Needing Some Advice Or Positive Words

Lounge By krysoco Updated 17 Jun 2009 , 2:16am by costumeczar

krysoco Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 4:54pm
post #1 of 25

I haven't been on much lately. My personal life has hit a few bumps in the road. It really has gotten to me. I'm just looking for some positive words or advice.
To make a long story short, my husband's family has accused me of having an affair with another man. I am completely innocent of this. Never, ever cheated on my husband one day in our marriage. I haven't never given any such reason to doubt this. His family told him they have proof which I know they don't. They have pictures of a man's truck parked next to me in the a parking lot and this truck leaving "supposedly" right after from this parking lot. His whole family believes it, is hating on me for it, and has been talking all kind of crap about me behind my back. Just to give you a little history here. These relatives have given us a lot of trouble in the past. I'm going see a lawyer tomorrow about it. I'm going to ask about a slander/defamation of character suite, how to protect myself legally from these people, and putting restraining orders on all of them from me and my kids. There's a lot more detail but I'm trying to keep it short. Does anyone know anything about this or have gone through something similar?

24 replies
playingwithsugar Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 5:16pm
post #2 of 25

I can empathize, but I really don't want to air my laundry here.

See the attorney. That's how I put a stop to my troubles.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

indydebi Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 6:17pm
post #3 of 25

Geesh, if all they need is a car/truck leaving the shopping mall at the same time you did, then I can't count how many "affairs" I must have had in my local Walmart! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

I had an issue with an ex-sister in law (ex husband's sister) right after current hubby and I were married. Yeah ... one little letter from my attorney shut her up asap. icon_twisted.gif

Deb_ Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 6:49pm
post #4 of 25

I was thinking about you just the other day because I haven't noticed any posts lately by you..........now I know why.

Wow, I thought my in-laws were idiots.

Like Debi said if a truck parking next to you at the store and leaving at the same time is proof of an affair, then I guess we're all having one. .icon_rolleyes.gif


I know it's hard but you have to stay positive and firm in your convictions to your husband that his family is making this up to start trouble between the two of you.

I think contacting an attorney is the right move, like Debi said sometimes a letter from a lawyer is all it will take to get these losers to back off.

Good luck with everything and don't be a stranger.

floridagal Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 6:54pm
post #5 of 25

I'm sorry that you're having such a horrible time right now. Stay strong and remember that you're right and they're just lying idiots!

Melissa

OfficerMorgan Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 9:26pm
post #6 of 25

Why the heck are they following you around with a camera?!? You tell your husband right this second to grow a freaking back bone and to tell his family to buck off and to respect his wife. And if he is too much of a coward to do that (since he hasn't done it already), well then, you make sure there is no hanky panky from you. They need to respect you, and more importantly so does he.

krysoco Posted 8 Jun 2009 , 7:08pm
post #7 of 25

I saw my lawyer today. He said I don't have enough proof to press charges or to even put a restraining order against them. So basically I can't do anything at all. I am so upset, hurt, angry, and resentful. I'm everything right now. How can ppl get away with trying to destroy other ppl's lives? Even for a restraining order I need more proof and its a big deal here. We'd have to go to court w/them, give proof, and see if the judge would grant the order. For harassment and stalking, it has to a "repeated" event. So they'd have to take more pictures before doing anything with that. I fear that the next step for these ppl will be calling Child Serv. on me. The lawyer said if she does that we got a lot there. She's in big trouble if she makes a false legal claim. Does anybody have any other suggestions? On top of all this I'm dealing w/teenager trouble w/my DD.

indydebi Posted 8 Jun 2009 , 7:23pm
post #8 of 25

Somehow they need to know that ".....I've seen a lawyer and things are in place...." and just leave it at that. Say no more.

Deb_ Posted 8 Jun 2009 , 7:26pm
post #9 of 25

I agree with Debi.

What does your husband say about all this? Does he believe them or you?

SugarLover2 Posted 8 Jun 2009 , 7:30pm
post #10 of 25

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately sometimes it feels like these people are allowed to get away with everything. They know just how far to push it before they get caught. Meanwhile they are making your life he!!. I'd just document every single thing said and done-date, time and place.

What goes around comes around and eventually they'll get theirs.

krysoco Posted 14 Jun 2009 , 3:59pm
post #11 of 25

I am so sorry for leaving yall hanging. Things around here have been crazy. So much for a quiet, calm summer. The start of it has been pretty shocking. The shock has started to wear off at least. It has been a painfully slow process but my DH has finally come around to see that I actually have done nothing wrong. We 're working to rebuild the trust we once had before this mess. I'm just so aggravated b/c the trust should've never been broken since I did nothing wrong. I am willing to do whatever to keep my marriage and family together. Sorry for the rambling too. My 4 kids keep me busy so I really don't have time for real life true friends. Thankfully a few close family friends (who know how my DH's relatives are) have offered me support. I'm still angry inside at these ppl. I work so hard to be a good person, wife, mother, etc. These ppl have tarnished my image, my reputation. Pretty much everyone around here has heard about it. Small town talk ya know. I want to feel crushed but I know that DH's relatives would be all too happy about that. Just trying to keep things in perspective. They're troublemakers and that's all. DH's family still believes it all and still hates me. I don't care about me. It's hurting my kids though. His family even told my kids. My DH says that's why my DD was acting up and giving me trouble. I think being she heard it from fly. she thought it was true and was mad at me for it. She's been knowing and was just acting out on this stuff she didn't understand. It's amazing how one day everything's perfect and the next day everything comes to a halt. Thank you everyone. Probably won't be online much for right now. I have a lot of stuff to work on at home w/DH and my teenager daughter. Thanks again. I knew I could count on CCers to bring me up when I'm down. Hugs and Happy Caking!

en-passant Posted 14 Jun 2009 , 4:09pm
post #12 of 25

I'm glad things are looking up for you. What an awful situation.

indydebi Posted 14 Jun 2009 , 4:27pm
post #13 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by krysoco

It's hurting my kids though. His family even told my kids.




Ok, that's it! Straw .... camel's back .... broken!!

As a mom, it is my job to protect my children and keep them safe. In this situation, that means I would cut off ALL contact between those people and my children! And DON'T give me that crap about "well that their grandmother!" I didn't draw first blood.....they did! A grandmother does NOT to that to her grandchildren! That is inappropriate behavior to pull a child into such an adult conversation. They are harming my child by doing that and I WILL NOT ALLOW someone to harm my child!!

They can say or do anything they damn well want to me, but you involve my children and we are now at war!! I will not permit my children to be around evil, damaging people. They made the decision when they started acting like a$$holes!!

I cant' even use the words to tell you how PISSED this makes me or Heath would kick me off of here in a nano-second!!! icon_mad.gificon_evil.gif

Deb_ Posted 14 Jun 2009 , 7:12pm
post #14 of 25

Wow I don't even know what to say...............except I agree with Debi completely.

Don't you dare hurt my kids, and if you do be prepared to deal with me.

These people sound like real losers, I'm very sorry for your situation.

krysoco Posted 14 Jun 2009 , 7:37pm
post #15 of 25

That's why I wanted to get a restraining order against them. So they can never be by my children again. But here you have to go through a lawyer and present your evidence to a judge. Lately the judges have been dismissing them. And that's what I'm scared of. You have to have enough proof for the judge to grant the order. If the judge doesn't then these ppl know they can do whatever they want and I have no protection.
It's going to be a long row to hoe, I promise you. this is my DH's family and I know that me nor kids can ever associate w/them again. My DH is now furious w/them too. But he does asks that I put myself in their shoes. His relatives story is that they caught me w/their own eyes, took picts, that's their proof. They just didn't tell ppl that their "proof" was picts of a parked truck and a truck leaving a parking lot. So their story is very believable to other ppl who don't know any better. It's a very messed up situation. I know my DH and I love each other enough to overcome this obstacle. I just hope we can undo the damage done to our children.

Deb_ Posted 14 Jun 2009 , 7:50pm
post #16 of 25

Have they shown you these pictures?


It stinks when the laws tend to protect the people committing the harassment instead of the victims that are being harassed.

I think what has to be the priority here is your kids. Do everything you can to mend the relationship with your DD. It's hard enough being a teenager nowadays and now she has to deal with her Grandmother accusing her Mother of cheating.

Put your energy into your own family and TRY to ignore your in-laws People like this want attention and the more you give them the more they'll try to hurt you.

krysoco Posted 14 Jun 2009 , 8:14pm
post #17 of 25

Yes, they gave the pics to my DH and I have them.

3 pics of:
1-some random parked truck
2-my parked car, empty parking space, then same truck.
3-truck leaving parking lot and my car is nowheres in site.

We've talked to our 2 oldest kids about all this. My oldest DD is now our focus. She was always such a good child so I'm hoping we can go back to where we left off prior to my supposed "affair".

What else do I do for her? What else can I do? Any suggestions? My lawyer of course suggested counseling. We have only one counsel center in the next town to us. So her appt. isn't for another 2 wks.

indydebi Posted 14 Jun 2009 , 11:25pm
post #18 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by krysoco

But he does asks that I put myself in their shoes. His relatives story is that they caught me w/their own eyes, took picts, that's their proof.


Put yourself in THEIR shoes???? What the hell does that mean? icon_mad.gif

"Here, honey. You have to put yourself in their shoes. They are a lying bunch of coniving troublemakers and it's just not fair for you to call 'em on it."

That is such bullsh*t!

And you don't need a restraining order. You just don't go over there. ANd you dont' answer the door when they come to your house. And if they DO show up at your house, the door slams BOTH directions.

My 16 year old daughter has never seen her maternal grandmother, except twice by accident at family funerals. And I didn't need a freakin' restraining order to enforce that.

krysoco Posted 15 Jun 2009 , 2:14am
post #19 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by krysoco

But he does asks that I put myself in their shoes. His relatives story is that they caught me w/their own eyes, took picts, that's their proof.

Put yourself in THEIR shoes???? What the hell does that mean? icon_mad.gif

"Here, honey. You have to put yourself in their shoes. They are a lying bunch of coniving troublemakers and it's just not fair for you to call 'em on it."

That is such bullsh*t!

And you don't need a restraining order. You just don't go over there. ANd you dont' answer the door when they come to your house. And if they DO show up at your house, the door slams BOTH directions.

My 16 year old daughter has never seen her maternal grandmother, except twice by accident at family funerals. And I didn't need a freakin' restraining order to enforce that.





Yeah he's just meaning in reference to why his fly. is hating on me. I do not want my kids to have anything to do w/them.

We DO NOT associate w/those particular relatives. We share the same hwy. between our homes and do not even wave. With the only exception being, this week that lil b!tch crossed me on the road and gave me a huge grin and big a$$ wave. DH said the way she (relative) was acting is what really gave it away that she was lying. Actually DH went over to his grandmother's today to show her their "proof" and told her off. He pretty much said he was not going to allow them to talk about me and spread rumors about all the stuff we heard they said. I am very proud of him for that.

indydebi Posted 15 Jun 2009 , 2:20am
post #20 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by krysoco

I am very proud of him for that.


That is awesome to hear! thumbs_up.gif

Deb_ Posted 15 Jun 2009 , 3:32am
post #21 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by krysoco

Yes, they gave the pics to my DH and I have them.

3 pics of:
1-some random parked truck
2-my parked car, empty parking space, then same truck.
3-truck leaving parking lot and my car is nowheres in site.

We've talked to our 2 oldest kids about all this. My oldest DD is now our focus. She was always such a good child so I'm hoping we can go back to where we left off prior to my supposed "affair".

What else do I do for her? What else can I do? Any suggestions? My lawyer of course suggested counseling. We have only one counsel center in the next town to us. So her appt. isn't for another 2 wks.




I agree counseling would be helpful, but in the meantime just spend time together. You want to earn back her trust, and the best way to do that is to show her that she's very important to you.

Time heals.......things will get better. Staying away from the wacko relatives will definitely help.

Good luck to you hon, I hope everything gets better real soon for you and your family.

Deb

Rylan Posted 15 Jun 2009 , 2:41pm
post #22 of 25

Wow. In-laws...

cakes22 Posted 15 Jun 2009 , 6:38pm
post #23 of 25

Wow is right RylanTy! And holy crap & PHSYCO came to mind too.

What the heck does your DH say about everything?? I mean, if it were my DH's relatives doing that to me, I would hope that my DH has my back, as I would have his.

And if anyone tried to mess with my kids, it would be like poking a very angry bear, who has a thorn in its paw & is just waking up from hibernation & is very hungry and has rabies!!!

Seriously though, family counseling would be a good thing to look into.

Good luck and sending you ((((hugs))))

floridagal Posted 15 Jun 2009 , 9:28pm
post #24 of 25

I'm glad things are looking up for you and your family. And I am So glad that your DH is starting to stand up to his family and support/believe you. Maybe that will help with your daughter, too. Good luck and stay strong!

Melissa

costumeczar Posted 17 Jun 2009 , 2:16am
post #25 of 25

I'm so totally in agreement with Debi on this one...No restraining order needed, you just don't talk to these losers anymore. No contact for them with the kids, no way no how. That's your decision, not the court's. You have to protect your kids from nasty people, regardless of whether they're related or not. If they're talking trash to your kids about you, they get no contact with them anymore, case closed.

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