Can I Just Whine?

Decorating By aligotmatt Updated 8 May 2009 , 1:20am by karateka

aligotmatt Posted 6 May 2009 , 8:30pm
post #1 of 16

I made a decision after last year, that I will limit the number of servings I put out every week. I just have to be a person too, ya know?

So I took one acceptable size cake for this weekend and no more.

Then 2 of my brides from last may wanted to order 6" cakes that are like their wedding cakes from last year. Fine.

Then, my daughters school is having this big Spring Fling. It's the only fundraiser of the year, we don't have to sell any books, candy or wrapping paper. Just this one thing. There is a big auction, so they asked me if I would make a cake to be auctioned. Honestly, it's better than selling wrapping paper, so sure, I'll donate a cake.

I already painted the set for the play and have to go set it up on Friday. they asked if I would run the snow cone machine for a while. I figured I could pull it off. And now I just got another email asking if I could donate a heap of cakes for the cakewalk.

I mean, why can't I just say no? Now all I want to do is sit down with a bottle of wine... Seriously, a heap of cakes for FRIDAY?!

15 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 6 May 2009 , 8:49pm
post #2 of 16

That's when you tell them that you've got other committments this week, including the cake you're making for the auction, and that you really wish you had time to do more, but you're spread thin as it is. Suggest that they email other parents asking them to donate cakes, and mention that buying a grocery store cake is a relatively inexpensive way for other parents to help support the school.

I had to learn to say no to the school sometimes. They figure that since I don't work outside of the home, I should be willing to spend lots of time volunteering. I have a friend who wasn't as good at saying no, and she used to come home every day with stacks of handouts to assemble, or everything that the school laminated that day, and scissors to spend the night cutting it all out, after she spent a couple of hours a day at the school helping out. I've learned to tell pushy people (like the school social worker who wanted me to teach fondant classes to the moms who needed work they could do from home) that the reason I don't work is that my husband likes to have me take good care of the kids and home, and if I wanted a job, I'd get one that paid, to at least make up somewhat for the time I was gone. It's terrible to admit, but I'd rather be rude than be taken advantage of.

Hey, at least you don't have to sell wrapping paper, magazines or cookie dough. We had to do all of that this year. I hate the way they sit the kids down and show them the prizes for participating, then they're so disappointed when they actually get something. My daughter got something that was supposed to be a 6 foot long balloon...it turned out to be a long thin trash bag that you had to tie at each end.

pipe-dreams Posted 6 May 2009 , 8:59pm
post #3 of 16

I'm so sorry they are trying to take advantage. Maybe they really just love your cakes, but the "chores" should be split between many parents..not just you. I would simply tell them you are booked up for the week, and are "squeezing" the auction cake in as it is. You simply don't have the woman power to do it all...which it sounds like you are doing.

This made me think of the movie "yes man" with Jim Carrey. Have you seen it? If you get time, you should check it out. He says yes to everything, no matter what it is.

suz3 Posted 6 May 2009 , 9:04pm
post #4 of 16

Empower yourself. Say NO. It feels good.

solascakes Posted 6 May 2009 , 9:09pm
post #5 of 16

We need to learn to say NO,I did and believe me it's so liberating.

mkm25 Posted 6 May 2009 , 9:10pm
post #6 of 16

I totally agree that you just have to say no sometimes. It's so hard for me, but I'm trying to learn to do it. I think we're similar in that we'll bend over backwards to help others, which often leaves our needs/wants unfulfilled. After getting pretty sick last year because I was taking on too many tasks and not leaving time to take care of myself, I decided that I have to say no sometimes. Nothing is worth sacrificing your health, your time with your loved ones, and your ability to enjoy life! I'm willing to bet that if you explain to the school that your "overbooked," they'll totally understand. icon_razz.gif

1234me Posted 6 May 2009 , 9:20pm
post #7 of 16

just wanted to say WHINE AWAY! We all need to every once in awhile. People DO NOT understand the work we put into our work!

Jayde Posted 6 May 2009 , 10:32pm
post #8 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

Hey, at least you don't have to sell wrapping paper, magazines or cookie dough. We had to do all of that this year. I hate the way they sit the kids down and show them the prizes for participating, then they're so disappointed when they actually get something. My daughter got something that was supposed to be a 6 foot long balloon...it turned out to be a long thin trash bag that you had to tie at each end.




You know I get really frustrated about my DD's school asking for money and to participate in fundraisers. I swear every week its something different. Cookie dough, wrapping paper, pizzas, butter braids, books, and the list goes on and on. When they run out of fundaraisers to shove down our throats, with suggested number of items to sell printed in bold red on the order forms, they start sending home other things asking for money. Bug kits for classrooms, donations for the school garden, love grams to send to you child.

Its a freakin public school?!?! If I wanted to pay for my kids to go to school, believe you me I would be paying for her to go to a private school instead. Ugh, I spend so much time voluteering for her school its nuts. I guess I am kinda glad they dont do the home baked goods thing, although I could bring something from the shop, its kinda my excuse to get them to eat something healthy instead of the usuall cookies or candy.

<steps off the soapbox> And now I return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

indydebi Posted 6 May 2009 , 10:56pm
post #9 of 16

Jayde, I'm with you. With my kids being 7 years apart (oldest is now 30, youngest is STILL in high school), I've been battling schools for decades and I only have 2 years left. YEARS ago, I made it clear that my kids will not participate in fundraisers ... do not even send the crap home. If they want a shiny blue pencil prize, I'll spend the 25 cents and buy them one.

I pay taxes, I pay book fees, I pay all kinds of money to the school. I am NOT doing fundraisers!

Learn to say no. It's WONDERFUL!!

aligotmatt Posted 6 May 2009 , 11:57pm
post #10 of 16

Thanks everyone <3

If we did other fundraisers throughout the year, I would be quick to say no. It's just so much harder when it is THE ONE. We moved last year into this district, so I joined the PTA expecting all the crap from the other school too, and they were like nope, we just do one. They raised $30,000 (!!!!) at it last year!! And because of this ONE 3 hour event, we don't have to do anything else the rest of the school year. I mean, I volunteer in class and stuff, chaperone a field trip... but I do not push junk on my friends.

I did end up saying yes to the cakewalk cakes, I said, "I'd be happy to pick up a few cakes from walmart for the cakewalk, but I can't make them!" I feel like I'm cheating on mylsef, but my glass of chardonnay says I'm not...

LaBellaFlor Posted 7 May 2009 , 2:27am
post #11 of 16

Iknow fundraisers can suck, but there is a reason why "public" schools do them. I know we are all aware of how poorly funded our schools can be. A lot of times the fundraisers are the only way the kids can get "EXTRAS". Just thought I'ld point that out. As for you dear O.P., say NO. We're here to help, but your child is not the only student, and you are

indydebi Posted 7 May 2009 , 2:55am
post #12 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

I know we are all aware of how poorly funded our schools can be.


52% of my property taxes go to the school system. Don't even get me started on taj mahal schools and yet they STILL make the parents buy wrapping paper and other "junk" that no one needs.

Poorly funded? Maybe. Poorly managed? Very likely.

I'm just sick of it.

Texas_Rose Posted 7 May 2009 , 3:59am
post #13 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBellaFlor

I know we are all aware of how poorly funded our schools can be.

52% of my property taxes go to the school system. Don't even get me started on taj mahal schools and yet they STILL make the parents buy wrapping paper and other "junk" that no one needs.

Poorly funded? Maybe. Poorly managed? Very likely.

I'm just sick of it.




Exactly.

I went to private school and we had to do lots of fundraisers. I could understand that because the schools were falling apart (literally). One of the schools I went to was so broke they couldn't offer a hot lunch even though they had a kitchen. Another one didn't have air conditioning. I could understand those schools needing the extra.

I figured that when my kids went to public school we wouldn't have to do fundraisers, or at least that it wouldn't be a constant thing. If the school couldn't afford books, or needed playground equipment, that would be different. The money from the fundraisers at my daughter's school goes to things like a fish pond for the courtyard, concrete benches for outside, etc. They did send the 1st grade to Sea World with some of the money from the carnival...but it takes an hour each way to drive to Sea World and they were gone for 5 hours total, including lunch...so we busted our buns raising money so the kids could spend three hours at Sea World. My baking for the carnival took longer than the field trip.

pastryjen Posted 7 May 2009 , 4:08am
post #14 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

J If they want a shiny blue pencil prize, I'll spend the 25 cents and buy them one.




My dtr's school bribes the kids with Nintendo DS's in the fall and this fundraiser they can win a Wii. (Video Game systems icon_confused.gif ) Aren't they trying to encourage more reading and activity?

LaBellaFlor Posted 8 May 2009 , 1:14am
post #15 of 16

My kids have gone to private schools & public schools. The private school did 1 fundraiser a year, they had what they needed, then I moved to VA. I also without knowing it, moved to a poor school system. The teachers there do their damndest to get what the kids need, even at their own expense. Field day is the big event of the year & the only things they had to look forward to. The only funding that was gonna get was by fundraising. My kids are in a much better funded school district now & they do their fundraising a little bit different. I agree on that its wrong how they hype the kids up for these tacky prizes, but fundraising is still neccessary for some schools to get basics or to get extras. Our taxes alone just don't cut it. And you don't have to fundraise if you don't want to.

karateka Posted 8 May 2009 , 1:20am
post #16 of 16

The problem with fundraisers is that all the kids in the school district are doing them. And since they are in the same school zone, they live near each other. So if every kid in the neighborhood is selling this stuff....who is going to buy it?

Grandparents don't want this stuff, either, and extended family always have their own kids' fundraisers. I don't understand how anybody makes any money at all.

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