Girl Talk.. Help!

Lounge By CTrammell2435 Updated 10 Jun 2009 , 5:44pm by Franluvsfrosting

CTrammell2435 Posted 6 Jun 2009 , 11:15pm
post #1 of 15

Ok I have a question for all you girls out there.. My BF and I have been dating for a while now and we have been talking about getting married. Well We have talked about how long we want our engagment to be because we dont want to rush into getting married. So we have decided that we want a long engagment (a year or more) For the past week or so Iv been kinda down i thought that he would have preposed already seeing as how we want a long engagment and well we want to get married with in the next 2 to 3 yrs..I just dont understand men!! What do you guys think?

14 replies
4rays2hunny_bunnies2 Posted 6 Jun 2009 , 11:22pm
post #2 of 15

I have a friend who was in your position. She waited and actually got depressed waiting on him to propose. So me being the sister type figure in her life asked her BF when he was going to propose. What he said was that he wanted to wait until that magical moment, one that she would remember the rest of her life. He proposed on her birthday with family and friends gathered around the table at her favorite restuarant. So all he might be doing is waiting for that magical moment for you. I am also glad to know that people still have long engagements these days. And a big Congratulations to you both.

MnSnow Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 1:19am
post #3 of 15

Don't feel bad...I have been engaged for 18 years now.

That sounds terrible but we like the way things are and we are a definately older couple (grandparents) and neither of us is in any hurry. We have both been married before and have the same commitment so see no need to walk up that aisle icon_smile.gif

costumeczar Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 1:30am
post #4 of 15

My husband kept talking about getting engaged, but never followed through. I finally started thinking about going to graduate school, and I was looking into out-of-state schools. My husband started talking about how he wouldn't mind moving to this place but nto that one, and I told him that he didn't need to worry about moving at all, since we weren't engaged and he had no commitment to moving with me. So two days later, he proposed.

Sometimes you have to light a fire under them. Some guys will go for years talking about getting engaged, since they figure that counts as being engaged. If you really want him to propose you'll either have to be patient until he gets ready, or you'll have to give him an untimatum with a time limit. If you give him an ultimatum you'll have to be prepared that he might not go for it, then you'll have to deal with that. If you're sure that he's serious about it, just be patient. My husband is very cautious, so it takes him forever to make a decision about anything. If your boyfriend is like that, it could take a while!

shelbur10 Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 1:58am
post #5 of 15

Maybe he's saving up some $$ for the ring! I know it's hard, but try to be patient. If you've been talking about marriage, then you know he's on the same page as you, there could be a thousand different reasons he's waiting. When DH and I were at this point, we talked a lot about it and when he did propose, there were no surprises because we had planned everything all out. (he's one of those who needed a little push, but it all worked out.) Unless the mystery and the surprise of it is really important to you, why not ask him about it? If there's some reason he's not ready for that step, isn't it better to know? Another thing to consider...YOU could propose to HIM. Maybe that's nontraditional and unromantic, but there's no reason you should sit around waiting and wondering what's taking him so long.

tracycakes Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 1:59am
post #6 of 15

Hmmm, you may not like my answer but I'll give you my experience. I dated a man for 7 years and we talked about marriage from the very beginning. I was willing to wait because he was starting a business (sales), traveled quite a bit and I was still in college. Well, 1 year turned into 3 and 5 until we were at 7 years and I was miserable. He loved me...as much as he could love anyone except himself. He was a nice guy but I would never be first in his life.

Well, 10 months after we broke up, I did get married to a wonderful man, a great husband, and I do come first in his life and we've been married for almost 17 years. icon_biggrin.gifthumbs_up.gif

You didn't say how long you've been together but if there are specific reasons to wait like school, or illness, it's one thing. But don't hang in there waiting. If I have any regrets in life, I have 1 - that I didn't break up when I KNEW it was the right thing to do.

If you give him an ultimatum 1 of 4 things will happen 1) he will walk away 2) you'll get engaged but he'll never set a date 3) he'll get married but be miserable and make you miserable or 4) he'll realize he could lose you, he'll willingly marry you. You've got to be prepared for the first 3 to happen you issue an ultimatum.

Listen to your heart but listen more to your head. You know what to do. Sorry this is so long icon_redface.gif but if I can help one person avoid the misery I went through, it's worth it. I doubted myself for many years and had NO self-esteem. I wish I hadn't listened to those who gave me good advice but my pride got in the way.

Rylan Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 1:17pm
post #7 of 15

Remember, it takes two people to get married, not one.

If he's not ready and you are, too bad. Chances are, things are harder to work out when one isn't ready. Plus, it takes money to get married.

I know life is too short, but if you believe in him, he'll make the experience last longer.

indydebi Posted 7 Jun 2009 , 1:28pm
post #8 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTrammell2435

Ok I have a question for all you girls out there.. My BF and I have been dating for a while now and we have been talking about getting married. Well We have talked about how long we want our engagment to be because we dont want to rush into getting married. So we have decided that we want a long engagment (a year or more) For the past week or so Iv been kinda down i thought that he would have preposed already seeing as how we want a long engagment and well we want to get married with in the next 2 to 3 yrs..I just dont understand men!! What do you guys think?



You want a long engagement because you dont' want to rush into getting married, but you're chomping at the bit for him to propose because you want to rush into getting engaged? icon_confused.gif Darlin' if I was yo' mama, I'd be sitting you down with a real heart-to-heart that includes the phrase "get your head out of your a$$ and see what the real world looks like!"

I think you're more in love with the idea of having a ring on your finger than you are in the whole SERIOUS lifetime committment of marriage. If I didnt' want to get married for 3 years, getting a proposal NOW would be the last thing on my mind.

If you want to have the conversation with him on 'Are we getting married or not!?" then do so. But as someone said above, be ready for ALL of the possible answers.

And I wouldn't want to marry someone who gave in to blackmail and married me to get me to shut up. I'd want someone who freely came running into my life because he wanted me to live in his world and he wanted to live in mine.

In the words of that hair color commercial ... "Because I'm worth it!" thumbs_up.gif

CTrammell2435 Posted 8 Jun 2009 , 8:36pm
post #9 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4rays2hunny_bunnies2

I have a friend who was in your position. She waited and actually got depressed waiting on him to propose. So me being the sister type figure in her life asked her BF when he was going to propose. What he said was that he wanted to wait until that magical moment, one that she would remember the rest of her life. He proposed on her birthday with family and friends gathered around the table at her favorite restuarant. So all he might be doing is waiting for that magical moment for you. I am also glad to know that people still have long engagements these days. And a big Congratulations to you both.





Thanks for sharing that with me. I actually sat down and talked to him about it and explained what I was feeling and he told me he is waiting for the right time to do it. He said he wants to do it the right way.

CTrammell2435 Posted 8 Jun 2009 , 8:49pm
post #10 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by CTrammell2435

Ok I have a question for all you girls out there.. My BF and I have been dating for a while now and we have been talking about getting married. Well We have talked about how long we want our engagment to be because we dont want to rush into getting married. So we have decided that we want a long engagment (a year or more) For the past week or so Iv been kinda down i thought that he would have preposed already seeing as how we want a long engagment and well we want to get married with in the next 2 to 3 yrs..I just dont understand men!! What do you guys think?


You want a long engagement because you dont' want to rush into getting married, but you're chomping at the bit for him to propose because you want to rush into getting engaged? icon_confused.gif Darlin' if I was yo' mama, I'd be sitting you down with a real heart-to-heart that includes the phrase "get your head out of your a$$ and see what the real world looks like!"

I think you're more in love with the idea of having a ring on your finger than you are in the whole SERIOUS lifetime committment of marriage. If I didnt' want to get married for 3 years, getting a proposal NOW would be the last thing on my mind.

If you want to have the conversation with him on 'Are we getting married or not!?" then do so. But as someone said above, be ready for ALL of the possible answers.

And I wouldn't want to marry someone who gave in to blackmail and married me to get me to shut up. I'd want someone who freely came running into my life because he wanted me to live in his world and he wanted to live in mine.

In the words of that hair color commercial ... "Because I'm worth it!" thumbs_up.gif





Ok not trying to be mean but my head is not in my a** and I have seen the real world. I have been a single mom since i was 17. And No i am not in love with the whole ring on my finger thing. I will love him with or without the ring. The only reason I even brought this up to him is because it would mean the world to me to have my grandmother at my wedding and she might not make 3 or 4 more years. And since we both want a long engagment (no less than a year) I thought if we started now maybe she would still be around! So thats what I was thinking when I brought it up to him. But like I told someone else I sat down and talked to him about it and I understand now why he wants to wait and what he is waiting for.He wants to do it the right way and give me a engagment to remember. And I love him for that!

-Tubbs Posted 8 Jun 2009 , 11:00pm
post #11 of 15

What's the positive about long engagements? Personally I hate'em. I tend to feel that if you want to get married, get married, and that an engagement should only be as long as it takes to plan the wedding. I was engaged and married within 6 weeks, and liked it that way - I think that stress expands to fill the time available! Have been married 15 years now.

Not knocking you, just wondering what the appeal of a long engagement is to you...?

CTrammell2435 Posted 8 Jun 2009 , 11:32pm
post #12 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by TubbsCookies

What's the positive about long engagements? Personally I hate'em. I tend to feel that if you want to get married, get married, and that an engagement should only be as long as it takes to plan the wedding. I was engaged and married within 6 weeks, and liked it that way - I think that stress expands to fill the time available! Have been married 15 years now.

Not knocking you, just wondering what the appeal of a long engagement is to you...?




There are a few reason why we want a long engagment. One is because most of his family and mine live out of town and its easier for people to put in time off in advance instead of just a few weeks before also we want to buy a house before we get married so with at least a year we will have that done. The main reason is because the way its looking it will be about 3 yrs before we actually get married and My older Brother Who is in the army will be back at the end of 2010 and he is the one who is going to be giving me away.

cakes22 Posted 9 Jun 2009 , 11:57am
post #13 of 15

Why don't you ask him? My GF did that with her DH. THey had been dating for a few years, and everyone was getting engaged, my DH and I were trend-setters, and everyone else followed. But not this guy, a year after all of our friends got engaged, and still no ring for her, she went out and bought him a ring and popped the question to him. Kinda unconventional but it worked. They have been married for 17 yrs and they have two daughters who love the story about how mom asked dad to marry her.

CTrammell2435 Posted 9 Jun 2009 , 2:02pm
post #14 of 15

icon_biggrin.gif Thank you to everyone who commented on this.. My Boyfriend and I sat down and talked about this for almost three hours the other night and i explained to him why I felt the way I did about this situation and In the end he made me realize really we are engaged in our hearts because we both want the same thing but we just have not announced it publicly and that he is waiting for the right moment and wants to do it the right way where I will have an proposal that I will remember for the rest of my life.. He also told me not to worry that we would be married before my brother has to re-enlist or move to a new base.. And that since it is so important to me if my grandmother ever gets worse than she is now and we all know she isnt going to make it he will marry me right in their living room so that she would be there. And then we could have a bigger wedding for the rest of our friends and family. So I thought I would update everyone and just say thanks for all the great advice.

Franluvsfrosting Posted 10 Jun 2009 , 5:44pm
post #15 of 15

He sounds like a sweet guy. icon_smile.gif

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