[Sobbing] Did I Do The Right Thing???

Lounge By auntmamie Updated 1 Jun 2009 , 2:47pm by Jen80

auntmamie Posted 4 May 2009 , 11:36am
post #1 of 49

I was brought to the hospital by ambulance last night. I had major lower abdominal pain - felt like something was being ripped out of me, and it wouldn't stop for a full hour. So, a neighbor called 911 and I went to the ER. Before I went, I was on the phone with my boyfriend - he could hear me screaming (yes, I was screaming. Another neighbor thought I was in Labor - that's how much pain I was in.). I asked him to please come to the hospital. I never got an answer, just "you'll be fine." That was at 6:30(ish). Once I got to the ER, I was in even more pain. They had to give me morphine through an IV to calm me down. He still wasn't there. Finally, around 10pm, a nurse let me call him. (He had been calling my cell this whole time, but I was laying in pain in a hospital bed - I couldn't even get out of bed to go to my purse and get the phone). At 10pm, he was still home, 2 hours from the hospital. I begged him to come - He was too tired. I'd be fine - even if I did need surgery (which the doctors were discussing at that time) I could go it alone.

He never showed up. At 12:30, when I was discharged, I took a cab home. I am new to this area, and barely have any friends to speak of - only work associates. And my nearest family is 3 hours away.

The doctors thought I had appendicitis. I had to have a CT scan, with contrast, and an enema. Turns out they have no clue what went wrong, their best guess is that I passed a small stone.

Back to the BF - Some of you may remember me asking if my roses looked like roses a few weeks ago. Same guy. He also didn't bother to say he loved me until month 10 of dating, and still doesn't understand why I should meet his family. We have been dating about 20 months. I should say, we were dating about 20 months. When he called this morning to "check up on me and see if I was going to work" I told him we were over. I barely got any sleep last night, and got a call from Dad at 3am telling me that Mom was being checked into the cardiac center back home.

I can't believe that for 20 months he "seemed" like a great guy. That I let him string me along for this long.

Was I right in breaking up with him?

48 replies
MnSnow Posted 4 May 2009 , 12:13pm
post #2 of 49

One simple word.....Yes

Texas_Rose Posted 4 May 2009 , 12:21pm
post #3 of 49

Yes, you did the right thing.

I hope you feel better soon, what a scary ordeal to go through, especially all by yourself.


The only excuse I can even think of is he might have thought that since y'all weren't married, they wouldn't let him in to see you after visiting hours or if he's worried about that flu he might have been scared to go to the ER. But it sounds more like laziness on his part.

TheCakerator Posted 4 May 2009 , 1:09pm
post #4 of 49

yes you did the right thing .... that isn't a way to treat the person you love .. makes me appreciate my dh even more for coming home early from work last week cause I had a sunburn on my shoulders .. said he had to take care of me ... and that was just a sunburn!!!!!!!!!!!!!

foxymomma521 Posted 4 May 2009 , 1:21pm
post #5 of 49

Um- yeah...

Sunflower08 Posted 4 May 2009 , 1:38pm
post #6 of 49

Yes you did the right thing.. He just showed you he doesn't care... Good luck to you and I hope you are feeling better today icon_smile.gif

-Tubbs Posted 4 May 2009 , 1:55pm
post #7 of 49

Aww, poor you. Yes, you did the right thing. His behaviour was not that of someone you want to spend your life with. You're probably second-guessing yourself because you're tired and sore from your hospital ordeal, but imagine the advice you would give your best friend if she was treated like that? Would you tell her to stay with him? I don't think so.

Hope you're doing better. My dh has had kidney stones and it was certainly very painful, so maybe it was something like that...

janelwaters Posted 4 May 2009 , 2:03pm
post #8 of 49

You absolutely did the right thing!! you need to buy the book "he's just not that into you".

NO EXCUSES - he should have been there - when you called to tell him you were going to the hospital he should have gotten in the car! Just tells me that he doesn't care about you!

You should be with someone who really truely loves you! someone who would come home early to take care of you and your sunburn (love that story!)!

He is not worth your tears!!

I really hope that you will be ok - I'm really worried about you, I hate that you are all alone (I know the feeling though). I am praying for you- please update us as to your condition.


hilly Posted 4 May 2009 , 2:06pm
post #9 of 49

You poor thing! Yes, IMO you did the right thing. It's better that you've realized this now, rather than 10 years down the line. There are plenty of men out there willing to treat you like a princess, there's no reason to waste your time with someone who isn't willing to be there when you need him. Good luck sweetie!

imamommy1205 Posted 4 May 2009 , 2:37pm
post #10 of 49

You did the right thing!

AKA_cupcakeshoppe Posted 4 May 2009 , 2:52pm
post #11 of 49


Are you gonna get checked again? Please get checked again.

__Jamie__ Posted 4 May 2009 , 2:55pm
post #12 of 49

My ex husband barely visited me in the er when I had a similar situation a few years back. This is while we were married, mind you, and not on the road to divorce. There are signs I should have paid attention to before marrying, but like a lot of women "oh he'll change.....". Could have saved myself years of neglect and heartache and WASTED time if I had the confidence in my intuition. Don't doubt yourself ever when it comes to wondering about the way a man is treating you. If it ain't right 100% of the time.....who wants that? Happy to say I don't ever have to worry about that ever again. Found a keeper! icon_biggrin.gif

-Tubbs Posted 4 May 2009 , 3:06pm
post #13 of 49
Originally Posted by hilly

There are plenty of men out there willing to treat you like a princess

Seriously? Do women really want to be treated like princesses? Personally I think love, respect, honesty, trust, affection and consideration are the important things. I've been married 15 years and can honestly say that my dh has never treated me like a princess and I don't think I'd want him to!!

ccr03 Posted 4 May 2009 , 5:58pm
post #14 of 49

Absolutely! That is not the way you treat someone you care or 'love' about.


hilly wrote:
There are plenty of men out there willing to treat you like a princess

Seriously? Do women really want to be treated like princesses? Personally I think love, respect, honesty, trust, affection and consideration are the important things. I've been married 15 years and can honestly say that my dh has never treated me like a princess and I don't think I'd want him to!!

tubbs, I want to be treated like a princess! But to me being treated like a princess means that a guy will take care of me, stand by me, love me and just about everything other thing you mentioned. To me, if your husband treats you like that - he IS treating you like a princess icon_smile.gif

butternut Posted 4 May 2009 , 6:08pm
post #15 of 49

I couldn't have said it better myself ccr03 thumbs_up.gif

cakes22 Posted 4 May 2009 , 6:25pm
post #16 of 49

sugarnspice1981: I wouldn't look at as wasted time. I would look at it as a learning experience. You now have the knowledge to know what to look for and what red flags to keep an eye out for. You know what makes you happy and what you need from your partner to make you happy. I'm sorry that you had to go thru such an awful night to see what kind of man he is. One day you will find a man that will not only drop everything to be at your side, but will hold your hand and help you get thru whatever life may throw at you, unconditionally. I thinks that what all people want: unconditional love.

Hope you are feeling better.

ps: if he tries to get back together with you, come back and re-read your post and remember how you felt.

kakeladi Posted 4 May 2009 , 8:13pm
post #17 of 49

Don't give it another thought! As all the others said, you did the right thing.
No one should spend their live w/a partner who isn't concerned about your well being!
You lived thru almost 2 yrs of learning what you do and don't want in a love life. As cakes22 said......it was a learning experience and now it's time to move on with your life. There *will* be another 'Mr. Right' out there for you. Let God lead you to the right oneicon_smile.gif

auntmamie Posted 4 May 2009 , 9:55pm
post #18 of 49

I have an appointment Tuesday at 9am with my primary care doctor for a followup. I was at work all day today (I'm an accountant and it's month end). But, by the time 4pm came around, I was starting to feel pain again. It didn't help that he called my cell as I was leaving work to ask if I had his things together yet. We started screaming at each other on the phone, and he has determined that I am to blame for all of this, for having unrealistic expectations of a relationship. Really icon_confused.gif

Right now, I am just exhausted. I have a major headache, my lower abdomen still hurts, and I just want to try to get to sleep. My mother is still in the cardiac unit back home, so I might be making an emergency trip back home to see her - not sure yet.

Thank you all for your support. I know that (almost) everyone goes through a breakup once in their lives. This is my fourth, one of them being a divorce, and one ending after he punched me in the stomach and caused a miscarriage. I have got to stop finding the losers.

And Kakeladi, you're right. I need to rely on God to lead me to Mr Right.

supermama322 Posted 4 May 2009 , 10:01pm
post #19 of 49

My dear, I considered putting my 2 cents in on your "Do these look like roses?" post but I stopped myself.. Now I can say that when I read that post, all I wanted to say to you is DUMP HIM!! I couldn't imagine my husband saying something like that to me, he has been 100% supportive of everything since day 1. You deserve so much better. Good job, you did the right thing!!!!!!

KellBell22 Posted 6 May 2009 , 4:28am
post #20 of 49

What a selfish pigheaded a-hole!! You're MUCH better off having dumped him and I truly hope you get to feeling better really soon. And also that your mom is okay as well. Many hugs to you!!

Madiken Posted 6 May 2009 , 5:34am
post #21 of 49

Wow, what a loser! Glad you dumped him. I hope you and your Mom are both feeling better soon.

janelwaters Posted 6 May 2009 , 11:31am
post #22 of 49

I just wanted to check on you and see how you are feeling. Please let us know how things are going.

tracycakes Posted 6 May 2009 , 5:43pm
post #23 of 49

Honey, without a doubt, breaking up with him was the right thing to do. I remembered my past when I read your post. Unfortunately, it took me 7 years to get up the nerve to break up. He would have been there if I was in the hospital but he would have to go hunting/fishing/help another friend out or pick some other hobby before he got to me. I did know his family but I met him through his sister....

I hope you are doing better. God never gives us more than we can handle and He will take care of you.

Kimmers971 Posted 6 May 2009 , 5:52pm
post #24 of 49

Yes, you did the right thing. Most friends would drop everything to be with you and this was your boyfriend - he's not worth it.

I hope you are feeling better and you Mom too. Keep us posted icon_smile.gif

auntmamie Posted 6 May 2009 , 8:17pm
post #25 of 49

Hi all,

I'm still sick. Since Sunday, I've been to my regular doctor, back to the ER, and spent today on the phone with my OBGYN. The list of diagnoses has been kidney stone, bladder stone, food poisoning, bladder infection, spinal infection, STD's, uterine infection, and having something go wrong with my IUD. I'm praying that my OBGYN can give me some sort of an answer tomorrow. I am in so much pain right now, and just want to get better.

As far as the BF, he has called several times asking how I am, and seems to be somewhat concerned. I was very bad and called him today for support, since I'm in so much pain, and just wanted comfort. I know, I shouldn't have, but I did. That's the hardest part - 5% of me wants someone to be with, and 95% of me can't stand him anymore. And I know that I can't let the 5% win, even though part of me wants to. But, he doesn't make me happy, and our futures are totally different. Even if we did get married, I wouldn't be able to get a job doing what I love where he lives. And I don't want that. I'm hoping that maybe we can remain friends, but I'm not sure right now.

Auryn Posted 6 May 2009 , 11:02pm
post #26 of 49

he is not even a friend.
Because a friend would have come to the hospital to see you.
I know its hard- trust me I was there, I dragged the mess out for 2 years.

You have geography on your side, use it to your advantage.
erase his number from your phone.

I'm sorry to hear your still in pain.
Did they check to make sure your IUD didn't puncture your uterus?? I'm not trying to be alarmist but it can happen.

indydebi Posted 6 May 2009 , 11:11pm
post #27 of 49

Put me in the column with everyone else .... your decision to dump him is right on! This is the advice I'd be giving my daughter if this happened to her. (well kinda..... I wouldn't give her the advice, I'd just be back at their apartment packing his crap up and sitting it on the curb! Don't mess with mama when you make one of her kids cry! icon_mad.gif )

lardbutt Posted 7 May 2009 , 1:56am
post #28 of 49

I say give his cell phone number to indydebi and let her handle it for you. I am being very serious!

If I had seen this thread eariler, I would have told you that you were really gonna start missing the loser! And you would want to call him because you have no other support system, after all he's all you had! (not)

Honey, wake up and sniff the buttercream! He's a self-centered jerk! It's time to get out and find some friends!

I really hope you find an answer for the pain.....SOON!

Ironbaker Posted 7 May 2009 , 3:59pm
post #29 of 49
Originally Posted by sugarnspice1981

I can't believe that for 20 months he "seemed" like a great guy. That I let him string me along for this long.

I bet later down the road when the emotions have subsided a bit and you look back over those 20 months, there will be a number of things that showed that he wasn't a great guy.

I hope you are feeling better soon and like it's been said by all, you absolutely did the right thing. The added stress from him can make the physical pain worse. I just can't imagine someone hearing someone they loved screaming in pain and saying "you will be fine". Ugh.

You will have those moments, especially if you're new to that area, where you'll just want someone to talk to or the companionship. Please, please - do not let the desire to be with someone allow you to go back to that. It's much better to be alone than to be in something miserable and lacking of respect.

And a side note - someone who truly wants to be with you will make it clear and want you to really be a part of their world. (family meeting, sharing their feelings, etc.) You will not have to wonder or force it out of them.

Be well, keep us posted on your health!

auntmamie Posted 7 May 2009 , 4:30pm
post #30 of 49

Again, thank you all so much.

I just got back from another doctor, and finally have a diagnosis. I have a bladder infection and a uterine infection. So, I was prescribed two antibiotics, but can only afford one. So, I'm waiting on a call for a replacement. (Seriously, $210 for an antibiotic?????)

I'm going to call the XBF back and tell him that I don't want to see him this weekend, and maybe not for the next few weeks, and then we can get together to swap stuff. Until then, I just want to sleep.

I had to cancel a cake order for this week too, since I'm feeling so sick. I would have done it still, even with the breakup, if I didn't get sick. It was for a coworker - 8" round, spiderman, for a 3yo birthday. He said he would go to price chopper instead - but I still apologized profusely. I felt so bad - I hate PC cakes. Yuck.

Anyways, I'm off to lay on the couch, watch TLC, eat brownies and sleep. I'll give an update tomorrow - hopefully the meds will work by then.

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