby (6" one or something), you can do that (so you don't get on the hook for a monstrocity of a shower cake that feeds 100 or something!) icon_lol.gif

JCE62108 Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:10pm
post #8 of 19

AWWWWW That's a GREAT idea! Oooh Im going to play around and make one right now. Thanks for the great idea! That makes me feel so much better. So if I cant do this for her, at least I feel like Im doing something. Thanks!

Lenette Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:11pm
post #9 of 19

I do understand how you feel but let it go. You can't change it. Personally, I would still make something, a cookie bouquet, diaper cake, something. I am a person that likes to be creative and prefers to give something that is not like everyone else.

Maybe she didn't think about it, maybe she likes the other cake, maybe she is being like a lot of women and catty about this sort of thing, maybe she wanted to give yu a break. Who knows?

I definitely feel your pain. Enjoy the shower, see if you can think of another creative gift and go home to a clean kitchen! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

Personally, I am tired of begging family to let me do cakes and for free at that. If they want grocery cakes go get 'em! Less work for me and there are plenty of people who appreciate my efforts. icon_wink.gif

Perhaps when your SIL deliver the baby you can give her a cupcake bouquet and a homemade dinner to help her out. Just an idea for you. icon_smile.gif

blondeez Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:15pm
post #10 of 19

I truely understand where you are coming from. Only decorating for a couple years and people that know you can decorate offen forget about you. But I do have an idea. Instead of making her a real cake why dont you make her a diaper two tier cake and when everyone is googling over how cute the diaper cake is. Sit back and say to them well just imagine what the real cake would have looked like if you had asked me. (evil grin and laugh)

penster1 Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:17pm
post #11 of 19

Sorry, I have to agree with these other ladies after years of doing family cakes for free I would love to not have to worry about making the cake and just think no big mess to clean up in the kitchen, dont have to try to transport a cake in the middle of summer (dont know about you but the melting problem I can do without) so just sit back and enjoy the party and live to bake another day.

umgrzfn Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:19pm
post #12 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

If you want to give her something really special, here's an idea that I used to do years ago when I worked in a building of 400 women.

For the baby shower gift, I'd give them a coupon for a free first birthday cake. They'd keep in the baby book so they wouldn't lose it. Lots of them were used, so while I did a few free cakes, it was INSTEAD of spending money on a baby shower gift and they kept coming back for cake!

You can create one pretty easy on the computer. If you want to make it a free cake just for the baby (6" one or something), you can do that (so you don't get on the hook for a monstrocity of a shower cake that feeds 100 or something!) icon_lol.gif



VERY good idea Debi!!!! This would be a great thing for you to do for your SIL!

joy5678 Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:25pm
post #13 of 19

When I first started doing cakes it would really hurt my feelings and I would react just like you. However, now that our family has grown and added so many kids and friends of kids, etc. I feel much differently! If I gift a cake because I want to, it usually works out good for us both of us. Now I only do custom cakes and charge more than I used to, but my family "expects" anything they want, fondant figures and all for--guess what? NOTHING! I get mad at myself for allowing this to happen----kinda like a trainwreck that I can't stop. Sooooooo, try to "chill" and believe me, you will survive and hopefully learn to get a thick skin! icon_smile.gif Good luck and happy decorating!

SpringFlour Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:25pm
post #14 of 19

I've yet to understand how a cake for a birthday party or shower is a gift to the honoree. Yes, you are making it in celelbration of them, but really, all they're getting from you is a piece of cake. icon_confused.gif The gift is really for the organizer of the party who isn't out the $50-$100 on a cake. I LOVE the idea of a free cake for baby's birthday.

A bit off topic, maybe, but still...

JCE62108 Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:25pm
post #15 of 19

Aw ok. I get it. I over-reacted. Honestly my family has never asked me to do a cake for them. Maybe that is why Im not burnt out on it. lol. I understand what you guys are saying about just enjoying the party. I think I will just let it go. Im still dissapointed but Im not going to mention anything to my MIL about the cake. Ill just let it be. Maybe Ill bring some yummy petites fours or some cookies. icon_smile.gif Im doing the coupon for sure. I already started making it on my computer. LOL.

AverageMom Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:26pm
post #16 of 19

Yeah, I think you might be over-reacting a bit. Maybe they don't want The Cake to be the centre of the party....it IS all about the mom-to-be and her baby. Enjoy the party, give her something special, and try to not be too upset.

cathyscakes Posted 12 Jun 2009 , 9:26pm
post #17 of 19

I agree with everone else. I would be so happy to not be asked. I do so many free cakes for family and friends, that it really gets old. I do love the creative side of designing something, and I would wonder why I wasn't asked, so in one respect I would be happy and another I would wonder why I wasn't asked, so I understand.

sari66 Posted 13 Jun 2009 , 1:00am
post #18 of 19

I'd be happy not to have to!! I'm like everyone else I want to enjoy the party not worry about the cake! Don't feel slighted you'll have the rest of their lives to make cakes for them!! LOL

paulstonia Posted 13 Jun 2009 , 3:01am
post #19 of 19

I get exactly what you mean. Especially when it's for someone I care about. I had something like that happen not too long ago. For my mil birthday we were all getting together at a cousins house. Her grandmother on her dads side has a bd the same week so we were combining them. I called the cousin to what see else I should bring, of course I was already going to make a cake, she said her grandmother insisted on bringing the cake. I hung up and asked my husband, doesn't everyone know I do the cakes in this family? I show up and there's no cake! Then I get the ones I see once a year who call and want me to bring some elaborate cake for free. Sometimes you can't win for losin'. I love the certificate for the first bday idea. I think I'll be using that one.

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