Double Rant

Decorating By KitchenKat Updated 28 Apr 2009 , 3:24am by pastryjen

KitchenKat Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 1:31am
post #1 of 23

A couple of minor complaints that I need to get off my chest:

1. At my son's 17th birthday party last Saturday he invited about 10 friends, including the son of a friend. My friend sent along an oreo cheesecake. She knows I make cakes. She knows I was making my son's favorite cake (white chocolate with dulce de leche filling and wc bc). It was a party not a potluck. I know I'm being petty BUT I just think it's in bad taste to show up with unsolicited food. I wouldn't have set out her cake but the kids saw it and since they *love* that cake, they *gotta* have it. I felt it took all the thunder away from my son's birthday cake. I had meant for it to be the dessert, not the birthday cake you're just forced to eat after you've had your fill of dessert. Yes I know I'm being a sourpuss. icon_wink.gif

2. On Skype with my mom last week, she prefaces our conversation with "I hope you won't get upset"... which means that I definitely will get upset. "I made your mango cake for a party last week. The guests loved it and begged for the recipe so I gave it to them." Never mind that this is the cake I developed that started my baking career. Never mind that I told her i'd give her the recipe only cos she's my mom and she doesn't bake much and she'll won't profit out of it. The person she shard it with is her cousin, who also happens to own a restaurant and catering business. I can just see it now. My cake being renamed into her cake. Ugh. thumbsdown.gificon_mad.gif

So ends my rantfest for the week

22 replies
PinkZiab Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 1:44am
post #2 of 23

Okay yeah the mango cake one would piss me off, especially being your mom... but once anyone but you had the recipe, that was the risk you were running... sucks though.

Now as far as your son's party--I get you wanted the cake to be the centerpiece dessert, but I'm sure the cheesecake came from a good place. Where I come from, we don't really do "potlucks," because i was raised whenever you go to ANY party/someone's house whatever, you "knock with your elbows" (meaning you don't show up empty handed). Even before i was a pastry chef I would never dream of going to someone's house for a social event and NOT bringing something (appetizer, dip, pastries, wine, whatever), and that's pretty much the standard in my family/social circle (maybe it's just an Italian thing lol). Maybe it was just her trying to be polite... and pass that on to her son.

lesalyric Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 1:57am
post #3 of 23
Originally Posted by PinkZiab

...whenever you go to ANY party/someone's house whatever, you "knock with your elbows"...

I was raised the same way. If I am tight on time and can not bake I have been known to show up with grocery store flowers and a bottle of wine.

I understand the hurt from the double cake situation, but also agree it probably came from a good place.

As for the mango cake...that's terrible. I am sorry that happened to you, I would be hurt as well.

panchanewjersey Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:08am
post #4 of 23

Diddo, never show up empty handed. Don't take it personal. As for your mom handing down your recipe, uh.... yeah I would've been a little ticked too. Sorry.

Momkiksbutt Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:15am
post #5 of 23

Bad Mommy!!! icon_razz.gif

JGMB Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:21am
post #6 of 23

Oh, no, I'm definitely with you, OP, on your rant about the cheesecake. I've had people do something similar to me -- come with a side dish in hand that didn't complement the meal, then expect me to serve it right along with the rest of my planned menu.

Yes, don't show up empty-handed, but don't show up with something that has to be served, like it or not!!! Flowers are nice, a box of chocolates, a bottle of wine -- something that the hosts can enjoy later.

As for your mom sharing your recipe (which sounds delicious, by the way!), shame on her tapedshut.gif

icer101 Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:24am
post #7 of 23

i am not going into any details.... but i want TheCasualKitchen.. to know.. that i am on her side all the way.. i kept reading what she said and what she meant. and i understand her completely.. on both complaints..

Kitagrl Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:33am
post #8 of 23

I think the friend was just trying to be polite and helpful....true, she probably should have asked first....I would have probably just cut your son's cake first and given it out and then cut small slices of the cheesecake to put alongside the main cake...sort of like the way you'd offer ice cream or something.

As far as the mango thing...that really stinks...I can't believe your mom did that! Wow. thumbsdown.gif

Margieluvstobake Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:35am
post #9 of 23

I live in the South and have all my life. Food is always the center of any social event, celebration, or holiday. That being said, this was a birthday party for kids. You bring a birthday gift, not a dessert. I would never send a food item to a party with my child unless I called first and asked if I could send something. I'm afraid I'm mean, but I would have put that cheescake in the freezer so fast, no matter what the kids wanted.

About the problem with your Mom.... What do you do? You can't hate her for it. Just never ever give her another recipe, and let her know that.

jlynnw Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:35am
post #10 of 23

not a sourpuss! I would be mad as he!! about both. You show up with something at a party, a birthday party where traditionally cake is served with another dessert? You are not the one with issues. That is flat out rude. She could teach her son how to be graceful and thoughtful with a better hostess gift. The mom giving out the recipe? tapedshut.gif If I can't say nothing nice, I better not say nothing at all! tapedshut.giftapedshut.giftapedshut.gif

cakedesigner59 Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:46am
post #11 of 23

I don't want to spin you up even worse, but your mom obviously knew she was doing something wrong when she said "now don't get upset....". Wow. Super bad mommie.

I think the dessert was rude too. I always bring something that doesn't need to be served, like wine (well, not for kids, LOL). I would have called and asked what I could bring...if anything. It's possible she doesn't know any better.

pastryjen Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:56am
post #12 of 23

SO, ummm, which mango cake recipe was it that you gave to your mom?

Mme_K Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 3:03am
post #13 of 23

I'm with you, CasualKitchen. You are not being a sourpuss. It was not in very good taste for your friend to send a cake. Like many of the others have said, I bring a bottle of wine or flowers or something when going to a party, but I do not bring food unless asked. Few of my friends will ask any more, except for a cake on special occasions, since I insist that if I invite people over for BBQ or a meal, all the preparations are mine. When people come to my home, I want them to come, relax, enjoy & eat. I then expect the same from them. icon_wink.gif
As for your recipe, that is just too sad..... icon_cry.gif

jlynnw Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 3:08am
post #14 of 23

ok, this is so sad I don't want you to get upset, but know I want the mango cake recipe. icon_redface.gif Can you send me a taste of it, I know I can't have the recipe, that is probably why I want it, but it does sound so goood, I want a taste icon_cry.gif OK, I'll grow up now and do without, but if your ever in my neck of the woods with a taste icon_razz.gificon_razz.gif

LittleLinda Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 3:29am
post #15 of 23

I don't think there's anything wrong with bringing the cheesecake to the party. Ten teenage boys eat a lot. I think it was thoughtful.

The mango cake recipe would piss me off to the point that I'd probably call the caterer friend of your mother's and tell her that the recipe was your original recipe and wasn't for your mother to give out. I'd politely ask her not to include it in her menus. I know somebody who actually SOLD her chicken salad recipe to a restaurant. Maybe she will offer to compensate you for the recipe if she is really interested. Or maybe she will pay you to make the mango cake for any functions she has who request it.

Kpow Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 8:05pm
post #16 of 23

I agree with LittleLinda about calling your mom's cousin and explaining the situation with the mango cake. Hopefully she will understand and respect your request.

As for the second cake at your son's party, that would piss me off as well! I understand the concept of always bringing something to a party, but I would never bring something the hostess was known for herself!

Deb_ Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 11:07pm
post #17 of 23

Suddenly I'm seeing a *flash* of the Bush's Baked Beans commercial, where the dog is the only other living thing that knows the recipe icon_rolleyes.gif

Call the cousin and let her know that recipe was NOT supposed to be given out under any circumstances. If she's a decent person she'll understand and not use it.

As far as the dessert goes..........I too always *knock with my elbows*......I'm guilty of always bringing food, drink or flowers no matter where I go icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif

jlynnw Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 11:15pm
post #18 of 23

dkelly, it was a birthday party at a cakers house! This would be like me showing up at your child's birthday party with a dessert! This has got to be a NO NO. Maybe some flowers, extra pizza, sodas, but not the dessert.

Deb_ Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 11:51pm
post #19 of 23
Originally Posted by jlynnw

dkelly, it was a birthday party at a cakers house! This would be like me showing up at your child's birthday party with a dessert! This has got to be a NO NO. Maybe some flowers, extra pizza, sodas, but not the dessert.

Which is why I said "food, drinks or flowers" I always show up with one of these things.

Not all of the above.......... icon_smile.gif

KitchenKat Posted 28 Apr 2009 , 1:13am
post #20 of 23

Thanks guys! Loved reading your responses. It's nice to be heard.

My friend who brought the cheesecake made it herself. Our boys have common friends and she knew the boys loved her oreo cheesecake. Yes I think she was being helpful and gracious. But it stung just the same. I'm over it and no relationships or cake were harmed icon_smile.gif

Like many of you I always bring hostess gifts to dinner parties, birthday gifts to birthday parties. My favorite hostess gift are a pair of magazines for the host & hostess (according to their interests) along with a box of cookies or chocolates, all tied up in a big ribbon, for them to enjoy post party.

As for my mom. Well....I should've known. I console myself by thinking the original is always the best (he he he). And I won't have to deal with copycats for a while, at least for as long as my dh's company keeps sending us to live abroad.

Mango cake recipe? It's really just a basic orange flavored chiffon cake, torted and filled with pastry cream, mango slices (or canned peach slices when mangoes are not in season), a "crumble" i make with graham cracker crumbs, brown sugar and some grated edam cheese. Topping is more mango slices and the crumble. Frosting is stabilized whipped cream. Very easy to duplicate really. It's not that there's a secret recipe. I just don't want want to give out my tweaks (like the crumble having edam cheese) or my specific chiffon recipe to everyone. (coughcakebiblecough) But for you my cake brothers and sisters, I don't mind.

pastryjen Posted 28 Apr 2009 , 1:20am
post #21 of 23

Casual Kitchen - you are the best!

DebBTX Posted 28 Apr 2009 , 3:23am
post #22 of 23

Yikes, you spilled the beans on your recipe ... icon_eek.gif
but since we are talking cakes... what is edam cheese?

-Debbie B. icon_biggrin.gif

pastryjen Posted 28 Apr 2009 , 3:24am
post #23 of 23

It's a dutch cheese.

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