Mad Mad Mad!!!

Decorating By bakermommy4 Updated 11 May 2009 , 3:27am by angelicconfections

bakermommy4 Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:11am
post #1 of 67

I did a topsy turvy cake, 2 tiers, for my step daughters birthday. I worked on the cake all of Wednesday and Thursday...finishing touches added this morning. Her mother, who despises me for some unknown reason tipped the cake over. My SD just called me about 10 minutes ago and told me she doesn't know what happened, she went upstairs for a little while and came back down and the top tier was on the floor. Her older sister admits that her mom knocked it over while reaching for something and even admits it was intentional.

I could SCREAM...believe it or not I'm screaming through these words...you guys just can't hear me.
O.K, you just ruined your daughters birthday because she was so in love with the cake...and not to mention the 3 days I took decorating it. Things like this make me wanna throw in the towel. And of course there was no charge for the cake!!

Ok, I'm done...just had to get that off of my chest.
Thanks for listening ya'll

66 replies
miss-tiff Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:16am
post #2 of 67

Oh, that's so sad. I can understand being jealous, but not destroying something of your own daughter's because of it. thumbsdown.gif

I'm sorry for you and your step-daughter, that's too bad.

bakermommy4 Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:19am
post #3 of 67

Yeah, her feelings were really hurt. When I dropped the cake off to her, she tried to get her moms attention so many times saying look at my cake its so awesome...she's 12, her mom never once took a peak.

I must nominate her for the worst act of the year award!!

apetricek Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:20am
post #4 of 67

what a selfish....spiteful B**ch!!!!!!!!!! icon_evil.gificon_mad.gif Ok is it really worth trying to get at you, by ruining her own daughter's birthday and happiness...honestly?????? I will NEVER understand some people! I am sorry that this happened to you, and that you have to deal with this! At least you helped to make your SD birthday special. Just know that you are obviously the bigger person, and she will get hers......SOrry!

aliciag829 Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:22am
post #5 of 67

OMG that woman has issues! So sorry to hear that. She needs to put her child's happiness first. Maybe next time you can keep the cake at your house to avoid any "accidents"?

bakermommy4 Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:23am
post #6 of 67

You know whats odd??? I did the older sisters cake last year and the same thing happened...it was my first attempt at a topsy turvy and I just knew that it was my fault with it being my first time and all. Now I'm starting to wonder

Ruth0209 Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:24am
post #7 of 67

Wow, what a supreme b**ch! Next time, I'd just have a birthday for her at your house. That way her idiot mother can't take out her jealousy on your cake. How hateful to hurt her daughter to get at you.

chassidyg Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:30am
post #8 of 67

poor girl, mom must have some jealousy issues. I'm glad sd loved it before mom ruined it though, hopefully next yr you can keep it at your house.

stephaniescakenj Posted 2 May 2009 , 3:14am
post #9 of 67

Ok lets look at it from another angle... she's her mother, maybe she wanted to make her daughter a cake but since you make them, her daughter preferred you over her own mother. That's got to be tough for the mother to handle. I can't imagine another person trying to be a mother figure to my daughter, it would make me crazy... so just for a minute try and look beyond the fact she ruined her daughters cake. Maybe her feelings were hurt, or she just felt like she can't measure up to you. It's not right to destroy the cake, I'm not condoning that in any way, just trying to point out another view.

jaybug Posted 2 May 2009 , 3:37am
post #10 of 67

A mothers love knows no boundaries. That being said , the childs happiness should have held more weight than the mothers selfish feelings.Poor little girl! How upset she must have been that her own mother would do something so childish. B&@#h just needs to grow up and get over herself! icon_mad.gif

adonisthegreek1 Posted 2 May 2009 , 3:45am
post #11 of 67

Being that it's happened twice now you should realize that you need to make a cake and celebrate with your stepdaughters when they are visiting YOU. don't take anything to their mom's house. Come on, you know why she "hates" you. None of that matters though. Just the kids matter.

bakermommy4 Posted 2 May 2009 , 3:46am
post #12 of 67

Ok...I've been off cupcaking for awhile!! Her mom knows I'm not trying to be the mom...and she can barely boil water so I know she didn't plan on baking any cake. I'm probably being a little selfish myself because the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am more angry over the cake than my sd's feelings (who by the way asked me to make her another one like they just drop from the cake clouds, but i agreed of course)

After thinking about it, I'm not so much upset about the cake anymore cuz she is really hurt

pastryjen Posted 2 May 2009 , 3:51am
post #13 of 67

What's awful is that these girls are going to start seeing their mother for who she really is and that will really strain the relationship with her. They'll turn to you.

The mother is shooting herself in the foot.

Rhonda19 Posted 2 May 2009 , 4:04am
post #14 of 67

You baked that cake for your SD..She knew how much work went into that cake, and that you baked and decorated it just for her. She also knows that her own mother was the one that destroyed the cake. Your SD knows how much you love her and her feelings should be the only ones that matter.

I expect the Mama was a little jealous that you made something so beautiful for her daughter, when she herself could not. Sad that she put her own petty feelings ahead of her daughters.

deliciously_decadent Posted 2 May 2009 , 4:20am
post #15 of 67

ok comming from a divorce family (not that we had issues like that OMG!!) but your SD is 12 i think i read, ahe will see her mother for who she is, but do not ever tell your SD yourself what you think as she will automatically defend her mother even if she knows you are right. just know that your SD was so happy with her cake you made, and if the mother wants to act like a child karma will come back to bite her on the A** but never badmouth the mother to the SD face or anywhere she is in the vacinity, and try not to let them see your anger. i was still having perental and step parental issues at my wedding and trust me its not good! my steps wouldn't let me parents dance with each other for the bridal waltz and they didn't want them sitting on the same table at the reception. i finallly lost it and told them that if they didn't just shut up swallow it, biuld a freaking bridge and get over it none of them were comming, that shut them up pretty dam fast. you do not want it to get that bad. just be proud of yourself for taking the high road and trust that the SD's both know what there nother is like without having to be told. i would syill make the SD's bday cakes as it is your special thing you do for them, and if they have a cake decorating SM they are gonna expect a cake lol! so even if the mum destroys every cake between now and her 21st at least the SD knows you love her enough to keep trying icon_smile.gif

Ariginal Posted 2 May 2009 , 4:38am
post #16 of 67

Wow perfectly put adatay

" you do not want it to get that bad. just be proud of yourself for taking the high road and trust that the SD's both know what there nother is like without having to be told. i would syill make the SD's bday cakes as it is your special thing you do for them, and if they have a cake decorating SM they are gonna expect a cake lol! so even if the mum destroys every cake between now and her 21st at least the SD knows you love her enough to keep trying "

I have not been through it myself parents still together after 38 years but as an outsider i can see exactly where you were coming from with your statement above... have been watching my nephews go through it and my cousins go through it...

deliciously_decadent Posted 2 May 2009 , 4:48am
post #17 of 67

oh thankyou! just trying to help. the high road is alwayd the safest place to be when children are involved icon_smile.gif they will respect and love you for it because they do understand

bakermommy4 Posted 2 May 2009 , 6:42am
post #18 of 67

adatay you put it so perfect...and i never bad mouth their mother even though i've got a hole the size of a crater in my tongue from biting it so much. My sd asked me to make cupcakes for her soccer team and mom banned me from appearing at the game even though she wasn't going either, so my sd had to be unsupported at her game while her father worked and her mom fiddles around at home. She calls herself a homemaker, but from what I've seen over the last 3 years of being married to their dad is she is more like a home wrecker...and i mean her own home.

I've sketched out an all new design even bigger and better than the last cake and we are going to have her party at home with us. She has friends in our neighborhood also cuz they spend the weekends here with us. I have 4 daughters of my own and I would never...under ANY circumstances think of my own feelings before theirs (except when I just have to watch my Cake Challenges and they wanna watch Spongebob) LOL...Besides that, my kids AND HERS are my entire world.

Again I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the feedback. I had nowhere else to vent on this one because everyone else I know thinks "hey, its just a cake, what's the big deal? feeble minded people.

deliciously_decadent Posted 2 May 2009 , 6:47am
post #19 of 67

totally understand i have no cakies here either so everyone looks at me like a madwoman sometimes lol!! can't wait to see the new design!!! it will be great! did you get any pics of the other one? would love to see it (pre disaster of course icon_smile.gif

bakermommy4 Posted 2 May 2009 , 6:58am
post #20 of 67

I do have pics on my camera but i cant find the cord to plug into my computer...with four kids, full time culinary student and new cake business...sometimes I cant find ME...Lol, I will post when I find the cord though.

Ruth0209 Posted 2 May 2009 , 8:02am
post #21 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by stephaniescakenj

Ok lets look at it from another angle... she's her mother, maybe she wanted to make her daughter a cake but since you make them, her daughter preferred you over her own mother. That's got to be tough for the mother to handle. I can't imagine another person trying to be a mother figure to my daughter, it would make me crazy... so just for a minute try and look beyond the fact she ruined her daughters cake. Maybe her feelings were hurt, or she just felt like she can't measure up to you. It's not right to destroy the cake, I'm not condoning that in any way, just trying to point out another view.




When my daughters got a step-mom I told them that it just meant that they had one more person in their lives who loved them, and I absolutely meant it. It's never been hard for me to see another woman care about my children. I have to admit that their step-mom is a wonderful woman who never tried to take over my role, and our parenting styles were harmonious so that helped a lot. But I've never felt insecure about it. My children have always known who their mother is.

deliciously_decadent Posted 2 May 2009 , 8:09am
post #22 of 67

RUTH: good on you ruth!!! and you will be raising some brilliant self asserted in control confident kids because of that too!!
BAKERMUM: fantastic can't wait to see them!! i am the eldest of four so i can relate to the bedlam that is a family that big (although not from the mothers persepctive lol! i only have two thank goodness i never understand how my mum did it!!!)

indydebi Posted 2 May 2009 , 12:39pm
post #23 of 67

When I got divorced the Number One Rule was "no one will bad-mouth their dad in front of the kids". Sometimes it was a hard rule to follow, even for me, but 20 years later, *I* get the "Best Mom" award for it. My oldest, married daughter had a friend getting married and daughter told friend, "If you do it the way my mom did, everything will be perfect for that child."

I do not buy into the "maybe she resents you trying to be her mother" crap. This isn't a drama TV show or a sitcom. When my ex got married, it never ONCE crossed my mind that now I was "competing" for my kids place at their mom. It's such an overused 'drama' thing ... mostly on TV shows .... that it makes me nausiated.

My hubby is a step-dad and there is no "competition" between who is the dad.

Can we just please stop playing up to the Hollywood stereotype?

Kids are smarter than most adults give them credit for. They know or will know very soon what b*tch she's being by destroying the cake(s). She's writing her own destiny ... how sad that she'll probably end up a loneyly old lady wondering why her kids never visit anymore. In our house, this is exactly what happened to bio-dad ... my kids saw him for what he was and they visit only when they HAVE to.

We reap what we sow.

sarahpierce Posted 2 May 2009 , 12:49pm
post #24 of 67

AMEN indydeb!
I couldn't have said it better.
Of course we tend to always agree on the "step" family thing thumbs_up.gif

Lenette Posted 2 May 2009 , 12:54pm
post #25 of 67

I agree with Debi over the drama thing. The chick has issues. No way do you hurt your child because you are insecure.

Becoming a mom is the ultimate "it's not about you any more".

My parents divorced when I was young, my mom never spoke a bad word about my father, still doesn't. But as the others say, I saw him for who he is and we don't talk much.

Heck the one SM I was close to bought my prom dress!!! All my mom did was exclaim how beautiful it was!!

She gets not points for being unhappy and insecure, not from me anyway.

Good for the OP for continuing to make the effort and having a great relationship with her SD! thumbs_up.gif

MomLittr Posted 2 May 2009 , 12:58pm
post #26 of 67

I find it incredibly sad the mom destroyed the cake, and agree it is so selfish of her. Poor girls. I have been fortunate enough (despite many hard/bad times) that we are still together after 30 years. So many times my kids used to come home talking about how their friends are in "blended" families and troubles they had with that, not that all blended families have troubles and most go along wonderfully. I just felt bad for the kids. One thing I have to ask though, not being in this situation, when you introduce your step children, I find it strange that they are introduced as "step son/daughter" instead of just my son or daughter. Wouldn't the child feel better if just introduced without the "step" word in there? Just curious.. icon_rolleyes.gif

deb

deliciously_decadent Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:10pm
post #27 of 67

"I find it strange that they are introduced as "step son/daughter" instead of just my son or daughter. Wouldn't the child feel better if just introduced without the "step" word in there? Just curious"
i think it has to do with that whole illusion of the issue of boundries, it has the poor step parents petrified to 'cross any boundries or lines' etc it is quite a field of eggshells when everyone is trying not to step on toes etc aspecially if the steps have never had kids of their own cos then they have the added stress of not knowing how to act and treat kids etc. its hard to cross those lines over to a comfortable norm and byt the time you get there its already routine, an odd example is that my hubby was engaged before we met (he had broken up prior to us meeting lol) and his sister skids called her aunite, now even to this day (married 6.5 yrs) i still call them my husbands neices and they still do not call me auntie even though they are my only neices/nephews and i am there only auntie, because they haven't known me since they were born, were as if my SIL had a baby now i would be auntie etc yet there is no actual difference, they were my hubby's neices when i met them, when we dated and by the time we got married it was routine for my to say his neices and it was routine for them to call me taya not auntie taya.

stephaniescakenj Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:23pm
post #28 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by MomLittr

I find it incredibly sad the mom destroyed the cake, and agree it is so selfish of her. Poor girls. I have been fortunate enough (despite many hard/bad times) that we are still together after 30 years. So many times my kids used to come home talking about how their friends are in "blended" families and troubles they had with that, not that all blended families have troubles and most go along wonderfully. I just felt bad for the kids. One thing I have to ask though, not being in this situation, when you introduce your step children, I find it strange that they are introduced as "step son/daughter" instead of just my son or daughter. Wouldn't the child feel better if just introduced without the "step" word in there? Just curious.. icon_rolleyes.gif

deb




My stepfather calls me his daughter, but he's been my dad since I was 6 (I'm 30 now) so it's a little different. my step mother forced me to call her mom and I hated her for it and it made my stomach turn whenever she introduced me as her daughter and now because of her I haven't seen my bio dad since I was probably 13. I think it all depends on the relationship.

bakermommy, have you tried to talk to the mom? to explain that you're not trying to take over her role, you just want her girls to be happy? maybe if she's rational enough, you could sit her down for a talk and just explain it. or better yet, have your husband sit her down and talk to her about it. sometimes, people just need to have their eyes opened for them, ya know? It's obvious the mom is feeling insecure and like she can't fill your shoes. making cakes for her kids at her own house is just adding fuel to the fire... I'm not saying you shouldn't make the cakes, either, please don't take that the wrong way. i think it's wonderful that you have such a great relationship with your SD's but I can see where it could make their mother feel inadequate and maybe just sitting her down and talking to her would help.

michellenj Posted 2 May 2009 , 1:35pm
post #29 of 67

Is it possible that it really was an accident?

Ruth0209 Posted 2 May 2009 , 4:24pm
post #30 of 67

The one I can't do is call my mother-in-law "mom". I am extremely close to my mother, and our relationship is very precious to me. When I got married, I told my MIL that I loved and respected her deeply and valued our relationship, but that I would always have just one mother, and that I couldn't call her mom. She was good with that. We had a great friendship that lasted beyond my divorce from her son and until the day she passed away. I think it's arrogant for anyone to think they have the right to tell you what you're supposed to call them. I never had a step-mom, but I wouldn't have wanted to call her my mother.

My husband has always referred to my children as his children and not "step". We've been married since they were small, and it was symbolic to him of how much he loves them and accepts them as his own. In July, he and my ex-husband will both walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding. I have to admit that my DH is just a little miffy about that because he thinks he did all the work and now has to share the credit with her dad. I keep reminding him that my daughter's love doesn't have to divided up between them, and that she doesn't love him less because she loves her dad, too. There's always plenty of love to go around.

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