How To Deal With....(Long, Sorry)

Lounge By Misa-chan Updated 9 May 2009 , 2:05am by 7yyrt

Misa-chan Posted 8 May 2009 , 7:50pm
post #1 of 16

I haven't posted alot..but since people in the lounge do ask for other's opinion..I'd like a bit of help please!

I have been dating this guy for almost two years..I was 21 at the time and he was 22..I should of dumped him at the first sign of his *#&%*#& Stupidity! Let me explain.

1- two weeks into dating me, we started dating the 23rd of December 2007, he says 'While we'll be at this convention, do you mind if I "do the laundry" with my ex girlfriend that will be there?" ..obviously I was upset, got very mad at him. The weirdo of an ex didn't show up.. That con was a disaster..

2- He cheated on me...1 time..broke my trust in him 3 other times..Yes It was MY fault to stay with him..but he was my first boyfriend..I thought I "could change him" if he was willing..and he was acting like he was..

He never respected me..Told me making cakes and decorating them was "lowlife" ..my highschool isn't finished..I had ADHD and I always had problems with mathematics..it just doesn't click in my head. He has humiliated me in public.. I was making my friend's wedding cake.. my FIRST one..obviously I was very very stressed..as we were multiplying the measures I ask him nicely " Dear, this one ends on 16, can you tell me what it is in normal measures?" ..He turned around and YELLED at me " You F***** Incompetant b*****!! I'm Effing tired of you not being able to do your f**** elementary school math you f**** idiot!!!" ..I left his place..Obviously his father yelled at him bad..

Last September he dumped me.. " I am not ready" (yeah sure..) " we don't see money the same way" Of course we don't..My mother is the only one providing for 4 ppl including herself, his father is rich and he only needs to pay half his net bill,his father pays the rest!... After being sad and what not..I decided he was not worth my tears!!

My problem is..He has been Violent with me when I dated him, once he grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard.. he is very verbally abusive.. He works for the same convention I do here in Montreal called Otakuthon.. I will not quit my job and give him this satisfaction, but I'm scared that he will be causing me problems...how do I act? what do I do if he does come up to me? (I am the information Director, so I sit at my info desk all week end).

He also has some of my things still at his house, he says he wants to "speak" to me about it because I want them back. Everytime I've tried speaking to him to get my stuff back from him, he'd yell at me and get verbally abusive again even going as far as saying " if you knew the real reasons why i cheated/dumped you you'd cry for months! Be glad i'm not a REAL a***hole" .. How do I get my things back without talking to him?

He's also called me a Butch..Said I'm not "feminine" enough because I like wearing jeans/pants and t-shirts/nicer shirts. I'll show you guys a picture if you want to. I don't think I look like a "butch" or a manly woman.

For my mathematics problems, my mother thinks that because I was born at 26 weeks, had internal brain bleeding and other health problems that it might affect it, because I passed everything 100% great in highschool, but not my math..

Whew..I am SO SO SO sorry this is so long..I just want ppl's advice on how to deal/what to do.

Now I have a very loving/caring boyfriend who is the total opposite of my ****bag of an ex.

15 replies
en-passant Posted 8 May 2009 , 7:53pm
post #2 of 16

Count your blessings that you are rid of him now and not forty years from now. He's abusive, and yes, he is a *REAL @$$hole*.

Kiddiekakes Posted 8 May 2009 , 8:09pm
post #3 of 16

Ask again for your stuff.Have him box it up and leave it outside his door to pickup when he is not home.If he refuses until he actually is face to face to verbally abuse you....take the loss on the items and chalk it up to getting rid of him before years of abuse.Ignore him at the convention and be totally professional.If he harasses you ..threaten to call the police or tell your boss to call the police.You do not have to put up with work place harrassment if he tries while you are at work!

snowboarder Posted 8 May 2009 , 8:25pm
post #4 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddiekakes

Ask again for your stuff.Have him box it up and leave it outside his door to pickup when he is not home.




If he agrees to this, take someone with you when you go, just in case. Don't go to his place alone.

maryjsgirl Posted 8 May 2009 , 8:30pm
post #5 of 16

Could you call his father and ask for him to meet you there? It sounded like in your story he lived with his father that is why I ask. If not, I would call your local police department and ask them for advice on how to get your stuff back since there is a possibility of violence.

Your items are the last bit of power he has. Personally I would just tell him to keep them and shove them up his @#$. The value of the items would be well worth totally ridding yourself of him. If he harasses you at work, make sure you document every single little incident.

Now that you are out of that relationship, you need to start building yourself back up. Guys like that prey on women with self esteem issues and if you don't fix that another one will come along I guarantee it.

Kiddiekakes Posted 8 May 2009 , 8:34pm
post #6 of 16

Oh yeah..Good idea Snowboarder!!

7yyrt Posted 8 May 2009 , 8:36pm
post #7 of 16

If you have a boss at the convention, mention to him/her that there is an abusive exboyfriend who will be working it.
Tell the security guard station as well, please. My SIL works security, and they very much appreciate a heads-up in a situation like yours. They will swing by your area more than they normally do, and keep an eye on you.

Misa-chan Posted 8 May 2009 , 8:43pm
post #8 of 16

Thanks everybody ^^

I think I will just probably, like maryjsgirl said, tell him to shove them where I think they go.. Every single time i've had to speak to him it was a Real Nightmare!

My mother never liked him.. His father always wondered why I stayed with him for so long. There's times I wonder why too!

I'll speak to the chairwoman of the con about it,alot of people know of my situation because, "smart" like he is, he told almost if the anime community (japanese animation) in Montreal that he cheated on me "Because he felt like it" ..so not alot of people like him anymore...

He has sucked out all the little self-esteem I had.. I just started building it back up thanks to my friends and my boyfriend.

I'm a tad worried about my trip to Anime North (a con in Toronto) since he'll probably be in the same bus I'll be in.. but I'll try to sit in the back FAR from him.

maryjsgirl, I'd call his father, but it's my ex who usually answers the phone..I don't want to risk him answering it icon_sad.gif

Deb_ Posted 8 May 2009 , 9:12pm
post #9 of 16

I have a daughter about your age so I'll tell you what I would tell her if she were in this situation.

Stay far away from this creep. I wish you had posted when he was treating you so badly because we all would have told you to dump him back then. If he's on the same bus with you, ignore him. Don't even look his way, if he comes up to you walk away.

Forget about your stuff it's not worth it. Remember that you ARE worth something and you NEVER deserve to be physically or verbally abused by any man.

I notice you've been a member for a while and you don't post much, don't be a stranger..........we "cake girls" need to stick together.

Deb

snowboarder Posted 8 May 2009 , 9:29pm
post #10 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddiekakes

Oh yeah..Good idea Snowboarder!!




Actually, marysj's idea that he should stick them up up his arse sounds like the best plan! icon_biggrin.gif

Misa-chan Posted 8 May 2009 , 10:28pm
post #11 of 16

dkelly: Thank you very much icon_smile.gif I should of dumped him.. but deep down I was thinking " Well I'll end up hurting him.." and I just hate hating people icon_sad.gif So that's why I stuck with him..that and thinking he was truthful when he was saying " I promise I'll change" ..

Thank you everybody ^^ all your words made me smile!

I will definably post way way more now! Plus this week end for mother's day I will try my very first pillow cake!mom wants to see me doing it, she'll help me buy the ingredients!

dldbrou Posted 8 May 2009 , 11:02pm
post #12 of 16

Why not have your current boyfriend call his dad and make arrangements for boyfriend to go with you to pick up stuff. That way he has no control anymore and cannot verbally abuse you with your boyfriend there. Hopefully, if he does get verbal, your boyfriend can show him how to treat a lady and maybe teach him what it is like to be attacked.

7yyrt Posted 8 May 2009 , 11:30pm
post #13 of 16

NO. DO NOT LET NEW BOYFRIEND GO TO OLD BOYFRIEND'S HOUSE!

I believe the OP is going to write the stuff off, but if anyone else is in this situation and is going to pick it up, TAKE A POLICE ESCORT !

costumeczar Posted 8 May 2009 , 11:35pm
post #14 of 16

And don't sit far in the back of the bus on this trip, sit next to the driver and tell him what's going on, too. The more people you tell about it, the better off you'll be. Abusers like this guy will make you feel like it's your fault that they're treating you like that, so don't let him do that. It's not your fault that he's a dirtbag, so the more people you tell about this the more backup you'll have. Most people don't like men who mistreat women like that, so the more eyes you have wachting him the better off you'll be.

Misa-chan Posted 8 May 2009 , 11:37pm
post #15 of 16

My new boyfriend said that if he ever tried anything while he is at the convention and he sees it, Ex b/f's legs are going to be broken O.O.. My new boyfriend is in no way a violent person, but when he noticed the mental state my ex left me in, he was very mad..Like at some point..new boyfriend wanted to " do the laundry" but I wasn't in the mood/was tired..he said it was ok, so I just turned and looked at my b/f and went " you're not..gonna get angry at me?" ...then he got really mad at my ex...whenever I didn't want to my ex would get mad/yell at me.

I think bringing my new b/f along or my mother would be a bad idea if he ever gives me my things back, as either would want to beat the living daylights out of him O.O...

a police escort? the police would do that?

Edit: costumeczar: Everybody that will be on the bus probably knows about this has ex b/f "bragged" about cheating on me "because he felt like it". He's destroyed his "reputation" (he had one to begin with?) in the anime community. Most people Hate his guts, the only person I know that's defended him was because the whole anime club was trash talking my ex. O.O Boy did I learn some really gross stuff that day..

7yyrt Posted 9 May 2009 , 2:05am
post #16 of 16

Sometimes you need to make arrangements as to time, but yes, the police here are glad to go. They don't want to have to come after there is a problem, they would much rather prevent it.
Just check at the station, they'll tell you what the usual proceedures are.

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