Ok Cake Buddies What Would You Say?

Lounge By Deb_ Updated 27 Apr 2009 , 2:05am by mbelgard

Deb_ Posted 26 Apr 2009 , 1:34pm
post #1 of 10

I hope you guys don't mind another thread about *ungrateful* siblings........sorry in advance.

I'm the youngest of 8 as I've told many times before. I have 14 nieces and nephews and 16 great nieces and nephews.

As many of you do I also have made all of their Wedding cakes (and other occasion cakes) for free over the years.

The last one I made was for one of my Sister's sons in Sept. 08.

Fast forward to now............

Recently my son's engine seized up on his car. He's pretty good with fixing cars so he and his friends set out to putting a new engine in to save money ($500 vs $1500).

Now he's away at college so he would come home every weekend and these kids spent endless hours working on the car for the past 2 months.

They get the engine in, the car starts up YAY!!! BUT it won't move icon_confused.gif Even though a couple of his friends went to school and are certified mechanics, they're stumped on what the problem could be.

So I'm at a family party yesterday, (for which I make another FREE cake). Same sister as the wedding cake's house.......her husband is a mechanic but works for a big Toyota dealer (did I mention my son's car is a Toyota?)

So he asks my Son how the car is coming along and so he tells him the problem he's having. He then asks my BIL if he would mind stopping by our house 1 day to take a look.

My sister's response......"Oh, Uncle is really tired when he get's home from work" icon_eek.gif

We're not asking him to FIX the car, just to offer his professional opinion. He hasn't offered once to help my son with the engine replacement.

Here's my pet peeve..........I spent over 30 hrs making their son's wedding cake in September for FREE. I'm on my feet all day at my hair salon and guess what I'M TIRED TOO, while I'm making your kids wedding cakes, and birthday cakes, and graduation cakes etc.


Why is it that I'm always expected to provide the cakes and do everyone's hair for FREE, but nobody reciprocates.

Honestly, I'm more hurt then mad. I just can't believe that my sister is being so selfish.

Have any of you guys ever been in this situation and if so what did you say/do?

Thanks in advance for your advice!
Deb


P.S.
Oh, I forgot to mention that my BIL never said a word, because obviously he's spineless and needs my sister's permission before he can do anything icon_rolleyes.gif

9 replies
Kiddiekakes Posted 26 Apr 2009 , 1:38pm
post #2 of 10

I would tell your sister(Hubby also) to buck up and have a look at the car...and I would definetly mention how you were too tired to do their sons wedding cake also but you did!! I am not afraid to say stuff to family when it NEEDS to be said....if not...stop doing all the cakes for free and start charging! then at least your tired legs will be getting paid for standing there...HEE!HEE!

Deb_ Posted 26 Apr 2009 , 1:55pm
post #3 of 10

You're right...........I think I was just *stunned* into silence yesterday. I'm thinking since I didn't respond at the moment I may have missed my opportunity icon_sad.gif

We live about 5 minutes from each other too and the kicker is I think my BIL would have been happy to help my son and his friends, but for some stupid reason he won't stand up to her.

They've been married over 35 yrs and he's still afraid of her.............. thumbsdown.gif

TexasSugar Posted 26 Apr 2009 , 10:07pm
post #4 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly


P.S.
Oh, I forgot to mention that my BIL never said a word, because obviously he's spineless and needs my sister's permission before he can do anything icon_rolleyes.gif




I think I'd call BIL personally and ask him again, with out her around. Give him a change to stand up and be a man. I'd tell him that you totally understand working hard all day then turning around and having to do something after work, "after all I do that every time I do a cake for your family", but could he please help your son out so he can continue fixing it himself.

After that phone call I'd also call your sister and inform her do to your demanding days on your feet you really just can't spend hours of your evenings making cakes (and doing hair) for her for free any more. If she'd like when she can call and pay for your time like everyone else.

mbelgard Posted 26 Apr 2009 , 11:02pm
post #5 of 10

I have a couple questions because I can honestly see both sides of this.

First have you volunteered to make the cakes? If so then while I think it would be nice of your BIL to take a look you got yourself into the situation.

Are you aware of any restrictions your BIL might have about working on cars that don't belong to him from the dealer? My husband is a mechanic and a shop he applied to required an agreement that you were only allowed to work on your own stuff after work. After all the dealer pays for the training to know HOW to work on the specific brands of vehicles and a mechanic who does stuff for family after work means that the dealer isn't making money off the fix.




In defense of mechanics wives you have no idea how many people call asking questions about cars. My husband is a softy and will talk to people he only knows through work and answer questions when he could be spending time with us. People call on weekends, in the evening, etc and my husband isn't getting paid for any of his time with this so it annoys me. I do tend to get annoyed and if my husband isn't home I give them his work hours and tell them to call then.


Now if your BIL isn't restricted to only working on cars at his place of employment it would be the right/nice thing to do but unless you have an agreement that you will make wedding cakes in exchange for car services I really don't think he's obligated.

luvsfreebies72 Posted 26 Apr 2009 , 11:07pm
post #6 of 10

I haven't been in this situation yet, but I like the advice here. I feel my turn coming on, though, as I have a SIL that wants a life-size Eric Clapton replicated in cake (yes, she is serious)

Deb_ Posted 26 Apr 2009 , 11:42pm
post #7 of 10

[quote="mbelgard"]First have you volunteered to make the cakes?

No, I never volunteer the Wedding cakes for them especially for nephews because I know how brides are. I always wait for them to ask me. After so many cakes, they kind of all look forward to it.


Are you aware of any restrictions your BIL might have about working on cars that don't belong to him from the dealer?


He fixes cars at home for extra money (all brands, not just Toyotas)so I would say he doesn't have that agreement with his employer. (this is the reason my Son mentioned it to him)





I'm not saying that he's obligated to do it because I made all their kids wedding cakes for free, I'm saying that I now see they don't value the time and effort that I put into those cakes. That's the part that hurts the most. Their son and his bride never even sent a thank you note after their wedding. (They didn't send one to anyone, so I guess it's not just me.)

I know it's not my BIL, he'd do it in a second. Texassugar that's good advice, I think I will call him and allow him the opportunity to answer for himself.

mbelgard Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 12:41am
post #8 of 10

[quote="dkelly"]

Quote:
Originally Posted by mbelgard

First have you volunteered to make the cakes?

No, I never volunteer the Wedding cakes for them especially for nephews because I know how brides are. I always wait for them to ask me. After so many cakes, they kind of all look forward to it.


Are you aware of any restrictions your BIL might have about working on cars that don't belong to him from the dealer?


He fixes cars at home for extra money (all brands, not just Toyotas)so I would say he doesn't have that agreement with his employer. (this is the reason my Son mentioned it to him)





I'm not saying that he's obligated to do it because I made all their kids wedding cakes for free, I'm saying that I now see they don't value the time and effort that I put into those cakes. That's the part that hurts the most. Their son and his bride never even sent a thank you note after their wedding. (They didn't send one to anyone, so I guess it's not just me.)

I know it's not my BIL, he'd do it in a second. Texassugar that's good advice, I think I will call him and allow him the opportunity to answer for himself.





I had to ask before I made up my mind on the situation because sometimes there are reasons and a restriction on your BIL especially might be something someone might not think of.


Since this is the case if you can't get your BIL to come check on your son's car maybe the next time your sister comes asking for a cake you should tell her that you're too tired from work and/or if she needs it you'll need $xxx.xx.


I don't know if you'd want to do that for wedding cakes since it would be taking it out on your grown nephews who have no control over their parents but I would do it for birthday parties, etc ESPECIALLY if it's for a grownup's birthday.

Deb_ Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 1:10am
post #9 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbelgard


Since this is the case if you can't get your BIL to come check on your son's car maybe the next time your sister comes asking for a cake you should tell her that you're too tired from work and/or if she needs it you'll need $xxx.xx..





LOL!! The entire way home from their house yesterday my husband kept saying "You do what you want, but if I were you I'd never bake another GD cake for them again" icon_lol.gif

Families icon_rolleyes.gif I read a cute quote yesterday.....................

"Families are like fudge, mostly sweet with a few nuts mixed in" icon_lol.gif

Thanks for your input about the employer restriction issue, you're right I never would have known about something like that.

mbelgard Posted 27 Apr 2009 , 2:05am
post #10 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly



Thanks for your input about the employer restriction issue, you're right I never would have known about something like that.





It's something that alot of people don't know about, partly because many dealers do not have such policies. The place my husband works at doesn't but he did consider working for a place that does which is why I know of it.

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