Kinda Long But I Really Need Some Encouragement & Direct

Lounge By slopokesgirl Updated 24 May 2009 , 3:16pm by slopokesgirl

slopokesgirl Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:16pm
post #1 of 27

Short and sweet:
I was laid off in mid March. My DH was "behind me" for starting my own biz. So I made some moves. I found out from the heath department that I can decorate cakes from my home as long as I don't bake the cakes myself. I would only need to find a wholesaler and purchase my labeled, frozen, wrapped cakes from them. They would still have to come to my home and inspect but I can work. yay!!!

Cool huh? I'm not 100% please with that idea of not baking my own cakes but it will get me going till I can afford to build out my basement.

So, zip forward to today:

I found someone that knows someone that works for a cake wholesale bakery. SWEET!! But getting the info from her is like pulling teeth. Not on purpose but life catches up with all of us and sometimes interrupts our plans. So, I keep calling her, and I keep making other moves.... but NOW... my husband is getting frustrated that the only other cash flow into the family is my unemployment.

Please note: I do the finances, and we are totally ok. TOTALLY

Yet he keeps bugging me about fixing his sports car. (He wrecked it at the drag races. AND he's driving the focus daily so it's not like we're sharing a vehicle.) That he wants a set of free weights. That he wants bikes for the family for summer. That he wants to start his own repo business.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And when I explain that our finances can't handle all of his wants, he pitches a fit. And now, TWO MONTHS after I started my planning, he wants me to pull the plug and find employment. Even if it's at home depot.

Ok.. I'm not spoiled by ANY means... but it's just not gonna happen. ONE: I have been on multiple job search sites with NO JOY of employment. There's just basically nothing out there. I applied but I hear nothing but crickets.

TWO: I get a decent check every week from unemployment that equals about half of what I used to make. (Hard I know but it helps)

THREE: It's summer and the kids are out of school. That means that I would need to get a high paying job because I would have to put them in day care. If I took a minimum wage job, I would lose my unemployment, make less than what I'm making now, AND have to pay for my children's care. That equals... NO MONEY.... or less money that where we are now.

What is he trying to do to me?

The girl that's helping me with the cakes has set up an appointment with the sales guy but I need to talk to him.. not her. sheesh.

So, here I am... stuck between a rock and a husband place.

Help.

26 replies
-K8memphis Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:21pm
post #2 of 27

I am out of patience with your husband.
Tell him to grow the ____ up.

BabyBear3 Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:29pm
post #3 of 27

It seems to be that your husband is being a bit selfish. You are trying to start this business up but all he is concerned with are his wants. With my husband, if he wants some of that extra stuff, he works part time side jobs to afford it. Our main income is not made for all that "stuff". Not to mention he (your husband) wrecked his car in a drag race -- not exactly a priority.


Tell him to start putting $ aside for his toys or go get a side job. and I agree with K8 -- grow up!

JGMB Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:32pm
post #4 of 27

I don't know if you're religious or not. If so, pray, pray, pray!!!

Pray for direction, pray that your husband gets off your back, etc.

Believe me, it helps!

mpetty Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:45pm
post #5 of 27

I agree with everyone - tell him to grow up, and then pray that he will.

Speaking as someone who has been out of work for 2 years, here's my thought: fine, go ahead and spend a bit of time every day searching for jobs and filling out applications, and even go ahead and document your searches so that DH can see you're trying. You're still going to hear back from the cake wholesaler before you find a job "out there" and most likely you're still going to get your business up and running before you find a job "out there."

Part of the reason I'm coming back to decorating (in addition to just plain loving it), is that I figure $10-$20 from a birthday cake here and there is a whole lot better than $0 from week after week of unanswered applications and resume submissions.

Good luck with your business!

MyDiwa Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:46pm
post #6 of 27

So maybe at a time you are both calm and haven't brought the subject up, you take the books and say sweetly, let's see how we can work this out. You make him sit with you and insist that you work this out TOGETHER. List the cost of every little thing that he wants, add what you'd bring in from Home Depot, take out what you'd lose from unemployment and figure out TOGETHER how it would all work out. Then say, sweetly, oh we haven't put on the list any of the things that I would like as well - let's do that, to keep it fair right honey.

I'm sooooooooo in agreement with k8. Your husband is acting like a spoilt brat. He wants YOU to get a job to pay for HIS stuff. If you can get through the above conversation without a hissy fit, I really think you should point out that HE is the man. The family carries HIS name so he really should be taking care of YOU. I know this may not be politically correct and the women on The View would have my head on a platter, but I honestly believe a man's role is to provide for his family and anything his wife does is complimentary. It's not like you're twiddling your thumbs, you're actually working towards something and he pretty much wants to take all of it and buy toys. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, good luck, keep your head up. AT some point, this too shall pass...

cakelady31 Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:47pm
post #7 of 27

Hopefully at the very least , posting will make you feel a little better ! I feel your frustration ! I too have launched my business and sometimes feel like there is no support by the hubby. icon_cry.gif Good Luck to you!

tonimarie Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:47pm
post #8 of 27

Why don't you have your husband read all the posts that you get right here icon_twisted.gificon_lol.gif I'll bet that might make him wake up and smell the coffee of how selfish and spoiled HE is being. Doesn't he realize how much daycare costs???

plus I just looked at your cakes icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif they are freakin awesome girl.......it would be a shame if you didn't start a business...you have talent!! good luck and stand up to your husband

Bluehue Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:47pm
post #9 of 27

Men *COUGH* who throw hissy fits loose any respect i ever had for them.
Thats not being a husband - thats being a right B****** tapedshut.gif

Just look straight ahead and keep your eyes on your goals -

And if he still continues - tell him *seeya - i'm moving forward*.. thumbs_up.gif

Gawd, why would you tolerate that behaviour from your husband -
accept it now and your doomed forever.
He is toooo childlike to be responsible - thumbsdown.gif

Can't believe i am wasting MY TIME typing about his - icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

Hope you get your business up and running quick sticks - sooner the better.



Bluehue

MyDiwa Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:48pm
post #10 of 27

Ok, maybe don't bring up the "you're the man" thing. It might just ruin your chance to have a decent conversation by being confrontational - that was my frustration speaking.

jackmo Posted 23 May 2009 , 1:53pm
post #11 of 27

I agree looks like all he is concerned with is His stuff. If he wants these things, let him work for it. What about what you want sometimes? He needs some growing up to do. And sad to say your husband is not the only one who is like that there are others who through the " i want what i want and want it know" attitude place pressure on the wife to work for their wants. and like one person said, pray cause talking to a man is like talking to a wall sometimes.

-K8memphis Posted 23 May 2009 , 3:53pm
post #12 of 27

Oh gawd, I was gonna come back & try & see his side of it but my eyes landed on the part about him pitching a fit.

Nevermind.

But I mean sure he wants all that stuff--that's cool--but it is not just wrong it is so wrong for him to push you like that. Like the economy is your fault? Like there's not six million other people out there in line for the two available jobs?

sigh


But honestly he really does need to grow up and you really need to grow a pair and tell him--in the right way. Like,

"It just ain't happening right now, honey.
We both gotta be for real about this."
<you stupid boopid>

O-or...Maybe something like, icon_biggrin.gif
"Say that again and I'll key your car."
or "Try that again and I'll bet on the other guy." (in the race) icon_biggrin.gif
"I'll shoot a tire out from under yah in the next race."

Y'know something to the point & at his level. icon_biggrin.gif

I'm just teasing but that's a tough spot to be in and you gotta help him understand he's gotta wait a bit for his new toys.

jillangel Posted 23 May 2009 , 3:58pm
post #13 of 27

Sometimes I think they just don't get it. I hope everything works out for you!

Minstrelmiss Posted 23 May 2009 , 4:07pm
post #14 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyBear3

It seems to be that your husband is being a bit selfish. You are trying to start this business up but all he is concerned with are his wants. With my husband, if he wants some of that extra stuff, he works part time side jobs to afford it. Our main income is not made for all that "stuff". Not to mention he (your husband) wrecked his car in a drag race -- not exactly a priority.


Tell him to start putting $ aside for his toys or go get a side job. and I agree with K8 -- grow up!





I agree! We each get an allowance every week for our toys icon_smile.gif 5% of our individual incomes are for whatever we want. When honey comes home with a new gun or whatever...I don't even ask because it doesn't come out of our house budget. Same for me...all my cake supplies are my money and I keep the income from my sales because it's on the side...

Tell hubby that expensive hobbies require side jobs for funding! AND it makes no sense to get a job in order to pay someone else to raise your children! It sounds like it's time to pull out the big girl panties!!

Good luck icon_smile.gif

indydebi Posted 23 May 2009 , 5:26pm
post #15 of 27

I'm with k8 .... he needs to grow the f*ck up.

I read this to my hubby and he says, "Tell her when they get worried about how to hang onto the house, THEN he can tell her to suck it up and find a "real" job. Until then, he's being a jerk."

MyDiwa had a good idea about looking at the numbers together, however, given his disposition, I would bet dollars to doughnuts that his response would be along the lines of "Yeah, but if you got a job, we could AFFORD all this stuff!", making it all YOUR fault again.

Grow. The Hell. Up.

Minstrelmiss Posted 23 May 2009 , 5:48pm
post #16 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Grow. The Hell. Up.





hehehehe...how do you really feel? I love your candidness Indy icon_smile.gif

Bonnell Posted 23 May 2009 , 6:11pm
post #17 of 27

Please don't give up on starting your business. You are so talented it would be a shame to give that up for some stupid menial job. Your husband will come around, he's probably just frustrated and we all know men don't handle that too well.

Off the subject, but I just saw your dragon cake and loved it. I actually just finished my own version of that last night and all I had to go on was a picture of the cake Mike McCrary made when he gave a class at my area cake shop (wasn't able to attend). I bet it was a lot easier to make with him there to guide you along instead of just having to figure it out from a picture.

Anyway, hang in there and don't give up.

goldenegg Posted 23 May 2009 , 6:43pm
post #18 of 27

If he's gonna act like a child & throw a fit, then ignore his direction and do what you wanna do, patronize him and tell him what he wants to hear. Since you do the finances you know what y'all can and can't afford. Bottom line, the business will bring money in, his boy toys and daycare will do the opposite.

On a side note, indydebi should win an award for best forum poster ever icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif I swear i crack up every time I read one of her posts no matter how serious the subject matter.

Kiddiekakes Posted 23 May 2009 , 7:33pm
post #19 of 27

Your cakes are Awesome!!! Tell him he can be your assistant and make icing and helps you put large cakes together...

Men sometime just Tick me off...my hubby included...but he totally supports my cakes and knows there have been times my cake money has supported us...

bakermommy4 Posted 23 May 2009 , 8:08pm
post #20 of 27

Wow slopokesgirl I just saw your photos and you've got MAD TALENT. Your work ALONE should be enough reason for your hubby to have your back on the biz. Not to mention that support and encouragement are some of the quirks to being married.

I say go for the gusto as far as the business...your talent will make you a success. Just tell hubby to quit whining over HIS wants...and explain to him what the benefits would be for your biz to get off the ground and moving...show him some numbers. That might keep his mouth shut.

Thank God my hubby is supportive, and my talent level is nowhere near yours...not yet, I'm working on it. LOL

jensenscakes Posted 24 May 2009 , 2:18am
post #21 of 27

I've never understood why men can be so insensitive. I work 32 hrs a week, clean my mom's house once a week and do two cakes every weekend, and have a household and a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old and he has the gall to complain about the dishes! (P.S. he only works 32 hrs a week and complains that he has to watch the kids while I'm at work)
Hopefully some decent men will chime in to convince us that all men are not so insensitive.

aquamom Posted 24 May 2009 , 2:52am
post #22 of 27

Hold on everyone!!!

I have a GREAT HUSBAND Story.

Last week I made two 12"X18" cakes and a bunch of cupcakes for a fundraiser. One of the 12x18 needed to be torted. I showed my husband the to do list on Sat night and he looked at me and helped. He told me to go to bed while he ran the dishwasher and a couple of other things.

When I got up at 2:45 to get back to work he was just going to bed. I had to wake him up at 6:30 to print out something on the computer so I could do a Buttercream transfer. No complaints. He made his coffee and came in the kitchen about an hour later and asked if I had started the Ganche--no I hadn't had a chance. He really didn't know what Ganche was --so he started heating up the cream for me.

I came to a stop took over the ganche and he went onto another project. He made a board to put under the cake box that was going to hold a bunch of cupcakes. He knew I had to torte one the 12"x18" cakes and offered to help. So when I came to that step he helped me. It was so funny the way we fumbled through it-- I don't torte a lot of cakes.

While I was decorating the cakes he worked on making fondant seashells for me. He also helped me back the car with the baked goods so nothing would move.

When I came home after the fundraiser he had run the dishwasher twice and washed the floor for me.

I called his mom last week to thank for raising such a wonderful guy.

This is a true story--Aquamom

Minstrelmiss Posted 24 May 2009 , 2:58am
post #23 of 27

Oh Aquamom....lovely story. Good guys rock!

My hubby is a winner too...I don't do dishes, not ever. Hubby always takes care of them and we don't have a dishwasher. This little thing is such a huge help!

Minstrelmiss Posted 24 May 2009 , 2:58am
post #24 of 27

Double post, sorry icon_redface.gif

aliciag829 Posted 24 May 2009 , 3:08am
post #25 of 27

Make a list of short term goals of things that both you and your DH want to buy or do. It's only fair if you take turns. It seems like you only asked for one thing and hubby is already starting his Christmas list. lol

Aquamom: You hit the lottery in the DH department. lol

-K8memphis Posted 24 May 2009 , 11:21am
post #26 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by aquamom

Hold on everyone!!!

I have a GREAT HUSBAND Story.

Last week I made two 12"X18" cakes and a bunch of cupcakes for a fundraiser. One of the 12x18 needed to be torted. I showed my husband the to do list on Sat night and he looked at me and helped. He told me to go to bed while he ran the dishwasher and a couple of other things.

When I got up at 2:45 to get back to work he was just going to bed. I had to wake him up at 6:30 to print out something on the computer so I could do a Buttercream transfer. No complaints. He made his coffee and came in the kitchen about an hour later and asked if I had started the Ganche--no I hadn't had a chance. He really didn't know what Ganche was --so he started heating up the cream for me.

I came to a stop took over the ganche and he went onto another project. He made a board to put under the cake box that was going to hold a bunch of cupcakes. He knew I had to torte one the 12"x18" cakes and offered to help. So when I came to that step he helped me. It was so funny the way we fumbled through it-- I don't torte a lot of cakes.

While I was decorating the cakes he worked on making fondant seashells for me. He also helped me back the car with the baked goods so nothing would move.

When I came home after the fundraiser he had run the dishwasher twice and washed the floor for me.

I called his mom last week to thank for raising such a wonderful guy.

This is a true story--Aquamom




Geez it's stories like this that make me think twice about cloning.

icon_biggrin.gif

slopokesgirl Posted 24 May 2009 , 3:16pm
post #27 of 27

All of you guys are awesome. I just read everyones posts and it encouraged, shamed, pleased, amused me and made me jealous. hahaha...

A whole slew of emotions.

Well, let me explain the resent happenings in our house.

I made a "DH Wish list" and I placed the dollar amount next to each item. Then, I moved a couple of things around so that we could get one thing on that list. (knowing my husband, he would either go for it and buy anyway... or get shamed out of it.)

I txt messaged him at work (I was too mad to talk on the phone) and I told him what he could get now and what would have to wait. Period. He wrote back.. "That's ok."

"That's ok?" What's ok? hmmm Not much wording... which upset me. icon_mad.gif

Then he wouldn't respond the rest of the night. So when he got home. I asked him what was up... and he said that he wasn't going to use the money. He wanted to make sure that we were OK with money.

I was stunned and frustrated.... but pleased that he got off of his high horse. (I guess I might have placed that wish list in a spot that was too obvious and open for free viewing... oops icon_rolleyes.gif ) Ok... he saw it...

We still have to have a talk about his gimme attitude. And not to mention his hissy fits.

I will be very up front about everything. And I will continue on with my business.

I received a message from the girl that's helping me and she is going to give me the information today. She lined up two sales guys to talk to me about cakes. Pray for me ladies.

I'll keep you posted about what happens on all fronts.

I truly appreciate all of your encouraging comments. You guys are awesome.

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