*!#*#@! Neighbour Kid...rant

Lounge By sweetcravings Updated 8 May 2009 , 5:21pm by cakes22

sweetcravings Posted 3 May 2009 , 1:25am
post #1 of 44

Warning Rant ahead!

icon_mad.gif Honestly i am just so frustrated right now, i want to move or better yet want my neigbour to move. They have a son that is a few years younger than my son and he is the biggest trouble maker. I've talked about his inappropriateness before, and here i find myself talking about him again. icon_mad.gif I've told my son in the past to just not play with him, but this child will often show up with his brother(same age as my son) and insist on playing with the bigger boys.
Well, this boy clearly has issues, his parents know this and i feel like they make excuses for him. He is a skillful liar. Now my son isn't perfect but how much does one have to take. Example..yesterday my son and another neigbour boy were playing nicely in the field and along comes trouble. Initally he plays nicely and then all of a sudden he starts slinging profanities. He says to my son, "your mom does drugs!" my son is furious and tells him to stop. Things continue, so my son leaves. Then today again while playing. This boy just starts randomly throwing small sticks at my son. Then says, "i'm gonna have sex with your mom!". My son said, "anthony you'd better stop!". This child says, "no". and comes up to my son and hits him. My son comes home and tells my husband. He goes over and speaks with the mother. Her response, "anthony says nick grabbed him by the shirt". Nicholas insists he didn't, but really i wouldn't be mad with him if he did. I almost wish my son would beat the boy silly and put him in his place. I can't believe i'm typing that, but i'm just at a loss what else to do.
We are pretty close with these neighbours. We always talk when outside, gone for drinks but at this point i really don't even want to talk with them at all. It's horrible to let kids get between us, but i can't look at them and fake to be all nice and cheery. I'm ready to cut the ties, but i know this would cause a war. I know they think my son is the problem as my son has told me she has come out of her house and screamed at him to.."stop bothering my Anthony!" I just found this out today. Could my son be doing something wrong..maybe..but come on..how much can a kid take. The repeated violence, profanity..i'd tell the kid to get lost too.

The other day this childs dad came outside and lectured the group of boys not to be calling anthony, "gay'. i guess he is being bullied at school about this. He goes on to tell the boys that if they have ever called him that to stop! The he continues on explaining to the boys that there was a boy not far from our hometown who "went to a hotel, got a sheet, tied it around his throat and jumped out the window because people were calling him gay"...now why in hell do you have to go into so much detail??? Firstly, i don't think my son needs a lesson on suicide..and secondly..he never called him gay. In fact my son says it's anthony who calls everyone gay. So as you can see they fiercely defend their kid, so any complaints go on deaf ears. The 'punishments' they give him are so mild.

You would be assurred if my son said to another boy, "i'm gonna have sex with your mom"..i would be marching him over to the boy he said it to, to apologize. Then i would march him over the the mom to do the same. I haven't heard from them yet. All the mom did when my husband told her what her son said was roll her eyes and say reallllly. icon_eek.gif ugh.


How do you live peacefully beside such a nighmare kid?

How do i convey to my son to not accept invitations to play from this kid..he rings on our door all the time? He is an only child and jumps at any opportunity to play with the kids outside.

I'm so frustrated, angry and plan ol' tired of all this s!*t.\\

Thanks for letting me get that all out.. whew i feel better now.

43 replies
favrtdtr Posted 3 May 2009 , 1:49am
post #2 of 44

HOLY COW!!! I have no words.....and I thought my younger nephew was a nightmare. Well, he is, but thank god not to that extent. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have absolutely no useful advice but you do have my sympathy

Texas_Rose Posted 3 May 2009 , 1:49am
post #3 of 44

That is more than you should have to deal with.

As Nicholas's mom, I think you might need to put your foot down and just tell him he's not allowed to play with the neighbor boy. Tell him that if he's out playing and that boy comes out, he needs to come inside right away, or just let him invite some school friends over to play, and then have them play out in the backyard or inside the house, so that the boy he's having problems with won't come up and try to join the group.

As for your relationship with the parents, it doesn't sound like they're going to admit that their son has issues anytime soon. You can either just avoid the topic with them while keeping your son away from him, or try to talk to them, which probably wouldn't do any good. If you wait long enough, that child is bound to do something bad enough that his parents' attention will be called to his behavior in a way they can't deny or ignore.

sweetcravings Posted 3 May 2009 , 2:03am
post #4 of 44

Texas Rose,

I have told him that i don't want him playing with that boy any longer. I also told him that if he comes outside to play with them that he should try to leave the situation, come play in the backyard, or just leave. I told him he could call a friend over. The problem with this kid is even if my son has a friend over he tries to join whatever they are doing. We have a large field behind us and that's where everyone plays so it's kinda hard in that way. My son says that this boy will come straight in our backyard without asking. I was concerned about this, and told him that if he should try to come in the back and you don't want him there to come get me and i'll tell him to leave. My husband already does this if he is outside and he comes on our yard. He just tells him to leave. The boy has sworn at us, thrown things..clearly he has no respect for adults. His mom always impowers her kids to not take anything from anyone even if they are in the wrong. An example is, on the bus the driver told the boy to sit at the front of the bus..his response, "my mom told me i don't have to listen to you!" Once the teacher told one of her kids not to have water on their desk, she told her kids, "you put water on your desk and if the teacher has a problem she can call me/"
Crazy!

Texas_Rose Posted 3 May 2009 , 2:16am
post #5 of 44

Hmmm...maybe you will have to get ugly about it and tell the parents that the next time their son comes in your backyard without permission, you'll call the police and have him ticketed for trespassing. Tell them that you're sorry to have to be like that, but that you and your husband have already asked the boy to quit coming on your property without permission, and that your son has to have a place where he can be outside and know that he won't have trouble with other kids. Either that or put a lock on your gate so no one can come in the backyard without going through the house.

It doesn't sound like the parents are the kind of people you want to be friends with anymore. Personally, the few friends I've had that I've quit being friends with, it was because I couldn't stand the way they were raising their kids (of course I didn't tell them that). It's uncomfortable living next to a friend who isn't a friend anymore, though.

michellenj Posted 3 May 2009 , 2:34am
post #6 of 44

How old are these boys? The neighbor is definitely out of line, saying things about having sex and you doing drugs. It's kind of messed up, IMO, and maybe the child has emotional problems, or is possibly watching things on television that is too mature for him.

If it were me, I would have a sit-down meeting with the parents and the boys, and maybe that will help the other parents realize that it is a serious, ongoing issue.

indydebi Posted 3 May 2009 , 2:35am
post #7 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

It doesn't sound like the parents are the kind of people you want to be friends with anymore.



I agree. There's a time to draw the line. My loyalty is to my child, not to the neighbors and not even to "keeping the peace". If you won't make your child behave, then I'll "Keep the Peace" by keeping them apart.

As far as the kids not playing with this kid, I see no problem with the explanation (if one is ever needed) "Our children evidently can't get along, so it's best if they just not play together."

Her telling her child to ignore all authority figures is a big red flag to what is yet to come. Can you imagine this kid as a teen????? icon_eek.gif

aliciag829 Posted 3 May 2009 , 5:19am
post #8 of 44

There's obviously no changing this terror of a child. He's as old as he is and his parents still can't come to terms with what he's doing and try to get him under control. I would suggest telling your son to stay away. If it means cutting ties with your neighbor friends, then so be it. Your son will be better off without his influence.

As for his father coming outside and yelling at the kids, it's not his place to be doing that since his son is doing worse. If you catch him doing that, firmly tell him it's YOUR job to discipline YOUR child.


Arghhh people like your neighbors frustrate me to no end! icon_mad.gif

aliciag829 Posted 3 May 2009 , 5:23am
post #9 of 44

I wanted to add that to solve the problem with him ringing the doorbell, I would call his parents and tell them what is happening and explain to them that if so-and-so would like a playdate with your son, you'd like him to call ahead of time and see if it's ok. Then just ignore their calls. lol. Or you can come to the door and make up some excuse like your son can't play because he has chores or homework or whatever.

Sugar_Plum_Fairy Posted 3 May 2009 , 5:38am
post #10 of 44

As Aliciag829 suggested, you might want to have a long talk with the parents and lay everything out on the table, but in my experience people like this don't want to see or believe anything negative about thier kids, so it would be pointless to go this route.

Is there any way to call an agency anonymously and ask to have some sort of social worker investigate this family? It sounds as if there are definite issues and the boy is probably the one who's going to suffer the worst for it. Sounds as if he really needs therapy (or a biff on the back of the head). Also sounds as if the parents don't know how to handle him and could use a dose of family therapy, too.

en-passant Posted 3 May 2009 , 5:41am
post #11 of 44

How old are the kids? I didn't catch any reference to their age.

janelwaters Posted 3 May 2009 , 11:46am
post #12 of 44

don't make excuses - just tell them flat out that you will no longer allow your child to play with theirs and that you would appreciate it if they would keep their son off your property - don't let him ring our bell and keep him out of our backyard. Maybe if you don't sugarcoat it they start to "get it".

We have a feud going on with our neighbor (well, he has a feud with us!) and it has nothing to do with kids - long and short of it - he thinks our pool pump is too loud - he came over at 1AM to complain (the pump wasn't on), he sent the cops over at 9PM a couple days later (the pump wasn't on) and finally he sent a letter to the homeowners association and the lady had to come out and "listen" to our pool pump - which is saltwater and almost silent! I think the noise is in his head!! My husband and I just laugh about it now! We have nicknamed him "crazy" as in "what is crazy doing now?"

Its not a pleasant experience but, its not the end of the world either - for the sake of your son you should just lay it all out there. Just go over and bluntly (not rudely) say that your son is no longer allowed to play with thier son. And if the boy comes to the door and asks to play you need to answer the door and tell him that your son is not allowed to play with him anymore because he is rude, inappropriate and mean.

sweetcravings Posted 3 May 2009 , 1:45pm
post #13 of 44

Thanks everyone, for talking me down from my anger.

I have told this neighbor in the past that my son would not be allowed to play with hers if he continues on like he does..her response, "well, honey, you do what you have to do"...ugh sickening.

The problem i find with this issue is last summer he wasn't allowed to play with him, winter comes, no one is outside anyway, spring comes again and all the boys are out in the field. I feel horrible denying my son from playing with the others when it's just one that is causing all the trouble..ya know.

The parents know he has 'issues' as he sees a counsellor and i believe he goes to therapy too. Clearly it's not helping any. The dad is very busy working all the time, the mom is home but is never outside to see her son's true behaviour. One day he will be sweet as pie to us, and the very next day he could be telling me to 'f!*k off. I swear he has multiple personalities. His older brother tries to tell him to stop when he's doing something wrong but it never works..so all the other kids suffer.

If this child comes to my house, i will indeed tell him to leave as he is not welcome anymore. If he rings the door i will be telling him that he is not to come over and play with nick since he clearly doesn't know how to be a good friend and is very rude to my son.

My son is ten, hers I believe is 8yrs.

I just feel so torn...i really could care less about having a friendship with these people but i don't want to start a war either. I don't want to feel like i have to be monitoring my son's every move because her son could be inappropriate at any given time. I hate being a referree in these fueds between the boys. I hate constantly having to ring her door to tell her that her son has been inappropriate again...I just hate it all. When i look at them i just don't get how they can defend their child when clearly he is doing wrong. It's sickening.
I can't imagine what he will be like as a teen...where does he get this type of language?ideas?
If he is going to throw insults to my son, he'd better be ready to reap the consequences.

Sugar_Plum_Fairy Posted 3 May 2009 , 3:09pm
post #14 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetcravings

..............I hate constantly having to ring her door to tell her that her son has been inappropriate again...I just hate it all. When i look at them i just don't get how they can defend their child when clearly he is doing wrong. It's sickening.
I can't imagine what he will be like as a teen...where does he get this type of language?ideas?
If he is going to throw insults to my son, he'd better be ready to reap the consequences.




I wouldn't even bother with the parents at this point - as friends or letting them know anything. Stand by your decision and if the boy does something that he's not supposed to when he comes around by your son and his parents aren't around, just reprimand him yourself and then get you and your son away from him.

It's truly a shame that your son has to live this way because of him.

sweetcravings Posted 3 May 2009 , 3:33pm
post #15 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugar_Plum_Fairy

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetcravings

..............I hate constantly having to ring her door to tell her that her son has been inappropriate again...I just hate it all. When i look at them i just don't get how they can defend their child when clearly he is doing wrong. It's sickening.
I can't imagine what he will be like as a teen...where does he get this type of language?ideas?
If he is going to throw insults to my son, he'd better be ready to reap the consequences.



I wouldn't even bother with the parents at this point - as friends or letting them know anything. Stand by your decision and if the boy does something that he's not supposed to when he comes around by your son and his parents aren't around, just reprimand him yourself and then get you and your son away from him.

It's truly a shame that your son has to live this way because of him.






Well, that's why it was my husband who went over last night and not me. I knew it was pointless. But my husband defending both my son and me was pushed to the last straw when this kid started talking direct insults about me.

gailsgoodies Posted 3 May 2009 , 3:43pm
post #16 of 44

Sounds like "hidden video time" to show this neighbor how her son really behaves (or misbehaves!). icon_wink.gif

Gail

Sugar_Plum_Fairy Posted 3 May 2009 , 6:37pm
post #17 of 44

Have you spoken with any other parents in the neighborhood about this kid?

sweetcravings Posted 4 May 2009 , 12:52am
post #18 of 44

Ya, we were thinking of a nanny cam too...but i bet she would just throw it back at us.

I haven't discussed it with anyone else in the neighbourhood because she is part of a very tight group of women on the block. They have a book club, go out to dinner. There are several boys in the neighbourhood that are this boys age, they are in the same class etc...I see him playing with them occassionaly, but that seems to have slowed down alot. Likely they have had similar experiences and have put a stop to it as well. Our neighbourhood is very gossipy so i don't dare go there. I have always stayed out of these 'groups' because i didn't want to get caught up in the drama.
I happen to know the aunt of this boy, and have commented to her how bad he can be. She says she isn't surprized by it. He is pretty much a terror whenever he visits her too. The 'family' knows he's trouble, they shake their heads at it.

I've decided we won't be all chummy with them any more. This kid isn't allowed on our property or around my son. If she approaches me about it i will just say that i am tired of dealing with his bad behavior, and my son being emotionally and physically abused by him. No more going to their big summer party. I've had enough!

indydebi Posted 4 May 2009 , 1:17am
post #19 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetcravings

I haven't discussed it with anyone else in the neighbourhood because she is part of a very tight group of women on the block.




I would be willing to bet that everyone else feels the same way and everyone else is hesitant to say anything for the same reason.

At one of my jobs, there was a lady who I thought was a freakin' IDIOT!! But she was someone with "a bit" of authority and everyone in the dept seemed to like her, they all seemed to think she was the go-to person. I avoided asking her questions because I sat next to her, heard a lot of her conversations, and spent most of my day thinking, "That's not the right answer! She's wrong!"

So one day, I ventured a conversation with a small group of co-workers, and in the course of conversation I said, "Well, everyone seems to like her and thinks she's pretty knowledgeable." Whoa, Nelly, the doors were open! They all said, "Who the heck told you THAT!?" Turns out EVERYONE thought she was an idiot but everyone was afraid to say anything because she "was connected" and everyone was seriously afraid of repercussions ... they gave me a few examples of when it had happened.

Once we all opened up to each other and realized we all thought the same thing, it was like a secret club where we "banded together" and pretty much avoided getting her involved in stuff as much as possible! icon_biggrin.gif

Deb_ Posted 4 May 2009 , 2:42am
post #20 of 44

Wow I feel like I could have written this very post about 10 yrs ago.

I know exactly what you're going through and it totally sucks.

Long story short we too were friends with our 3 other neighbors at our last house (notice I wrote LAST house). Our 4 houses were on a cul de sac, 8 kids total........1 PSYCHO kid the oldest of the group, right next door to me.

He tortured my daughter every chance he got........one day she was shooting baskets in our driveway, he was in the road in front of our house shooting hockey pucks at her and her friend trying to hit them just to see "if it would hurt". icon_eek.gif

That was the final straw, I came flying out of my house like a raving lunatic and started screaming at him. His Mom (my friend) wasn't home, but when she got home I met her at her car to tell her what Joey was doing. Of course he denied it.......she believed him not me, even though I told her that I saw the entire episode.

It was the end of our friendship and we moved a year later..........I just couldn't stand living next door to this family after all the bull. That was just one incident there were so many more but I don't want this to be a novel. icon_wink.gif

My advice to you is to stop all contact with this family. If they confront you and ask what is going on, be honest with them. Tell them that you've tried to speak to them about the problem with their son and they refused to cooperate therefore you will not be able to continue your friendship.

The things this boy said about you troubles me...............where is he hearing this from? An 8 yr old telling a boy that he wants to have sex with his mother, that's very disturbing. He clearly has some deep issues and you need to keep him away from your son.

Good luck......I hope things get better for you guys.
Deb

7yyrt Posted 4 May 2009 , 4:13am
post #21 of 44

I feel for you, hun.
Image
We went through something very similar when the kids were young. We wound up moving. Took a large financial hit as we had only lived in the house a year, but it has been entirely worth it for the safety of the kids.

sweetcravings Posted 4 May 2009 , 1:05pm
post #22 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

Wow I feel like I could have written this very post about 10 yrs ago.

I know exactly what you're going through and it totally sucks.

Long story short we too were friends with our 3 other neighbors at our last house (notice I wrote LAST house). Our 4 houses were on a cul de sac, 8 kids total........1 PSYCHO kid the oldest of the group, right next door to me.

He tortured my daughter every chance he got........one day she was shooting baskets in our driveway, he was in the road in front of our house shooting hockey pucks at her and her friend trying to hit them just to see "if it would hurt". icon_eek.gif

That was the final straw, I came flying out of my house like a raving lunatic and started screaming at him. His Mom (my friend) wasn't home, but when she got home I met her at her car to tell her what Joey was doing. Of course he denied it.......she believed him not me, even though I told her that I saw the entire episode.

It was the end of our friendship and we moved a year later..........I just couldn't stand living next door to this family after all the bull. That was just one incident there were so many more but I don't want this to be a novel. icon_wink.gif

My advice to you is to stop all contact with this family. If they confront you and ask what is going on, be honest with them. Tell them that you've tried to speak to them about the problem with their son and they refused to cooperate therefore you will not be able to continue your friendship.

The things this boy said about you troubles me...............where is he hearing this from? An 8 yr old telling a boy that he wants to have sex with his mother, that's very disturbing. He clearly has some deep issues and you need to keep him away from your son.

Good luck......I hope things get better for you guys.
Deb




OMG Deb,


Wow, your story is sooo similar. What is it with cul de sac's anyway...we live in one. That is why this issue is particularily difficult. We live so close together, so avoidance is very hard to do. This boy is right next door too. One moment he is sweet as pie, the next he's a terror. He will also just randomly throw dirt, stones, sticks at my son. In fact not long ago i was outside talking with another neighbour at the end of the cul de sac and this boy was standing there listening too us. Out of the blue he picks up a huge pile of dried cement and throws it at my legs. I was covered it dirt and dust and I just about lost it. I looked at him and said, "why in the world would you do that?" He just looked at me and said nothing. I told him to go away. I know his mom is tired of seeing me at her door because each and every time i've gone there she rolls her eyes, and you can tell she doesn't believe a word i've said.

I totally plan to be honest with her if she approaches me about why i'm no longer saying hi, and chatting. I just can't be friends with someone like that. Really this is just the icing on the cake. WE havissues with her barking dog too. I have always reached out to her as her husband works long hours. I will call and just talk, bring over baked goods at the holidays. etc.. In fact this year i brought her a nice marshamallow bouquet and she didn't evern call to thank me. I was sooo hurt. She mentioned it weeks later as an after thought, but by then i figured she can keep her thank you. I don't plan on doing that again. She isn't a true friend anyway, so ending this relationship is fine by me.

I'm just sorry it has to be this way.

ziggytarheel Posted 4 May 2009 , 3:58pm
post #23 of 44

The thing is, just about everyone has a story like this. We had one when I was a kid, back in the late 60s. Unfortunately, instead of this being unusual, it is becoming more and more common.

I point this out because I think so many parents have not a clue that they are encouraging and excusing this behavior and then are so surprised when it comes back to bite them with some extremely serious consequences. "But he was always such a good boy. Never gave us a bit of trouble."

My daughter teaches elementary school and these kids make her life truly miserable. The parents are doing everything they possibly can to raise a child with major issues. And, making everyone miserable in the process.

Chances are, someone reading this thread, who is saying, "tsk tsk", is one of these moms. icon_sad.gif May I tell all of you, since I don't know any of you, to NEVER assume that your child is right when accused by an adult??? And there is NO SUCH THING as a child who won't lie. Ask any teacher, at any school. They all will, at one time or another.

Okay, now that is off my chest....

We had this situation ourselves. When I finally went and confronted the mother, she told me that WE were making THEIR LIVES miserable by not letting their child play with theirs 24/7 and that we were never to tell their child that they couldn't do anything, no matter what (let's see, I'd told her not to ring my doorbell and run, not to jump off the very high play tower, not to come in our house without knocking....yeah).

In this situation and others, we have enough distance to see what happened with these kids and it is more than sad. What did we do? Sold our house. icon_sad.gif

cakes22 Posted 4 May 2009 , 5:33pm
post #24 of 44

That is such a horrible situation to be in. I wish that the bullying laws apply to all areas not just the school ground & internet. Hopefully you will get this resolved quickly with minimal hassle.

[quoteI point this out because I think so many parents have not a clue that they are encouraging and excusing this behavior and then are so surprised when it comes back to bite them with some extremely serious consequences. "But he was always such a good boy. Never gave us a bit of trouble."

My daughter teaches elementary school and these kids make her life truly miserable. The parents are doing everything they possibly can to raise a child with major issues. And, making everyone miserable in the process.
[/quote]

This struck a chord with me. I do home daycare and I look after mostly teachers kids. I have a bro & sis (6 & 4) who are weird kids to begin with(really strange, odd children). Anyway, their mom was my son's gr.4 teacher. She is a bit flakey too (that's another story). Well over the past month or so the 6 yr old boy has been pushing the envelope regarding acceptable behavior at my house. He has been taking away toys, yelling (no inner volume control), drops things on the other kids heads, etc... One morning I walked out of the room (literally 3 steps) and I hear the 6 yr old say "okay now it's time to show everyone their underpants!" icon_confused.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif . I understand the innocence at this age, but still inappropriate. I walk back in and explain to him that we don't do that here, underwear is private....blah blah blah. He knew he had said something wrong cause he was quite for about 30 mins. Anyway his mom (teacher remember) comes in the pm to pick up her daughter (son is in SK in the pm). I tell her what happened and she says she will talk to xxxx at home. Fine. The next morning she drops the kids off and says "Oh xxxxx says he didn't say it, it was so-n-so" icon_mad.gificon_mad.gif This has happened before when I bring up situations involving he son and bad behavior: never her child, he can do no wrong, he doesn't know how to lie, his word is the end all to everthing!!!! So I very calmly say "Ya know, I am getting really frustrated with the fact that I come to you with problems regarding xxxxx and you don't seem to believe me. I know xxxxx's voice and I know he said it. I understand that you may be embarrassed by what was said, but I didn't make it into a big deal and it wasn't mentioned again (I don't like to beat a dead horse). I didn't put xxxx in a time out, I explained why what he had said was wrong. But to come here and basically say that I am wrong is an insult." She was a taken a back a little. Now I make it a point when I have to tell her something that her son is present. I ask him to repeat what the situation was and usually prod him to tell the truth. Needless to say, she is slowly beginning to learn that her son isn't the angel that she thinks he is. I found out thru another teacher at the school that his behavior is worst and basically the mom is in denial.

sweetcravings Posted 4 May 2009 , 5:45pm
post #25 of 44

Ziggy... thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif You are soooo right!!!

Sometimes i think parents empower their kids too much! Make them believe that they are above authority.. This mom, well.. lets just say she is well known at the school too. She has told me, that she has told each and every teacher that her child has that they are... NOT to Discipline her son. icon_eek.gificon_confused.gificon_rolleyes.gif If they have issue with him they MUST call her FIRST and then she will deal with it...OMG!!When she told me this i was just shocked at this. She feels he is being unjustly picked on by teachers, and that they are nit picking every little thing that he does wrong...duh..isn't that the role of the teacher to keep the class disciplined? She has gone to the principle sooo many times bitching about teachers.
BTW, my son has had each one of these teachers and they were all very professional. In fact they LOVE my son..they say he is sooo wonderful. I've had more than one teacher say, "you've raised him sooo well. You've done a good job". I bet she hasn't heard those words.
I feel for your daughter because i wouldn't want to deal with these types of parents either.

You are sooo right about kids that lie...all kids will lie at one point or another. I know my son has, and i always take his side of the story with that in mind. Yet, if a parent came up to me and told me something i would be more likely to believe it. She has said to me, "oh, you are like family. If he is doing something wrong you tell him so, don't let him get away with it." WTF should i be the 'parent' to your kids. Get your butt out of the house and you deall with this holy terror. For all these years i have been dealing with it, but enough is enough. He doesn't listen to me anyway. He will either run away or swear at me. Even my son recoginizes it. The other day I told him to go tell his mom what anthony was doing and my son said, "what's the point, she doesn't do anything anyway. Maybe she'll call him inside for ten minutes, have him sit against the wall. IT doesn't matter, after a few minutes she sends him back outside. He starts bugging us again?.

Up until now, i have never even wanted to move, love my house and location. BUT>..this has got me thinking. Just last weekend we planted a whole string of emerald cedars along our deck to give us privacy. I tell you last night I was watering them and praying that they grow tall and thick quickly. thumbs_up.gif If it weren't for the economy, i would be going house hunting.

It's interesting to see how many others have dealt with this same thing. I thannk you all for sharing your stories and advise. IT's just a shame that each and every summer we go through this again. I can't believe i'm still talking about this years later. ugh. ..neighbours.

dldbrou Posted 4 May 2009 , 9:39pm
post #26 of 44

Does this child have a father? Could you possible write everything down that you know has happened and have your husband have the child's father read it? Maybe the father has no clue as to what stage bullying his son is in. He might also be in total denial also or just is not a hands on dad. Tell him that you are trying to work with them instead of causing potential problems for them with child services or the police. He can either take charge and control what is happening in the child's behavior or let the authorities handle it in his future. That way he has been forwarned and he knows where you stand. Give up on the mother. but let the father know that you have tried to work with the mother with no results. I doubt if talking to the boy will help unless you explain that you might be calling the police if his bulling continues.

sweetcravings Posted 5 May 2009 , 1:18am
post #27 of 44

<<<<<UPDATE>>>>>

IT ALLLLLL CAME TO A HEAD TONIGHT!!

What a night!! After school my son says, i'm gonna go play with my friends in the field..
I tell him.."ok, as long as you are not playing one on one with anthony. If any thing starts to happen you are to leave". So he sees all the kids bikes and goes to find them. He is greeted by Anthony's older brother (age 11yr)..he is acting like a soilder and says, "You can't play with us. My mom told us that you can't play with anthony!". My son is shocked but doesn't know what to do so walks away. As he is walking away he hears the older brother say, "ok guys, you can come out now". So clearly he had prepared the other boys to hide so that nicholas would not fight it what he said.
I told him, "you march back over there, tell him that you are not there to play with anthony, but to play with the other boys"...he does...the boy says, " go away, you are not allowed to play!". Now the other boys are standing nearby telling my son to go away. Obviously they don't want to stop playing in the field so they stand as a group..ugh icon_evil.gificon_mad.gif My son is absolutely crushed, crying hysterically...saying, "now i will have no one to play with all summer!" I was furious to say the least. I told my son to go downstairs and calm down, i would deal with it now.

I called my mom. She told me that i shouldn't call her yet as i am too upset and might say something i don't mean. She was right, i was fuming mad, calling her every name in the book, if i had seen her i probably would've hit her. So i called my husband, he says, "if you are not calling her i will go speak with her when i get home."..So he gets home and marches over..this is how it went down....

She opens the door.
My Dh says, "what the hell is going on here? Suzanne just called me crying angry. She couldn't even call you she is so upset. Your boys are telling nick he can't play with all his friends because anthony is there and you told him Nicholas is not allowed to play with him?
Her response..."uh, well..um...I just feel they should take some time apart until things calm down a bit. I mean you are going to believe your son, and i mine. I just don't think it's a good idea".
DH says, "listen, i don't want nick playing with anthony either, but you are not going to punish my child for your childs bad behavior. We have always told nick not to use violence, and only if he feels threatened, then to defend himself. It was your son that smacked him in the face and kicked him in the nuts before nick grabbed him by the shirt!!! How much more should he take from anthony?? He is not going to be excluded from playing with everyone in the neighbourhood because Anthony is there"
She says, "well..um...i know he's a fighter"

Dh says, " listen he has looked me in the eyes and told me to [email protected] off, you tell me who is the problem?"
She says, "well, i know, he has been learning alot from the older boys..ya know ryan, mitchell etc..have bad language."

WTF...keep making excuses.
DH says, "you know we were over a few weekends back having drinks and now this!!"

Now she is crying and continues to make excuses..My DH is getting more and more pissed so he says, "so lets understand this..my son is not to play with yours alone and vice versa. Agreed??"

She nods

DH says, "and you'd better tell all those boys that they are 'allowed' to play with my son too! You should also tell your son that he should stop ringing our doorbell constantly to play with nick because he does this daily and we won't have it anymore!"
He walks away.
During dinner the bell rings..the 'boys' are asking my son to play. Clearly she spoke with them. Maybe she felt guilty..i dunno..She has never ever seen us this angry. We were going out so he didn't accept the invite.

So this is a general idea how the conversation went...got nowhere, got nothing..no apology..NOTHING! This 'friendship' is over! If she would come to my door, i would close it. I can not be friends with someone who clearly sets out to bully my child. Sh!t her husband was lecturing the boys last week about bullying and now she is having he son's do this. She wants to say it was a misunderstanding, but i know her too well to know that she set the rules out crystal clear with her kids. They were doing as she said. I've never ever had this sort of hatred for a person. I was fine to set limitations with my son on play..we had decided no one on one play with anthony. But she took it to a whole new level by excluding my son.

To the last poster...oh his dad is fully aware of it. We've talked with him too. He defends his kid just the same. They fully know the sh!t their son gets into alla the time, but obviously they don't care enough to supervise him. Dad works all the time, but mom is Stay at home mom..only problem is she is never outside to see for herself...so of course everyone else is lying or exaggerating...ugh..

I'm done with these neighbours for good. I will not acknowlegde them. If she were to ring at my door i would tell her, "i don't want to talk with you. If the kids choose to play as a group, fine..but for us it's over.Goodbye.

What a night!!! icon_cry.gificon_mad.gif

edited to add...late yesterday nicholas confessed to my husband that he did indeed grab anthony's shirt. He initally denied it because, "i didn't want mommy to be mad at me. She always says, not to touch people. I did it because he was saying mean things about mom, and i had, had it."

dldbrou Posted 5 May 2009 , 2:10am
post #28 of 44

Well, If you have the time, I just might pull out a lawn chair and set it in the field where they play and let them know that you are there to umpire their rudeness. It might not be fun for you, but it will get the message out to the other boys that the bulling is over and they can either be nice or go home.

Deb_ Posted 5 May 2009 , 12:49pm
post #29 of 44

Wow........If you lived in RI I'd swear you were living on my old cul de sac!

This field that they all play in............whose property is it? Is it just a common area?

I agree with dldbrou, I'd be sure to be outside *weeding*, *washing the car*, etc. the next time the boys are all playing together.

The thing that completely sucks about situations like this is that you guys work your butts off to have a nice house in a nice neighborhood only to have it ruined by an ignorant family who refuse to discipline their children.

I know for us it became so uncomfortable, because on a cul de sac the houses are pretty close together, that we just couldn't justify staying in that house any longer.

The only positive for us moving was that in RI I couldn't have a legal home kitchen, so when we moved 30 minutes away it was to MA that does allow home baking legally.

Oh and no more neighborhood living for us............we built in the woods, 2 1/2 acres of land and you can barely see the neighbor's houses. PERFECT!!

If Anthony's Mom does approach you I think the only thing I'd say to her is that maybe she needs to sit outside and watch her children once in a while. (Of course, that would mean that she'd actually have to do her job and be a Mother for once! icon_rolleyes.gif )

I really hope things improve for your family as I said earlier I know exactly how you feel.

Deb_ Posted 5 May 2009 , 12:50pm
post #30 of 44

Wow........If you lived in RI I'd swear you were living on my old cul de sac!

This field that they all play in............whose property is it? Is it just a common area?

I agree with dldbrou, I'd be sure to be outside *weeding*, *washing the car*, etc. the next time the boys are all playing together.

The thing that completely sucks about situations like this is that you guys work your butts off to have a nice house in a nice neighborhood only to have it ruined by an ignorant family who refuse to discipline their children.

I know for us it became so uncomfortable, because on a cul de sac the houses are pretty close together, that we just couldn't justify staying in that house any longer.

The only positive for us moving was that in RI I couldn't have a legal home kitchen, so when we moved 30 minutes away it was to MA that does allow home baking legally.

Oh and no more neighborhood living for us............we built in the woods, 2 1/2 acres of land and you can barely see the neighbor's houses. PERFECT!!

If Anthony's Mom does approach you I think the only thing I'd say to her is that maybe she needs to sit outside and watch her children once in a while. (Of course, that would mean that she'd actually have to do her job and be a Mother for once! icon_rolleyes.gif )

I really hope things improve for your family as I said earlier I know exactly how you feel.

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