Real Life Cake Drama (Need To Vent, Long)

Decorating By SweetSweetCreations Updated 3 Jun 2009 , 3:10am by dessert1st

SweetSweetCreations Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:00pm
post #1 of 28

I am so pissed right now. History first... My SIL and I do not get along very well, she is married to my dh's brother. I have been married for 15 years so there is much history. They are having marital problems and has tried to involve us. She only calls when she wants something and yes even though we don't get along I do her cakes when she ask. Recently I did a birthday cake for her brothers son that I have never met. It was ordered the day before she needed it and offered nothing for it, so am already aggravated.
She has been asking me to do a Graduation cake for my niece,no problem I tell her over a month ago. The original date she wanted it was May 23 well a week before I called to confirm what time to deliver since it was a week before the actual graduation. She says oh we don't need it she doesn't want a party. I was aggravated but oh well I don't have to spend hours and hours creating this elaborate cake. So she calls this past Saturday night at midnight saying she wants a cake for Friday the 5th so I offer to do a small cake like the order I already have for that day. Oh no there is a new design they want, a 3 tier topsy turvy in black with some gold, they have a picture. I am just gritting my teeth but told her to send me the picture and I will let her know. Oh my gosh it is Tuesday morning and I still don't have a picture. I have called at least 15 times. I have talked to my niece and my SIL but still no pic. I explained to both that I have many things that will have to be done and for Black I have to start coloring my icing today. I don't even know if it is buttercream or fondant. Last night when I called her she actually had the nerve to add cookies to the order.
Ok so I know it sounds real simple tell her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. I just hate to dissapoint my niece but I just know there is no way around it at this point. I told my husband no more I will just quit all together. I am so freaking mad I can't see straight because she will try to make me out to be the bad guy in all of this.
I am headed to the store to try and get what I think I might need. I am sure I will have many sleepless night this week. I feel like the doormat outside my front door, it's my fault but it still feels pretty crappy.

27 replies
brincess_b Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:09pm
post #2 of 28

some people here are of the opinion that if its a cake for family, that you are doing free of charge, its your cake. do what you want with it!
topsy turvey for an ungrateful SIL, with minimum notice, no co-operation, and constant drama?
id be saying sorry, i have my own life to lead, *you* did not give me the information i needed to get this done. id maybe also add somthing about how with doing so many cakes for her, you really need to request that she starts contributing towards the cost, you cant keep on giving away free cake (money) to people with no connection to you.
would i feel bad for my niece? yes - but then, if i was close to her, id be getting her something/ doing something with her for graduation anyway, so maybe do something special for her, rather than for something planned by SIL.
if you do this, you can always say that this is the last free one, as you drop it off.
xx

cakes22 Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:15pm
post #3 of 28

I agree with brincess_b. First of all, I wouldn't buy one single thing for the cake unless she provided me all the info that I'd need to get the cake done. Even if she were my SIL (and I suck in SIL department, mine are horrible) I would charge her (maybe a discount, but not much, my time is my time).
Second, even though you feel bad for your niece, you could do something that is more reflective of her, something that she would enjoy or forgo the cake altogether and get her something completely different. I think you may be in a no-win situation. Your damned if you do and damned if you don't. icon_evil.gif

SweetSweetCreations Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:23pm
post #4 of 28

What so bad is when we got the Graduation Invitation it said Uncle ***** & **** no aunt anywhere on there. I am not close to my niece at all. We were gonna give her $50 because my DH isn't close to her either but we are close to her Dad. My Dh's sister is fuming.But she paysme evn when I try to give her family gift cakes becasue she says my cakes are worth more than what a gift would be and she feels I deserve the difference. I have a feeling it will get real ugly and my DH says he has my back if I end up blowing up.
I don't know I would make it through these cake dramas without you guys on CC.

indydebi Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:25pm
post #5 of 28

The Golden Rule .... those with the gold make the rules. She's not paying for the cake so why does she think she gets to dictate how much work you will do for FREE!!!

Do what you want for your niece because you want to do something nice for HER. But this crap about waiting on pins and needles until some ungratefule airhead finally decides to give you the Taj Mahal drawing of a cake she wants for FREE is bull!

cakeinthebox4U Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:32pm
post #6 of 28

hmm...just wondering if your SIL has met mine? icon_confused.gif I'm sure they'd become BFF - my only saving grace is I believe mine is on her way out the door! icon_biggrin.gifthumbs_up.gificon_biggrin.gif
I feel your pain though, I make cakes for my nephews and not even so much as a thank you from SIL...I always home home mad!

kmoores Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:33pm
post #7 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSweetCreations

What so bad is when we got the Graduation Invitation it said Uncle ***** & **** no aunt anywhere on there. I am not close to my niece at all. We were gonna give her $50 because my DH isn't close to her either but we are close to her Dad.




In MHO give her the money, a small cake (nothing elaborate) and then wash your hands of it. Too bad if it makes bad blood ~ I have it in my family too, they all expect something for nothing.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this tho ((HUGS))

varika Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:35pm
post #8 of 28

Your SIL is going to continue to do this to you for as long as you keep jumping when she snaps her fingers. It's time to put your foot down and tell her that the best you can do is draw a cartoon-style topsy-turvy on an 8" round, and next time she'll have to give you a month's notice and payment in full.

She's going to make trouble no matter what, and if she pulls this on you she probably pulls it on the rest of the family, so thy won't listen to a word she says about it.

klat7292 Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:36pm
post #9 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by brincess_b

some people here are of the opinion that if its a cake for family, that you are doing free of charge, its your cake. do what you want with it! topsy turvey for an ungrateful SIL, with minimum notice, no co-operation, and constant drama?
id be saying sorry, i have my own life to lead, *you* did not give me the information i needed to get this done. id maybe also add somthing about how with doing so many cakes for her, you really need to request that she starts contributing towards the cost, you cant keep on giving away free cake (money) to people with no connection to you.
would i feel bad for my niece? yes - but then, if i was close to her, id be getting her something/ doing something with her for graduation anyway, so maybe do something special for her, rather than for something planned by SIL.
if you do this, you can always say that this is the last free one, as you drop it off.xx




DITTO!!!!
thumbs_up.gif

GOOD LUCK - DON'T LET ANYONE BULLY YOU IN OUR OWN BUSINESS!! (AND I'M PREACHING TO MYSELF!!) icon_biggrin.gif

oneyracing Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:39pm
post #10 of 28

i feel for ya...i had my EX-sil send me a message the other day and asked me to do a cake for her babyshower...i havent really talked to her in years...i asked her how much she was paying me jokinly...she said i thought you would just make it cause there will be 3 other preggo women there and a bride to be there so it would be FREE advertisment... icon_eek.gif ...i just told her i would do it for the cost...i told her i couldnt do anymore "free" cakes this year...i have enough wrapped up in them now...she said she would tell her aunt (the one throwing the shower)...i havent heard back from her yet...knowing her she will wait till 3 days before the shower and want the cake icon_rolleyes.gif

tiggy2 Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 4:47pm
post #11 of 28

I'd tell her at this late date the cake is going to be "Designer's Choice"!

Bluehue Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 5:05pm
post #12 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiggy2

I'd tell her at this late date the cake is going to be "Designer's Choice"!

Totally agree with tiggy2
Just remember, people only treat us how we allow them to treat us.
You are letting her bend you all out of shape - *pfffft*.
If you don't want to be a *doormat* anymore just stand up and say
"change of plans - its Designers Choice - it will be stunning - see you on such and such a date - my kitchen is calling - click..... hang up phone"
Take back control of
your cake making -

Bluehue icon_smile.gif


Bellatheball Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 5:49pm
post #13 of 28

You feel like a doormat because you are allowing her to treat you like a doormat. They haven't given you the information so you have two choices. (1) You make a cake of your choosing or (2) you tell them they didn't give you the information that you needed so you are unable to do the cake.

You talked to her on the phone last night, right? Did you give her a deadline? Did you tell her you needed the photos by 8am today (for example) in order for you to be able to complete the cake? If not, consider it for the next time family asks for a cake.

I wouldn't let this get to you at all. I'm certain they aren't stressing over the cake so why should you? If you're worried about your niece's feelings, consider this: she's graduating. That means she's about to enter the adult world. If she hasn't learned by now that actions (or nonactions) have consequences, it might be a good time for her to start.

cylstrial Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 7:42pm
post #14 of 28

You need to tell her that you are happy to make cakes for her (if you are) but that you need to know at least a month in advance, about everything. And if she can't accomodate your request, then you are very sorry, but you can't make her cake.

What I really think is that you should start charging her!

Deb_ Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 8:10pm
post #15 of 28

If I were in this situation I'd call her right now and say "since you guys have not finalized the details of this cake with me I will not be able to make such an elaborate design. If you'd like a cake from me it will be a simple design".

Please don't allow this woman to walk all over you.

SweetSweetCreations Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 8:55pm
post #16 of 28

I think I knew what I was going to do when I shared with you guys but I needed that extra push. I Just checked my e-mail and I have called her at least 6 times with no answer. I will make a cake but as suggested it will my design. I talked it over with my husband and he said if anything was said since it is his family he will deal with it. He thought she was at least paying for my supplies and said NO WAY when he found out! He said excatly what you have said a gift should be at our choosing for our niece. He is going to talk to his brother.

Thank You, I don't feel so guilty now. I will post the cake she wants if I ever get a picture.

en-passant Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 9:00pm
post #17 of 28

I have always been of the opinion that we teach others how to treat us.

If you feel like a doormat than it means that you are doormat.

Good luck with whatever plan of action you decide.

indydebi Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 9:07pm
post #18 of 28

And big hugs to your hubby for standing up for you, with you, and is willing to talk to his family (brother) about it. thumbs_up.gif

dellboi2u Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 9:16pm
post #19 of 28

Oh come on!!! Cakes only take an hour to bake and decorate!!! (Just joking incase someone thinks I'm serious!) I am really sick of people not understanding how much time goes into a custom cake!!! I feel for ya! Glad your husband is supporting you!!!

dldbrou Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 9:34pm
post #20 of 28

Ask yourself, when you go out a buy a gift for someone, do you first call the person and ask what and how much to spend on their gift. (NO), You go buy what you want and spend how much you want. If this is a gift from you it should be your choice, your design, your talent and you get the credit for being thoughtful. Why should she make any decision about your gift. Just tell her she gets to order a cake when she pays full price otherwise the choice is yours.

Kudos to your dear hubby. He Rocs

rushing Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 9:41pm
post #21 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSweetCreations

But she paysme evn when I try to give her family gift cakes becasue she says my cakes are worth more than what a gift would be and she feels I deserve the difference.




Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSweetCreations

He thought she was at least paying for my supplies and said NO WAY when he found out!





I'm confused. Is this cake for free or is she paying?

Rylan Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 10:42pm
post #22 of 28

Do what you want. It's your gift not hers.

chassidyg Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 10:55pm
post #23 of 28

I'm glad you are choosing the design if you make a cake. I feel for ya in the s-i-l department, but I am soooooooooooo glad I am not alone when it comes to the s-i-l drama! Mine is awful!!!!!! And my dh has yet to stand up to her, I have to, and then he gets mad, and then m-i-l gets mad...UGH!

Give hubby a big hug for standing up for you!

JulyMama Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 10:58pm
post #24 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by rushing

Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSweetCreations

But she paysme evn when I try to give her family gift cakes becasue she says my cakes are worth more than what a gift would be and she feels I deserve the difference.



Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSweetCreations

He thought she was at least paying for my supplies and said NO WAY when he found out!




I'm confused. Is this cake for free or is she paying?




I think she was saying her other SIL pays her for all the cakes she makes regardless of whether she wants to gift them. The SIL she's having the problems with doesn't pay her even if the cakes aren't for her. HTH.

tinygoose Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 11:04pm
post #25 of 28

Good for your husband for standing up for you, but you need to set your own boundries. The only reason she is treating you like a doormat, is because you are laying down in front of her and saying, "Here, this is where you can wipe your feet!" I don't mean to be rude, but you have to stand up for yourself. Otherwise she is totally going to keep taking advantage of you. You don't deserve that. She should be kissing your cake godess feet!

-K8memphis Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 11:18pm
post #26 of 28

I just wanted to say--don't blow up--that will hurt you more than anything. Kudos to hubby for standing in the gap and try saying "No, sorry" next time maybe. You want to do this more than they want you to. Buy one from Costco. Make a sheet cake. Make some jello. Chill, Munchkin.

sweetsbystacy Posted 2 Jun 2009 , 11:40pm
post #27 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by k8memphis

I just wanted to say--don't blow up--that will hurt you more than anything. Kudos to hubby for standing in the gap and try saying "No, sorry" next time maybe. You want to do this more than they want you to. Buy one from Costco. Make a sheet cake. Make some jello. Chill, Munchkin.




Your posts always make me smile. icon_smile.gif

dessert1st Posted 3 Jun 2009 , 3:10am
post #28 of 28

We teach people how to treat us. This is one of the most valuable lessons I am still learning.

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%