Does Anyone Else Not Do Mother's Day?

Lounge By indydebi Updated 18 Jun 2009 , 12:50pm by KathysCC

indydebi Posted 10 May 2009 , 3:51pm
post #1 of 34

This is such a phony "holiday" to me. We dont' observe mother's day in my house and my kids and hubby LOVE not having the pressure so many people are under. When we were first married, I made it clear that hubby was NOT to get me a mother's day gift because "I'm not your mother".

My philosophy is that if you have a great relationship with your mom/kids, then you don't need one day a year because you actually get mother's day all the time. If you have a crappy relationship with your mom/kids, then one day a year, where one is forced to call, buy flowers, etc., is just another JOB on the "have to" list that builds resentment even further and does nothing to correct the crappy relationship.

I'm sick of sit-coms and other TV shows that show pathetic women wasting an entire day, sitting by the phone, silently BEGGING for the phone to ring for the token once-a-year call from their kids, just so they can clasp their hands to their chest, get a little teary eyed, and proclaim how GRATEFUL they are that their offspring BLESSED them with a 5 minute phone call. It's such a stereotype and it's degrading to woman everywhere, depicting us as lonely old women who have no life. Good god, shoot me if my life ever gets so pathetic that I act like that!

I dont' begrudge those who enjoy their Mother's Day, so don't get me wrong there. I know that to many people, it's a great family day. But it's just another day on the calendar to me and was curious if anyone else out there thought it was no big deal.

33 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 10 May 2009 , 4:03pm
post #2 of 34

We make a big deal out of Father's day around my house, but not Mother's day. The only thing my husband ever wants to do to celebrate is eat tacos and cake and that just means more work for me.

I remember thinking Mother's day was neat when I was a kid...my mom would get an orchid corsage and we'd go out to lunch after church. Sometimes I would do the breakfast in bed thing for her (I was the family's cook from about age 10). Somehow now that I'm a mom, Mother's day is not as fun (I do still get my mom something though).

You know, I've noticed that all the holidays seem to get less fun as I get older.

ptanyer Posted 10 May 2009 , 5:39pm
post #3 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

I remember thinking Mother's day was neat when I was a kid...my mom would get an orchid corsage and we'd go out to lunch after church. Sometimes I would do the breakfast in bed thing for her (I was the family's cook from about age 10). Somehow now that I'm a mom, Mother's day is not as fun (I do still get my mom something though).

You know, I've noticed that all the holidays seem to get less fun as I get older.




Ain't it the truth??? I know exactly what you mean. When I was younger I tried to make every single holiday something special for my family, no matter what I had to do to get it done. I am older now and don't have near the energy that I used to have. Plus with all the stress of a regular daytime job, doing cakes at nights and weekends and being a very hands on grandmother, I relish the idea of a very quiet day at home to sit in my chair and chat online with fellow cc'ers and research new ideas for cakes and of course looking for new cake toys.

My husband is terrible with gift giving and since he has been out of work for several years now, I am the one supporting us and he says that he would be spending money I earned and he doesn't feel right about it. So, when I find a new toy at a really good price I can order it without guilt and we just kinda let the big production go by the wayside. We did go out to breakfast this morning with the GD (4 yrs old) which was a treat since we hardly ever do that type of thing. I made mother's day cakes for my MIL, DIL and oldest GD and sent hubby out to deliver them when he delivered my GD home after spending all weekend with me.

However, I might let them take me to see the new Star Trek movie. Previews look really good! LOL.

So to all us 'laid' back mothers...Happy Mother's Day!!!

txsteph Posted 10 May 2009 , 5:54pm
post #4 of 34

I don't do anything special. My daughters usually make me cards, they are 11 & 8. But other than that it is just another normal day. Doing laundry today, that is a never ending cycle. If I am lucky I won't have to cook dinner but I really doubt that happening LOL. Now my Mother is another story .. luckily she is working today, so we are all getting together next weekend for lunch and family day, with my 3 sisters & my 6 nieces & nephews.

Kiddiekakes Posted 10 May 2009 , 6:53pm
post #5 of 34

Mother's day isn't that big of a deal either here.Hubby isn't the mushy type so I hardly get a card etc but throughout the year he will come home with treats like supper etc thumbs_up.gif ...My Mom just this morning bitched me out because I didn't call at my normal time of 8:30 am..I forgot..I got doing haircuts on my son and hubby and the cleanup..laundry...etc ..I just forgot but they are coming for dinner anyway so I was a bit pissed when she got kinda up in my face.Heaven forbid if I don't get her a gift or something and I never hear the end of it..I am like Indydebi...it seems sort of fake and I am becoming increasingly annoyed.I mean I have to go out and find the money to get a gift etc...which in the past 4 yrs has been tough because we have been in debt like everyone else.I just finished doing 2 birthday parties for me kids in the last 2 months and I'm tired and broke and it bugs the heck out of me that everytime we turn around another holiday is here and you are expected to buy for someone!!Sorry! icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif I agree...It is not fun anymore! icon_cry.gif But to everyone here on CC...Do have a wonderful Mother's Day!! thumbs_up.gif



Laurel icon_wink.gif

costumeczar Posted 10 May 2009 , 6:54pm
post #6 of 34

Hee hee hee, I was just thinking this when I was looking at the "what I got for Mother's Day thread." I got NOTHING because I told everyone DON'T buy me flowers, I have no counter space for them icon_rolleyes.gif They said "we'll get you chocolate then, and I told them not to, since my butt is getting bigger and I don't need help with that, ha ha! So my daughter made me a card, my son grunted "happy mother's day" (he's 13, the grunting goes with the territopry,) and everything just went along as usual so far. Laundry, dishes, paperwork, etc.

fosterscreations Posted 10 May 2009 , 7:00pm
post #7 of 34

I find mother's day painfully hard for me. We went through years of infertility and then uterine cancer put and end to any children. We celebrate with hubby's family but I still end up feeling very down afterward. It also bothers me terribly when people wish me a happy mother's day. I want to scream at them I am not a mother, but deep down I know that there is really no way for them to know I am not a mother and how hurtful their remarks are.
We went to dinner last night and today I am very down in the dumps just trying to avoid the whole day.

-K8memphis Posted 10 May 2009 , 7:01pm
post #8 of 34

yes and no

I didn't think it was a big deal. Mom lived in a senior apartment building and all the other Mom's put their Mother's Day cards on the outside of their doors and believe you me I learned beyond a shadow of a doubt how very very important Mother's Day is and I survived to tell about it here.

The-en there was the time that all Mother's Day events had to occur at my Mom-in-law's house every year. Hmm, got more important all of a sudden there again.

But I sure get where you're coming from and I agree with that too!! I should hold up a sign that says, "I'm a glutton for every Mother's Day psychosis past, present and future."

But I always felt bad bad bad (selfish) about not doing the MD thing at my Mil's because after a while I put my foot down & we didn't go--but I eventually heard a thing on the radio that sided with me so I got healed on that one. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

icon_biggrin.gif

Happy Mother's Day Indy!!!

indydebi Posted 10 May 2009 , 7:07pm
post #9 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by fosterscreations

I find mother's day painfully hard for me. We went through years of infertility and then uterine cancer put and end to any children. ..... It also bothers me terribly when people wish me a happy mother's day. I want to scream at them I am not a mother....



When hubby and I were first married, we went to lunch and the waitress laid a rose on the table ... a seemingly innocent gesture. But (1) she didn't know if I was a mother or not (2) we were also trying very hard to get pregnant with no success. I left the rose on the table and the cashier asked about it. Hubby just kept it simple and said, "We have no children." Cashier said they were giving them to all women. OH......! so it's not a MOTHER'S day flower but a WOMAN'S day flower! (big sigh!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by k8memphis

The-en there was the time that all Mother's Day events had to occur at my Mom-in-law's house every year.


My sister lamented how her in-laws do the big guilt thing if they don't spend the whole day at their house. As she expressed it to me, "My husband ... their son ... is ALSO a father and there are things that he wants to do with HIS children, too!" (They spent the day at an all-day amusement park and in-laws were ticked because of it.)

txsteph Posted 10 May 2009 , 7:12pm
post #10 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by fosterscreations

I find mother's day painfully hard for me. We went through years of infertility and then uterine cancer put and end to any children. We celebrate with hubby's family but I still end up feeling very down afterward. It also bothers me terribly when people wish me a happy mother's day. I want to scream at them I am not a mother, but deep down I know that there is really no way for them to know I am not a mother and how hurtful their remarks are.
We went to dinner last night and today I am very down in the dumps just trying to avoid the whole day.




I am very sorry for your loss. I went through a miscarriage before I had my oldest, then another miscarriage before my second child. Then at age 29 had to have a complete hysterectomy. I do not know the pain & hurt you feel, but can sympathize with you. I wish you a wonderful, relaxing, normal Sunday.

-K8memphis Posted 10 May 2009 , 7:19pm
post #11 of 34

Shannon, (((big hug))))

luvsfreebies72 Posted 10 May 2009 , 7:29pm
post #12 of 34

I soooo agree with you guys on this.

I don't want a big, fancy deal made. Restaurants are wayyyyyyyyy over-crowded (I'm claustrophobic) and I don't feel like waiting 6 hours to eat. (Biggest restaurant day of the year. This is one day I'm grateful I'm not currently in the biz!) Flowers are beautiful and always appreciated, but I get those frequently throught the year. Don't buy me a cake, cause I'll just crtique the hell out of it LOL.

This is what I got: to sleep in until I woke up. no alarm clock. No getting up with the baby. DH turned off my alarm clock, got up before the baby woke up, took him to the drugstore and picked out a card for him to give me. And when I woke up, he sent the little guy in to give it to me. So adorable! I get to spend the day doing absolutely nothing - or whatever I want! woohoo!That is the BESTEST day ever.

So what am I going to do? Probably go in the kitchen and bake icon_lol.gificon_biggrin.gif

Deb_ Posted 10 May 2009 , 9:10pm
post #13 of 34

Well for me Mother's day is a sad day. My Mom died the day before Mother's day in 2000, and on Mother's day morning all of us kids were picking out her casket..........her final Mother's day gift. It was awful!

I try not to let my sadness show to my kids, but my heart just isn't in it anymore. icon_sad.gif

bakermommy4 Posted 10 May 2009 , 9:18pm
post #14 of 34

I totally disagree here...I want it all. The breakfast in bed, flowers, maybe some earrings...the copy machine for edible images...want to be waited on hand and foot. I have 4 children and hubby is like a child too sometimes. I cook, clean, do laundry, change diapers, full time at culinary school (almost done yay!), I'm a child psychiatrist for my 10 yr old who's "always going through something I just dont understand"...I sing along with kids bop, I attend Dora Live concerts...I'm still breastfeeding my spoiled 2 year old...trying to get my business off the ground. Sometimes I cant sleep because of the Dora theme song repeating in my head. My whole life is rated G....so if for ONE day I'm entitled to be recognized...I WANT IT!!

LOVE YOU ALL AND HAVE A HAPPY...RATED PG-13 MOTHERS DAY!!

cakesbycathy Posted 11 May 2009 , 11:05pm
post #15 of 34

Indydebi, thank you for starting this post! I did not have the heart to tell anyone that this year I did not want to celebrate Mother's Day.

First, I have felt like just a crappy Mommy the last few weeks. I have been very stressed out and taking it out on my kids and MD just added to my guilt.
Also, my mom has passed away and MD is always a little sad for me anyways.
BUT, my kids are 6,6, and 4 and they were very excited to give me the plants they did at school and the yoga mat I mentioned I really wanted. Plus, I did get to lie around all day and read and relax cause DH took the kids to his moms and I stayed home. icon_smile.gif


In the years past, DH's family always had a family picnic at a park to celebrate his Grandmother's birthday. It was expected that you would be there. Well, last year the weather was crappy and I knew that going meant not only would I be cold and miserable while I was there, but I would also then have to deal with sick kids for the rest of the week. I finally put my foot down. I told DH that it was my MD, too and that if I didn't want to spend it in the crappy weather then I should be able to stay home if I wanted.
He backed me up but his family got all offended and still holds it against me. Too damn bad.

mkolmar Posted 12 May 2009 , 12:22am
post #16 of 34

My mom wants the big deal about MD, but I don't. I prefer the day being spent with my family. This year my kids gave me their items they made in school, which I love. The day was spent just spending time with them and my DH. DH then planned to make a MD meal for my mom, MIL and myself. He did pretty good, but I did have to help him out a little bit. Of course I then had to clean the entire kitchen and wash all the dishes, but that's a normal day around here, so no big deal. I still appreciate that he even cooked in the first place.

indydebi Posted 12 May 2009 , 12:41am
post #17 of 34

My son called me Sunday night, saying, "I KNOW you don't expect us to call, but I was thinkin' that I can call you anytime I want, no matter what day it is and I just wanted to say I'm glad you're my mom!" He then confessed that his girlfriend was giving him a hard time about "I can't believe you're not calling your mom!" I laughed and said, "She doesn't know me at ALL, does she?"

He said, "THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HER! I told her 'my mom isn't like that!' "

Geesh, I train my kids to not be guilted into stuff and my rough-n-tuff marine kid gets PW'd by a girlfriend!

big sigh! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

Carolynlovescake Posted 12 May 2009 , 1:56am
post #18 of 34

We do but we don't.

I do not ask for gifts, and hubby's not a flower buyer.

My gift this year was the joy of hearing my 7 year old try to help my 2 year old make a joint card Saturday night.

"Sister this is your side, color on that"
"My side"
"NOOO that's my side"
"NOOOO my side!!!"

and then he tried to trace her hand on the card... it was hillarious.

He was so patient but yet so frustrated with her. Finally he said "Kaitkait I live you but I think we better make our own cards. You color on paper and I'll fold it into a card when you are done." her reply... she gave a deep sigh and said meekly "ok". I got 3 cards, a his card, a her card and their card.

It's a memory I'll hold in my heart forever and ever until I'm to old to remember it.

My best surprise though, hubby got up early and started the laundry and then cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom for me. When I got home from church he said "you pick, I'll pick up for lunch" and then we had a wonderful dinner out. The kids behaved, huband behaved and we just sat there and talked and laughed through the entire dinner.

We decided that we celebrate gifts for family birthday's and Christmas only. For all other "gift holiday's" like V-Day, Mother's/Father's day and our anniversary we do a meal out and that's it.

KKC Posted 12 May 2009 , 3:36am
post #19 of 34

Ever since i became a mother 8 years ago, mother's day has been really bad for me..don't get me wrong i love being a mom but me and my hubby fought every mothers day except for the past 3 years.

Well this mothers day i made a total of 15 cupcake bouquets (on top of the orders i had for the weekend) and i gave them to all the mothers in my family...except for my mother in law only because hubby told me that he wanted me to go buy her a dress. Ok good because i was only working on about 1 1/2 hours of sleep and i didn't feel like turning that oven back on. So the night before she calls and tells hubby that she wants a cake instead of dress...of course my hubby being like most men does not communicate to me that MIL wants cake and not dress. icon_mad.gif So the next day i make her a nice 6-inch round cake with MMF butterflies & flowers but as i'm making this cake i sense that hubby as an attitude..he's mad because i made cc bouquets for everyone but his mom icon_confused.gif So i say well i'm making her this nice cake that takes way more time than those darn cc bouquets because of all the details. Whatever, so his mom comes and gets the cake..not a thank u or anything...so hubby is still mad about the small cake so i say 'fine i'll make her a red velvet cake tomorrow'. Ok i go out of my way to make a red velvet but i realized i didn't have a small cake board so i decided to make cupcakes. She comes to get it and she gets an attitude because it is not a whole round cake (nevermind that it was a total of 24 cupcakes plus the 6-inch cake that i made the day before) icon_mad.gif I was so upset about this because i worked my butt off (on Mother's day at that) and neither one of these idiots appreciated the fact that I worked on both of my days off to make her these cakes. And again no thank you!

So from now on...he'll have to make his mom a cake icon_razz.gif

Sorry for the hijack but i read this thread and had to get this off my chest..feel so much better now!

cakes22 Posted 12 May 2009 , 12:19pm
post #20 of 34

In my house we don't really make a fuss about Mother's Day or Father's Day.
I spent Mother's day at our cottage, raining out side, no running water yet, and no TV, but it was still the best day I could have asked for. My DH went to help friends at their cottage, and I stayed at ours watching the Office on DVD (gosh I love that show) and then came home, crashed on the couch and watched Last Cake Standing marathon they were playing on the FN. My kids gave me a card (which I picked out, cause it had turtles on it) and we had pizza! It was the best! Seriously! Love it!!!

Holidays are slammed down our throats so early now, its disgusting. I don't want to see xmas decorations out in Sept. Or Halloween in July! Its all just a money grab.

isabow2 Posted 12 May 2009 , 2:04pm
post #21 of 34

My son is 10 so he still likes doing something for me on MD. I told him that he doesn't have to get me a gift or do anything special for me to be proud that I'm his mom. He did make me the WORST breakfast in bed, which I ate every bite of & told him it was great! Gotta love him!

My mom in WHOLE different story. I have repeatedly tried to explain to her that if she'd have been a 1/2 way decent mother when I was growing up then everyday would be MD. But she doesn't get it. She tries to guilt my sister & I into getting her some stupid gift that we have to go in together on b/c we can't afford it on our own. She also expects a phone call & for us to make a big deal. I finally said "forget it!" & have quit doing anything. It's just another day for her to try to suck attention & "love" out of my sister & I & I think it's crap. I didn't call my Mom on MD or send her anything & I'm 100% sure that she's talking bad about me to those in the family that will speak to her, but I don't care.

Wow, sorry to have spilled all that! I just get a little fired up when I think about my Mom. As you can tell, our relationship isn't a close one. icon_rolleyes.gif

Anyhoo, it you do celebrate MD, I hope it's a good one. If you don't or it's painful to celebrate, then just say f&*# it & bake a cake!! thumbs_up.gif

indydebi Posted 12 May 2009 , 3:33pm
post #22 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by isabow2

She tries to guilt my sister & I into getting her some stupid gift that we have to go in together on b/c we can't afford it on our own. She also expects a phone call & for us to make a big deal.




See, this is my issue. How can any mother hold a gun to their kids heads, FORCE them to "love" her one day a year, just so she can fake a little teary eyed comment to her little friends and say, "Oh look what my DARLING kids got for me!"

You hold a gun to my head, I'll probably do what you want, but are you REALLY happy with a phony symbol of affection?

Sad to say, too many women are. I refuse to put my kids thru that. I absolutely REFUSE to.

After all .... they are the ones who will be choosing my nursing home! icon_biggrin.gif

Loucinda Posted 12 May 2009 , 8:00pm
post #23 of 34

Mothers Day is not a big deal to me - I had a very disfunctional one myself (I went to the childrens home at 12) I do however, feel it is important to let those women who have made a difference in my life know how grateful I am to them. I try to do that in how I live my life everyday - but just once in a while, I'll call or send them a card to remind them how much I appreciated the time they spent with me.

I do feel for those who long to be mothers and for whatever reason are not. For you all, I send hugs and understanding.

KKC Posted 12 May 2009 , 8:47pm
post #24 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

After all .... they are the ones who will be choosing my nursing home! icon_biggrin.gif




Shady Pines Ma, Shady Pines icon_razz.gificon_wink.gif

indydebi Posted 12 May 2009 , 9:21pm
post #25 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by KKC

Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

After all .... they are the ones who will be choosing my nursing home! icon_biggrin.gif



Shady Pines Ma, Shady Pines icon_razz.gificon_wink.gif




My oldest daughter tells me that ALL the time! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

sarahpierce Posted 13 May 2009 , 12:51am
post #26 of 34

I was born on mothers day. So, every year my birthday is either on mothers day or a few days away. So i only get 1 celebration thumbsdown.gif . It really sucks to get jipped out of it. icon_sad.gif

MichelleM77 Posted 13 May 2009 , 3:08am
post #27 of 34

I'm not big on these holidays either. I love being a mother and wouldn't change it for the world, but I don't feel the need to pressure hubby and kiddo into a fancy gift that we just don't have the money for (hubby is still on unemployment). I always ask for the same thing, breakfast in bed. This year I got pancakes and a veggie/cheese/ham omelet. Yum! Oh, and the best gift ever...a homemade card from the kiddo with his own poem. *sniffle*

margaretb Posted 25 May 2009 , 4:56pm
post #28 of 34

I'm in between. We usually do something, but I wouldn't get too worked up if we didn't. HOWEVER, I was very disappointed on my first mother's day because I DID want something and I made the mistake of assuming my husband knew it. A little background: First, we planned to have kids as soon as we got married, but it took 3 years to get pregnant. 3 years of "why don't you have kids" -- one person actually said to me that I should give my husband a child!!! And since it was a private and painful topic, I didn't say anything. Anyway, almost exactly 3 years after we got married, I got pregnant. My first son was born May 21. However, that year Mother's Day was May 10 and my actual due date was May 11. A few days before Mother's day, we were at the neighbours (so I'm almost 9 months pregnant), the neighbour asks DH what he is doing for mothers day and he says, "She's not a mother." I was a little hurt. I mean, true enough, I wasn't a mother yet, and if you had asked, I don't think I would have expected anything IF I was still pregnant on mother's day, but that comment just bothered me. So baby is born, and Father's day comes in June -- I get him a beautiful mushy card Daddy card. Christmas -- baby gives him a present. Valentine's day -- baby gives him a card. His birthday, a few days before mothers day -- gets another I love you daddy type card. I have to go somewhere on Mother's day weekend and won't be back until the late afternoon on mother's day. Stop at a walmart and see a beautiful mom from baby mother's day card, so call husband and tell him about it. Call on the way home on Sunday and ask DH if we are going out for supper (the main restaurant in our town does an AWESOME mother's day smorg -- best meal of the YEAR). Uh, okay. Did you make a reservation, I ask (that's the one day when you need to reserve, and he KNOWS because we usually take my mom because it's really good). No. And he wants me to make the reservation, even though I am ON THE ROAD, LONG DISTANCE, NO PHONE BOOK. Grrrr. Anyway, go for supper, lovely. Later I mention that I kind of wish he had gotten me a mother's day card from the baby, and he says, "I'm not your mother". WHAT?!?!?! So the BABY was supposed to do that on his own? Did you not get the hint from all the "I love you daddy" cards or from my phoning you and telling you everything except that actual words "BUY THIS CARD"? Good grief. Well, looking back I see I should have just bought the card myself, since it was a big deal to me. To his credit, he did get a mommy card for my birthday in July.

Now, it doesn't bother me. Christmas, birthday, mother's day -- whatever. Sometimes he gets something, sometimes he thinks about getting something but has to work every day and doesn't get to the store, sometimes I get myself something, sometimes don't bother. It's handy, because when I want to buy something, I just get it and say, oh, this can be my birthday present (or whatever). I do like going out for supper, though, so any excuse...

leily Posted 25 May 2009 , 7:40pm
post #29 of 34

This was my first mother's day and i agree. My BF has been guilted by his mom to buy something or do something every year for her (or she is mad for like 6 months it seems). So he was worried i really wanted something. Well with a new baby at home and hospital stays longer than expected all I wanted was two hours on teh couch with him and baby cuddled up watching a movie.

Well ended up with a movie icon_smile.gif I prefer the surprise gifts throughout the year. They mean so much more to me than getting them for v-day or mothers day etc...

margaretb Posted 27 May 2009 , 6:39pm
post #30 of 34

Well, I might want them to buy me something, but I do it like this. I've been thinking of getting a waffle maker for a while. I was going to have Santa buy me one, but I, I mean, he never got around to it. So around February I started telling my son (5) that for mother's day, I want either a waffle iron or an apron (I'm so messy and I never realized before how AWESOME aprons are!). Every once in a while I would ask him -- what do I want? Waffle maker or apron. Eventually he started to remember. And then in April we all ended up in a mall standing by a department store, so I just told DH I was taking the kids to buy my waffle iron for mothers day, so we did. Easy peasy. He did surprise me this year, though, because I had been saying I should just buy a jig saw so I could cut out some cake boards for myself. So he bought one, but told the kids not to tell. So of course they came and told me he had bought a jig. BUT he had been at the hunting store, so I thought he had bought a FISHING JIG or hook or something, which was weird but whatever.

I also have trained my boys to know that "Mommies always like flowers", and I think it is pretty obvious to them that mommies always like chocolates as well.

I think it is unfair to expect really great presents but NOT give any hint about what you actually want. My SIL gets upset because my brother buys her stuff, but it is not what she really wanted, and "he should know her well enough to know what she really wants without her telling him". Seriously, how could you marry my brother and still think that? And I usually think the presents he picks are great.

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